The Positive Pants Podcast

Show note links:

• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App & Community https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Join The Mentorship https://beyondthedawnblog.com/the-mentorship/

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back Spring 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App & Community https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• The Mentorship 6 month programme: https://beyondthedawnblog.com/the-mentorship/ (Next Cohort June 2022)

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook
• To sign up for The Positive Pants Planner Waitlist: https://bit.ly/pppimwaiting

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

Who's beliefs have you borrowed?

Who's beliefs have you borrowed?

We can talk about borrowed beliefs in a couple of ways.

The traditional meaning of borrowed beliefs is when other people around you believe in you when you don't believe in yourself and you 'borrow' that belief to do the thing you want to do.

Think of it like personal training. How much further do you go when you have someone saying' you can do it', 'you've so got this', 'keep going, don't give up'

I've been having personal training sessions lately and it really is a game changer. The limits I'm able to push through purely with having someone supporting me and telling me I can do it are astounding.

This works across all areas of your life.

How different do you feel when you have to have a difficult conversation and until someone close to you gives you that pep talk telling you how capable you are of handling whatever the outcome may be.

How much of a difference does it make to how you feel and what you're capable of doing?

Have a think of some instances where you haven't had that support. Those beliefs in you to borrow while your confidence grows.

How far have you got with that thing?

Did you do it? Did you quit? Are you still trying but feeling like you're not getting very far?

There's no judgement to be made here from me or yourself, this is a very very human thing to do.

We just tend to underestimate the importance of having those borrowed beliefs.

The coaches, the mentors, the colleagues, the friends, the people who get it and get you.

We NEED those people, and there's no shame in that.

Who picks you up when you're having a wobble?

I always say to clients I'm there to believe in you when you don't believe in yourself. Who does that for you?

Wobbles are such a normal part of life, in all aspects of life at some point. But we grow in community. When we isolate ourselves, when we don't share what's going on for us, we deny ourselves the ability to borrow other people's beliefs for a minute.

That might be just the thing you need to get you moving again.

The biggest question here is who do you have around you that's giving you that?

The second way we can look at borrowed beliefs are all the unconscious assumptions of truth that we make in our day to day lives.

Most of them are 'borrowed' from other people, not formed by us through conscious thought.

We've inherited them from parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, teachers, school, media, we borrow them as truth from everywhere and often don't question them.

Then they're running in the background all day every day, affecting our behaviour.

These will be beliefs about yourself, others and the world.

Ideas around who you are. What's safe or not safe. What's possible or not possible.

So what works for the positive, also works for the negative.

This is why we need to make the unconscious conscious. We're walking around with a TONNE of beliefs that were never ours in the first place.

These affect everything we do. Some serve us, some really do the opposite.

Once they're in there, while they remain unconscious your brain and nervous system do everything they can to prove them right, and then get you to repeat them because there's safety in the familiar.

So…Your brain doesn't align your beliefs to fit your life, it aligns your life to fit your beliefs.

So we have to beware the power of an unrecognised belief.

These will have been beliefs borrowed about our relationships, our career, our friendships, how the world works, money, parenting, everything.

The biggest problem with this is it stops you seeing opportunities. It stops you seeing other potential ways to do things.

If you have borrowed a belief that business is supposed to be hard, or making money is supposed to be hard. That's exactly what you'll get.

Everything will fit around that.

So how do we get around this?

So, we know what to do with borrowing beliefs from others when you're having a wobble or your belief in yourself is slipping.

Really ask ourselves who gives us that?

Who believes in us when we don't believe in ourselves?

And if no one comes up the next step is to find those people.

Whether it's a coach, community, therapist, friends. It doesn't matter who. It's their belief in you that matters.

Next up is what to do with all these potentially unhelpful borrowed beliefs.

The same applies here. Finding someone who will help you find them.

Someone who will hold up the mirror.

Someone who will highlight what might not be helpful for you.

Again, where that's with me on one of my VIP days or in The Positive Pants Toolkit Membership, Or me, Abi and Dawni in The Mentorship, or another coach, mentor, therapist, a community, a friend, a loved one. I'd say this one didn't matter who but that wouldn't be true.

For this one you really do need to have a certain level of trust with someone to be able to talk openly and vulnerably to them for them to be able to help you highlight what's not serving you.

But it can absolutely be done.

You can start by coaching yourself and asking yourself what your beliefs are around one particular thing, grab your journal and write them down.

Are they true?

Who's was it in the first place?

What do YOU believe now?

It requires some digging but it's transformative.

Both of these are important to be aware of so you can make sure you're always operating from the most helpful beliefs and the most beneficial beliefs for you.

So who's belief are you going to borrow today?

Fx

• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App & Community https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Join The Mentorship https://beyondthedawnblog.com/the-mentorship/

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back Spring 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App & Community https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• The Mentorship 6 month programme: https://beyondthedawnblog.com/the-mentorship/ (Next Cohort June 2022)

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook
• To sign up for The Positive Pants Planner Waitlist: https://bit.ly/pppimwaiting

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

The Miracle 'Me' Morning

I want to talk to you about my miracle 'me' mornings.

They're a little different and potentially more achievable than you might think. They're also less about checking off a list and more about feeling into it.

There's so much out there around 'miracle mornings' and '5am clubs' with lists of things you need to do before a certain time and it can become overwhelming for people.

Then what happens when we're overwhelmed is we do nothing instead.

I'm always talking about small incremental changes over trying to totally change something with an all or nothing mentality. Your nervous system needs time to catch up and time for it to feel 'safe' to make changes.

We might WANT to start our day differently but when you have people saying you have to do this AND this AND this AND this then of course it's going to feel overwhelming.

Now you're being told you need to do the journaling, the exercise, the meditation, the breathwork, the yoga, the reading….all before some crazy time.

It really doesn't need to be overwhelming because we have to think about what it is we're really trying to achieve.

And then make it fit for YOU and YOUR life.

There's a reason I'm always talking about putting 'you' back into things. It's because when you don't, it makes everything more difficult.

Because we read a book or take a programme there can be a mentality that if we don't follow it to the letter that we won't get the results.

I believe it's about taking what actually works for you and leaving the rest.

I've done programmes before and paid high ticket for them where the majority wasn't going to work for me but I might take that one golden nugget that could lead to a huge change, making it all worth it!

So, what are my 'me' mornings and how did they come about?

Back in January you might know I had the dreaded covid, which turned into labyrinthitis and long covid.

It wasn't the most fun i\ve ever had, I'll be honest.

But there was a big surprising positive that stuck.

It showed me how much I could slow down.

It completely redefined my days and my mornings.

I was your stereotypical high achiever type when I was in corporate, and it followed me into my business. I had the idea that you had to work certain hours and a particular number of hours. I'd feel a little 'on edge' if I hadn't started work around 9am.

