The Parenting Pair | Teens & Tweens

What happens to the child or teen who seems to be “doing fine” when a sibling needs much more attention?

When a child or teenager is dealing with a concerning medical condition, mental health concern, developmental difference such as ADHD or autism, or behavioral challenge, family life can naturally begin to revolve around their needs. There may be appointments, school meetings, difficult moments at home, and simply less time and energy to go around.

But what about the other kid(s) in the family?

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen talk about the often-overlooked experience of siblings who grow up alongside a brother or sister who is struggling. They explore what we know from research, the range of emotions siblings may experience, and practical ways parents can support them without adding more guilt (to themselves or their kids) in an already demanding situation.

In this conversation, we explore:

• What research tells us about the experiences of siblings
• Why siblings may face increased risks for anxiety, depression, or adjustment difficulties
• Why parents shouldn't automatically blame themselves for those difficulties
• The range of emotions siblings may experience, from frustration and worry to love and empathy
• How difficult family experiences can also foster maturity, patience, and compassion
• Why validating “It’s not fair” can be truly helpful
• How age-appropriate information can help siblings understand what is happening
• How giving siblings some choice and voice can help
• Why family rules and routines may need to change
• How to avoid catastrophizing about what a difficult period means for the future
• Simple ways to create protected one-on-one time with siblings
• Why maintaining relationships doesn't have to mean equal amounts of time
• How parents can model repair when everyone is overwhelmed

CHAPTERS:

00:00 — When One Child Needs More: What About their Sibling?
03:02 — What Does the Research Say About Siblings?
04:30 — The Potential Risks for Siblings
05:42 — The Emotional Experience of Having a Sibling Who Struggles
06:37 — How Difficult Experiences Can Also Lead to Growth
07:59 — When Parents and Siblings Share the Same Stress
09:19 — What Parents Can Do to Support Siblings
09:41 — Acknowledging When Family Life Feels Unfair
12:43 — Acceptance, Problem-Solving & Moving Forward
14:26 — Validating Feelings While Holding Boundaries
15:50 — Helping Siblings Understand What’s Happening
17:53 — Giving Siblings a Voice in Family Decisions
18:44 — Staying Flexible When Family Circumstances Change
18:55 — Don’t Catastrophize About the Future
21:48 — Finding Protected One-on-One Time
23:20 — You Don’t Have to Be a Perfect Parent
24:26 — What Now? Growth Takes Time

💬 If this episode resonated with you, what has helped your family make space for siblings when one child needs significantly more support?

If you know another parent who could benefit from this conversation, please share the episode with them. And if you're enjoying The Parenting Pair Podcast, please rate, review, and subscribe. Your support helps us reach more parents.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• AI, Teens & Relationships: What Parents Need to Know | Dr. Mitch Prinstein: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ai-teens-relationships-what-parents-need-to-know-dr/id1815564442?i=1000788637945

Disclaimer: The Parenting Pair Podcast is designed for informational and educational purposes only. The information presented is not a substitute for professional psychological or medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have concerns about your or a family member's well-being, please contact a licensed mental health professional or physician.

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teens, tweens, parenting teenagers, podcast, teenage behavior, psychology, adolescent brain development, emotional outbursts, parenting podcast, teen independence, teen relationships, family relationships, parental burnout, teenage mental health, stress, ADHD, depression, anxiety, OCD, mood disorders, developmental psychology, tween parenting, teen emotions, adolescent autonomy, teen moodiness, parenting tips, parent anxiety, parenting science, parent well being, parent mental health, raising teens, raising tweens, child psychologist, clinical psychologist, evidence-based parenting, authoritative parenting, The Parenting Pair, Dr. Annalise Caron, Dr. Suzanne Allen

When does puberty start, and what should parents know about teen weight, sleep, perimenopause, and HRT? Pediatric and adolescent medicine specialist Dr. Sophia Yen answers listener questions from puberty through midlife.

Why we're re-releasing this episode: Women's hormonal health is always timely, and many of you have joined us since this conversation first aired. We didn't want it to be missed.

"Painful periods, exhausting perimenopause: that's just what you deal with." Is it? In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Suzanne Allen and Dr. Annalise Caron welcome back Dr. Sophia Yen to talk about hormonal health across the female lifespan.

Dr. Yen walks through the typical ages puberty begins for girls and boys, when early or delayed puberty is worth a doctor's visit, and how nutrition, sleep, and screen time relate to weight during the teen years. She also shares practical, shame-free ways families can build healthier habits. The conversation then turns to midlife: the role of the birth control pill or ring during perimenopause, how she frames hormone replacement therapy (HRT) after menopause, and why the Women's Health Initiative study still shapes the HRT debate. Her views are her clinical perspective, and decisions about HRT are individual ones to make with your own doctor.

