IN WHICH we learn what "Gammon," "Heavers," "High Gloaks," "Bounceable Cyprians," and "Boners of Stiff-Ones" meant in 1830 ...

THEN — Colonel Jeffery and his friend Captain Rathbone actually watch a wealthy out-of-town customer enter Sweeney Todd’s shop and never come out. The colonel almost decides to investigate by being shaved there, but luckily his friend restrains him. ...

Tobias, in the madhouse, starts shrieking for help and thereby meets Mr. Watson, the jailer, who cows him into silence with a whip. ...

Fogg, the madhouse keeper, brings a senile old doctor in to inspect the madhouse, and Tobias appeals to him for help, but it doesn’t work, and the only result is that Tobias gets himself into a great deal of trouble with Messrs. Fogg and Watson. ...

Then, leaving him awaiting their vengeance, we return to Colonel Jeffery; Captain Rathbone introduces him to Sir Richard Blunt, a police magistrate, who starts looking into the case of Sweeney Todd’s missing customers.

IN WHICH poor Tobias is uncomfortably settled into a dungeon cell in the lunatic asylum; Mrs. Lovett’s cook learns the bitter truth, that he is a prisoner enslaved and must make pies for her if he wants to live; and madhouse keeper Fogg tells Sweeney Todd a nice little bedtime story, as a sort of character reference, over a bottle of wine stolen from one of his patients. Things are hotting right up now!

A tip-top evening to all you game hellcats, highway snafflers and knights of the brush and moon! It’s another Saturday night, and that means it’s time to schuck yer flyers and put up yer pins. Top off yer flickers, bite yer name in fuller’s earth, and swivel yer lugs my way, because another fancy bit of quaffing and chaffing starts now! The Penny Dreadful Story Hour is upon us like a funker on a farthing.

IN WHICH Tobias breaks into Sweeney Todd’s back parlor while he is out and finds a vast trove of hats, sticks, and jewelry clearly plundered from the dead ... parishoners at St. Dunstan’s church start noticing a strange, nasty odor wafting up from the crypts below ... Tobias runs away, but stops to see his mother, who inadvertently betrays him into Todd’s hands ... and Todd seizes him and carries him off to a lunatic asylum. Is this the end of Tobias? We shall see.

A tip-top evening to all you bingo doxies, fly costermongers and knights of the brush and moon! It’s another Saturday night, and that means it’s time to schuck yer flyers and put up yer pins. Top off yer drinking-jacks with straight blue lightning, sluice yer blessed dominos with a big splash of the same, and swivel those wattles around so they can be poured full of crammers and moonshine. That’s right, another rare noggen of prattlery in the form of the Penny Dreadful Story Hour is upon us ... like a resurrection man on a pauper’s grave ... a fresh pauper's grave, that is ... in a neighborhood near a going medical college....

IN WHICH Tobias, the barber’s apprentice, has become absolutely certain Sweeney Todd is murdering his customers — Colonel Jeffery and Johanna Oakley decide that the murdered Mr. Thornhill must be Johanna’s missing beau, Mark, in disguise ... are they right? — and finally, Sweeney Todd dresses as a duke to try to basically pawn the string of pearls to a high-end moneylender.

A tip-top evening to all you ladybirds, out-and-outers, gravel-tax collectors and knights of the brush and moon! Welcome once again to our sky-parlor — the official chaffing crib of the 1846 Winter Olympics! Yet another Saturday night is upon us, wherefore ‘tis the hour at which we schuck our flyers and put up our pins and take the chill off with a tumbler full of good French red tape cut with a steaming splash of Adam’s Ale. Then, swivel yer lugs my way, because another rare bit of prattlery in the form of the Penny Dreadful Story Hour is upon us like Sir Francis Varney on a bit of muslin!

IN WHICH we meet Mrs. Lovett’s pie-baker, who she keeps imprisoned in the basement; then he is slain by an assassin with a hammer, and she has to hire (that is, trap) a new pie-baker. ... Mrs. Oakley revenges herself upon her husband and Big Ben with the help of some kind of purgative she spikes their meal with ... and Johanna’s bestie Arabella Wilmot hatches a scheme for Johanna to dress as a boy to sniff out news of the fate of her fiancé.