Often we don't know something is problematic until we experience the other side of it.

That's why it's so important to make the unconscious conscious and approach life with curiosity, because that's where you find all these incremental shifts that lead to huge changes in your life.

So this leads me nicely onto how that one shift has led to a total life change that has been, quite simply, glorious.

Being ill and trying to recover meant I was forced to adjust.

I'm a big believer in listening to your body and what it needs. Which, in itself, is a skill that can be learned. I certainly had to learn it. What my body needed was rest, rest and more rest.

So that meant slower mornings for me.

I would aim to start work at about 11.00. I'd sleep until I woke up, let go of my alarm.

I'd go make my cup of tea, wake up the dog and give him his breakfast.

I'd stay off my phone until I was getting ready when I'd listen to a podcast or watch something while doing my makeup.

I went back to the gym but took it super slowly to start with. Yoga, swimming, a walk on the treadmill to try and build up my energy.

Now I either work with a personal trainer or I do an hour in the gym followed by a swim and then sauna, steam room, hot tub….the reward piece of the puzzle.

It has made a profound difference to my life, and increased my focus and productivity.

Now, the important thing for me to say here is that I absolutely acknowledge my privilege here. Your 'me' morning won't look the same as mine and it absolutely doesn't have to.

What could you do to have even 1% more 'you' time or focus on you every day? What is just one thing you could do everyday to make you feel at the top of your list?

Start small and increase over time.

It's really not about what my morning looks like either. I'm not advocating you take my exact routine, or anyones! Far from it.

It's far more about what it stands for and what it wires you for.

Your worthiness.

A life you love living.

Allowing you to look after yourself and put yourself first.

You don't have to look very far to see entrepreneurs who have bought into the hustle mentality and are exhausted and burnt out. That isn't a measure of success. Personally for me it's the opposite.

It wires you to respect yourself. To take care of yourself. To listen and respond to your own needs. To believe you're worth taking care of.

You might notice an increase in confidence and self worth. You'll notice your day goes better. You're able to start your day outside of 'stress' mode, feeling calmer. You might notice your productivity and focus increase, even if you're physically working less time.

Now, it's important to say all of the things that are listed previously, the exercise, the journaling, the meditation etc, are all hugely important. More than you may think they are. But they don't HAVE to be done in the morning and it needs to be based around you and what you enjoy.

As an example, if you were raised in a chaotic environment when you were young, it's likely you might find many forms of meditation difficult because your nervous system might be wired for chaos. Meaning calm registers as a 'threat'. There are MANY forms of meditation that WILL be hugely beneficial to you but it's trying them out and not trying to force yourself into a box.

Allow yourself to try things out and see what fits and intentionally look for the physiological shifts that occur in the moment, but also over time.

Time has a funny way of bending to our will.

If you follow me on Instagram @imfranexcell you'll often see me posting stories from the gym/spa/manor house where I'm a member and I can honestly say that investment is the gift that keeps on giving. Physically and mentally.

I aim to start proper work at 11.00, sometimes 12.00. Then I head up to the manor for uninterrupted work time and I can get so much more done in 4-5 hours there than I would in the whole day at home. AND i've spent the morning looking after myself, my needs, my health. I also feel super abundant when I'm there too. So it's a winner all round.

So what could your 'me' morning look like? Is it even in the morning? I just encourage you to think about the things that really make a difference in your day. It might be better for you to do certain things as a pick me up at lunch time. Or maybe as a destress in the evening.

Just think about what you're wiring your brain for with the little things you do in your day.

You deserve to have time for yourself, no matter how small that pocket might be. You deserve to know that you're worth it.

Fx

Show note links:

• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App & Community https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Join The Mentorship https://beyondthedawnblog.com/the-mentorship/

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back Spring 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App & Community https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• The Mentorship 6 month programme: https://beyondthedawnblog.com/the-mentorship/ (Next Cohort June 2022)

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook
• To sign up for The Positive Pants Planner Waitlist: https://bit.ly/pppimwaiting

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

Ebbs And Flows Are Totally Natural

Ebbs and flows are totally natural and to be expected in both life and business.

Too many people are walking around expecting to have all the answers and always know what they're doing, why they're doing it, to always have the perfect mindset, to always love what they're doing and it's just not achievable or realistic.

So much of the 'mindset work' is less about feeling or being positive all the time but more about how you handle the harder times. The darker times.

There are too many people telling you, or 'selling' you, an ideal that's not realistic or sustainable.

An ideal that directly denies your humanity.

And it has to stop.

You know I'm always here to give you the unsexy truth, but always with a dose of hopeful realism that should lead to oodles of self compassion and the ability to quieten that nasty little voice inside your head.

Life is about the ups and downs. Business has ups and downs.

There will be times when you feel super aligned and on fire and there are times you will question EVERYTHING and realise you need a course correct!

Both are positive, believe it or not.

The ebbs may not feel great at the time, and they may come with uncomfortable truths, but they are course correctors.

Too many people are telling you things are a 'mindset issue' when in fact they might actually be a values issue.

They might be an honesty issue.

They might be a 'directly conflicting with my personality' issue.

All should be respected and listened to.

I never ever want any of my listeners to believe I have it together ALL the time. I don't. If anyone tells you they have, I'd run a mile.

You deserve more than being fed an unrealistic expectation to try to live up to.

I have my ebbs and flows too. Of course I do. I've had several this year in different aspects of my life.

I naturally question everything and sometimes I realise things that are a totally inconvenient truth and it's hard but necessary in the quest for living the life you truly want to.

It's part and parcel of being a human and it's NOT a bad or negative thing. It's just not.

You're just buying into a lie that you've been told your whole life about how you 'should' be to be a good human. By society, parents, friends, movies, marketers trying to sell you stuff.

You are not infallible, you're absolutely supposed to feel the whole human spectrum of emotion.

Life is about polarity. Light and dark. Right and wrong. Good and bad. Positive and negative. Without its polarity you don't experience the best bits in the same way.

You wouldn't experience gratitude in the same way.

You wouldn't get to grow and evolve.

The ebbs are not only course correctors but they are messengers.

It may take some time to figure it all out and that's ok.

It's about digging into what it's trying to tell you or lead you towards or lead you away from.

Are you trying to repeat a familiar pattern?

Did you catch yourself trying to have a replay of a past experience from when you were younger and trying to have a different outcome but inadvertently getting yourself into a place that's a massive contradiction to your values? (If that felt close to the bone that's because it is and something that I've recently dealt with, i'm sure i'll do a podcast episode on that soon ha!)

These things are going to happen in our businesses. I believe it's a really important part of our evolution.

We age, grow, our priorities shift, we realise things that we thought we wanted we don't, or even that we thought that we didn't want and realise we do.

