The Parenting Reframe

In this quick solo episode, I’m talking about a newsletter I wrote on Substack about reaction types. There are many different ways parents can react when their child becomes dysregulated, pushes against a boundary they have set, or throws a tantrum. Many of these reactions are rooted in the ways we were raised by our parents or the experiences we had as we grew up. Today, I’m going to talk about the three reaction types I encounter most frequently during my coaching with parents and working with families, and I'll also provide a bonus reaction type at the end of the episode.

1. Hyper-Reactor or the Punisher 

• The parent who will go from zero to 100 instantly and doesn’t have the tools to regulate themselves.
• They feel discomfort because of their child’s reaction to something they don’t like. 
• This may be rooted in an association from their own childhood, where they didn’t feel safe expressing their own emotions. 
• Sometimes this can feel like the child is being disrespectful to the parent. 

2. Panicked Parent

• The parent who knows to control their big emotions around their child who is struggling but they are terribly uncomfortable with the situation.
• This parent over explains the boundary or tries to justify the decision or offer other choices to make the situation better.
• This isn’t perceived as a good thing by the dysregulated child, it just feels like more input and they cannot tolerate it. 

3. The Adjustor

• The parent who is an overthinker and is second guessing their boundaries all the time.
• When they go to hold a boundary and their child pushes back against it, they make adjustments to their boundary to avoid or stop dysregulation. 
• This is a band aid approach to parenting because it doesn’t teach kids how to tolerate frustration. 

Bonus Type: Avoidant Parent

• The parent who doesn’t have a hard time staying calm, but struggles so much to set a boundary, and avoids it at all costs. 
• They are eggshell parenting and have crafted a perfect environment so their kids don’t have to experience any sort of hardship. 
• Avoidant parents shut down when their kids become dysregulated.

Substack newsletter - Beyond ‘Good’ or ‘Bad’: The 3 Parental Reaction Blueprints: https://albiona.substack.com/p/beyond-good-or-bad-the-3-parental

PARR Workshop: https://stan.store/theparentingreframe/parrworkshop

Be sure to sign up for my Substack newsletter for longer and more specialized parenting content: https://albiona.substack.com/ 

I hope you found this episode helpful; for more parenting tips, check out my website and blog for more information. https://theparentingreframe.com/

Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe/

Follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe 

The Parenting Reframe Podcast is edited by JAG Podcast Productions: https://jagpodcastproductions.com/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In the first video of my series, In Case You Were Wondering (This is a video series where I share wisdom and answer the questions I get that aren’t directly related to parenting), I’m tackling the first question most of you ask me: How do you move through fear?

In this 6-minute video, I will help you shift from a fear-based mindset to welcoming more faith and trust into your process.

• Growing an audience on social media when it feels daunting
• Addressing limiting beliefs
• Making career pivots
• Taking Chances
• My two-step process for choosing faith over fear

Enjoy, and feel free to leave a comment or share it with a friend.

The Parenting Reframe Podcast is edited by JAG Podcast Productions: https://jagpodcastproductions.com/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Today on the podcast I’m welcoming back New York Times Bestselling Author Elise Loehnen. If you haven’t listened to the first episode where Elise was on The Parenting Reframe Podcast, it gives a great overview and conversation about her first book, On Our Best Behavior. You can listen to it here: https://theparentingreframe.simplecast.com/episodes/on-our-best-behavior-with-elise-loehnen

Elise is the author of On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and The Price Women Pay to Be Good, True and False Magic, a collaboration with Phil Stutz, and her workbook coming out soon, Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness. There are so many things we talk about in this episode from the creative process to parenting, the social context of her books to the ways women feel in their own bodies, and so much more. It’s always a pleasure to talk with Elise and get her perspective on so many different topics.

Here’s what we talk about with Elise: 

• Elise’s writing processes and how she uncovers societal norms and expectations through her work.
• An overview of her book On Our Best Behavior and how society forces women to be inherently good through the lens of the seven deadly sins. 
• Her companion workbook Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness and how it helps individuals work through their own beliefs and change the negative narratives. 
• How the stories you tell about yourself are almost always rooted in lack. 
• What we can learn about compassion and patience from neurodivergent children.
• Recognizing as parents we need to relinquish control over our children and be a safe place for them to land. 
• Letting go of micromanaging our kids to allow them to develop their own roadmap to reach their goals.
• The amount of energy and self monitoring it takes to stay a certain size or weight as a woman and the mental toll it takes over time. 
• An overview of True and False Magic and how life is an ongoing evolution of feelings and emotions to work through.

