The Overwhelm Cure

A little while ago, someone gave me a piece of advice. "Stop caring so much."

My first reaction? Out of context, I wanted to argue. Don't we have a caring crisis? Shouldn't more people care more, not less?

But when I zoomed in on what's actually fueling my own overwhelm, the advice landed differently. I wasn't lacking care, I was spending it in all the wrong places: on problems I can't solve, people who didn't ask for my help, and critics whose opinion I'll never change no matter how hard I try.

In this episode, I dig into where "caring too much" really comes from (hint: it traces back to perfectionism and our hardwired need for love and belonging), why struggling isn't the same as trauma, and why letting the people we love make their own choices, even their own mistakes, is one of the most respectful things we can do for them.

I'll also walk you through how to figure out who and what actually deserves your care, so you can stop hustling for the approval of people who were never going to be impressed anyway and start saving your best energy for the people and priorities that matter most.

● Why "stop caring so much" isn't uncaring, it's discernment, and it might be the permission you didn't know you needed.

● How caring too much is often rooted in perfectionism and an unconscious belief that your worth depends on being endlessly productive or helpful.

● Why struggling is not the same as trauma, and how confusing the two keeps us rescuing people who don't need (or want) rescuing.

● A simple exercise to identify your real top five priorities, and why you have to be on that list.

● How to stop hustling for the approval of your harshest critics, whose respect you'll likely never earn no matter how hard you try.

● Why giving your best self to the people you love sometimes means doing less for everyone else.

● 00:00 The Advice That Started It All

● 01:14 Wait — Don't We Need More Caring?

● 02:32 Where Overwhelm Really Comes From

● 03:48 The Roots of Caring Too Much: Perfectionism & Belonging

● 05:20 Taking On Problems That Aren't Yours

● 07:05 Struggling Isn't Trauma

● 08:40 Watching Kids (and Adults) Learn to Walk

● 10:32 Letting Go When They Move Away

● 12:05 The Truth About "What Will People Think?"

● 13:40 Why Everyone Is Replaceable

● 15:02 Building Your Top-Five Priority List

● 17:10 Caring Less About Your Harshest Critics

● 18:35 Giving Your Best Self to the People Who Matter

● 19:50 Dare to Lead Edmonton & Closing Thoughts

Dare to Lead Workshop — October, Edmonton (use code COURAGE for 10% off)

Connect on LinkedIn

Connect on Facebook

Connect on Instagram

Do you ever feel like your life is being run by an invisible rulebook you never agreed to? I should post weekly. I have to work late. I'm supposed to do it this way.

In this episode, I'm getting personal — sharing the exact moment I realized that the word "have to" had quietly taken over my work, my schedule, and my sense of self. After three years of recording a podcast every single week (yes, even on holidays, even at midnight before family trips), I finally asked myself a question I should have asked long ago: Who actually made this rule? And why was I so afraid to break it?

Drawing on cognitive behavioral therapy principles, I walk you through how our unexamined "should" thoughts generate real feelings of pressure, resentment, and overwhelm — and how a simple shift in awareness can change everything. Because here's the truth: most of the rules driving your exhaustion aren't facts. They're automatic thoughts. And you can change them.

What you'll discover today:

• Why "I have to" and "I should" are rarely facts — and what they're actually costing you

• How automatic, unexamined thoughts create feelings of obligation, guilt, and overwhelm

• The specific question to ask yourself that reveals whether a "rule" is actually worth following

• How running on "shoulds" quietly affects your mood, your energy, and the people around you

• A practical framework for rethinking your responsibilities and becoming more intentional about what you take on

• Why authenticity and courage — not perfection — are what people are actually looking for from you

Timestamps:

00:00 — Introduction: When Business Overwhelm is Really a Mindset Problem

03:45 — The Hidden Cost of Outsourcing Your Creative Voice

07:20 — Perfectionism vs. Authenticity: What Audiences Actually Want

11:00 — Algorithm Rules and the "Shoulds" of Social Media

15:30 — The Weekly Podcast Grind: A Case Study in Obligation

20:00 — What Happens When You Finally Give Yourself Permission

24:00 — The CBT Framework: Rethinking Your Responsibilities

27:30 — How "Shoulds" Run in the Background and Drain Your Joy

31:00 — Practical Steps to Identify and Question Your Obligations

35:00 — Final Thoughts: Efficiency, Effectiveness, and Living Intentionally

Connect with Kimberly:

• Get in touch: kimberlyknull.com/contact

• Connect on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kimberly-knull/

• Connect on Facebook: facebook.com/courageousleadership.ca/

• Connect on Instagram: instagram.com/kimberlyknullpsych/

Be honest — when was the last time someone described you as fun to be around?