The trouble is what external influences try to make this mean for you.

No one can tell you what it means but you!

Something that is a huge issue in the online industry that I see causing a lot of these ebbs is this whole six figure business owner thing and I'm always trying to debunk it.

It causes ebbs because people might look at their income and feel like their business is 'not working' or that they aren't 'good enough' because they're not at the six figures yet.

But a far more insidious reason is because if you ARE at a certain level, whether it's six, multi six etc and you realise you might not actually be happy or you're hugely over worked and you want to take it slower, or your priorities shift, because you have that label you feel like you can't step back or walk away from income because you'd lose that label and perhaps get rejected from the 'club'.

It's a big issue and we have to become conscious of this.

If the money and the label are your number one driving force it's always going to cause ebbs because you won't listen to your intuition or your gut, you'll ignore feelings and try to push them away and you'll stay doing something that isn't making you happy because you simply can't lose that label because that's how you're validation yourself and allowing others to validate you.

But isn't that worse than being in a job in the first place? Haven't you created yourself even more painful shackles?

It also belittles all the incredible businesses that are out there that fall under that imaginary threshold of acceptance and I'm not here for it.

I really want this to sink in today, I know I keep banging this drum but I won't stop because it's so important to me.

There are too many amazing people out there giving up on their dreams because of it.

So much nuance is left out of the marketing that's targeted towards business owners that is intentionally there to leave you in a state of not feeling good enough so you'll buy more.

It's preying on and directly CAUSING insecurities.

The biggest one is around this six figure thing. Totally achievable over time but it might not actually be what you want.

It also causes you to feel not good enough until you get there.

It just sounds oh so shiny.

A huge amount of people wouldn't get to six figures in a job if they decided to go back to work.

I'm never going to be one of those people that bashes corporate jobs because I loved doing both. I got curious the other day and looked up salaries in my old industry and if I went back there's no way I'd be earning what I'm earning in my business.

Would you? It's a good sense check!

So let's put even more context to this. According to HMRC the national UK average salary at the start of 2022 was £24,600, the average full time salary was £31k. Let that sink in.

So if you make £25,000 in your business BY YOURSELF, with no one else to answer to but you. Flexibility to work the days and hours you want to around your other commitments and passions. Not needing to ask to take a day off. You've earned more than the national average salary.

In my eyes that makes you a flipping rock star and it's something to be hugely proud of.

There are a huge amount of businesses that only want or need a certain amount that could be way under the six figure threshold. I LOVE working with them. They're clear on what they want and not buying into the hype.

That doesn't always mean they're playing 'small' as much as some marketers would like you to think.

There's so much judgement around, we need to start being our own judges from our own truth and our own minds. Internal validation.

Of course you can aim as high as you want, and it's so possible, but my point here is that whatever your goal is it's so so valid. And might actually be a lot easier and take less time than you think if you stopped beating yourself up.

I work with clients right at the start of their journey all the way up to multiple seven figures. The thoughts are very similar and a huge amount of it is always tied up in attaching your worth to your income.

So say you hit the elusive six figures…But you realise you're really unhappy.

Does that mean you just have to stay doing what you're doing so you can keep the income label?

Does that mean you can't pivot, or say no to something that's not right for you anymore?

That just doesn't make sense in the grand scheme of why so many people start their businesses in the first place, to be happy, to love what you do.

If you have an ebb, does that always mean there's something wrong with you? That you have a mindset issue? That you aren't good enough?

Of course it doesn't.

All it means is it's worth taking the time to get curious and investigate the thoughts and feelings that are going on for you.

Then be brave and do the right thing for you.

Don't ever let what someone else might think keep you in a place you don't want to be.

Who told you that because you love something today, you then have to love it for the rest of your life?

That's not a healthy or realistic expectation to put on yourself and if you obey it, denies you so many other possibilities that may be better for you.

If you actually look at the stories of some of the biggest entrepreneurs in this online space you'll see that most of them pivoted. In big ways. Most of their businesses now are VERY different from how they started.

They followed the passion.

They were brave enough to say 'that doesn't work for me anymore so I'm going to make a change'.

THAT'S the mindset work.

The bravery to do what's right for you despite what other people might say or think.

Being able to walk away from potential cash and opportunities because it's not right for you anymore.

THAT'S the work.

Courage, bravery, self compassion, confidence, honesty about what you REALLY want, even if what you see isn't convenient.

We have to stop looking at certain emotions as negative. We have to start listening and being curious about what these ebbs are telling us.

It could be as simple as needing a break.

It could be that you are actually at a point where you want or need to pivot in your life or your business because something just isn't right for you anymore.

No one gets to judge you for that and it certainly doesn't make you 'less than' if that requires a step back to take a step forward, which might mean a drop in income.

If things are happening in or around your business, or in your life, that fundamentally don't make you happy or really push your values buttons you need to look at that and be brave enough to take a step back.

Whether that's stepping back from income, people, industries, relationships, opportunities it doesn't matter. What matters is your happiness.

It may take you a hot minute to figure it all out and that's ok. I'll be there in the trenches with you.

Ebbs and flows are a natural part of life and you deserve to be happy. Inside and out. What other people think is not your concern. Be brave, you've got this.

Fx

Show note links:

• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App & Community https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Join The Mentorship https://beyondthedawnblog.com/the-mentorship/

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back Spring 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App & Community https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• The Mentorship 6 month programme: https://beyondthedawnblog.com/the-mentorship/ (Next Cohort June 2022)

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook
• To sign up for The Positive Pants Planner Waitlist: https://bit.ly/pppimwaiting

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

What If You Just Did The Thing You're Stopping Yourself Doing?

What could happen if you actually just did the thing you're stopping yourself doing?

What if you wrote the book? Started the group? Launched the programme? Started the podcast? Started the Youtube channel?

Allow yourself to go there for a minute.

What comes up?

You might have a mix of positive and negative so grab your journal and really let yourself sit with it because there will be some BIG clues as to why you're REALLY not doing it.

What are you telling yourself would or could happen?

Are you fearing the judgement? The success? The commitment?

What could happen?

The reason I'm talking about this today is because I had some lovely full circle moments last week.

I attended the first Podcast Show in London with my friend Kirsty and a couple of other members of Monday Network which is a podcast network I'm a part of.

Now Kirsty has been on the podcast before and we talked about our very own full circle moment of our friendship.

We both used to work in media and worked at the same company but at different times. We both had the same experience there, a glossy magazine so you can imagine. Our mutual client said 'you HAVE to talk to Kirsty' introduced us and we instantly became friends.

We lost touch for a few years and then up she popped. She was training with the same ICF accredited company I trained as a coach with and was starting her coaching business and now has her own podcast too. The rest is history and ever since we keep each other entertained with ridiculous voice notes.

