The Parenting Pair | Teens & Tweens

What do you do when your teen makes a mistake you never imagined they would make? Author Michelle Icard shares her Contain, Resolve, Evolve approach for helping families through big setbacks.

When a tween or teen messes up, parents can quickly move from concern to fear: What does this mean? Did I miss something? Is this going to affect their future? What am I supposed to do now?

In this episode of The Parenting Pair | Teens & Tweens, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen welcome author and educator Michelle Icard, whose book 8 Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success explores how the mistakes and struggles that are so hard for parents to watch can also become opportunities for kids to build resilience, independence, and character.

Rather than trying to prevent every mistake, Michelle encourages parents to recognize that growing up involves practice, and that the process is inevitably messy. For the big mistakes, the ones that involve a serious phone call, a safety concern, or something you truly never expected, she shares a three-step approach, Contain, Resolve, Evolve, for moving through a setback without letting one mistake define a child or damage the parent-child relationship.

In this conversation, we explore:

• Why parents can experience a child's mistake as an indictment of their own parenting
• Michelle's Bill of Rights for kids, including privacy (with exceptions when safety is a concern), the right to make mistakes, and the right to form their own values
• Why kids often need to make a mistake more than once before they learn from it
• The difference between discomfort and situations where parents genuinely need to step in
• The Contain, Resolve, Evolve framework, and why containment can mean a pause rather than punishment
• Why parents don't need to find the perfect resolution
• Why parents need to eventually move past the mistake rather than keep bringing it up
• How parenting forums and online algorithms can increase parental anxiety, and why a trusted "Whisper Network" helps
• How to respond when others publicly shame or judge children for their mistakes

About Michelle Icard

Michelle Icard is an author and educator who has worked with parents, children, and teachers for more than 20 years. She is the author of three books, including 8 Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success, Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen, and Middle School Makeover. Her work has appeared in outlets including TODAY, NBC News, CNN, and The Washington Post.

Resources mentioned

8 Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success, What to Do and What to Say to Turn "Failures" into Character-Building Moments (amazon)

Free discussion guide from Michelle for her 8 setbacks book

Michelle Icard's website

A note for parents

The goal isn't to make sure your child never messes up. It's to help them become someone who can handle what happens when they do. Sometimes that means stepping in and creating safety. Sometimes it means helping them identify the next step. And sometimes it means resisting the urge to keep revisiting the mistake once they've taken responsibility and begun to repair it. Even in hard moments, Michelle encourages parents to say, "We're a team, and I have your back."

What was a mistake you made as a teenager that taught you something important? If this conversation resonated with you, share it with another parent and follow The Parenting Pair | Teens & Tweens for more practical, evidence-informed conversations about raising tweens, teens, and young adults.

Disclaimer: The Parenting Pair | Teens & Tweens is designed for informational and educational purposes only. The information presented is not a substitute for professional psychological or medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have concerns about your or a family member's well-being, please contact a licensed mental health professional or physician.

Should you visit your child at college, or let them come home? Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen explain why "never" and "always" parenting rules create anxiety, and how to respond to what your tween, teen or young adult actually needs.

Parents are surrounded by rules: never lie down with your baby as they fall asleep, never drop off a forgotten instrument, never visit your child at college in the first few weeks. The warning behind each one is that something terrible might happen if you break it.

But parenting isn't a formula.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair | Teens & Tweens, Dr. Caron and Dr. Allen look at the parenting "rules" we see online and why absolute advice can fuel unnecessary anxiety. Guidelines can help, but when we treat them as universal truths, we lose sight of the individual child, the family, and the situation in front of us. The conversation focuses on the transition to college and what to consider when your young adult is struggling away from home.

In this episode:
• Why "never" and "always" advice increases parental anxiety
• Why guidelines can help without being universal
• What Dr. Caron's own childhood shows about one-size-fits-all advice
• How to respond when a college student is struggling with a roommate, loneliness, or a breakup
• Why parents mostly hear from their kids in the lows
• Three factors to weigh: your child, your family, and the situation
• How "fortune telling" fuels parenting anxiety, and how to think in probabilities instead
• How to consult your teen rather than becoming the problem-solver
• Questions to ask yourself, and an intermediate step to consider, before you jump in
• How equifinality and multifinality show that one moment doesn't define your teen's future
• Why you don't need to get every decision right

CHAPTERS:
00:00 — Why Parenting Advice Isn't Absolute
00:20 — "Always" and "Never" Parenting Rules Can Be Misleading
01:55 — When Parenting Rules Create Anxiety
03:15 — Parenting Guidelines Can Help — Until They Don't
04:50 — Dr. Caron's Childhood and the Problem with Parenting Rules
06:43 — When Your College Student Is Struggling
08:18 — Distress Isn't Always a Problem to Solve
09:43 — Guidelines vs. Rules
10:03 — Three Reasons Parenting Isn't One-Size-Fits-All
11:15 — Responding to What Your Child Needs Right Now
11:39 — Parenting Anxiety and "Fortune Telling"
13:43 — Consult Your Teen Instead of Predicting the Future
14:48 — Hit Pause Before You React
16:15 — Problem-Solving and Scaffolding Support for Young Adults
17:15 — Why One Moment Doesn't Define Your Teen's Future
18:08 — Questions to Help Parents Slow Down and Think
20:06 — Becoming a Consultant as Your Teen Grows
21:44 — What Now? Give Yourself Grace
23:21 — Parenting Without a Crystal Ball