Whether you're parenting a tween who is starting puberty, raising a teen while navigating perimenopause yourself, or both, this episode offers practical, evidence-informed conversation starters.

You'll learn:
- The typical age range puberty begins for girls and boys, and when to check in with a doctor
- How to talk with your teen about weight and food without shame
- Simple swaps and habits around drinks, snacks, screens, and sleep
- How to evaluate health information from social media, supplements, and self-described "doctors"
- What perimenopause and menopause can look like, and how the pill, ring, and HRT fit in
- Questions worth bringing to your own doctor

Episode highlights:
00:00 – Science and Medicine Can Improve Life for People with a Uterus
02:19 – When Puberty Typically Begins for Girls and Boys
04:54 – Supporting Children Through Early Puberty
06:25 – When to See a Doctor If Puberty Hasn't Started
08:14 – Puberty in the Age of Social Media: What Parents Should Know
12:14 – How to Talk to Kids About Weight Gain During Puberty
15:24 – Is Diet Soda Really a Problem?
18:07 – The Benefits of Sleep & Turning Off Screens After [confirm: 2 hours before bed, or 2pm? original text was ambiguous]
20:32 – Helping Teens Build Healthier Eating Habits Without Shame
23:38 – Hormone Replacement Therapy: Is It Advisable?
26:22 – The Impact of Estrogen Decline on Women's Health
33:21 – Learn More About Pandia Health
34:26 – Birth Control vs. HRT: Perimenopause vs. Menopause

If you've ever wondered whether your child's puberty timing is typical, or how to support your own hormonal health through perimenopause, this episode offers practical, evidence-informed insight for every parent — and every woman.

Dr. Sophia Yen is co-founder of Pandia Health, an online birth control and menopause care service. The Parenting Pair does not endorse products or services.

Resources:

• Dr. Yen's TEDx talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJ7-_MOjEeY
• Companion episode: our #PeriodsOptional conversation with Dr. Yen: 

https://drscaronandallen.com/podcast/episode/is-it-safe-to-skip-your-period-birth-control-cancer-risk-dr-sophia-yen/

You can also follow Dr. Yen on Instagram & TikTok at:

https://www.instagram.com/drsophiayen

https://www.tiktok.com/@drsophiayen

🔔 New episodes every Wednesday. Subscribe for more expert conversations on parenting, health, and raising confident, well-informed teens.

🌐 Visit https://drscaronandallen.com/ to listen and learn more.

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DISCLAIMER: The Parenting Pair Podcast is designed for informational and educational purposes only. Do not rely on the information presented in this podcast as a substitute or replacement for professional (psychological or medical) advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have concerns about your or a family member's well-being, please contact a licensed mental health professional or physician.

Is it safe to skip your period? Dr. Sophia Yen makes the case that for many teens and women it is, and that the long-term benefits may include a significantly lower risk of ovarian cancer.

In honor of Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month, we're re-sharing one of our most-talked about episodes. Dr. Suzanne Allen and Dr. Annalise Caron talk with Dr. Sophia Yen, a board-certified pediatrician and adolescent medicine specialist, about menstrual suppression, the medical option to reduce or eliminate periods with hormonal birth control, and her "Periods Optional" approach.

Dr. Yen frames menstrual suppression as a risk-benefit decision and explains why she believes the benefits outweigh the risks for many women. She discusses her perspective that fewer lifetime menstrual cycles may reduce the risk of ovarian, endometrial, and colorectal cancers, noting that five years of pill, patch, or ring use can lower ovarian cancer risk by roughly half. She also addresses the small increase in breast cancer risk associated with hormonal contraception.

The conversation extends beyond cancer risk to the day-to-day impact of menstruation, including heavy bleeding, missed school, anemia, and the stress of unpredictable cycles. Dr. Yen explains how stable hormone levels may benefit acne and other health conditions, and she addresses common myths, including whether hormonal birth control affects future fertility.

For parents, this is a clear, evidence-informed starting point for a conversation with your daughter and her doctor.

You'll learn:

- What menstrual suppression is and why Dr. Yen calls periods "optional"

- How periods relate to anemia, and what Dr. Yen says about cancer risk

- Whether birth control affects fertility later

- Who should not use estrogen-containing birth control, including those with a blood clot history or migraine with aura

- Why estrogen dose matters for teen bone health

- When starting may make sense, and why timing depends on how heavy periods are and how much growing a teen has left

Episode highlights:

00:00 – The Real Reason Women Have Monthly Periods

02:32 – What If Periods Could Be Optional?

04:10 – To Bleed or Not to Bleed: Understanding the Risk–Benefit Balance

05:03 – Periods and Cancer Risk: Ovarian, Endometrial & Colorectal

07:32 – Menstruation and Anemia: A Common Connection

11:04 – Does Birth Control Make It Harder to Get Pregnant Later?

