Just a quick update! After "dogfooding" last Saturday's episode, Prof. Flash has concluded that —

• the "Dreadful Dossiers" slow things down too much ...
• so does having Sweeney Todd and Varney the Vampyre back-to-back ...
• dogfooding is great and P.F. highly recommends the same to all fellow creative professionals!

Be sure to join us this Saturday for the next full episode of the Penny Dreadful Story Hour!

Join Professor Flash, a.k.a. Finn J.D. John. for a 90-minute spree through the story papers of old London! Grab a flicker of blue ruin, unload your stumps, and let's go!

0:03:45: DREADFUL-DOSSIERS REPORT —

• A 10-minute briefing on how The Barber of Fleet-street; or, The String of Pearls (feat. Sweeney Todd) came to be.

0:14:00: SWEENEY TODD, Ch. 43 —

• We open on Mr. Todd getting a letter from Mr. Fogg, lying to him to tell him Tobias has died. He is pleased, but then he slips upstairs to make sure no one has been in his house. Will he catch Mr. Crotchet there, snooping around? We shall see.

0:28:45: VARNEY THE VAMPYRE, Ch. 5 —

• The Bannerworths are surprised to receive a letter from their new neighbor, Sir Francis Varney, offering assistance in their hour of need. They agree to ignore it. Then as evening falls, they again see the spectral form of their vampire-like visitor skulking about the grounds! They pursue it, pistols blazing. But can it be killed with mortal means? We shall see ...

0:57:30: BLACK BESS (Dick Turpin) Ch. 4 —

• The band of robbers returns to their hut in the wood while Dick Turpin is down below. There are more than a dozen of them, and they know someone is inside. Dick is in a tight spot! Can he escape from their clutches?

1:11:15: SPRING-HEEL'D JACK Ch. 5 —

• Jack’s would-be captor hurries home ... but his wife has locked the garden gate, and is so frightened she drops the key and can’t find it. Will he ever get inside? (You might want to skip this chapter.)

1:22:30: THE BLACK BAND Ch. 5 —

• We rejoin the wicked Lady Edith Vandeleur at a fancy Belgravia ball. One of her admirers, a self-made millionaire industrialist, is about to propose marriage. Will she accept him? What will that mean for Lord Lionel Mountfort, who joined the Companions of Midnight on Colonel Bertrand’s promise that he would be her bridegroom? A storm is gathering ...

FIRST — in Flash Academy, we'll learn what blowing the gab, drawing a cork, cat lap, "as right as a trivet," and Captain Flasham meant, in highwaymen's slang.

THEN — we hit five different story papers from the Golden Age of Penny Dreadfuls in old London!

IN SWEENEY TODD, Ch. 41-42 (starts at :06 mins.)—

• Sir Richard Blunt and Mr. Crotchet find some very singular things in Sweeney Todd’s house, including what Crotchet proclaims “the toggery of the smugged ‘uns.” Crotchet decides to stay in the house and see what he can learn.
• Meanwhile, the shoemaker next door and his wife, unable to get into the room they rented to Sir Richard, get the idea to go next door and ask Todd if they can go through his attic to get into the room!

IN VARNEY THE VAMPYRE Ch. 4 (starts at 0:32 mins.) —

• Henry Bannerworth stands watch in poor Flora’s room until morning. Then Mr. Marchdale speaks, in dreadful tones, his fear that the midnight visitor may have been – A VAMPYRE! Henry is aghast; but it turns out everyone else has come to the same conclusion, and worse, the servants have spread the word all over town!

IN BLACK BESS Ch. 4 — (starts at :59 mins.)

• Our hero, Highwayman Dick Turpin, explores the cellar beneath the strange hut in the woods, and they’re a regular set of catacombs ... complete with the dead!THEN — someone starts pounding on the door of the hut, upstairs ...

IN SPRING-HEEL'D JACK Ch. 4 (starts at 1hr. 10mins.) —

• Jack leaves his two would-be captors in their underwear, trying to find a way to get out of the meadow through the thorny hedge. Then he finds a couple of overeager cops, tells them Spring Heel’d Jack is in the meadow, and kicks back to watch the fun as the cops arrest the two.

IN THE BLACK BAND Ch. 4 (starts at 1hr. 25mins.) —

• Arch-bandit Colonel Bertrand starts ardently but secretly wooing the sweet and innocent Ellen Clavering, under the pseudonym “Philip Darcy.” He asks her to marry him, then sort of swindles her into marriage by pretending to be sick. Once they are married, off they go. But what will Ellen’s father think?

Answers to Flash Academy words appear at 1hr. 34mins.