Resource mentioned: our earlier episode, "Why One Moment Doesn't Define Your Teen's Future: Two Psychological Concepts to Help Parents Stay Grounded and Raise Resilient Teens and Tweens" [Apple Spotify YouTube]

Instead of asking "What is the rule?", try asking: What does my child need right now? What is driving my urge to step in? Is there an intermediate step that could help? Can I involve my child in figuring this out?

You don't need a crystal ball to be a good parent. You need the willingness to pay attention, adjust, and keep learning alongside your child.

If this episode resonated, share it with another parent who feels pressured to follow every rule perfectly. Subscribe, leave a rating or review, and send us your parenting dilemmas.

#ParentingTeens #CollegeParenting #ParentingAdvice #ParentingAnxiety

Disclaimer: The Parenting Pair | Teens & Tweens is designed for informational and educational purposes only. The information presented is not a substitute for professional psychological or medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have concerns about your or a family member's well-being, please contact a licensed mental health professional or physician.

What does it actually mean to prepare our kids for the future when we don't even know what that future will look like?

For years, parents have been given a familiar formula: get good grades, go to college, get an internship, build a résumé, and find a good job. But as technology, AI, and the world of work continue to change, are those still the best ways to think about preparing young people for adulthood?

In this episode of “The Parenting Pair | Teens & Tweens” podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen welcome Jeanine Collins, Co-Founder and Chief Impact Officer of the Center for the Future of Learning, to explore what young people actually need to thrive in a rapidly changing world.

Jeanine has worked in education as a teacher and systems leader and helped lead the development of the Portrait of a Nevada Learner, a statewide effort designed to identify the mindsets and skills young people need to build a meaningful life, contribute to their communities, and navigate an uncertain future.

Rather than focusing only on what kids need to know, this conversation asks a bigger question: What do young people need to be able to do, understand about themselves and the world, and practice so they can adapt to whatever comes next?

In this conversation, we explore:

• Why the traditional formula of good grades, college, internships, and a stable career feels less certain than it once did
• What the Portrait of a Nevada Learner is and how it was created with input from young people, families, educators, and community members
• The durable skills that can help young people navigate a changing world, including communication, collaboration, resilience, agency, critical thinking, and creative thinking
• Why these skills matter not only for employment, but for building a good life, meaningful relationships, and a strong sense of self
• The four questions at the heart of the Portrait of a Nevada Learner: How will I grow in my learning? How will I build and sustain relationships and community? How will I contribute to make an impact? And how will I thrive?
• How parents can help children recognize the skills they are already developing in everyday life
• How ordinary family experiences—from planning a meal to navigating disagreement—can become opportunities to practice problem-solving, collaboration, agency, and communication
• Why giving children and teenagers more voice, choice, and agency can change how they experience learning
• The difference between simply completing schoolwork and helping young people understand why their learning matters
• Why meaningful, real-world work can create greater motivation and engagement for young people
• What happens when young people begin to see themselves as someone who can face challenges, ask for help, persist, or recognize when something isn't right for them
• How academic subjects can become more meaningful when young people can connect what they are learning to bigger questions and real-world experiences
• What AI and other technologies mean for the future of education—and why technology makes uniquely human skills even more important
• Why AI should not replace the human processes of learning, feedback, collaboration, reflection, and developing ideas
• How educators can use AI while still giving students opportunities to think, create, struggle, revise, and develop their own abilities
• Why young people want to do work that feels real, meaningful, and connected to something beyond a grade
• How parents and educators can cultivate a more hopeful view of today's young people instead of focusing only on the challenges they face
• The importance of "seeing what you look for" when it comes to understanding children's and teenagers' capabilities

In this episode:

00:00 — Preparing Kids for an Uncertain Future

01:33 — Meet Jeanine Collins

03:42 — What Is a Portrait of a Learner?

06:31 — The Skills Kids and Teens Need for the Future

09:04 — What Does a “Good Life” Look Like?

11:45 — Four Questions Every Learner Can Ask

15:00 — Helping Kids, Tweens and Teens Recognize Their Strengths

17:30 — Teaching Collaboration as a Skill

20:02 — Learning to Learn, Unlearn & Relearn

22:06 — Rethinking the Purpose of School

27:01 — Why Agency and Relevance Matter

31:28 — What AI Changes About Learning

33:02 — Why Human Skills Matter More Than Ever

35:20 — Give Kids and Teenagers Work That Matters

39:17 — Suzanne’s Secret About Jeanine

41:15 — What Now:  You See What You Look For

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Portrait of a Nevada Learner
The Portrait of a Nevada Learner is a statewide vision for the mindsets and skills that help young people apply academic knowledge in meaningful ways. It was developed through collaboration among Nevada educators, learners, families, businesses, & community members.