Resources: 

Elise’s first Parenting Reframe podcast episode: https://theparentingreframe.simplecast.com/episodes/on-our-best-behavior-with-elise-loehnen

Elise’s podcast, “Pulling the Thread”: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pulling-the-thread-with-elise-loehnen/id1585015034

On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and The Price Women Pay to Be Good: https://www.eliseloehnen.com/onourbestbehavior

True and False Magic: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/778182/true-and-false-magic-by-phil-stutz-with-elise-loehnen/

Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/771811/choosing-wholeness-over-goodness-by-elise-loehnen-and-courtney-smith/

For more insight into parenting in today’s world, be sure to subscribe to my Substack: https://www.albiona.substack.com

And be sure to follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe for more parenting tips and advice.

The Parenting Reframe Podcast is edited by JAG Podcast Productions: https://jagpodcastproductions.com/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

On this week’s episode, I am talking to Dr. Cindy Hovington, founder of The Curious Neuron and the Reflective Parenting podcast. Dr. Hovington is a mom of three and has a doctorate in neuroscience. Her goal is to break down science-backed research on child development and parenting and turn it into applicable advice for parents. She is very passionate about parental well-being as she knows we have to take care of ourselves in order to be able to take care of our children. We discuss tantrums, setting boundaries, and strategies to keep yourself calm while meeting your child’s needs. This is the episode for you if you experience these challenges and want to understand more about the science of parenting.

Here’s what we talk about with Dr. Hovington: 

• How The Reflective Parenting Club was created to help parents find best practices while effectively managing emotions and stress.
• Acknowledging when we as parents are not sitting in the most calm emotional space and being able to pause and communicate these feelings to others.
• Parenting and changing behaviors takes time and does not change overnight.
• Using boundaries and discipline as a way to teach our kids what to do or not to do in order to set them up for success.
• Creating awareness around your own physical state can help calm stressful situations.
• How emotional states and stress can affect the overall state of your home and the way your child reacts in certain situations.
• Resetting challenging moments throughout your day to create moments of joy.
• Sharing your emotions with your kids can help create connection and evolve trust.

Resources: 

The Curious Neuron website: https://curiousneuron.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/curious_neuron

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/curiousneuron

The Reflective Parent Club: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/

Reflective Parenting Podcast: https://curiousneuron.com/podcasts/

For more insight into parenting in today’s world, be sure to subscribe to my Substack: https://www.albiona.substack.com

And be sure to follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe for more parenting tips and advice.

The Parenting Reframe Podcast is edited by JAG Podcast Productions: https://jagpodcastproductions.com/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Back by popular demand, Joe Newman is here for his third visit to The Parenting Reframe Podcast. Joe Newman was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and has made it his life’s mission to help parents figure out how to “raise lions,” kids who want to do it themselves. His book, Raising Lions, is one of my favorites and a resource I recommend constantly. In this episode, we discuss the biggest issues we are seeing while working with families today. This includes longer discussion about tantrums, and why we don’t completely agree on what to do when your child is having a tantrum. 

Here’s what we talk about with Joe: 

• Why play deprivation is a problem today and why kids need more time to play independently.
• Kids need to experience struggle in social situations to create change and learn how to better manage their experience on their own. 
• Providing all the answers for kids takes away an “I do it” moment and creates kids who identify as incapable and want things done for them. 
• The nature of attachment between parent and child changes over time and the parent has to allow it to happen in an open and supportive way. 
• How to reframe the negative perception of tantrums and child’s behavior.
• Why Joe and I disagree about whether or not to hold your child during a tantrum.
• Using a break as a self regulation tool to help kids get through a difficult moment and become more resilient. 
• Allowing kids to experience deprivation and challenges on their own without judgment creates more independent, resilient, and happy individuals. 
• Kids act as scientists to figure out their way around a situation so it’s incredibly important to hold your boundaries. 
• Practicing holding boundaries at home will make doing it in public easier and reduce your feelings of anxiety in the situation. 