Anyhoo. There I am at the podcast show, watching some great talks and chatting to people on the stands and I said to Kirsty, 'It reminds me so much of my first ever job in media' and I explained I used to have to go to shows like this and pitch to independent financial advisors and companies where IFAs were there ideal client when I worked at the FT.

My old friend Sarah popped into my head with fond memories and I thought to myself it was a shame we lost touch.

About an hour later guess who I bumped into!

Not only that but she was going to work for someone we both used to work with who I had also been wanting to get in touch with about doing some corporate work.

WHAT?! My mind is blown at this point. Same thing then happened where 2 people I used to work with are now at another big company I'd love to work with and there they were on the stand.

I'm thinking at this point, what the fudge is going on, this is so weird.

But my point here is this.

Had I listened to all my thoughts and fears around starting my podcast these full circle moments would NOT be able to happen.

I was expecting to see other entrepreneurs that I knew but not people I used to work with and now I have a rekindled friendship and an in at 2 huge companies that have been on my dream client list for ages.

The potential opportunities that can come out of doing the things you fear are endless, and may be TOTALLY different to what you'd expect.

I started my podcast simply because it really called me. I loved the idea of audio. I've never been someone who's bothered about being 'known' or 'recognisable' . It's always been about telling people that who you are today isn't who you have to be tomorrow.

It's always been about people being able to hear something that can make a difference to their lives.

I started knowing I could get judged. I started knowing people might not listen (to be fair I was stuck on 30 downloads an episode for months!) I started it to play the long growth game.

I could so easily have not.

I could have so easily listened to the 'it's too hard' or the 'I don't know what i'm doing and it's overwhelming' I could have listened to the 'what will people think' and 'who do I think I am'. But I didn't. I knew in my gut it was something I wanted to do and was going to do.

And here we are. Almost 300 episodes and almost half a million downloads. Taking me full circle.

I sat in the audience of some of these talks, really actually acknowledging what I'd done and how I really hadn't thought about it in some of the ways they did. That it was a big deal.

I don't think I've ever really thought of it that way, which is funny for someone who's incredibly self aware and all about celebrating the little wins. Which of course I did. But I think since I celebrated certain milestones I've not really thought about the big picture of it.

I really didn't see it as this huge deal and I think that's because it's something that felt so natural for me because it was based around my personality. I had a solid reason why I wanted to do it and a solid purpose for it from the listener perspective. So it was easy for me to put aside some of my worries or overwhelm.

Because who I am and my values were at the heart of it.

I love audio. I see it as such a privilege that you lovely listeners let me into your ears in your life moments. That's very special to me.

So what might that be for you?

What is that thing that when you think about doing it you just know it's right for you but you're holding yourself back?

Allow yourself to feel into it in your body. When you think about having it, what comes up for you?

I think I just launched my podcast with a very, 'let's see what happens' vibe. I talk about this a lot, that I like to experiment and see what happens.

Letting go of attachment to the outcome is a beautiful thing that allows something to just be what it is and you can objectively look at where you want to course correct or where you might want to take it. I don't get it right every time but more often than not.

So my point with this episode is twofold.

Firstly, what if you just did the thing? Dig into that. See what stories are there that might be in your way and allow yourself to 'go' there and make the unconscious conscious.

And second, to really allow yourself to think about what else could come from it. Allow yourself the day dream. Might it lead you to full circle moments? Might it be your biggest referrer of clients? Might it lead you to amazing opportunities? How might you feel? What might you do?

All too often we have these big dreams and big ideas and our thoughts get in the way of it for many reasons that make sense. But too often we don't really take the time to dig in. To allow ourselves to day dream or play it out.

Might it be time for you to take a chance?

Fx

Show note links:

• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App & Community https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Join The Mentorship https://beyondthedawnblog.com/the-mentorship/

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back Spring 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App & Community https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• The Mentorship 6 month programme: https://beyondthedawnblog.com/the-mentorship/ (Next Cohort June 2022)

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook
• To sign up for The Positive Pants Planner Waitlist: https://bit.ly/pppimwaiting

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

How to handle being disrespected by a client or colleague

How do you feel when you feel you've been disrespected by a client, a potential client or a colleague?

How do you tend to handle it?

It unfortunately happens a lot in business and when YOU are your own business it can feel very personal and it can also escalate quickly.

This past week I've been helping a fair few people with how to handle conversations with people who have disrespected them in some way.

With permission I'm going to talk about a specific example from one of my glorious clients from The Mentorship.

So, as part of The Mentorship we have both a telegram group (for quick answers to things and for pep talks and support) and we have a private facebook group. In the Facebook group people can post sales pages, copy, ideas, anything where they want direct feedback from us and the group.

I'll tell you the story and you can try to apply it to your own business or situation.

This glorious client posted a message she wanted to send to a client who she felt had been disrespectful, to sense check it before it went out.

She's an INCREDIBLE wedding photographer and a client had booked a shoot back in April and had held the June slot for them and had been chasing payment.

The father of the groom was managing the booking and was, shall we say, not the most helpful perhaps.

She had payment terms of a deposit, followed by the rest of the payment due 4 weeks before the big day.

It gets to 5 weeks before and still no payment.

So she sends the full invoice and he says he doesn't want to pay all of it in one go. She goes back and is totally reasonable, explains the terms (very standard for the industry) and is accommodating and says she's happy to split it in two if need be but those are the standard terms.

He doesn't come back to her.

So at this point she's pretty annoyed and feeling disrespected and doesn't really want to do the job anymore. The spidey senses were tingling.

Nobody wants to work with a client where there's any kind of resentment, it feels like trying to push water uphill.

So she posts her message that she wants to send to essentially say she's going to have to release the date.

This is where it's REALLY easy to let emotion spill into the message and inevitably the annoyance can come into the tone of the message too.

It's unbelievable how much undertone can come across simply through your language.

Sometimes all this does is serve to escalate the issue. Or give people fodder for call out posts and it's just not worth it either way.

There's a way of communicating in these moments where you get to release the emotion and not let it fester and linger. To take back the power in the situation and be really clear as to why you aren't accepting the behaviour so it can't be argued with.

I'm a big believer in if you have to have a difficult conversation it's far better to try and do it over the phone or in person if possible because it's much easier to see the real intention behind the words. However, sometimes an email or message is just what's required.

So we took her original message and just tweaked it slightly in terms of the language where it went from being able to read the anger and emotion to something that was professional, clear, direct and there was no room to argue. The emotion was taken out and she could firmly and politely stand in her boundaries of what is and isn't acceptable for her as a professional. The best bit, it's far easier to move on.

So I have a few tips that can make this a little easier for you and hopefully give you a better outcome AND leaving you without the lingering feelings of anger and resentment because I see too many small business owners get taken advantage of by customers and clients.