Portrait of a Nevada Learner

Nevada Future of Learning Network
The Nevada Future of Learning Network brings together educators, students, parents, & community partners to support learner-centered, competency-based education.

Nevada Future of Learning Network

Portrait Process & Community Research
The Portrait was shaped through statewide surveys, interviews, conversations & collaboration with Nevadans about the mindsets & skills young people need to navigate the future.

Portrait Process — Nevada Future of Learning

ABOUT JEANINE COLLINS

Jeanine Collins is Co-Founder and Chief Impact Officer of the Center for the Future of Learning, a Nevada-based organization focused on building the future of learning with young people, educators, and communities.  A former educator, Jeanine has worked at the intersection of education, policy, and community engagement. She helped lead the community co-design process behind the Portrait of a Nevada Learner and has been involved in the development of the Nevada Future of Learning Network.  

What do you think your child or teenager will need most to thrive in the future?

And what skills do you already see them developing that may not show up on a report card?

Share this episode with another parent, educator, teacher, or school community who is thinking about how we prepare young people for what's next.

🎧 If this conversation resonated with you, subscribe to The Parenting Pair | Teens & Tweens podcast and share this episode with fellow parents of teens who need to hear it.

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What should parents do when they believe their teenager is going to drink alcohol anyway?

Should you let your teen drink at home so they learn to drink responsibly, or make it clear that underage drinking is not okay? In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen respond to a listener question about teens and alcohol and explain why the answer isn't a simple yes or no.

They look at what current data says about teen drinking, what new longitudinal research shows about starting early, and why delaying alcohol is the safest recommendation. They also talk about how to share your values without lecturing, how to build a safety net so your teen will call you if something goes wrong, and how to tell experimentation from patterns that deserve more concern.

In this conversation, we explore:

- Why teen alcohol use is declining, and why parents' memories may be out of date
- Whether drinking at home teaches responsible drinking
- What the 2026 research says about early alcohol initiation
- Talking about alcohol at different ages, and explaining why that information matters, not just "it's illegal"
- What to do if your teen drinks: safety first, judgment aside
- When drinking may point to an underlying mental health concern
- What parents should know about social host laws in 31 states
- Why alcohol and marijuana call for different conversations

The takeaway: you don't have to choose between clear boundaries and an open line of communication. Communicate. Educate. Stay non-judgmental.

CHAPTERS:
00:00 — Should You Let Your Teen Drink at Home?
00:43 — Why This Question Is So Complicated
01:34 — The Facts: Teen Alcohol Use Is Declining
03:18 — What Parents Remember vs. What Teens Do Today
05:29 — Should Parents Teach Teens to Drink Responsibly?
06:11 — What the 2026 Research Says About Early Drinking
07:23 — Delay, Delay, Delay (Without Avoiding the Conversation)
08:08 — How to Talk to Younger Kids About Alcohol
09:11 — What to Tell Older Teens
10:56 — If Your Teen Drinks: Safety Comes First
11:23 — "I Will Not Be Angry": Creating a Safety Net
12:46 — Boundaries Without Judgment
13:42 — Why Lecturing Can Get in the Way of Learning
15:14 — When Teen Drinking Is More Concerning
18:28 — Social Host Laws: What Parents Should Know
19:50 — Alcohol vs. Marijuana (and "No Pills or Powders")
21:51 — What Now? Communicate & Educate

RESEARCH & RESOURCES MENTIONED

🔗 2025 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (SAMHSA)

🔗 2026 Longitudinal Study on Age of Alcohol Initiation

🔗 National information on social host laws

RELATED PARENTING PAIR EPISODES

🔗 Marijuana in Teens: Facts, Myths & Conversations That Help

🔗 Cannabis: What Parents Need to Know About Teen Weed Use with Dr. Amy Swift

If this episode gave you a new perspective, please share it with another parent, and rate, review, and subscribe so more families can find evidence-informed guidance for raising tweens, teens, and young adults. #parentingteens #teendrinking #teensandalcohol

DISCLAIMER: The Parenting Pair Podcast is designed for informational and educational purposes only. Do not rely on the information presented in this podcast as a substitute or replacement for professional -- psychological or medical -- advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have concerns about you or a family member's well being, please contact a licensed mental health professional or physician.

What happens to the child or teen who seems to be “doing fine” when a sibling needs much more attention?

When a child or teenager is dealing with a concerning medical condition, mental health concern, developmental difference such as ADHD or autism, or behavioral challenge, family life can naturally begin to revolve around their needs. There may be appointments, school meetings, difficult moments at home, and simply less time and energy to go around.

But what about the other kid(s) in the family?

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen talk about the often-overlooked experience of siblings who grow up alongside a brother or sister who is struggling. They explore what we know from research, the range of emotions siblings may experience, and practical ways parents can support them without adding more guilt (to themselves or their kids) in an already demanding situation.