Resources:

Joe Newman’s website to set up a consultation or discovery call: https://www.raisinglions.com/

Joe Newman on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinglions/

Joe Newman on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@raisinglions1

Raising Lions by Joe Newman: https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Lions-Joe-Newman/dp/1453639683/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1686055923&sr=1-1

Raising Lions with Joe Newman podcast episode:  https://theparentingreframe.simplecast.com/episodes/raising-lions-with-joe-newman

A Raising Lions Q+A with Joe Newman podcast episode: https://theparentingreframe.simplecast.com/episodes/a-raising-lions-qa-with-joe-newman

For more insight into parenting in today’s world, be sure to subscribe to my Substack: https://www.albiona.substack.com

And be sure to follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe for more parenting tips and advice.

The Parenting Reframe Podcast is edited by JAG Podcast Productions: https://jagpodcastproductions.com/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode, I have the absolute pleasure of talking with Neha Ruch, the founder of Mother Untitled, the leading platform for ambitious women leaning into family life. A thought leader, writer and speaker on parenting, women, work and identity, Neha established Mother Untitled in 2017 after working for a decade in digital and brand strategy and earning an MBA from Stanford. Her new book, The Power Pause, examines how to take a career pause after having kids and is available now. We discuss how taking a pause in many stages of life has incredible benefits and the different ways it can look for moms.

Here’s what we talk about with Neha: 

• How the question of “What do you do?” has become intertwined in the fabric of who we are as individuals. 
• Ways to change the language surrounding each chapter of your life to a more expansive view.
• A career pause makes room to chart out other ways you want to grow personally.
• How “The Mommy Wars” started and the way the narrative has shifted and become more fluid over time. 
• The ways the COVID pandemic caused an examination of work and family balance.
• Tools to consider for a career pause when there are concerns about finances, work/life balance, and household contributions.
• Shifting the view of taking a step down from a career to gaining a collection of experiences.

Resources:

The Power Pause: How to Plan a Career Break After Kids--and Come Back Stronger Than Ever: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Pause-Career-Kids-Stronger/dp/0593716183

Overwhelmed by Brigid Schulte: https://www.brigidschulte.com/overwhelmed

Ellse Loehnen podcast episode: https://theparentingreframe.com/podcast-episodes/episode-40-on-our-best-behavior-with-elise-loehnen/

For more insight into parenting in today’s world, be sure to subscribe to my Substack: https://www.albiona.substack.com

And be sure to follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe for more parenting tips and advice.

The Parenting Reframe Podcast is edited by JAG Podcast Productions: https://jagpodcastproductions.com/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Happy 2025! The past year has been really transformative for me personally and professionally and I’m excited for what this new year might bring. I want to thank all of you who take the time to listen to my podcast, read my Substack, or even watch a video clip on TikTok. It’s really affirming to know I’m reaching all of you in some way. 

A few updates for 2025 that I’m excited to share with you:

• New model for one-on-one coaching: I’m moving to a 12-week model, where you get 12 weekly calls with me. You’ll have me create scripts and plans to use in your home and answer questions as they arise. Only 1 spot is available for January!
• Group coaching is returning in February! This more affordable option offers the added benefit of gaining support from others in your situation.
• I’m launching a membership! I’ve been working on a membership and I want to make it as interactive as possible. It will be a hybrid of courses and live video calls. Stay tuned for more information! 

The Three Pillars to Connected Parenting

When we adopt a martyr parent mindframe, it doesn’t benefit your children in the way you think it does.

We pride ourselves on being really busy, but when we burn out, what happens to your family? 

A Process to Help Interparent Yourself

• Parenting is a process full of wisdom and transformation that we can apply to moments in our adult lives like loss and growth. 
• Using PARR to help us understand what our triggers are and cause us to have big reactions towards our kids. 
• There’s always something we can change instead of resigning to being too tired or too busy while having a reactionary response. 
• The five pillars of parenting yourself: master pausing, practice stillness, honoring simplicity, honoring change, trusting your intuition.

Create an Environment Conducive to Connection

• Showing our kids we are the ones in control of our lives and priorities. 
• There are moments when we can create meaningful connections with our kids but we need to be present and intentional about it. 
• It’s healthy for kids to spend time alone, and being mindful of the time we spend with them makes it more impactful. 