You can't stop that happening unfortunately BUT you can choose a different action.

This one is especially hard for my Enneagram 2s and people pleasers. So I hope this is helpful for you because it will come up at some point in your business.

It might be someone not respecting your payment terms, or working hours, or not showing up to calls and we need to put some boundaries in place.

Firstly, It's not always best to bend over backwards to please someone else if they aren't respecting you or your time. This is where we end up with nightmare clients. Clients who demand the moon on a stick. If they're prepared to do it once, they WILL do it again.

One of the first things I do when I work with anyone is make it super clear where the boundaries are in terms of when I work and answer their messages and when I don't. I make sure everyone's on the same page. It makes it far easier to reiterate the boundaries if they do push it.

Try to realise it's not personal. It may feel like it but 9/10 times it's absolutely not.

Try to see the person behaving not so well as a walking ego. This is where my empathy over anger practice comes in. Being able to look at the person and their behaviour and think I wonder what happened to them for them to think this behaviour is ok, that this is how you treat people. Bad behaviour towards others is usually a protection mechanism or something they have learned from someone close to them. Either way I can find compassion for that.

Same thing for sense checking your own message. If you read it back, what do you see in the sub text?

Don't get to the point where you're willing to trample on your own boundaries because there's cash on the table. This is a big one. My lovely client could have bent over backwards and ended up doing the work and potentially not being paid. There's all manner of things that can happen that doesn't leave you in a great position. Ask yourself how will it feel to work with this person and be honest with yourself. Is it just about the money?

Ask yourself, what are the stories underneath your thoughts and feelings right now? So helpful to do. It might look like. I'm feeling angry and frustrated. It's reminded me of a time when I was at school where I felt the same. It's triggered a parental wound. Ask yourself if you're really reacting to what's in front of you right now or something from your past.

Remember you do not want nightmare clients. You will be able to spot them in the way THEY communicate with YOU. How do you feel in your body when they message or speak to you. Are your spidey senses tingling?

Biggest tip is to take a minute to walk away and come back to it. When the sympathetic response is activated it shuts off your prefrontal cortex in your brain, which you need for conscious rational thought, decision making, and choice! Go regulate yourself by taking a walk, belt out a power ballad, breathing techniques, whatever is your favourite way to regulate your emotions.

Then take the emotion out of the message. Make sure it's coming from a balanced and professional, boundaried place. Emotion usually means escalation. I mean…can you imagine a world full of emotionally regulated people? How different situations would turn out? the…dream!

Remember you're a business and just because it might just be you in your business doesn't mean you deserve any less respect. You get to fire your clients and you get to say no to their business. Be professional and stand in your boundaries.

Fx

Show note links:

• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App & Community https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Join The Mentorship https://beyondthedawnblog.com/the-mentorship/

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back Spring 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App & Community https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• The Mentorship 6 month programme: https://beyondthedawnblog.com/the-mentorship/ (Next Cohort June 2022)

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook
• To sign up for The Positive Pants Planner Waitlist: https://bit.ly/pppimwaiting

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

If you focus on blame, things can't change

If you focus on blame, things can't change.

You know I love an existential question but I also love to encourage people to deal in truth with themselves, even if it's sometimes not pretty.

So I invite you to put your curiosity hat on for this one and leave your judgement at the door because if you can stop doing this one thing…it can make a PROFOUND difference to your life.

Blame is an ego led protection mechanism.

So it might feel good in the moment to pass over blame to someone or something else, but it really doesn't help you in the long run.

The more you blame the less likely you are to change and you're denying yourself the power to do so.

Think about it, if you can blame someone or something else then the onus isn't on you. Therefore less motivation and less awareness of where you have the power to do something yourself.

You're putting the responsibility onto someone or something else, again, taking YOUR power and control away from the situation.

Easy to see how this could be a sticking point in your own growth.

But the only person you're cheating is you.

So I invite you to, with curiosity, take a look at where you blame external circumstances for not having the results you want.

It's absolutely the path of least resistance to blame something or someone else. It's also a nice easy way to avoid feeling vulnerable.

I was BIG on blame for most of my life. It made me feel validated. Provided me with endless excuses as to why I wasn't doing the things I wanted.

But I don't beat myself up for it. It's a very human thing to do. Remember 95-99% of what we do we're not even doing consciously. Your ego is always going to try to protect you, your identity, your sense of self, your self esteem and an easy way to do that is to blame others BUT my goodness the self compassion and breakthroughs that come out of accepting our part in certain situations is incredible and hugely empowering.

When you don't use it as a way to shame yourself.

Take radical responsibility for yourself and your actions.

This is a really important thing to think about in this weird and crazy online world.

But please understand what this really is at its core. It's a defense mechanism. A protection mechanism.

Like I say, one that I used to be REALLY familiar with. It of course still shows up from time to time but I see it as an indicator for something else.

An opportunity to question myself and get curious about what's present for me in that moment or situation or with that person.

It's also WAY easier than looking at the truth of a situation, right?

It's far easier to make excuses or blame the moon, mercury retrograde, another person, a programme, our weight, our diet, the weather, the dog…

You get the idea.

It's FAR easier internally to believe it's not your fault.

I have done this most of my life when it comes to my weight and health. I could always find an excuse. If you've been following me on Instagram you know I have arthritis in my knees. That sucks. It's a real problem, BUT, it also SERVED me in some situations because I would be able to blame other things on it.

I used to always have boy drama in my twenties. People used to love chatting to me about my latest escapades and how awful they'd been.

Doing this work has allowed me to see that I actually had a HUGE part to play in ALL of it.

Because I'd had an emotionally abusive first relationship I unconsciously would go for emotionally unavailable guys.

There would always be a reason for it to not work out.

They were a notorious player, too young (please bear in mind back then a 4 year age gap felt HUGE), too good looking (oh yes I managed that one for a while), fresh out of a long term relationship.

Always something that meant they were in the wrong and it wasn't my fault when it didn't work out.

But I had unconsciously engineered it that way!

Unconsciously I was terrified to be in a relationship because I feared vulnerability and a lack of control. I had a very skewed idea of what being in a relationship meant.

So I caused myself the inevitable heartache in other ways….but it wasn't my fault!

See how the behaiour makes sense?

It was protecting me from something more painful.

It was only accepting my own responsibility in those situations that meant I could meet someone who would love me for me, respect me, accept me. All going against my self esteem and unconscious programming.

I wouldn't have been able to meet Tobes if I hadn't figured this one out and decided I'm worth more and that I have a part to play in my own decisions, behaviour and outcomes.

What could that be for you?

Failure? Success? Judgement? Something else?