Join Professor Flash, a.k.a. Finn J.D. John. for a 90-minute spree through the story papers of old London! Grab a flicker of blue ruin, unload your stumps, and let's go!

A mid-week catch-up to get the numbers right means we've got Chapter 3 of our three newest Dreadfuls coming your way!

• IN BLACK BESS; OR, THE KNIGHT OF THE ROAD: Dick Turpin foils the woodman's treachery, then discovers a sinister secret beneath the floor of his strange forest hut ...
• IN SPRING-HEEL'D JACK, THE TERROR OF LONDON: Jack turns the tables on his two pursuers and leaves them stuck in a field without their trousers ...
• IN THE BLACK BAND; OR, THE MYSTERIES OF MIDNIGHT: We meet the lovely Ellen Clavering, daughter of a reformed rascal who, we learn, once joined the Companions of Midnight and would like to come in from the cold ... but cannot.

We'll also learn what a highwayman means when he calls a pretty girl "lippish," or threatens to "mill your nob," or starts in to "throw the hatchet"!

Join Professor Flash, a.k.a. Finn J.D. John. for a spree through the story papers of old London! Grab a flicker of something that won't leave you hung over tomorrow morning, unload your stumps, and let's go!

FIRST — in Flash Academy, we'll learn what high pads, glims flashy, high flyer, drawing a long bow, and hopping the twig meant, in highwaymens' slang.

THEN — we plunder five different story papers!

In Sweeney Todd Ch. 39 and 40 —

• Sir Richard Blunt rents an attic room in the building next to Sweeney Todd’s house from the owner, a henpecked shoemaker. Sir Richard and Crotchet slip in through an attic window and make some rather remarkable discoveries ...

In Varney the Vampyre Ch. 3 —

• The brothers rush to the wall where fell the vampyire they shot ... but the body has vanished! They return to poor Flora, who then awakens from her swoon with a shriek; then they notice there is a portrait on the wall of the room that looks just like the vampyre...

In Black Bess Ch. 2 —

• Dick Turpin flees from the company of soldiers into a wood, where, after delving deep in search of a good place to rest, he finds to his surprise there is a hut, in which lives a strange man who appears to be some kind of fellow criminal. But something tells Dick he is not to be trusted ...

In Spring-Heel'd Jack Ch. 2 —

• Jack discovers that an elderly miser is trying to blackmail a young woman for her “sweet favors” in exchange for giving her back a check her husband forged. Jack crashes through the window, scoops up the woman, terrifies the miser, and flies with her to safety, saving her from a Fate Worse Than Death!

In The Black Band Ch. 2 —

• Lord Lionel is blindfolded and conveyed to a solemn initiation ritual in which he joins the vast international conspiracy of the Companions of Midnight, the sinister brotherhood from which there is no leaving save through death! Then, in a private meeting with Colonel Bertrand, the colonel prepares to outline what he expects his new agent to do ...

Join Professor Flash, a.k.a. Finn J.D. John. for a 90-minute spree through the story papers of old London! Grab a flicker of blue ruin, unload your stumps, and let's go!

INTRODUCING our NEW FORMAT!

FIRST — in Flash Academy, we'll learn what Paddington Fair Day, Darby's Fair, Barking Irons, and Cherry-Coloured Prads meant, in highwaymens' slang.

THEN — we plunder five different story papers!

In Sweeney Todd, Ch. 37 and 38 —

• We meet Major Bounce, the "swaggering companion" and Mrs. Lovett's beau ideal — who, unfortunately, has lost her favour and seems destined to end up in a pie ...
• Meanwhile, Tobias's mother tries to call him out of his delirium, but ends up making things worse.

In Varney the Vampyre, Ch. 2 —

• The brothers of Flora, the vampyre's maiden victim, rush to her assistance — or try to. They also try to shoot the vampyre, twice. The second time, he falls with a howling shriek! Is he dead? We shall see ... but it's only Chapter 2, so maybe not.

In Black Bess, Ch. 1 —

• We meet highwayman Dick Turpin preparing to rob the old Lord Mayor of London. But the ex-mayor's wife turns out to be a bit of a handful ... will Dick get away with this depredation?

In Spring-Heel'd Jack, Ch. 1 —

• we meet Jack, in disguise, standing treat in a pub. One of the patrons, a policeman, boasts that he'll surely nab Jack; so Jack unmasks and frightens him out of his wits ...

In The Black Band, Ch. 1 —

• We meet Colonel Bertrand. He is lurking at a masquerade ball, overhearing a conversation between an ice-hearted beauty and her handsome but impoverished would-be lover. She is hinting that if he would but murder his older brother, he would inherit the family wad and she would marry him; but, as things stand, it’s a no for her. What lengths will he go to to win her tainted love? And why is Colonel Bertrand taking such a strangely intense interest in him?