14:02 – How Birth Control Pills Can Support Fertility and Hormonal Health

15:07 – When Birth Control Pills Aren't Recommended

17:50 – The Unexpected Benefits of Making Periods Optional

20:00 – Dr. Yen's Algorithm for Choosing the Right Birth Control Pill

22:53 – Why Estrogen Plays a Key Role in Bone Health

26:49 – When to Consider Birth Control as a Health Tool

For more on #PeriodsOptional, watch Dr. Yen's TEDx Talk, "Making Periods Optional":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJ7-_MOjEeY

You can also follow Dr. Yen on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube, or connect with her company Pandia Health (where you can access the birth control algorithm):

https://www.pandiahealth.com/about/

https://www.instagram.com/pandiahealth/

https://www.tiktok.com/@drsophiayen

https://www.facebook.com/pandiahealth/

https://twitter.com/pandiahealth

🔔 New episodes every Wednesday. Subscribe for more expert conversations on parenting, health, and raising confident, well-informed teens.

🌐 Visit https://drscaronandallen.com/ to listen and learn more.

DISCLAIMER: The Parenting Pair Podcast is designed for informational and educational purposes only. Do not rely on the information presented in this podcast as a substitute or replacement for professional (psychological or medical) advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have concerns about your or a family member's well-being, please contact a licensed mental health professional or physician.

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Is 13 really the right age for a teen or tween to start using social media? What does social media have to do with the developing adolescent brain—and should parents limit, delay, or ban it altogether?

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen talk with Dr. Eva Telzer, psychologist, neuroscientist, Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at UNC Chapel Hill, and co-director of the Winston Center for Technology and the Developing Mind.

Dr. Telzer explains why adolescence is a particularly important period of brain development, when teens become more sensitive to rewards and social experiences while executive functioning continues to develop. Today's digital environment can amplify these developmental changes by providing highly personalized social feedback, algorithms, short-form content, and other powerful sources of engagement.

But this isn't a conversation about why social media is all bad. Adolescence is also a time of tremendous growth, connection, creativity, independence, and social awareness—and social media can help teens connect, organize, advocate, and create positive change.

So what can parents actually do? Dr. Telzer discusses when kids should get social media, whether parents should delay, limit, or ban social media, how parents can better understand what their teens are actually seeing online, and why working together with other parents may reduce the social pressure around smartphones. She also highlights the importance of protecting teen sleep by keeping phones and devices out of the bedroom at night.

If you're parenting a tween or teenager and wondering about social media, smartphones, adolescent brain development, screen time, algorithms, or healthy boundaries, this episode offers a research-informed and hopeful perspective on helping teens navigate the digital world.

In This Episode, We Discuss:

• Why Adolescence is a remarkable period of brain development and growth
• The three major changes happening in the adolescent brain
• Why teens are especially sensitive to rewards and social experiences
• How social media and today's digital environment interact with adolescent development
• How likes, streaks, algorithms, and short-form videos keep teens engaged
• Why your teen's social media feed may look completely different from yours
• What parents should know about the age of first social media exposure
• Why turning 13 doesn't mean a child is suddenly developmentally ready for social media
• Whether parents should delay, limit, or ban social media
• How parents can better understand their teen's online world
• Why protecting sleep and keeping phones out of the bedroom matters
• The potential benefits of social media for teens, including connection, activism, and social change
• Why digital media literacy matters
• How parents can help teens learn to navigate—not simply fear—the digital world

Questions Parents May be Aasking:

What is the right age for social media?
There is no magic age when every child suddenly becomes developmentally ready. Dr. Telzer explains why the timing of social media exposure matters and why age 13 may actually be a particularly concerning time to introduce social media.

Should I ban social media?
An outright ban can sometimes lead teens to seek access secretly and without parental guidance. Dr. Telzer discusses the benefits of clear and thoughtful boundaries and open conversations between parents and teens.

How can I know what my teenager is actually seeing online?
Algorithms personalize social media feeds, so parents and teens can have very different experiences on the same platform. Curiosity about your teen's actual digital world is an important place to start.

What can I do right now?
Protect sleep. Keeping phones and social media out of the bedroom at night is one of the clearest boundaries parents can set and can support adolescent mental health, attention, school functioning, and overall well-being.

If you're parenting a tween or teenager, listen to this episode for a research-informed look at teen social media use, smartphones, adolescent brain development, and what parents can actually do to help.

00:00 Is 13 Really the Right Age for Social Media?
00:44 Why Social Relationships Matter So Much During Adolescence
03:46 The Positive Side of the Teenage Years
05:43 3 Major Changes in the Adolescent Brain
08:12 Why Social Media Can Be So Compelling to Teens
11:33 Adolescence, Brain Development & the Digital World
14:28 What Can Parents Do About Teen Social Media Use?
16:37 What Actually Counts as Social Media?
19:48 Likes, Streaks & Other Features That Keep Teens Engaged
23:24 How Algorithms Shape Your Teen's Social Media Feed
26:31 What Age Should Kids Get Social Media?
27:59 Should Parents Ban, Limit or Delay Social Media?
31:16 The Positive Side of Social Media for Teens
33:08 Should Schools Teach Digital Media Literacy?
35:51 Helping Teens Navigate the Digital World

🎧 Listen to the full episode and share it with another parent who could use this perspective.