You might not always be able to catch it just before or in the midst of it and that's ok. There's an opportunity to reflect and learn the lessons afterwards.

If a programme didn't work for you, did you do the work?

If a course didn't work for you, did you ask questions?

Awareness and responsibility lead to so much good stuff. It might feel hard to stare at in the face or admit to begin with but it becomes easy once you realise how much power you have to do something about it.

Where might you not be showing up?

Where might you not be accepting responsibility?

Where are you not using resources that you've paid for?

This is important to recognise when you might be on the receiving end as a business owner too. To be able to recognise what might be going on for someone else instead of taking it personally.

When you look for your responsibility you also find your own power!

Fx

Show note links:

• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App & Community https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Join The Mentorship https://beyondthedawnblog.com/the-mentorship/

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back Spring 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App & Community https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• The Mentorship 6 month programme: https://beyondthedawnblog.com/the-mentorship/ (Next Cohort June 2022)

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook
• To sign up for The Positive Pants Planner Waitlist: https://bit.ly/pppimwaiting

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

Who Do You Want To Be?

Who do you want to be?

Big existential question for you this week, but an important one.

With a little follow up question.

Who do you want to be, and does your behaviour currently reflect that person?

As always, we're looking at this with curiosity not judgement.

So few of us really stop and take a look at the answers to these but they hold the key to so much of what you want in your life and in your business.

Who do you want to be as a business owner?

Who do you want to be as a parent?

Who do you want to be as a friend?

Who do you want to be as a romantic partner?

Who do you want to be as an employee?

Who do you want to be as a client?

The answers to who do you want to be in those areas is one thing, but are your actions and behaviours actually reflecting that, and therefore making it possible?

The answers to these questions also give you some clues as to why you might beat yourself up in your own head.

So many of us look at other people and wish we had what they had, that might be personality traits, material things, friends.

We don't tend to stop and think about if our actions are allowing us to move closer towards who we want to be.

This makes sense when we're wired to repeat the familiar.

Regardless of whether something is good or bad for us.

Until we have the awareness to consciously look at our own behaviour and take responsibility for it we haven't got a chance of changing it.

Awareness of what's stopping you having what you want is the first key to everything. I dedicate an entire module in my SOS! (Success Over Stress) programme just to this piece of the puzzle.

The reality is, we can be who we want to be. Of course I'm talking about traits, attributes, behaviours, ways of thinking. As much as I'd like to be J Lo.

We just have to start by creating the awareness of the behaviours and traits we WANT and that help us move closer to what we want. And the ones that hold us back.

Then we have the power of conscious choice. We'll be able to operate from our prefrontal cortex, the CEO of the brain responsible for rational, conscious choice and decision making. We'll be able to consciously choose to go against our current programming and wire in new neural pathways for the behaviours that we do want.

The behaviours that will actually get us closer to our goals.

I know this not just from my thousands of hours of study, qualifications and client work, I've done it myself.

I was tired of having no self esteem and lacking confidence. I was tired of always feeling like an outsider and the most negative one in the room.

I didn't want to be that person anymore.

It wasn't doing me any good and was causing me pain on a daily basis.

There is a trick to this though. You can't just wake up and be a totally different person and have let go of all your programming and foibles overnight.

So what if you aimed for 1% closer.

What if you decided to just make one decision per day towards what you want.

We have to create safety for our nervous system. I'm always saying to all my clients and in the mentorship and the toolkit, softly, softly, catchy monkey. Bit by bit. We call it titration. The idea of adding just a little bit at a time.

But you have to be clear on what that is first.

So what needs to happen for you to be that person?

What needs to STOP happening for you to be that person?

There's so much gold in the answers to these questions when you use it as an exercise of clarity, curiosity and consciousness rather than an exercise in seeking your shortcomings and flogging yourself for having them in the first place.

Newsflash, nobody is perfect and we ALL have flaws.

So think about the kind of person you want to be in any one of the areas I mentioned earlier. How would the person you want to be show up in interactions with other people, and themselves?

Would they be kind? Confident? Compassionate?

Maybe they would be disciplined and focused?

In moments where you're faced with a choice it's asking better questions of yourself.

It's being able to go, how would a confident person behave right now?

Or how would a kind person behave right now?

Or how would a compassionate person behave right now?

We have WAY more control over how we show up as humans than we give ourselves credit for.

Think of it another way. Who COULD you be?

What does the best version of you look like?

And what actions can you take towards that?

While you're here, and talking of figuring out who you want to be, I'm VERY excited to let you know that the next cohort of The Mentorship is open for enrollment.

The Mentorship is something I'm incredibly proud of creating with the incredible Abi Huge of @thewhitethistle and Dawni Baxter of @beyond_thedawn.

It's our 6 month hybrid mentorship programme where you get all 3 of us tightly in your corner for 6 months.

We've created something we believe to be different. We saw a lot of big programmes or masterminds that we felt were missing the real support that people need when you're running and upscaling a business.

So with all 3 of us you get all our knowledge and experience and super powers to really drive you forwards.

You also have us and the rest of your cohort to get you through the inevitable wobbles. To ask for feedback. To sense check things. To get a loving pick up the butt or a huge hug, support and understanding.

One of the first things we do is help you figure out how you're going to make your investment back.

We're all there to believe in you when you don't believe in yourself. To celebrate (or point out!) your wins and achievements.

We've had people in this round double their business, realise their business wasn't serving them and do a total pivot to something that's far more aligned, finally niche down to something that feels good, have huge growth in confidence and showing up, successful launches, new ideal clients, and SO much more!

There's a lot of in person in this programme too because we believe it's HUGELY important. Something magic happens with in person connection so we have our 5 day in person retreat in the UK in June. There WILL be a hot tub, that's where all the good chats happen!

We've taken school holidays and all the fun that brings into account in the structure, we've got an in person day in September and another to round us off in December.

It's truly led by the people that are in it. Meaning, we give you what you need. If there's something the 3 of us can't cover, we'll bring someone in.

Connection, accountability, clarity, honesty, support, learning, action taking, getting the fudge out of your own way.

We think this programme is incredibly special so if you'd like to know more the link is in the show notes, in my bio on instagram (along with its own highlight on my profile) and you can email the word Mentorship to [email protected] and I'll send everything over.

It starts on the 7th June and there's only 7 slots left.

Fx

Show note links:

• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App & Community https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back Spring 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App & Community https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• The Mentorship 6 month programme: https://bit.ly/thementorship21 (Next Cohort June/July 2022)

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook
• To sign up for The Positive Pants Planner Waitlist: https://bit.ly/pppimwaiting

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

It's Hard To Sustain Something That's Not YOU!

It's really hard to sustain something that's not you.

What do I mean?

I mean when you're trying to run a business, be in any kind of relationship or friendship, at work, whatever it might be, and not really be yourself, then wondering why it feels hard or like it's not working.