Honoring Your Ability to Process Complex Emotions

• It’s likely many of us learned to suppress or bypass complex emotions due to our upbringing. 
• Our discomfort when our own kids are having a complex emotion is something very foreign to us so we need to learn how to sit with it instead of trying to change or cover it up. 
• In moments of dysregulation you can say “I am safe and so are they.” 

Sign up for a FREE 20 minute discovery call to see if 1:1 coaching is right for you: https://stan.store/theparentingreframe/p/free-discovery-call-ck6qf

The Three Pillars to Connected Parenting article: https://albiona.substack.com/p/the-3-pillars-to-connected-parenting?r=dan8y

The Busyness Trap article: https://albiona.substack.com/p/spotting-the-busyness-trap

Self Regulation Workshop Free Download: https://stan.store/theparentingreframe/p/free-download-emotional-regulation-for-parents

PARR Workshop Free Download: https://stan.store/theparentingreframe/p/free-parr-workshop-download

Be sure to sign up for my Substack newsletter for longer and more specialized parenting content: https://albiona.substack.com/ 

I hope you found this episode helpful; for more parenting tips, check out my website and blog for more information. https://theparentingreframe.com/

Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe/

Follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe 

The Parenting Reframe Podcast is edited by JAG Podcast Productions: https://jagpodcastproductions.com/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In today's solo minisode I’m talking all about strong-willed kids. I’ve been talking a lot about this in my emails and on my social media lately because I know it’s a topic that many parents struggle with. Strong-willed kids are the ones that I like to call fair fighters - they’re always keeping score and want to make sure everything is right in their world. But this can cause them to easily spiral out of control the second things don’t go their way. I want to share three key points that come up over and over again in one-on-one and group coaching in regards to strong willed kids.

If this episode resonates with you, consider signing up for my group coaching program all about raising strong willed kids and emotional regulation for kids and parents starting November 21! The link to register is in the Resources. 

Does Your Kid Value Approval or Power? 

• We set up an expectation and kids usually comply.
• Strong-willed kids don’t seek or value approval from authority or parents. It’s not important enough for them.
• Instead they value power but they don’t have the capacity to hold all of it. 
• They try to find out how much power they can have until they start to lose control.
• Strong-willed kids will then look for an anchor to keep them in a safe state when they start to lose control.

Explanations Don’t Work 

• We try to give kids the tools and the choices to understand why things are happening. 
• Explanations don’t deter a strong-willed kid from their actions.
• An explanation gives information but they are not lacking information. It may be a bigger issue of impulse control, tolerating frustration, sensory overload, or something else.
• If there is a lack of information, the next time they face something similar the outcome will be different. 
• Get to the root of what skills they need to develop to reduce the behavior you don’t want to see. 

Self Regulate Yourself

• It’s incredibly triggering for parents when a strong-willed kid is emotionally out of control. It’s important for the parent to self regulate themselves when the child is unable to.
• They are looking for someone to be calm in the storm.
• We have to create a really consistent, predictable structure through boundaries. 
• This structuring takes time and will take a while to set the expectations and make changes where needed. 
• Teaching them how to regulate their emotions is an important step to help your child foster their inner free spirit and communicate their needs and emotions.

Sign up for my Group Coaching Program starting November 21: stan.store/theparentingreframe/p/group-coaching-raising-strong-willed-kids-51n42

Joe Newman podcast episode: https://theparentingreframe.com/podcast-episodes/episode-49-a-raising-lions-q-a-with-joe-newman/

Sign up for a FREE 20 minute discovery call: https://stan.store/theparentingreframe/p/free-discovery-call-ck6qf

Be sure to sign up for my Substack newsletter for longer and more specialized parenting content: https://albiona.substack.com/ 

I hope you found this episode helpful; for more parenting tips, check out my website and blog for more information. https://theparentingreframe.com/

Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe/

Follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe 

The Parenting Reframe Podcast is edited by JAG Podcast Productions: https://jagpodcastproductions.com/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I’m back with another solo episode and I’m giving you a recap of what I discussed in my latest workshop, Parenting on the Same Page. Many people struggle with conflict between their partners inside their homes on a day-to-day basis regarding parenting decisions. While they love and respect each other at the core, the heightened moments of emotion and stress can cause friction between two parents. I’m going to share with you the three tools you can implement today to help get back to parenting as a team.