And if this episode helped you think differently about your teen’s relationship with technology, subscribe to The Parenting Pair Podcast for more conversations about parenting, adolescent development, mental health, and family relationships.

Resources / Links

Winston Center for Technology and the Developing Mind — UNC Chapel Hill
The episode identifies Dr. Eva Telzer as co-director of the center.
Winston Center for Technology and the Developing Mind

Eva Telzer research on social media and adolescent brain development
A particularly relevant study discussed in the context of her research examines habitual social-media checking and longitudinal changes in adolescent brain development.
Research study: Association of Habitual Checking Behaviors on Social Media With Longitudinal Functional Brain Development

Wait Until 8th
This is the movement referenced when the hosts and Dr. Telzer discuss parents banding together to delay smartphones and reduce the social pressure children feel to have them.
Wait Until 8th

Signup for The Parenting Pair Newsletter and other announcements straight to your inbox: https://drscaronandallen.com/ (at the bottom of the webpage).

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What happens when kids and teenagers begin turning to AI chatbots for friendship, advice, reassurance, and connection?

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen sit down with psychologist and adolescent development expert Dr. Mitch Prinstein to explore how artificial intelligence (AI) is changing the way teens and young people experience relationships.

AI chatbots can be useful tools—but some are also designed to feel remarkably human. They remember what users have said, respond instantly, appear endlessly available, and may reinforce what a young person is already thinking or feeling. For tweens and teens navigating an especially important period of social and emotional development, that raises important questions about what happens when technology begins to replace some of the friction, vulnerability, and learning that come from real human relationships.

In this conversation, we explore:

• Why adolescence is such an important period for learning how to build relationships
• How teens are using AI chatbots for information, advice, companionship, and connection
• Why humans naturally form attachments to things that aren't human
• Why an AI chatbot can feel like a friend—even when we know it's a machine
• What happens when teens begin preferring chatbots over human peers
• How AI can remove the "friction" that is actually important for social and emotional development
• The potential connection between chatbot use, loneliness, and reduced interaction with human peers
• What teens may miss when AI replaces opportunities to navigate conflict, rejection, vulnerability, and repair
• Why real human connection matters so much during adolescence
• How parents can approach AI use without immediately turning the conversation into a battle
• Why curiosity and open-ended questions may be more effective than judgment
• How parents can model critical thinking about AI and help teens think about whether technology aligns with their values
• Why AI-enabled toys and chatbots may raise different concerns for younger children
• Why parents should think about AI use differently depending on their child's developmental stage
• What we still don't know about the long-term effects of AI on adolescent development

One of the central ideas in this conversation is simple but important: relationships aren't just something teenagers have—they are something teenagers learn through real life experience.

The disagreements, awkward conversations, misunderstandings, breakups, rejection, vulnerability, and repair that happen in real relationships can be difficult to watch as a parent. But they can also become important "learning moments" that help young people develop empathy, perspective-taking, communication skills, and the ability to navigate relationships throughout adulthood.

And as AI becomes increasingly sophisticated, parents may need to think not only about what their teens are doing with technology, but also about what opportunities they might be missing because of it.

CHAPTERS:

00:00 Why We As Humans Can Feel Attachment to a Chatbot

00:48 Today’s Topic: Teens, Technology & AI

00:59 Meet Dr. Mitch Prinstein

02:23 Why Adolescence Matters So Much

06:26 How Teens Are Using AI Chatbots

10:03 Why We Form Attachments to AI

11:41 When Kids Prefer Chatbots Over People

13:55 Why AI Chatbots Are So Compelling

15:13 The Mental Health & Developmental Risks

17:16 The Mental Health Implications

19:24 What Teens Lose When AI Replaces Relationships

23:01 Why Human Connection Can’t Be Replaced

25:55 Should AI Chatbots Be Regulated?

27:48 What Parents Need to Know

29:49 AI Guidance for Different Ages

32:35 How Parents Can Model Healthy AI Use

34:54 Curiosity Over Judgment

37:09 Growing Up in the AI Experiment

38:31 Final Thoughts

ABOUT DR. MITCH PRINSTEIN

Dr. Mitch Prinstein is the John Van Seters Distinguished Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and co-director of the Winston Center for Technology and the Developing Mind. His research focuses on interpersonal relationships, adolescent development, mental health, and the ways technology and digital platforms influence young people.

He is also the author of Popular: The Power of Likability in a Status-Obsessed World, which examines the role of popularity, likability, relationships, and social status across development.