If that question makes you a little defensive, you're not alone. When we're overwhelmed, exhausted, and running on empty, fun is usually the first thing to go. And when we stop having fun, we stop being fun — for our kids, our partners, our friends, and ourselves.

In this episode, I'm asking a question that might sting a little, but one I believe is worth sitting with: How much fun are you to be around?

This isn't about being the life of the party. It's about recognizing that chronic overwhelm quietly robs us of our lightness, our humor, and our ability to connect — and that has real consequences for the relationships we work so hard to protect.

What you'll discover today:

• Why overwhelm turns us tunnel-visioned and makes us lose our humor, lightness, and ability to truly connect with the people we love

• The neuroscience behind why your brain needs fun — and what happens when it doesn't get it (hint: wine, Netflix, and late-night scrolling are not accidents)

• The "I'll have fun later" trap — why waiting for the kids to grow up, retirement, or things to slow down is a dangerous strategy

• Why so many women can't answer the question "what do you enjoy?" — and why that's not okay

• How guilt, fear, and the belief that self-sacrifice is a virtue keep us stuck at the bottom of our own list

• A practical exercise to help you figure out what actually lights you up — and why writing it down makes all the difference

• Why prioritizing your own joy is one of the best things you can do for your family, not a selfish act

Timestamps:

00:00 The Question That Makes Us Defensive

01:30 Overwhelm and Self-Awareness

03:00 We Work Hard For the People We Love — So Be Fun for Them

04:59 The "I'll Have Fun Later" Trap

07:30 Summer as an Invitation to Reclaim Joy

08:00 Why Women Can't Answer "What Do You Enjoy?"

09:44 Let's Dream — A Practical Exercise

12:00 Don't Let Your Toddler Feelings Drive the Car

15:00 The Dopamine Connection: Why We Numb Instead of Nourish

17:00 Transitions and the Soft Place to Land

19:09 My Seven-Year Wake-Up Call

21:00 Role Modelling a Balanced Life

22:30 Closing and Contact

Links from today's episode:

• Get in touch for 1:1 therapy

• Dare to Lead Workshop

Connect with Kimberly:

• Connect on LinkedIn

• Connect on Facebook

• Connect on Instagram

Related Episodes:

• What Do You Really Want?

• Are You Chronically Numbing?

• The Lost Art of Gathering

Most of us want more confidence — but we're not always sure what that actually means. Some of the behaviours we associate with confidence, like arrogance, defensiveness, or endlessly proving ourselves, are actually armor. And armor, no matter how convincing it looks, is not the same as genuine, grounded confidence.

In this episode, I'm breaking down what Brené Brown's research calls "grounded confidence" — the kind of self-worth that isn't about performance, bravado, or proving your value. It's about truly knowing who you are, sitting with the full human experience, and having the courage to show up anyway.

As a psychologist, I've seen how much our level of confidence shapes everything: how we parent, how we lead, how we set boundaries, how we recover from mistakes, and whether we even try. The good news? Confidence isn't a fixed trait you either have or don't — it's a set of skills you can build.

What you'll discover today:

• Why most of us are walking around with a "fragile self-worth" and how armored behaviours like defensiveness, arrogance, and indifference are actually signs of low confidence, not high.

• The difference between armor and grounded confidence, and why people can usually tell which one you're using.

• The 8 elements of grounded confidence, based on Brené Brown's research, including learning and improving, practicing courage, rumbling with vulnerability, staying curious, and practicing humility.

• Why confidence doesn't mean feeling 100% sure all the time, and how to build it gradually, starting with just 10% more of the time.

• How grounded confidence makes it easier to set boundaries, take risks, be vulnerable, and accept other people as they are.

• Why experience, not just mindset, is essential to building lasting confidence, and how small wins count.

• Why experience, not just mindset, is essential to building lasting confidence, and how small wins count.