In this conversation, we explore:

• What research tells us about the experiences of siblings
• Why siblings may face increased risks for anxiety, depression, or adjustment difficulties
• Why parents shouldn't automatically blame themselves for those difficulties
• The range of emotions siblings may experience, from frustration and worry to love and empathy
• How difficult family experiences can also foster maturity, patience, and compassion
• Why validating “It’s not fair” can be truly helpful
• How age-appropriate information can help siblings understand what is happening
• How giving siblings some choice and voice can help
• Why family rules and routines may need to change
• How to avoid catastrophizing about what a difficult period means for the future
• Simple ways to create protected one-on-one time with siblings
• Why maintaining relationships doesn't have to mean equal amounts of time
• How parents can model repair when everyone is overwhelmed

CHAPTERS:

00:00 — When One Child Needs More: What About their Sibling?
03:02 — What Does the Research Say About Siblings?
04:30 — The Potential Risks for Siblings
05:42 — The Emotional Experience of Having a Sibling Who Struggles
06:37 — How Difficult Experiences Can Also Lead to Growth
07:59 — When Parents and Siblings Share the Same Stress
09:19 — What Parents Can Do to Support Siblings
09:41 — Acknowledging When Family Life Feels Unfair
12:43 — Acceptance, Problem-Solving & Moving Forward
14:26 — Validating Feelings While Holding Boundaries
15:50 — Helping Siblings Understand What’s Happening
17:53 — Giving Siblings a Voice in Family Decisions
18:44 — Staying Flexible When Family Circumstances Change
18:55 — Don’t Catastrophize About the Future
21:48 — Finding Protected One-on-One Time
23:20 — You Don’t Have to Be a Perfect Parent
24:26 — What Now? Growth Takes Time

💬 If this episode resonated with you, what has helped your family make space for siblings when one child needs significantly more support?

If you know another parent who could benefit from this conversation, please share the episode with them. And if you're enjoying The Parenting Pair Podcast, please rate, review, and subscribe. Your support helps us reach more parents.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• AI, Teens & Relationships: What Parents Need to Know | Dr. Mitch Prinstein: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ai-teens-relationships-what-parents-need-to-know-dr/id1815564442?i=1000788637945

Disclaimer: The Parenting Pair Podcast is designed for informational and educational purposes only. The information presented is not a substitute for professional psychological or medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have concerns about your or a family member's well-being, please contact a licensed mental health professional or physician.

siblings, supporting siblings, sibling support, siblings of children with ADHD, siblings of autistic children, siblings of children with mental health conditions, siblings of children with medical conditions, neurodivergent siblings, sibling mental health, sibling relationships, parenting siblings, family dynamics, parenting teens, parenting tweens, child mental health, parenting challenges

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When does puberty start, and what should parents know about teen weight, sleep, perimenopause, and HRT? Pediatric and adolescent medicine specialist Dr. Sophia Yen answers listener questions from puberty through midlife.

Why we're re-releasing this episode: Women's hormonal health is always timely, and many of you have joined us since this conversation first aired. We didn't want it to be missed.

"Painful periods, exhausting perimenopause: that's just what you deal with." Is it? In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Suzanne Allen and Dr. Annalise Caron welcome back Dr. Sophia Yen to talk about hormonal health across the female lifespan.

Dr. Yen walks through the typical ages puberty begins for girls and boys, when early or delayed puberty is worth a doctor's visit, and how nutrition, sleep, and screen time relate to weight during the teen years. She also shares practical, shame-free ways families can build healthier habits. The conversation then turns to midlife: the role of the birth control pill or ring during perimenopause, how she frames hormone replacement therapy (HRT) after menopause, and why the Women's Health Initiative study still shapes the HRT debate. Her views are her clinical perspective, and decisions about HRT are individual ones to make with your own doctor.

Whether you're parenting a tween who is starting puberty, raising a teen while navigating perimenopause yourself, or both, this episode offers practical, evidence-informed conversation starters.

You'll learn:
- The typical age range puberty begins for girls and boys, and when to check in with a doctor
- How to talk with your teen about weight and food without shame
- Simple swaps and habits around drinks, snacks, screens, and sleep
- How to evaluate health information from social media, supplements, and self-described "doctors"
- What perimenopause and menopause can look like, and how the pill, ring, and HRT fit in
- Questions worth bringing to your own doctor

Episode highlights:
00:00 – Science and Medicine Can Improve Life for People with a Uterus
02:19 – When Puberty Typically Begins for Girls and Boys
04:54 – Supporting Children Through Early Puberty
06:25 – When to See a Doctor If Puberty Hasn't Started
08:14 – Puberty in the Age of Social Media: What Parents Should Know
12:14 – How to Talk to Kids About Weight Gain During Puberty
15:24 – Is Diet Soda Really a Problem?
18:07 – The Benefits of Sleep & Turning Off Screens After [confirm: 2 hours before bed, or 2pm? original text was ambiguous]
20:32 – Helping Teens Build Healthier Eating Habits Without Shame
23:38 – Hormone Replacement Therapy: Is It Advisable?
26:22 – The Impact of Estrogen Decline on Women's Health
33:21 – Learn More About Pandia Health
34:26 – Birth Control vs. HRT: Perimenopause vs. Menopause

If you've ever wondered whether your child's puberty timing is typical, or how to support your own hormonal health through perimenopause, this episode offers practical, evidence-informed insight for every parent — and every woman.