🔗 Learn more about Dr. Mitch Prinstein:
Mitch Prinstein's official website

🔗 Learn more about the Winston Center for Technology and the Developing Mind:
UNC Winston Center

🔗 That Popular Podcast — Mitch Prinstein and Aaron Keck’s podcast exploring psychology, relationships, human behavior, and the social dynamics we experience every day.
Listen to That Popular Podcast on Apple Podcasts

🔗 Learn more about Dr. Prinstein's book, Popular:
Popular: The Power of Likability in a Status-Obsessed World

A NOTE FOR PARENTS

You don't have to become an AI expert overnight to have meaningful conversations with your teenager about technology.

Start with curiosity.

Ask what they're using, what they like about it, what they find helpful, what concerns them, and what they think AI can—and cannot—provide that a real person can.

The goal isn't simply to control technology. It's to help young people develop the judgment and relationship skills they will need to navigate a world in which AI is becoming part of everyday life.

💬 We want to hear from you: How is your teen or young adult using AI? Are they using it for school, advice, entertainment, companionship—or something else?

And if you're concerned about their AI use, what questions are you finding hardest to navigate as a parent?

Share your experience below. 👇

And if this conversation gave you something to think about, please subscribe to The Parenting Pair Podcast and share this episode with another parent.

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When your child is facing a serious illness, hospitalization, medical procedure, injury, or other frightening medical experience, it can be easy to focus entirely on your child—and forget that the experience affects you, too. 

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen welcome back Dr. Meghan Marsac, a pediatric psychologist and expert in pediatric medical traumatic stress, to talk about what happens to parents when their child is facing a medical challenge.

Medical trauma doesn't only affect children. Parents may experience intrusive thoughts or memories, avoidance, sleep difficulties, trouble concentrating, increased anxiety, changes in mood, and other symptoms of traumatic stress.

Dr. Marsac explains why recognizing these reactions matters—and why supporting yourself isn't an indulgence or an additional item on an already overwhelming to-do list. Taking care of yourself can actually help you remain present and effective as your child's advocate and caregiver.

Together, they discuss:

• What medical trauma can look like in parents
• How traumatic stress can show up after a child's diagnosis, hospitalization, accident, or medical procedure
• Why parents may minimize or overlook their own distress
• Why even teenagers can sense when a parent is struggling
• How a parent's emotional health can affect their child
• The COACH model for supporting children through medical challenges
• Why parents may have difficulty using the COACH approach when they are overwhelmed themselves
• How to accept help—and why asking for help isn't a sign of weakness
• Ways to find support during hospitalizations and ongoing medical care
• Child life specialists, social workers, psychologists, chaplains, and other hospital resources
• How parents can take small, realistic steps to care for themselves
• Resources for families dealing with pediatric medical trauma and chronic illness

Here are the highlights from the episode:

00:00 Don't Oversay "I Got This"

00:27 Medical Trauma Doesn’t Only Affect Kids

02:34 How Medical Trauma Shows Up in Parents

05:24 Why Parents Need Support Too

07:46 How a Parent’s Stress Affects Their Child

09:53 The COACH Model

11:22 Practical Ways Parents Can Get Support

12:48 Stop Turning Down Help

14:01 Who Are Your People?

16:24 Support Available Inside the Hospital

19:08 Resources for Parents and Families

21:11 Final Thoughts

One of the most important reminders from this conversation: you don't have to do this alone. Sometimes the first step isn't finding more time for yourself—it's saying yes when someone offers to help.

👩‍⚕️ Meet Dr. Meghan Marsac

Dr. Meghan Marsac is a pediatric psychologist and Division Chief of Psychology at the University of Kentucky. She has published extensively on pediatric medical trauma and co-authored Afraid of the Doctor: Every Parent's Guide to Preventing and Managing Medical Trauma with Melissa Hogan.Her work focuses on helping children and families navigate the psychological impact of medical experiences.

📚 Resources Mentioned in This Episode

📖 Afraid of the Doctor: Every Parent's Guide to Preventing and Managing Medical Trauma
 By Meghan L. Marsac, Melissa J. Hogan, with a foreword by John F. Crowley. The book provides practical strategies for parents navigating medical procedures, medical trauma, chronic conditions, and difficult healthcare experiences.

Learn more about *Afraid of the Doctor*

🧰 Healthcare Toolbox — Center for Pediatric Traumatic Stress
 A free resource with information, handouts, and workbooks for children, teens, parents, and caregivers coping with injury, illness, hospitalization, and medical treatment. Dr. Marsac is co-director of this organization.

Healthcare Toolbox

🧠 National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN)
 The NCTSN provides information and resources about child traumatic stress, including resources specifically related to medical trauma and healthcare experiences.