Timestamps:

00:00 Why We Want Confidence

02:10 The Socialization of Self-Worth

04:10 What Confidence Really Is (and Isn't)

06:00 Far Enemies: When Armor Looks Like Confidence

09:30 The 8 Elements of Grounded Confidence

09:45 Learning and Improving

10:30 The Language of Emotion

11:45 Practicing Courage

13:00 Rumbling with Vulnerability

14:10 Staying Curious

15:30 Practicing Humility

17:00 Committing to Mastery and Practice

18:30 Feeling Embodied and Connected

21:00 Confidence Grows with Experience

23:30 Letting Go of Outcomes

25:00 Closing and Contact Information

Links from today's episode:

• Dare to Lead Workshop

Connect with Kimberly:

• Connect on LinkedIn

• Connect on Facebook

• Connect on Instagram

Related Episodes:

• 59: The Truth About Trust
• 60: Expect the Unexpected: Responding to Life's Curveballs
• 65: Body Image: The #1 Shame Trigger for Women
• 66: Are You Chronically Numbing?

If I ask you what you want, you can probably rattle off a list: more time, less stress, a cleaner house, a vacation. But if I push past that and ask what you really want — the kind of life that actually lights you up — most women go quiet.

That pause? It tells me everything.

In this episode, I'm asking the question most of us have never taken the time to answer. We've built careers, raised families, kept everything running — and somewhere along the way, we stopped asking ourselves what we actually want. We were conditioned to believe that service and self-sacrifice were the path to happiness. And here we are, with everything we worked so hard for, still feeling like something's off.

That's not a personal failing. That's a pattern — and it's one we can change.

This episode walks you through why so many women in midlife feel this way, what's actually getting in the way (hint: it's guilt), and how to begin giving yourself permission to want more — without blowing up your life to get it.

What you'll discover today:

• Why the life you built isn't broken — and why it still might not feel the way you expected it to
• How the messages we received growing up silently shaped the choices we made as adults
• The real reason women hold themselves back from asking for what they want (it's not laziness or ingratitude)
• Why guilt is the biggest obstacle standing between you and a more fulfilling life — and how to challenge the thoughts that fuel it
• The evolutionary and cultural forces that created the "double duty" burden so many women are carrying
• Practical, realistic ways to start making room for yourself — without neglecting the people and things that matter most
• Why filling your own cup isn't selfish — it's what makes you better at everything else

Timestamps:

00:02 What Do You Want?

02:00 What We Dreamed About as Kids

03:20 How Outside Influences Shaped Our Choices

05:20 Why the Life We Built Doesn't Always Feel Like We Thought It Would

09:30 Service and Self-Sacrifice as a Path to Happiness

10:30 What We Really Want

12:30 Why Guilt Keeps Women Stuck

14:40 The Evolutionary Roots of the Double Duty Burden

16:50 The Solution: Permission

18:20 Practical Ways to Make Room for Yourself

20:00 Why This Is Necessary — For You and Everyone Around You

Link from today's episode:

• Get in touch for 1:1 therapy

Connect with me:

• Connect on LinkedIn

• Connect on Facebook

• Connect on Instagram

Related Episodes:

• 66: Are You Chronically Numbing
• 65: Shame
• 62: Stealth Expectations — The Hidden Cause of Stress, Resentment, and Conflict

How do other people do it?

It seems like there is a secret to creating lasting change that other people know, but is kept from us. Unlock the secret of what it really takes to learn something new and create lasting change.

Our New Year's–style "all at once" efforts so often fail, and the skills that got us here won't get us to the next level.

Real change is multi-layered, slower than we expect, and always tied to becoming a "new person" with new habits, mindsets, and priorities.

Learn how to set more realistic expectations, focus on small sustainable steps, trust the process and create consistency with habits—so your future self can genuinely thank you.

What you'll discover today:

• How unrealistic expectations about "quick change" create discouragement and quitting.

• The idea that the skills, habits, and mindset that got you here won't take you where you want to go next.

• Why New Year's–style overhauls fail and how "one bite at a time" actually works in real life.

• Hitting the goal and maintaining it long term require two different sets of skills and habits.

• Creating small, repeated actions, self-compassion, and support are the keys to making change stick.