Dr. Sophia Yen is co-founder of Pandia Health, an online birth control and menopause care service. The Parenting Pair does not endorse products or services.

Resources:

• Dr. Yen's TEDx talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJ7-_MOjEeY
• Companion episode: our #PeriodsOptional conversation with Dr. Yen: 

https://drscaronandallen.com/podcast/episode/is-it-safe-to-skip-your-period-birth-control-cancer-risk-dr-sophia-yen/

You can also follow Dr. Yen on Instagram & TikTok at:

https://www.instagram.com/drsophiayen

https://www.tiktok.com/@drsophiayen

🔔 New episodes every Wednesday. Subscribe for more expert conversations on parenting, health, and raising confident, well-informed teens.

🌐 Visit https://drscaronandallen.com/ to listen and learn more.

Dr. Sophia Yen, Parenting Pair Podcast, when does puberty start, early puberty, delayed puberty, puberty, teen weight gain, teen health, perimenopause, perimenopause symptoms, menopause, HRT, hormone replacement therapy, bioidentical hormones, Women's Health Initiative, perimenopause birth control, women's health, hormonal health, parenting teens, teen sleep, screen time and sleep, talking to teens about weight, diet soda

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DISCLAIMER: The Parenting Pair Podcast is designed for informational and educational purposes only. Do not rely on the information presented in this podcast as a substitute or replacement for professional (psychological or medical) advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have concerns about your or a family member's well-being, please contact a licensed mental health professional or physician.

Is it safe to skip your period? Dr. Sophia Yen makes the case that for many teens and women it is, and that the long-term benefits may include a significantly lower risk of ovarian cancer.

In honor of Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month, we're re-sharing one of our most-talked about episodes. Dr. Suzanne Allen and Dr. Annalise Caron talk with Dr. Sophia Yen, a board-certified pediatrician and adolescent medicine specialist, about menstrual suppression, the medical option to reduce or eliminate periods with hormonal birth control, and her "Periods Optional" approach.

Dr. Yen frames menstrual suppression as a risk-benefit decision and explains why she believes the benefits outweigh the risks for many women. She discusses her perspective that fewer lifetime menstrual cycles may reduce the risk of ovarian, endometrial, and colorectal cancers, noting that five years of pill, patch, or ring use can lower ovarian cancer risk by roughly half. She also addresses the small increase in breast cancer risk associated with hormonal contraception.

The conversation extends beyond cancer risk to the day-to-day impact of menstruation, including heavy bleeding, missed school, anemia, and the stress of unpredictable cycles. Dr. Yen explains how stable hormone levels may benefit acne and other health conditions, and she addresses common myths, including whether hormonal birth control affects future fertility.

For parents, this is a clear, evidence-informed starting point for a conversation with your daughter and her doctor.

You'll learn:

- What menstrual suppression is and why Dr. Yen calls periods "optional"

- How periods relate to anemia, and what Dr. Yen says about cancer risk

- Whether birth control affects fertility later

- Who should not use estrogen-containing birth control, including those with a blood clot history or migraine with aura

- Why estrogen dose matters for teen bone health

- When starting may make sense, and why timing depends on how heavy periods are and how much growing a teen has left

Episode highlights:

00:00 – The Real Reason Women Have Monthly Periods

02:32 – What If Periods Could Be Optional?

04:10 – To Bleed or Not to Bleed: Understanding the Risk–Benefit Balance

05:03 – Periods and Cancer Risk: Ovarian, Endometrial & Colorectal

07:32 – Menstruation and Anemia: A Common Connection

11:04 – Does Birth Control Make It Harder to Get Pregnant Later?

14:02 – How Birth Control Pills Can Support Fertility and Hormonal Health

15:07 – When Birth Control Pills Aren't Recommended

17:50 – The Unexpected Benefits of Making Periods Optional

20:00 – Dr. Yen's Algorithm for Choosing the Right Birth Control Pill

22:53 – Why Estrogen Plays a Key Role in Bone Health

26:49 – When to Consider Birth Control as a Health Tool

For more on #PeriodsOptional, watch Dr. Yen's TEDx Talk, "Making Periods Optional":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJ7-_MOjEeY

You can also follow Dr. Yen on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube, or connect with her company Pandia Health (where you can access the birth control algorithm):

https://www.pandiahealth.com/about/

https://www.instagram.com/pandiahealth/

https://www.tiktok.com/@drsophiayen

https://www.facebook.com/pandiahealth/

https://twitter.com/pandiahealth

🔔 New episodes every Wednesday. Subscribe for more expert conversations on parenting, health, and raising confident, well-informed teens.