I was giving a talk in a big group of hypnotherapists last week about overcoming the fear of visibility in your business.

And I said something that I kind of take for granted but really hit home with the people on the call.

I was talking about how important it is to really be yourself. I mean really, authentically you.

So everything matches.

Everything is congruent.

That the you that people meet in real life matches your online you and your brand.

But it was also about where you hang out online that's authentically you too. If you're trying to build a community on Facebook when actually, you can't stand Facebook, it's never going to feel right for you. It's incongruent.

You can also apply this to your job too. If you pretend to be something you're not, you'll always get caught out eventually.

We have something called Neuroception which is literally our neural circuitry determining, unconsciously, if something or someone is safe and to be trusted or dangerous or not to be trusted.

We also have the anterior cingulate cortex which scans your environment for 'errors' and inconsistencies.

People will unconsciously feel that you're not being yourself and it will generate a threat response in your brain.

Soooo…it's worth figuring out how to be more you right?

The more you try to push something that feels incongruent the harder your business will feel and the slower it will grow.

So what does that actually look like?

It's about learning to be comfortable in your own skin.

Yes, this is absolutely something you can learn and practice.

Creating a community, products and services where you feel totally ok to be yourself.

I'm a bit of a goof, I'm a big kid at heart, my outfit of choice is dungarees, my songs of choice are Disney, I'm certifiably obsessed with dogs and I really don't take myself too seriously, even though I talk about serious things.

I let that part of my personality come out and play.

But make no bones about it, I really had to learn to like myself and be comfortable in my own skin. That starts by living your values.

Being authentically you doesn't mean you have to share everything about yourself and your life either. I see people fall into that trap often.

You get to keep some things to yourself.

As an example, my other half is never really on my stories. He's a hugely private person and hates social media so it's out of respect for him. I might talk about him or mention him, so people know he exists. But that is as far as I take it.

It's also important to be present with people in your life. The other night we did movie night. This is something we started during covid when Amazon prime started putting cinema releases up to rent for silly amounts of money, but still less than you'd pay in the cinema.

So movie night is when I go get bratwurst hotdogs and crispy onions, popcorn and chocolate, we shut the curtains and turn the lights out and watch a cinema release. The other night was The Batman.

Now, what's my point!

It could have been good content for my stories. It would have been a great little insight into my private life for my audience.

That's totally cool. But I was also enjoying being present and I wanted to be in that moment.

And to be present often means not putting every little detail of your evening on social media.

Take this as your permission slip to make that judgement call yourself, with no judgement!

Share what you want to share and hold on to other things that are precious. It's your life and you get to do that.

But, if you didn't notice, I've still managed to turn that evening into content, just in a different way that allowed me to do both! Winner!

Really this is where the inner work comes in. You have to at a minimum be comfortable in your own skin. Comfortable with who you are as a person.

This can take work. I often talk about how and who I used to be. I used to be someone who really didn't like themselves much. Someone with incredibly low self esteem and high functioning anxiety.

I knew I was kind, generous, loyal but these were traits that were all about how I treated other people.

When I had to think about something I just liked about my personality I really couldn't have offered you much.

I was worse about the way I looked.

Someone with that low self esteem is really going to struggle with running a business if you're the face of it, if you're the brand.

You've got a few choices in that situation.

One is, start a business that doesn't require YOU to be in it, for example, a product based business or a subscription box.

Or, you can just not have a business.

Or, you can work on your self esteem, your confidence and learning to really allow yourself to be yourself so it's not something that holds you back ever again.

Some are easier routes than the others, sure.

There's no judgement to be made over your choice, but I hope for the sake of your dreams and the sake of yourself you choose to do the work.

It is HARD to sustain anything that's not who you are.

If it's not in line with your values or who you want to be.

If you feel like you're doing things that are fundamentally not something you enjoy doing. (Or course there are things in your business that you're not going to love doing, like taxes, but these are things that can be eventually outsourced) What I'm talking about in this instance is trying to build a business on a platform that you don't enjoy being on yourself.

Self sabotage is going to plague you every step of the way if you're not being you.

Fx

Show note links:

• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App & Community https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back Spring 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App & Community https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• The Mentorship 6 month programme: https://bit.ly/thementorship21 (Next Cohort June/July 2022)

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook
• To sign up for The Positive Pants Planner Waitlist: https://bit.ly/pppimwaiting

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
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What if the journey is better than the destination?

What if the journey to where you want to go is better than the destination itself?

I was talking over on Instagram last week about the focus we have on where we aren't yet, instead of allowing ourselves to actually acknowledge how far we've come.

I was pondering it all week because I see it so often.

This comparison to other people and where they are on their journey. But without the context of their journey to get there. Just the focus on where they say they are now.

This idea of where we feel we 'should' be. Without the context of the fact that no one just jumps to that place. They have to go through all the same things to get there. The newness, the lessons, the lack of clarity. It all has to happen, it's part of the journey. Without it you'd never get to where you're going.

The ways we make assumptions about other people's journeys to success and where they are today. The assumption that we are alone in our thoughts of 'how am I going to do this', 'i'm not good enough'. The battles with our unconscious programming that we all have to go through in order to uplevel.

I feel like so many of us spend so long focusing on the big 'out there' goals that we're working towards, we miss that we are worlds apart from where we used to be.

But we need to look back to be able to see it. AND, not beat ourselves up for not being where we think we 'should' be just yet.

We need to look back and be able to go, 'holy moly I used to find this so hard' or 'I remember how bad I was at this to start with'. We all start somewhere.

I identify as being not the best at tech, shall we say. I also know I'm more advanced than many, purely because I had to do the work.

Because, really, what happens if the biggest part you're supposed to enjoy is the journey itself.

All those little wins and milestones along the way.

All the growth, lessons, new connections.

I read a lot and listen to a lot of podcasts from hugely successful people and you'll often hear a lot of them say that the day they finally achieved their goal was not what they were expecting.

Jonny Wilkinson said how winning the world cup led to his darkest days and Israel Adesanya said becoming the UFC middleweight champion was one of the lowest days of his life, both on the Diary of a CEO.

This isn't to be dom and gloom because there are so many things that could be going on there and everyone is an individual. We put so much weight on the goal itself that sometimes you get there and it's this anti climax.

This feeling of what next? Or the fear of having further to fall that might creep in.

Or who am I if I'm not chasing this goal?

Or even the intense need to keep growing, because what will people think?!

Goals are amazing. I love goals.

Not at the expense of joy and satisfaction along the way to get there.

Where's the enjoyment?

If your goal takes you years and then you hit it, then what?

When I look back on my journey I've achieved a huge amount. I'm only just beginning.