A tip-top welcome to all you flash kiddies, game hellcats, natty lads and knights of the brush and moon, to the Chaffing Crib! 'Tis another Saturday night, and that means it’s time to schuck yer flyers and put up yer pins. Top off yer tumblers with straight Stark Naked, sluice yer gobs with a big splash of the same, and swivel yer lugs my way, because another rare bit of prattlery in the form of the Penny Dreadful Story Hour is upon us like Tom, Jerry, and good old Bob Logic on a lively gin hell full of dimber doxies!

IN WHICH Sweeney Todd is almost caught by a nest of highway robbers while running for it, after the lapidary he tried to fence the pearls to smelled a rat and shouted "stop thief"; the loathesome Pastor Lupin gets very drunk and tries to swindle his way to Johanna's sweet favors by working on her mother, but is taken down a peg by Mr. Oakley's cousin, a burly beefeater named Ben; and Colonel Jeffery tries to investigate Sweeney Todd's shop for evidence of his friend Thornhill.

A tip-top welcome to all you arch doxies, rum coves, fly Corinthians and knights of the brush and moon! Welcome to the chaffing crib! It’s another Saturday night, wherefore 'tis time to schuck yer flyers and put up yer pins. Fill yer flickers with clear blue lightning, sluice yer blessed ivories with a healthy noggin of same, and swivel yer lugs my way, because another rare bit of chaffery in the form of the Penny Dreadful Story Hour is upon us like Dick Turpin on a chawbacon’s swag on market day!

IN WHICH Johanna learns sad news about her missing fiance, and Sweeney Todd makes an attempt to fence the pearls he stole from Mr. Thornhill after murdering him in Chapter 1 ... but the pearls are worth the equivalent, in modern money, of about $4.5 million. The attempt will not go the way the barber hopes ....

A thunderous welcome to all you dimber doxies, prime coves, fly Corinthians and knights of the brush and moon! Welcome to my chaffing crib. It’s Saturday night, and that means it’s time to schuck yer flyers and put up yer pins. Fill yer flickers with blue ruin, sluice yer tombstones, and prick up yer lugs, because another episode of the Penny Dreadful Story Hour is upon us like Dick Turpin on a spooney!

IN WHICH we are introduced to Johanna Oakley, our heroine, who pines for her fiance Mark Ingestrie, whom she believes to be lost at sea; and to Col. Jeffery, one of our heroes, and close friend of Thornhill, the sea-faring gentleman who Sweeney Todd "polished off" last week in Chapter 1. Thornhill's dog continues to bedevil Sweeney Todd.

Then, in Chapter 4, we are introduced to Sarah Lovett, the comely widow who operates the most famous pie shop in London, in Bell Yard (street). We also get to learn how Sweeney Todd is blackmailing his apprentice boy, Tobias, into being faithful and keeping his mouth shut.

WELCOME TO ALL you rum doxies, prime coves, Corinthian Toms and knights of the brush and moon, to The Chaffing Crib! 'Tis another Saturday night, wherefore 'tis time to schuck yer flyers and put up yer pins — fill yer flickers with clear blue ruin, sluice yer tombstones, and prick up yer lugs, because another episode of the Penny Dreadful Story Hour is upon us like a high spicer on an oofy spooney.

IN WHICH we are introduced to a new podcast (or, rather, a reorienting of an old one) that seeks to replicate the experience of a London street urchin listening to an older kid reading/performing the latest installments of the weekly "Penny Dreadful" story papers. It's the tippy!

Then, as those early-Victorian street urchins would say — we throw the hatchet! We let fly the customary "teaser," in the form of the first chapter of SWEENEY TODD, THE BARBER OF FLEET-STREET — in which we meet Todd as he is terrifying his young apprentice, Tobias; and then we see him, by some mysterious method, cause a customer to disappear in his shop without a trace! The customer, Mr. Thornhill, was carrying a very valuable string of pearls ...

IN WHICH Flora and Charles are interrupted in their canoodling by the sudden appearance of THE VAMPYRE ... the next-door neighbor, Sir Francis Varney, who dropped by to view the mysterious portrait and to try again to buy Bannerworth Hall.  (This is our first episode conducted remotely via Zoom, and a glitch in the audio forced us to use one of the monitor mixes, so the stereo effect isn't right ... we're working on it!)