🌐 Visit https://drscaronandallen.com/ to listen and learn more.

DISCLAIMER: The Parenting Pair Podcast is designed for informational and educational purposes only. Do not rely on the information presented in this podcast as a substitute or replacement for professional (psychological or medical) advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have concerns about your or a family member's well-being, please contact a licensed mental health professional or physician.

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Is 13 really the right age for a teen or tween to start using social media? What does social media have to do with the developing adolescent brain—and should parents limit, delay, or ban it altogether?

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen talk with Dr. Eva Telzer, psychologist, neuroscientist, Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at UNC Chapel Hill, and co-director of the Winston Center for Technology and the Developing Mind.

Dr. Telzer explains why adolescence is a particularly important period of brain development, when teens become more sensitive to rewards and social experiences while executive functioning continues to develop. Today's digital environment can amplify these developmental changes by providing highly personalized social feedback, algorithms, short-form content, and other powerful sources of engagement.

But this isn't a conversation about why social media is all bad. Adolescence is also a time of tremendous growth, connection, creativity, independence, and social awareness—and social media can help teens connect, organize, advocate, and create positive change.

So what can parents actually do? Dr. Telzer discusses when kids should get social media, whether parents should delay, limit, or ban social media, how parents can better understand what their teens are actually seeing online, and why working together with other parents may reduce the social pressure around smartphones. She also highlights the importance of protecting teen sleep by keeping phones and devices out of the bedroom at night.

If you're parenting a tween or teenager and wondering about social media, smartphones, adolescent brain development, screen time, algorithms, or healthy boundaries, this episode offers a research-informed and hopeful perspective on helping teens navigate the digital world.

In This Episode, We Discuss:

• Why Adolescence is a remarkable period of brain development and growth
• The three major changes happening in the adolescent brain
• Why teens are especially sensitive to rewards and social experiences
• How social media and today's digital environment interact with adolescent development
• How likes, streaks, algorithms, and short-form videos keep teens engaged
• Why your teen's social media feed may look completely different from yours
• What parents should know about the age of first social media exposure
• Why turning 13 doesn't mean a child is suddenly developmentally ready for social media
• Whether parents should delay, limit, or ban social media
• How parents can better understand their teen's online world
• Why protecting sleep and keeping phones out of the bedroom matters
• The potential benefits of social media for teens, including connection, activism, and social change
• Why digital media literacy matters
• How parents can help teens learn to navigate—not simply fear—the digital world

Questions Parents May be Aasking:

What is the right age for social media?
There is no magic age when every child suddenly becomes developmentally ready. Dr. Telzer explains why the timing of social media exposure matters and why age 13 may actually be a particularly concerning time to introduce social media.

Should I ban social media?
An outright ban can sometimes lead teens to seek access secretly and without parental guidance. Dr. Telzer discusses the benefits of clear and thoughtful boundaries and open conversations between parents and teens.

How can I know what my teenager is actually seeing online?
Algorithms personalize social media feeds, so parents and teens can have very different experiences on the same platform. Curiosity about your teen's actual digital world is an important place to start.

What can I do right now?
Protect sleep. Keeping phones and social media out of the bedroom at night is one of the clearest boundaries parents can set and can support adolescent mental health, attention, school functioning, and overall well-being.

If you're parenting a tween or teenager, listen to this episode for a research-informed look at teen social media use, smartphones, adolescent brain development, and what parents can actually do to help.

00:00 Is 13 Really the Right Age for Social Media?
00:44 Why Social Relationships Matter So Much During Adolescence
03:46 The Positive Side of the Teenage Years
05:43 3 Major Changes in the Adolescent Brain
08:12 Why Social Media Can Be So Compelling to Teens
11:33 Adolescence, Brain Development & the Digital World
14:28 What Can Parents Do About Teen Social Media Use?
16:37 What Actually Counts as Social Media?
19:48 Likes, Streaks & Other Features That Keep Teens Engaged
23:24 How Algorithms Shape Your Teen's Social Media Feed
26:31 What Age Should Kids Get Social Media?
27:59 Should Parents Ban, Limit or Delay Social Media?
31:16 The Positive Side of Social Media for Teens
33:08 Should Schools Teach Digital Media Literacy?
35:51 Helping Teens Navigate the Digital World

🎧 Listen to the full episode and share it with another parent who could use this perspective.

And if this episode helped you think differently about your teen’s relationship with technology, subscribe to The Parenting Pair Podcast for more conversations about parenting, adolescent development, mental health, and family relationships.

Resources / Links

Winston Center for Technology and the Developing Mind — UNC Chapel Hill
The episode identifies Dr. Eva Telzer as co-director of the center.
Winston Center for Technology and the Developing Mind

Eva Telzer research on social media and adolescent brain development
A particularly relevant study discussed in the context of her research examines habitual social-media checking and longitudinal changes in adolescent brain development.
Research study: Association of Habitual Checking Behaviors on Social Media With Longitudinal Functional Brain Development

Wait Until 8th
This is the movement referenced when the hosts and Dr. Telzer discuss parents banding together to delay smartphones and reduce the social pressure children feel to have them.
Wait Until 8th

Signup for The Parenting Pair Newsletter and other announcements straight to your inbox: https://drscaronandallen.com/ (at the bottom of the webpage).