National Child Traumatic Stress Network — Medical Trauma Resources

🤝 Alongside Network
 A community and resource network supporting families caring for children who have experienced a life-threatening illness or injury. Alongside offers parent/caregiver communities, support, resources, and connections with others who understand these experiences.

Alongside Network

💬 If This Episode Resonated With You

If your child or teenager has experienced a frightening medical event, chronic illness, hospitalization, injury, or difficult medical treatment, we hope this conversation reminds you that your experience matters, too.

And if someone in your life is navigating a medical challenge with their child, share this episode with them. Sometimes hearing that your reactions are understandable—and that you don't have to carry everything alone—can make a meaningful difference. 

🔔 New episodes every Wednesday.

✉️ Newsletter: https://drscaronandallen.com  

📱 Instagram: @theparentingpair 

💬 Questions you want answered on future episodes or topic suggestions: [email protected]

DISCLAIMER: The Parenting Pair Podcast is designed for informational and educational purposes only. Do not rely on the information presented in this podcast as a substitute or replacement for professional -- psychological or medical -- advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have concerns about you or a family member's well being, please contact a licensed mental health professional or physician.

Back-to-school season can quickly turn parents into the project managers of the household. 

School forms, homework, practices, appointments, schedules, emails, deadlines… suddenly, so much of our interaction with our tweens and teens can become solely about getting things done.

But what if, in the middle of all that busyness, we're missing something that matters much more in the long run?

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen talk about how to navigate the pressure of back-to-school season while protecting the relationships that matter most.

They explore why the quality of our relationships is so important to well-being—and why a missed deadline, imperfect grade, or forgotten task is unlikely to matter as much years from now as the relationship we build with our children.

You'll hear practical strategies for:

• Staying connected when most conversations seem to be about what needs to get done
• Understanding your teen's growing need for independence
• Not taking adolescent distance or irritability personally
• Listening to what your teen is interested in instead of immediately redirecting them to the next task
• Respecting reasonable differences in opinions and choices
• Asking your teen what they think before immediately giving your own advice
• Recognizing the importance of friendships, mentors, coaches, teachers, and other adults in your child's life
• Balancing the inevitable "management mode" with moments of genuine connection
• Remembering that parenting is about the long haul—not getting every moment right

These are the highlights of the episode:

00:00 Why Relationships Matter Way More Than Management

00:46 Today's Topic: Back-to-School Parenting Pressure

02:24 Relationship Over Management

04:37 Parenting Through Growing Independence

07:05 Why Teens Pull Away

09:11 Why Peer Relationships Matter

10:16 You Don’t Have to Be Everything

11:41 How to Build Connection in Busy Moments

13:13 Show Interest in What Matters to Them

15:50 Respecting Their Independence

16:29 Ask Before Giving Advice

17:34 Don’t React to Every Eye Roll

18:00 What Now? Parenting Is About the Long Haul

The goal isn't to stop managing altogether. There will always be homework, schedules, forms, deadlines, and mornings when you're running late. The goal is to make sure that those things don't become the only focus of your relationship with your child or teenager.

As Annalise and Suzanne discuss, parenting gives us thousands of moments with our kids. If one doesn't go well, there's always another opportunity to reconnect. ❤️

💬 What tends to take over in your household when back-to-school gets busy: connection or task management? Let us know in the comments.

Research Mentioned

The episode references Stanford research on how the adolescent brain responds differently to a mother's voice compared with unfamiliar voices. The study found a developmental shift toward greater responsiveness to unfamiliar voices during adolescence, consistent with the growing importance of social connections outside the family.

Stanford Medicine — The Teen Brain Tunes in Less to Mom’s Voice

The Journal of Neuroscience — A Neurodevelopmental Shift in Reward Circuitry From Mother’s to Nonfamilial Voices in Adolescence

🔔 New episodes every Wednesday.

✉️ Newsletter: https://drscaronandallen.com  

📱 Instagram: @theparentingpair 

💬 Questions you want answered on future episodes or topic suggestions: [email protected]

DISCLAIMER: The Parenting Pair Podcast is designed for informational and educational purposes only. Do not rely on the information presented in this podcast as a substitute or replacement for professional -- psychological or medical -- advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have concerns about you or a family member's well being, please contact a licensed mental health professional or physician.

Medical challenges can affect far more than your child's physical health.

Whether it's a routine shot, bloodwork, a frightening trip to the ER, surgery, an injury, or managing a chronic medical condition, medical experiences can bring fear, anxiety, avoidance, stress, and sometimes even medical trauma.

And for parents, these situations can be overwhelming too. Suddenly you're managing appointments, medications, insurance, specialists, school, siblings, and your child's emotional needs—all while trying to figure out how to help your child cope.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen sit down with Dr. Meghan Marsac, a pediatric psychologist and Division Chief of Psychology at the University of Kentucky Pediatrics Department, to talk about how parents can support children and teens through medical challenges. Dr. Marsac brings extensive expertise in pediatric medical trauma and shares practical, evidence-based strategies for helping families navigate difficult medical experiences while protecting connection, autonomy, and the rest of a young person's life.