All Feelings are Welcome. All Behaviors are Not

• What is the emotion or feeling your child is experiencing? 
• What is the behavior you don’t want to see? What is the behavior you do want to see?
• As you are calm and steady as the parent, you set clear boundaries for behavioral expectations.
• You need a game plan to address these situations and avoid reacting in an escalated way toward your child and each other. 
• How can you validate the feeling your child is experiencing while still holding your boundary? 
• How can you lean on each other in these stressful moments to help each other out?
• When you parent consistently on the same team, you will see a reduction of your child’s challenging behaviors.

Be Reflective of the Language You Use with Each Other

• Connect, don’t correct.
• Connective language is focused on yourself, your emotions, and your feelings, and finding a way to connect on a similar level with your partner.
• Have these discussions in moments of calm so you can both approach the conversation from a regulated place.

A Dysregulated Adult Cannot Help a Dysregulated Child

• If your immediate reaction is to become dysregulated when your child behaves a certain way, it will not help the situation. 
• You need to work through what the triggers are that cause you to feel dysregulated in stressful moments. 
• Using breathing and physical redirection can help you to calm down and pause. 
• Use PARR to become a more responsive parent.

- I have three one-on-one coaching spots left for 2024! If you sign up for coaching with me, I’m offering a free, 60 minute bonus session called “Optimizing Your Schedule” that helps you create a schedule that works for you and find your balance.

- Dr. Aliza Pressman, The 5 Principles of Parenting: https://draliza.com/ 

- Free Self Regulation Workshop download: https://stan.store/theparentingreframe/p/free-download-emotional-regulation-for-parents

Sign up for a FREE 20 minute discovery call: https://stan.store/theparentingreframe/p/free-discovery-call-ck6qf

Be sure to sign up for my Substack newsletter for longer and more specialized parenting content: https://albiona.substack.com/ 

I hope you found this episode helpful; for more parenting tips, check out my website and blog for more information. https://theparentingreframe.com/

Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe/

Follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe 

The Parenting Reframe Podcast is edited by JAG Podcast Productions: https://jagpodcastproductions.com/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode I have a conversation with my friend, Dr. Rebekah Diamond. She is a pediatrician and the author of two books: Eat, Sleep, Tantrum, Repeat and Parent Like a Pediatrician. Dr. Diamond bridges the worlds of being a pediatrician with being a parent. She adds a lot of great parental insight into many aspects of parenting from the rigid research to the wild west of the internet.  

Here’s what we talk about with Dr. Diamond: 

• Why the toddler phase is so challenging for so many parents on a daily basis in relation to the advice being given.
• Parenting advice can be helpful but you can take the pieces that feel good for your own parenting and leave the rest. 
• Parental efficacy, or parental confidence, will directly translate to positive parenting for your child. 
• Different parenting styles and how parents can create their own parenting philosophy to tune into what you and your child need.
• The reasons why toddlers have tantrums and how to navigate these emotional episodes using different strategies.
• Setting realistic and developmentally appropriate boundaries and consequences for toddlers. 
• Balancing rewards and external motivators to help toddlers learn about life skills.
• The importance of a consistent bedtime routine with toddlers and how to implement it in your home.
• Viewing parenting issues from the stance from whether or not there is an actual problem and determining if you need to take action.
• Why separation anxiety is developmentally normal in kids and how parents can work through their emotions related to it. 

Resources:

You can find Dr. Diamond on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/parentlikeapediatrician/?hl=en

Parent Like a Pediatrician: https://www.amazon.com/Parent-Like-Pediatrician-Facts-None/dp/0806541636

Eat, Sleep, Tantrum, Repeat: https://www.amazon.com/Parent-Like-Pediatrician-Facts-None/dp/0806541636

Dr. Shefali podcast episode: https://theparentingreframe.com/podcast-episodes/episode-54-conscious-parenting-with-dr-shefali/

For more insight into parenting in today’s world, be sure to subscribe to my Substack: https://www.albiona.substack.com

And be sure to follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe for more parenting tips and advice.

The Parenting Reframe Podcast is edited by JAG Podcast Productions: https://jagpodcastproductions.com/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.