But in all honesty most of my goals are lifestyle based. They aren't based on any kind of external validation and I'm very much of the opinion of goals being an evolving beast.

There is no one singular end goal for me.

No idea of 'once I do/have/acheive X, then I will be ok'.

We need to question ourselves around the goals. Are they based from a higher self kind of place? Or an avoidance of something or a story based in our unconscious programming of not being ok.

There's a BIG difference.

I'm always curious as to why my goals are my goals. How do they link into each other and what's the overall picture. What does my life look like? How do I feel?

It can feel frustrating when you feel like you aren't moving 'fast enough'. Question yourself over whether that's fast enough for you or for other people.

But in those moments it's so helpful to look back and see how far you've come.

What are you doing now that's second nature that you used to find really hard?

When I see old friends post covid and we talk about what we've done and I say I launched an app and i've had almost half a million downloads on my podcast it's always interesting and a humbling moment to see their faces and reactions because I've been working towards those things for years and acting as if they're no big deal.

There are plenty of people who have achieved way more. But these moments are so helpful because the look on their faces says it all.

It's a big flipping deal!

It's a big deal and I should allow myself to recognise that.

Remember, you're making moves! You're doing things that the majority wouldn't dream of doing. You're backing yourself.

You get to celebrate that and acknowledge every tiny little win you make along the way.

Don't try to rush to the destination, because what if the journey is the fun bit.

It can be if you let it!

Where are you trying to rush through the journey?

What is the story you're telling yourself around why that needs to be the case?

Where are you not allowing yourself to see the progress you've made?

What might happen if you spent some intentional time looking at that?

What might you see?

This gets to be fun!

Fx

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How To Help Someone With Anxiety

How can you help and support someone in your life who is dealing with anxiety is a question that came up recently from a lovely listener.

It's something that comes up a lot actually, particularly over the last couple of years.

Firstly it's worth saying, there is no one size fits all approach to this. As with anything. We can't generalise out one individual's needs so a lot of this will be about patience and seeing what helps the individual in your life.

However, there are some battle tried and tested things that can absolutely help you down that path to discovering what that looks like for them and you.

For context, because I think it's important, I struggled with anxiety for most of my life. I was a total catastophiser. I was paranoid. I was always living in the past or the future, never present. I over-thought everything, worried about everything and struggled to relax.

It's not easy. Many people feel like they need to hide it too which can make it worse. You can very easily feel like your emotions and feelings are inconvenient to other people.

But the fact you're listening to this and it was requested suggests to me that you're genuinely looking to support people which is amazing.

So this episode is coming from a combination of my studies and qualifications but also very much from my lived experience.

So there are a few things you can do to help support someone in your life who is dealing with anxiety.

Firstly, and potentially most importantly, validate their experience. Validation looks like 'I'm sorry you're dealing with this it sounds tough' or 'It makes sense why you might feel this way' or 'thank you for sharing this with me.' Reflect back what they're saying to you and help them feel heard and understood.

Don't tell them to 'calm down'. Don't tell them to 'pull themselves together' or to 'get over it' or 'just think positive' or telling them that other people have it worse. These are hugely invalidating and ignoring the fact that anxiety is a biological and physiological response to perceived threat. It's the body's alarm system.

Speaking of which, another thing you can do is really understand anxiety yourself. Understand what is going on for that person. The more you're educated on the response itself the more you're able to help purely from that state. It means you won't panic and think 'I don't understand why this is happening' or get anxious yourself about doing the 'right' thing.

This is a huge part of what I teach in my SOS! Success over stress programme. The combination of the psychoeducation piece of the puzzle and having the tools to make change is so so important in both helping ourselves and other people. And understanding ourselves and other people and our behaviour.

Share what you read or heard with them that helped YOU or YOU found interesting. There's a BIG difference between sharing something from a place of YOU need this because YOU have a problem and 'I wanted to share this because it made so much sense, I found it super helpful.' This could be a book, a movie, an article, a video, a podcast. Share from a space of 'i'm doing this and it's so good i'm sharing it'. It gives them choice and agency back. None of this can be forced.

Don't put pressure on them to change or act as if having anxiety is 'wrong' or 'inconvenient'. This is a big one. When it comes to anxiety we're working with the nervous system. We're talking about rewiring neural pathways. That takes time. Celebrate the little wins. Help reflect even the smallest of changes back in a positive way.

Encourage communication. So many of us were taught as children to suppress our emotions. Many of us were taught to not talk about feelings because it's weak, or we 'shouldn't feel a certain way and we should just be happy all the time. The reality is that if you do that they will get louder and come out in other ways, like anxiety for example. The more communication is encouraged the more things can be worked through in real time, but the caveat is doing what you can do to make that communication feel 'safe' for the other person. Don't try to force it. Let them know you're there if and when they want to talk, and model open communication yourself. Lead by example. Let them know you're there to support them.

Listen. I can't express how important this one is. Actually listen and be present with them.

Ask for consent before giving advice. That looks like simply asking them, 'Would you like me to offer advice here or just listen?'

Help them decode their own anxiety and bring conscious awareness to it. Where do they feel it in their body? What helps them feel better? When we do this from a space of compassion, wanting to understand from a place of curiosity instead of judgement it opens the door to more awareness which is the first major key to change.

Ask for what they need most right now at this moment. Many of us, again as children, were taught to abandon our own needs. So this can take some time. But simply asking what they need at that moment can be huge. It might be space, it might be a hug, it might be to just be listened to or zone out for a minute. Letting them know it's ok (obviously as long as it's not something that's going to harm them in any way) and that you'll be there when they're ready.

Don't try to suppress their emotions. Let them know it's ok for them to be there and that you're there with them.

Another HUGE tip is to learn to manage your own emotions. Again this is covered in SOS! Success Over Stress so if you do want the details drop me a message on Instagram @imfranexcell. Managing your own emotions and being able to model a calm nervous system when someone is struggling with anxiety is a game changer. They literally get to borrow your nervous system through co regulation.

Equip yourself with a few tools that can help. This could be certain breathing patterns, exercises for vagal toning, somatic tools using movement. There are SO many tools, many of which are inside my Positive Pants Toolkit app and membership. It's finding the ones that feel good to you that you can share without pressure. That might be breathing, it might be encouraging them to come to a yoga or exercise class with you or it could be suggesting going for a walk. You might become gratitude buddies where instead of writing in a journal you send them 3 things you're grateful for and they send it back. It's often the most simple tools that can have the biggest effect. The trick is understanding how and why they work because it gives you so much more motivation to try them and stick to them.

Finally for today, encourage them to talk to someone qualified and help them understand there's absolutely no shame in that.

This is by no means exhaustive but they're some of the things that hugely helped me and I see help my clients all the time.

I really hope this has been helpful to someone.

Fx