In This Episode, We Discuss:

• How medical challenges can affect children's mental and emotional health — and why physical and mental health shouldn't be treated as completely separate.
• Medical anxiety and medical trauma — from everyday procedures like shots and bloodwork to more significant medical events and chronic illness.
• Why validation matters — and how acknowledging that something is difficult for your child can strengthen connection rather than making the fear worse.
• Parent vs. caregiver — how chronic illness or injury can shift parents into a caregiving role and unintentionally change the parent-child relationship.
• Protecting your teen's independence during medical challenges — including finding ways to preserve friendships, activities, school, and the other parts of life that matter to them.
• Supporting siblings when one child's medical needs require more attention from the family.
• How parents can advocate within complex medical systems — including asking questions, gathering information, communicating between providers, and making sure important information doesn't get lost.
• Helping teens become more involved in their own medical care — gradually giving them opportunities to ask questions, advocate for themselves, and take more leadership.
• The COACH approach — a framework Dr. Marsac and her coauthor developed to help parents break down challenging medical situations and choose strategies that fit their child.
• Planning ahead for medical appointments and procedures — including determining how much information your child wants and when they want to receive it.
• Why your child's medical condition shouldn't become their entire identity — and how families can continue to make room for the many other parts of who they are.

Chapters:

00:00 | Medical Challenges: Why Planning Ahead Works
00:29 | Today’s Topic: Medical Challenges With Teens and Tweens
01:17 | Meet Meghan Marsac, Pediatric Psychologist
02:48 | Why Meghan Marsac Wrote Afraid of the Doctor
05:20 | The Connection Between Medical Trauma and Emotional & Behavioral Struggles
08:44 | Considering Medical Challenges in the Context of a Child’s Whole Life
13:43 | Why Validation Is So Important
14:50 | The Role of a Parent vs. a Caregiver
18:20 | How to Address a New Medical Reality With Siblings
21:13 | When the Parent Becomes the Leader of the Medical Team
24:20 | The COACH Approach: What It Means
29:20 | How Parents Can Cope Ahead With Medical Anxiety
32:59 | Recommendations for Parents Facing Medical Challenges

Important Takeaways

One of the most powerful ideas in this conversation is that a child is more than their medical condition.

As Dr. Marsac explains, families can become understandably focused on appointments, medications, treatments, and medical care—particularly when a child has a chronic condition. But it's also important to keep seeing the whole person: their friendships, activities, interests, school, family relationships, independence, and the things that bring them joy.

Medical care matters. So does the rest of their life.

The conversation also emphasizes that parents don't have to navigate complex medical systems perfectly. Asking questions, requesting clarification, writing things down, and advocating for your child are all legitimate parts of supporting them.

And if a particular strategy doesn't work for your child, that doesn't mean you've failed. Dr. Marsac emphasizes that different strategies work for different children—and parents know their own children better than any professional does.

If you're parenting a child or teen through a medical challenge, we hope this conversation helps you feel more informed, more confident, and a little less alone.

💬 What part of your child's medical journey has been hardest to navigate as a parent?

🔔 New episodes every Wednesday.

✉️ Newsletter: https://drscaronandallen.com  

📱 Instagram: @theparentingpair 

💬 Questions you want answered on future episodes or topic suggestions: [email protected]

Resources Mentioned In This Episode

Afraid of the Doctor: Every Parent's Guide to Preventing and Managing Medical Trauma By Dr. Meghan Marsac and Melissa Hogan.

https://www.afraidofthedoctor.com/

The Cellie Coping kit

https://www.celliecopingkit.org/

About Dr. Meghan Marsac

Dr. Meghan Marsac is a pediatric psychologist and Division Chief of Psychology at the University of Kentucky Pediatrics Department. She is a tenured professor at the University of Kentucky's College of Medicine, an Affiliate Research Scientist at the Center for Injury Research and Prevention at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP), an Affiliate at the Center for Violence Prevention at CHOP, and Division Chief of Psychology in the Department of Pediatrics at the University of Kentucky.

DISCLAIMER: The Parenting Pair Podcast is designed for informational and educational purposes only. Do not rely on the information presented in this podcast as a substitute or replacement for professional -- psychological or medical -- advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have concerns about you or a family member's well being, please contact a licensed mental health professional or physician.

Parenting Pair classic: We are bringing this essential conversation back to the top of your feed this week. This is one of our most-watched episodes, and the practical tools inside are too important to miss. Whether you're hearing it for the first time or need a timely refresher, we hope it brings you some compassionate guidance today.