Teenage brain, social media and teens, social media and adolescent brain, teen brain development, tween brains, adolescent brain development, teens and social media, social media effects on teenagers, social media effects on teen brain, parenting teenagers, teen mental health, teen relationships, teenage relationships, social media and relationships, social media algorithms, teens and technology, digital media and te...

What happens when kids and teenagers begin turning to AI chatbots for friendship, advice, reassurance, and connection?

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen sit down with psychologist and adolescent development expert Dr. Mitch Prinstein to explore how artificial intelligence (AI) is changing the way teens and young people experience relationships.

AI chatbots can be useful tools—but some are also designed to feel remarkably human. They remember what users have said, respond instantly, appear endlessly available, and may reinforce what a young person is already thinking or feeling. For tweens and teens navigating an especially important period of social and emotional development, that raises important questions about what happens when technology begins to replace some of the friction, vulnerability, and learning that come from real human relationships.

In this conversation, we explore:

• Why adolescence is such an important period for learning how to build relationships
• How teens are using AI chatbots for information, advice, companionship, and connection
• Why humans naturally form attachments to things that aren't human
• Why an AI chatbot can feel like a friend—even when we know it's a machine
• What happens when teens begin preferring chatbots over human peers
• How AI can remove the "friction" that is actually important for social and emotional development
• The potential connection between chatbot use, loneliness, and reduced interaction with human peers
• What teens may miss when AI replaces opportunities to navigate conflict, rejection, vulnerability, and repair
• Why real human connection matters so much during adolescence
• How parents can approach AI use without immediately turning the conversation into a battle
• Why curiosity and open-ended questions may be more effective than judgment
• How parents can model critical thinking about AI and help teens think about whether technology aligns with their values
• Why AI-enabled toys and chatbots may raise different concerns for younger children
• Why parents should think about AI use differently depending on their child's developmental stage
• What we still don't know about the long-term effects of AI on adolescent development

One of the central ideas in this conversation is simple but important: relationships aren't just something teenagers have—they are something teenagers learn through real life experience.

The disagreements, awkward conversations, misunderstandings, breakups, rejection, vulnerability, and repair that happen in real relationships can be difficult to watch as a parent. But they can also become important "learning moments" that help young people develop empathy, perspective-taking, communication skills, and the ability to navigate relationships throughout adulthood.

And as AI becomes increasingly sophisticated, parents may need to think not only about what their teens are doing with technology, but also about what opportunities they might be missing because of it.

CHAPTERS:

00:00 Why We As Humans Can Feel Attachment to a Chatbot

00:48 Today’s Topic: Teens, Technology & AI

00:59 Meet Dr. Mitch Prinstein

02:23 Why Adolescence Matters So Much

06:26 How Teens Are Using AI Chatbots

10:03 Why We Form Attachments to AI

11:41 When Kids Prefer Chatbots Over People

13:55 Why AI Chatbots Are So Compelling

15:13 The Mental Health & Developmental Risks

17:16 The Mental Health Implications

19:24 What Teens Lose When AI Replaces Relationships

23:01 Why Human Connection Can’t Be Replaced

25:55 Should AI Chatbots Be Regulated?

27:48 What Parents Need to Know

29:49 AI Guidance for Different Ages

32:35 How Parents Can Model Healthy AI Use

34:54 Curiosity Over Judgment

37:09 Growing Up in the AI Experiment

38:31 Final Thoughts

ABOUT DR. MITCH PRINSTEIN

Dr. Mitch Prinstein is the John Van Seters Distinguished Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and co-director of the Winston Center for Technology and the Developing Mind. His research focuses on interpersonal relationships, adolescent development, mental health, and the ways technology and digital platforms influence young people.

He is also the author of Popular: The Power of Likability in a Status-Obsessed World, which examines the role of popularity, likability, relationships, and social status across development.

🔗 Learn more about Dr. Mitch Prinstein:
Mitch Prinstein's official website

🔗 Learn more about the Winston Center for Technology and the Developing Mind:
UNC Winston Center

🔗 That Popular Podcast — Mitch Prinstein and Aaron Keck’s podcast exploring psychology, relationships, human behavior, and the social dynamics we experience every day.
Listen to That Popular Podcast on Apple Podcasts

🔗 Learn more about Dr. Prinstein's book, Popular:
Popular: The Power of Likability in a Status-Obsessed World

A NOTE FOR PARENTS

You don't have to become an AI expert overnight to have meaningful conversations with your teenager about technology.

Start with curiosity.

Ask what they're using, what they like about it, what they find helpful, what concerns them, and what they think AI can—and cannot—provide that a real person can.

The goal isn't simply to control technology. It's to help young people develop the judgment and relationship skills they will need to navigate a world in which AI is becoming part of everyday life.