Timestamps:

01:05 What It Really Takes

03:30 Becoming Someone New

04:20 Keys to Change

06:05 Expectation Problems

09:49 All-or-Nothing Thinking

12:20 Achieving vs. Maintaining

14:10 Identity Shifts

20:40 Tenacity, Faith, and Belief

22:30 Redefining Success

Connect with Kimberly:

• Get in touch

• Connect on LinkedIn

• Connect on Facebook

• Connect on Instagram

We've all been there: exhausted, stressed out, and reaching for a quick hit of dopamine — whether it's scrolling, eating, or binge-watching Netflix. These are numbing behaviours, and they feel good because they take the edge off our uncomfortable feelings when life gets rough.

The truth is, we've been conditioned in modern adulthood to prioritize productivity and success over our well-being. This leaves us with nothing at the end of the day or week, making numbing our only option.

The big problem with numbing, though, is that you can't selectively numb emotions. When we numb the hurt, fear, or frustration, we also numb the joy, gratitude, and love.

Now, I don't want you to get rid of numbing altogether, but I want to help you take control so you can intentionally choose when to use it, and have plenty of other healthy options for rest and play to truly help you de-stress and live in the moment.

What you'll discover today:

• How to check if you're judging yourself when you rest, and recognize that taking care of yourself is essential, not just "nice"

• When to be mindful of when you're numbing (scrolling, eating, drinking) to stop letting your unconscious brain drive the bus

• Discover what you really need — if you're frustrated, address the problem; if you are tired, prioritize rest; if you're lonely, connect with others

• Changing chronic numbing habits starts with believing that your feelings and body needs are important throughout the day, not just when you have time

• A simple body scan strategy to help you check in on your needs and replace typical numbing behaviours with "net positive" activities

Timstamps:

00:00 Why We Numb

02:20 Childhood Clues

04:48 The Cost of Numbing

05:48 Stop Self-Judgement

07:37 Notice Your Triggers

09:25 Meet the Real Need

11:37 Body Scan Check Ins

12:18 Choose Net Positive Comfort

14:56 Build a Sustainable Rhythm

16:23 Final Thoughts and Contact

Connect with Kimberly:

• Get in touch

• Connect on LinkedIn

• Connect on Facebook

• Connect on Instagram

When the weather turns warm and the winter layers come off, the shame around body image can feel overwhelming. I was shocked to read a 2011 Glamour Magazine study that found 97% of women have at least one "I hate my body" moment every single day. That constant, unconscious self-judgement consumes so much brain space and energy.

In this episode, I share my journey of shifting focus from trying to look good to simply trying to feel good — strong, healthy, and functional — which I believe leads to a quality of life far more important than longevity.

Hear about the mental shifts and practical, sustainable habits I personally have implemented over five years to quiet that negative narrative and redefine my own sense of self-worth.

Key Takeaways:

• Acknowledge your self-talk: For one day, pay attention to every thought you have about your appearance and write it down. You can't change what you don't acknowledge.

• Compassion is the antidote to shame. Start paying attention to things you do like about your appearance and focus on non-physical traits like kindness, bravery, and hard work.

• Redefine beauty: Embrace radical self-acceptance and recognize that aging and body changes are a privilege. I realized I love the personality and confidence I have at 50 far more than the self-esteem I had in my twenties.

• Focus on consistency over quick fixes: Avoid extreme measures like juice cleanses and instead, implement small habits for several months until they become effortless.

• Prioritize strength over skinniness: The goal of new habits is health, not changes on the scale. Internal benefits, like better blood work, are often unobserved but vital.

Timestamps:

00:00 Spring Awakening

01:11 Body Image Triggers

03:06 The Daily Shame Loop

08:01 Is It Serving You?

10:41 Aging With Perspective

12:30 From Looks To Health

15:31 Quiet The Inner Critic

18:25 Radical Self Acceptance

21:20 Consistency Over Quick Fixes

25:34 Habits That Actually Work

36:46 Trust The Long Game

41:19 Conclusion & Wrap Up

Link from today's episode:

• Noom (App used for tracking protein)

• Oura Ring (Device used for tracking sleep quality)

• Amen Clinic (Resource for sleep supplements)

Connect with Kimberly:

• Connect with Kimberly

• Connect on LinkedIn

• Connect on Facebook

• Connect on Instagram

I was so focused on the heartbreaking transition of my daughter leaving for university that I completely failed to prepare for the shock of her coming back home.