How do you raise a teen who makes good decisions on their own — even when you're not there to guide them? In this episode, child and adolescent psychologists Dr. Suzanne Allen and Dr. Annalise Caron tackle a question every parent of a tween or teen asks at some point: my child wants more freedom, but can they actually handle it?

They break down exactly how to raise responsible, independent teens without swinging to either extreme — permissive parenting on one end, helicopter parenting on the other. Using real examples and a simple framework parents can start using today, they explain the three types of independence every teen needs to develop: the ability to make their own choices, the ability to think through problems on their own, and the ability to trust their own feelings and judgment.

You'll learn:

• How to raise a teen who can think for themselves and problem-solve without you
• The difference between authoritative parenting and authoritarian parenting — and why it matters for raising a responsible teen
• A real-life role-play example (a teen who got a D on a test) showing exactly what to say — and what not to say — to help your teen make good decisions
• Why asking "what do you think?" before offering advice builds better decision-makers
• The "get out of their way" coaching lesson that applies directly to parenting tweens and teens
• What decades of research from Dr. Joseph Allen's lab at the University of Virginia reveals about how this kind of parenting shapes teens' decision-making, relationships, and choices well into adulthood

Plus, book recommendations for parents who want to go deeper: The Self-Driven Child by William Stixrud PhD and Ned Johnson, How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims, and Age of Opportunity by Laurence Steinberg.

If you're raising a teen who wants more freedom, a tween pushing back on rules, or you're simply wondering how to raise a responsible teen who makes good choices — this episode gives you a practical, research-backed place to start.

🔔 New episodes every Wednesday.

✉️ Newsletter: https://drscaronandallen.com  

📱 Instagram: @theparentingpair 

💬 Questions you want answered on future episodes or topic suggestions: [email protected]

DISCLAIMER: The Parenting Pair Podcast is designed for informational and educational purposes only. Do not rely on the information presented in this podcast as a substitute or replacement for professional -- psychological or medical -- advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have concerns about you or a family member's well being, please contact a licensed mental health professional or physician.

Encore episode: It's move-in week — and this episode is a timely one for parents of teens heading to college, a new social scene, or just more unsupervised time with friends.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Suzanne Allen and Dr. Annalise Caron have a clear conversation about sexual assault prevention — for teens and young adults of any gender, not just those heading off to college. They talk through how to bring up a hard topic without lecturing, what actually helps reduce risk at parties and social gatherings, and how teens can look out for each other and step in when something feels off.

This episode is for parents who want to prepare their teen without over-scaring them — and for teens themselves, since it's built to be shared directly with them.

Dr. Allen and Dr. Caron cover:

• Why open, low-pressure conversations about safety matter more than one big talk
• How to talk about prevention without implying it's ever the victim's fault
• The role alcohol and parties can play in risk — and practical ways to reduce it
• Five concrete strategies teens can use to stay safer in social settings
• What healthy bystander intervention looks like, including for teens who worry about misreading a situation
• How this conversation applies well beyond college — to high school, new friend groups, and beyond

Here are some highlights from this episode:

00:00 – College parties can be fun and risky at the same time
 03:08 – How Dialectical Thinking helps parents handle tough topics with teens
 05:10 – Campuses tend to be very safe, except for sexual assaults
 09:00 – Five strategies a teen can do to minimize risk
 10:43 – The importance of protecting your drink and how to do so
 12:15 – What healthy peer support looks like
 14:42 – Teaching teens to speak up and step in
 16:28 – How to protect friends and peers, safely
 18:33 – Recap of 5 strategies to decrease risk of sexual assault
 19:48 – Sexual assault prevention starts at home
 21:32 – Dialectical thinking helps parent-teen communication and problem solving
 23:15 – Acknowledging difficult subjects when feeling unprepared

If you've ever worried about your teen being vulnerable in college or social settings, this episode will give you actionable tools to keep them safe and empowered.

🧰 Resources & Tools Mentioned in This Episode:

• Drink safety products — spill-proof drink covers, drink-spiking test strips, and water bottles with flip-top lids or built-in straws can add an extra layer of protection at parties or bars
• Self-defense classes — many towns, community organizations, and universities offer beginner-friendly courses; a great option to look into before heading to campus
• Campus safety resources — most colleges have blue light emergency phones and call/escort services; encourage your teen to locate these during orientation

⬇️ For downloadable resources for teens/young adults and parents, based on this episode:

📝 Tip Sheet for Parents
📝 Tip Sheet for Teens/Young Adults

🔔 New episodes every Wednesday.

✉️ Newsletter: https://drscaronandallen.com  

📱 Instagram: @theparentingpair 

💬 Questions you want answered on future episodes or topic suggestions: [email protected]

DISCLAIMER: The Parenting Pair Podcast is designed for informational and educational purposes only. Do not rely on the information presented in this podcast as a substitute or replacement for professional -- psychological or medical -- advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have concerns about you or a family member's well being, please contact a licensed mental health professional or physician.