💬 We want to hear from you: How is your teen or young adult using AI? Are they using it for school, advice, entertainment, companionship—or something else?

And if you're concerned about their AI use, what questions are you finding hardest to navigate as a parent?

Share your experience below. 👇

And if this conversation gave you something to think about, please subscribe to The Parenting Pair Podcast and share this episode with another parent.

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teens, tweens, parenting teenagers, podcast, teenage behavior, psychology, adolescent brain de...

When your child is facing a serious illness, hospitalization, medical procedure, injury, or other frightening medical experience, it can be easy to focus entirely on your child—and forget that the experience affects you, too. 

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen welcome back Dr. Meghan Marsac, a pediatric psychologist and expert in pediatric medical traumatic stress, to talk about what happens to parents when their child is facing a medical challenge.

Medical trauma doesn't only affect children. Parents may experience intrusive thoughts or memories, avoidance, sleep difficulties, trouble concentrating, increased anxiety, changes in mood, and other symptoms of traumatic stress.

Dr. Marsac explains why recognizing these reactions matters—and why supporting yourself isn't an indulgence or an additional item on an already overwhelming to-do list. Taking care of yourself can actually help you remain present and effective as your child's advocate and caregiver.

Together, they discuss:

• What medical trauma can look like in parents
• How traumatic stress can show up after a child's diagnosis, hospitalization, accident, or medical procedure
• Why parents may minimize or overlook their own distress
• Why even teenagers can sense when a parent is struggling
• How a parent's emotional health can affect their child
• The COACH model for supporting children through medical challenges
• Why parents may have difficulty using the COACH approach when they are overwhelmed themselves
• How to accept help—and why asking for help isn't a sign of weakness
• Ways to find support during hospitalizations and ongoing medical care
• Child life specialists, social workers, psychologists, chaplains, and other hospital resources
• How parents can take small, realistic steps to care for themselves
• Resources for families dealing with pediatric medical trauma and chronic illness

Here are the highlights from the episode:

00:00 Don't Oversay "I Got This"

00:27 Medical Trauma Doesn’t Only Affect Kids

02:34 How Medical Trauma Shows Up in Parents

05:24 Why Parents Need Support Too

07:46 How a Parent’s Stress Affects Their Child

09:53 The COACH Model

11:22 Practical Ways Parents Can Get Support

12:48 Stop Turning Down Help

14:01 Who Are Your People?

16:24 Support Available Inside the Hospital

19:08 Resources for Parents and Families

21:11 Final Thoughts

One of the most important reminders from this conversation: you don't have to do this alone. Sometimes the first step isn't finding more time for yourself—it's saying yes when someone offers to help.

👩‍⚕️ Meet Dr. Meghan Marsac

Dr. Meghan Marsac is a pediatric psychologist and Division Chief of Psychology at the University of Kentucky. She has published extensively on pediatric medical trauma and co-authored Afraid of the Doctor: Every Parent's Guide to Preventing and Managing Medical Trauma with Melissa Hogan.Her work focuses on helping children and families navigate the psychological impact of medical experiences.

📚 Resources Mentioned in This Episode

📖 Afraid of the Doctor: Every Parent's Guide to Preventing and Managing Medical Trauma
 By Meghan L. Marsac, Melissa J. Hogan, with a foreword by John F. Crowley. The book provides practical strategies for parents navigating medical procedures, medical trauma, chronic conditions, and difficult healthcare experiences.

Learn more about *Afraid of the Doctor*

🧰 Healthcare Toolbox — Center for Pediatric Traumatic Stress
 A free resource with information, handouts, and workbooks for children, teens, parents, and caregivers coping with injury, illness, hospitalization, and medical treatment. Dr. Marsac is co-director of this organization.

Healthcare Toolbox

🧠 National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN)
 The NCTSN provides information and resources about child traumatic stress, including resources specifically related to medical trauma and healthcare experiences.

National Child Traumatic Stress Network — Medical Trauma Resources

🤝 Alongside Network
 A community and resource network supporting families caring for children who have experienced a life-threatening illness or injury. Alongside offers parent/caregiver communities, support, resources, and connections with others who understand these experiences.

Alongside Network

💬 If This Episode Resonated With You

If your child or teenager has experienced a frightening medical event, chronic illness, hospitalization, injury, or difficult medical treatment, we hope this conversation reminds you that your experience matters, too.

And if someone in your life is navigating a medical challenge with their child, share this episode with them. Sometimes hearing that your reactions are understandable—and that you don't have to carry everything alone—can make a meaningful difference. 

🔔 New episodes every Wednesday.

✉️ Newsletter: https://drscaronandallen.com  

📱 Instagram: @theparentingpair 

💬 Questions you want answered on future episodes or topic suggestions: [email protected]

DISCLAIMER: The Parenting Pair Podcast is designed for informational and educational purposes only. Do not rely on the information presented in this podcast as a substitute or replacement for professional -- psychological or medical -- advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have concerns about you or a family member's well being, please contact a licensed mental health professional or physician.