My house had gotten quieter, with less chaos and less mess, and I found it difficult, in an unexpected way, to welcome her back.

When she returned for a couple of weeks over the holidays, the extra energy, mess, and schedule conflicts — like me going to bed early and her staying up late — made the adjustment a little jarring.

This made me realize we can't just assume things will go back to the way they were, as everybody has changed.

The goal of this phase is to avoid controlling their young adult lives and to shift our role to that of trusted allies and mentors.

Key Takeaways:

• Hear about the three practical things I'm implementing to make the four-month summer transition smoother.

• Why we can't assume things will simply revert to the old way when a young adult child returns home, as everyone has changed, and not acknowledging this can be a recipe for disaster.

• How to initiate discussions before or immediately after they return to address everyone's fears and concerns, including those of their siblings.

• Ways to practice emotional tolerance during family discussions.

• How to rainstorm solutions to prioritize issues, remembering that this is a process of problem-solving and experimentation.

• The invitation to shift your parenting role to a trusted ally and mentor for your young adult.

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome and Empty Nest Discussion

00:31 Why Kids Move Back after College

01:15 Independence Then vs Now

03:55 Empty Nest Emotions

05:33 The Shock of Homecoming

06:09 Plan Ahead for Summer

08:25 Talk It Out First

11:15 Listen Without Fixing

13:17 Brainstorm and Experiment

14:24 Weekly Family Check Ins

16:44 Extra Parenting Resources

17:49 Mentoring Young Adults

19:45 Final Encouragement and Contact

Link from today's episode:

• Dr. Becky's program and website, Good Inside

• Brené Brown's Parenting Manifesto

• Get in touch for 1:1 therapy

Connect with me:

• Connect on LinkedIn

• Connect on Facebook

• Connect on Instagram

I recently received some feedback that got me thinking: what happens when we unintentionally hurt someone else's feelings? Our brains often trick us into believing that when someone hurts us, they did it deliberately. But in my experience as a psychologist, friend, and human, most of us will actually try to avoid hurting people at all costs. Even people we don't like.

When someone tells me I've hurt them, nine times out of ten, I didn't even know it happened.

When we're on the receiving end of hurt, though, it's common to want to lash out or shut down. However, to keep resentment from creeping in, it's important to address the issue quickly. This means making generous assumptions about the other person's intentions, because about 90% of the time, conflicts stem from misunderstandings that call for a conversation.

On the flip side, what happens when we're the ones who offended someone? If you grew up as I did as a Gen-Xer, there were no role models for effective and genuine apologies. Issues were swept under the rug, and we learned to be defensive to avoid accountability.

It's safe to say that most of us feel terrible knowing we've hurt someone and haven't tried to smooth things out.

Even when a relationship feels damaged beyond repair, the other person is likely looking for you to attempt to repair it. There is a silver lining, too — the fact that they're upset means they care about you and the relationship.

If apologizing is a skill you're working on (and it IS a skill we can all improve on), in this episode, you'll hear a helpful three-step process to making a great apology.

Key Takeaways:

• Our brains often assume others hurt us intentionally, but usually, it's unintentional.

• Addressing conflict quickly can help prevent resentment from creeping into your relationships.

• When hurt, it's useful to make generous assumptions about the other person's intentions and then communicate your perspective.

• Being good at apologizing quickly increases trust and empathy in your relationships.

Timestamps:

00:00 Why We Assume Intent

01:38 Speak Up Before Resentment Creeps In

02:46 Misunderstanding Vs. Boundaries

04:48 When You Hurt Someone

04:56 Why Apologies Feel Hard

07:36 Why It's a Good Thing They're Upset

08:30 Three-Step Apology Process

09:57 Strategies for Staying Calm

11:41 Keeping Your Apology Clear

12:19 Examples That Defuse Anger

14:06 Growth And Better Relationships

15:29 Teach Repair To Others

16:59 Closing And Contact Information

Link from today's episode:

• Get in touch for 1:1 therapy

Connect with me:

• Connect on LinkedIn

• Connect on Facebook

• Connect on Instagram