Join Professor Flash, a.k.a. Finn J.D. John. for a 90-minute spree through the story papers of old London! Grab a flicker of blue ruin, unload your stumps, and let's go!

BIG DOINGS! This week, in addition to plundering Sweeney Todd, we're adding Varney the Vampyre to the show. Next week, we'll add Black Bess; or, The Knight of the Road and Spring-Heel'd Jack, the Terror of London and The Black Band; or, The Mysteries of Midnight to the line-up. We can't wait!

FIRST we'll learn what "bursters," "Mrs. Jones's counting-house," "Knights of the Hod," "Moonshine," and "Nob-thatchers" were in highwayman slang.

THEN — in today's reading from Sweeney Todd ...

• WE SEE TOBIAS cover the entire distance from Peckham Rye to downtown London — that, by the way, is a little over 20 miles – at a dead run. By chance he drops from exhaustion at the feet of none other than Colonel Jeffery — who promptly takes him in. A doctor is sent for, but Tobias has PTSD and everyone despairs of restoring him to sanity.
• MEANWHILE, Johanna has put on her disguise and, dressed as a boy, walks down Fleet-Street with her friend Arabella. Arabella gets noticed by a foppish young law clerk with a dirty cravat, who starts deploying pickup-artist lines on her (that's him behind the girls in the episode art for this week) and boxes Johanna’s ears for “him” to try to get Arabella alone ... luckily, Big Ben the beefeater is close by!
• AND FINALLY, back at the asylum, Messrs. Fogg and Watson murder Tobias’s poor friend and benefactor by throwing her into an old well. But then Watson starts blackmailing Fogg ... yeah, that’ll end well, don’t you think?

IN CHAPTER 1 of Varney, the Vampyre, a delightfully campy Dark and Stormy Night situation is enlivened by the visit of a sinister, horrid vampyre to the bedchamber of a lovely young maiden. Horrors! Horrors!

IN WHICH we learn what "a flash of lightning," "a noggen of red tape," "hot flannel," "blackstrap," and "heavy wet" meant in 1830 ...

THEN — Tobias just barely escapes from the wrath of Fogg and Watson by hiding in the room of a fellow inmate, another sane person – a girl who’s been put here so her inheritance can be stolen. Tobias and the girl make a play for escape, but the rope breaks and she falls into the madhouse-keeper’s pitiless hands as Tobias runs away. What will happen to her? Nothing good, you can believe that.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Lovett’s cook, Jarvis Williams, makes a desperate attempt to get free from his bondage by hiding a secret letter in one of the pies. But, all he gets for his pains is a letter from Sweeney Todd upbraiding him for slandering virtuous Mrs. Lovett.

Zounds! foiled again!

IN WHICH we learn what "Gammon," "Heavers," "High Gloaks," "Bounceable Cyprians," and "Boners of Stiff-Ones" meant in 1830 ...

THEN — Colonel Jeffery and his friend Captain Rathbone actually watch a wealthy out-of-town customer enter Sweeney Todd’s shop and never come out. The colonel almost decides to investigate by being shaved there, but luckily his friend restrains him. ...

Tobias, in the madhouse, starts shrieking for help and thereby meets Mr. Watson, the jailer, who cows him into silence with a whip. ...

Fogg, the madhouse keeper, brings a senile old doctor in to inspect the madhouse, and Tobias appeals to him for help, but it doesn’t work, and the only result is that Tobias gets himself into a great deal of trouble with Messrs. Fogg and Watson. ...

Then, leaving him awaiting their vengeance, we return to Colonel Jeffery; Captain Rathbone introduces him to Sir Richard Blunt, a police magistrate, who starts looking into the case of Sweeney Todd’s missing customers.

IN WHICH poor Tobias is uncomfortably settled into a dungeon cell in the lunatic asylum; Mrs. Lovett’s cook learns the bitter truth, that he is a prisoner enslaved and must make pies for her if he wants to live; and madhouse keeper Fogg tells Sweeney Todd a nice little bedtime story, as a sort of character reference, over a bottle of wine stolen from one of his patients. Things are hotting right up now!

A tip-top evening to all you game hellcats, highway snafflers and knights of the brush and moon! It’s another Saturday night, and that means it’s time to schuck yer flyers and put up yer pins. Top off yer flickers, bite yer name in fuller’s earth, and swivel yer lugs my way, because another fancy bit of quaffing and chaffing starts now! The Penny Dreadful Story Hour is upon us like a funker on a farthing.