Show note links:

• Download The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE ‘Stressed To Success’ meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess 
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back winter 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude 
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook 

Contact:

• Make sure you’re following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

Are You Comparing Yourself To A Catfish?

Are you comparing yourself to a catfish?

What is a catfish?  Well it’s both a small, sharky type fish with big whiskers and it’s also a person who creates a fake persona online to lure you into a relationship.

Someone who pretends to be who or what they’re not.

We’re all being catfished a lot of the time!

In this context I'm not really talking about the romantic relationship cat-fishers.

I’m talking the personal brands, 

Of COURSE there are plenty of lovely, authentic, genuine people out there too. That goes without saying.  But they aren’t the problem.

And the people I AM talking about make it even harder for the people who ARE being genuine and authentic.

As I'm always trying to get across to you, not everything is always as it seems. Including our own thoughts and stories.

So we need to be astute when we’re trying to compare ourselves to someone else and making ourselves feel bad about ourselves.  We need to take things with a pinch of salt and know that we’re never going to have the full picture.

Social media and tik tok or instagram influencers are the first to consider. 

Danae Mercer (@danaemercer) and Alex Light (@alexlight_ldn) are amazing at trying to dispel myths and the tricks that people use online. Danae lets you in on SO many of the posing tricks that people use and Alex is all about body positivity. They’re also both incredibly lovely.

First of all let’s take how people look on social media. The vast majority of people these days don’t even look like their own photos! So if you’re comparing yourself to that image, you’re not even comparing yourself to something that is real!

You can have a whole new face, new hair, new lips, new cheekbones, new abs, no cellulite, a nip here, a tuck there and all the things in the click of a button now.

How many celebrities have been caught out by the distortion that photoshop sometimes leaves? So just because some people are better at hiding it, doesn’t mean what you’re seeing is real.

Most people use filters on their face too. Even me! I tried to make sure that I use one that doesn’t change my actual face but I'm still catfishing you ha!

You don’t even have to put makeup on these days with the filters getting more and more sophisticated, it does it for you at the click of a button.

Then you’re trying to recreate a makeup look that wasn’t real in the first place!

You’re amazing exactly as you are. Please know that the majority of what you see isn’t real.

Then we have the lifestyle piece of the puzzle.  Again, a HUGE amount of what you see isn’t real.  I love the Instagram vs reality trend, it’s always quite the eye opener.

People have been caught out changing the backgrounds of images to places they haven’t been. People have been caught out hiring fake private jets and paying to pose next to a car they don’t own, all in an attempt to make you believe something about them that isn’t true.

Often to get you to part with your hard earned money.

Pinch of salt!

So, so many lifestyle entrepreneurs are using these tactics. 

They’ll talk about income claims that aren’t true. They’ll make up testimonials. So many shady tactics and it’s one of the reasons I've been slowly pivoting my own business to one that’s able to keep me in my own lane and not having to see so much of it because it drives me bananas. 

It’s so painful to know how many people fall for the tactics and are left feeling like they aren’t good enough. I was caught out too, more than once, at the beginning of my journey into my own business.

It’s SO easy to do. These people know what they’re doing.  Please don’t ever blame yourself if you’ve been caught out.

There comes a point when you become more aware of this catfishing that you do start to question if things are really as they seem and although it can sometimes feel confusing to not know who to trust you will find yourself making far better decisions.

There are lots of people out there who ARE trustworthy and do walk their talk.  You just have to find them. Talk to other people. Look underneath the messaging.

Are they using false scarcity? 

Are they forcing your nervous system into a dysregulated state in order to get you to buy? 

Do you have evidence that this person is for real and has got the results they’re talking about?  

Have you heard the testimonials that aren’t just about the financial goals?

Use your discernment and look at the nuance in every situation but most importantly please don’t compare yourself to the cliff notes or fakery of someone else’s life! 

The other thing to talk about where we’re being catfished by marketing is before and after pictures. Oh my goodness!!! 

Again, it tends to be things where self esteem is involved so weight, skin, hair, body etc. 

Companies are airbrushing skin before and afters.

They will use light and makeup, poses and all sorts of other things to create before and afters that aren’t real.

They will even use hair extensions in hair product before and afters.

So please, if something seems too good to be true it probably is! 

Before buying anything like that check the testimonials (these can be faked too so look for ones with images and read the negative ones too. I actually like to look at 3-4 star reviews most because they tend to be more honest in my opinion.

They’re pretty much saying, ‘it’s good, could be better’ or ‘it’s good, but I didn’t like this element’.

When you really start to look out for this stuff you’re going to save yourself so much money ha!

It’s rocky out there peeps!

Catfishes are everywhere. 

BUT, so are the good eggs. The genuine people. The authentic people. The people who have your best interests at heart and they are easy to spot. 

Notice how a person makes you feel in your body. 

Do you feel anxious and on edge?

Do you feel not good enough?

Or do you feel safe?

Do they feel like a warm and cosy hug on a chilly day to your nervous system?

Your body is always communicating with you. You just need to listen. 

Don’t attach something you see online to your own self worth.  You are good enough and you have always been good enough.

Fill your feed with authenticity. 

Mute, block, delete anyone who’s triggering you into comparison.

Create your very own social media safe space and know that you are glorious.

Fx

Show note links:

• Download The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE ‘Stressed To Success’ meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess 
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back winter 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude 
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook 

Contact:

• Make sure you’re following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

Don’t Underestimate The Importance Of Sleep, Here’s why…

I would love for you to not underestimate the importance of sleep in your own wellbeing.  

In your ability to show up.

In your ability to be less reactive.

In your ability to be more tolerant of others.

In your own happiness.

Why?

It’s so, so easy, as I say a lot, to underestimate the small things or the simple things that can make the biggest difference to you.

It’s also so easy to go after something we feel is a more ‘obvious’ fix to how we’re feeling about ourselves day to day, or looking for a quick fix unicorn that promises to blast away all your problems in 5 minutes.  But if we had more mental capacity that thing would change on its own or at the very least change the way we look at that particular issue or thing we’re struggling with.

I’m always trying to show you the simple ways in which you can make big changes and transform your life and it’s all too easy to ignore or simply underestimate the basics.

There are obviously going to be people listening to this who have many reasons why their sleep is bad. From parenthood to sleep disorders. I get it, I do. So please don’t beat yourself up for anything I go into here. And please do speak to a professional if you think you might have a sleep disorder.

Of course your full 8-9 hours would be glorious but life gets in the way.  

This is about finding ways to improve the quality of what you CAN get and making sure you can try to prioritise it in even small ways like asking someone for support whether that’s a loved one or a professional.

Don’t let the fact you might struggle to get your full 8 hours stop you trying to make incremental improvements.  

Remember it’s all about the slowly slowly catchy monkey. 

You don’t have to change everything at once but you can try to improve your habits bit by bit.

Now, I’m not a sleep expert of course and I will give you the name of a couple to go investigate for yourself so I'm merely talking from my own experience and also seeing the difference in my clients when they do and don’t have good sleep.

It’s not just the amount of time you spend in bed, it’s the quality of that sleep.

My sleep is something I've tracked with my fitbit and prioritised for many years now. 

Back in 2013/2014 when I was at the height of my anxiety I would probably get about 3-3.5 hours of broken sleep per night, and it definitely wasn’t great quality sleep.

It had a profound effect on my life. 

I was far more reactive and short tempered. 

I couldn’t concentrate or focus well at work.

I felt tired ALL the time.

I felt foggy and had this feeling of dissociation and confusion a lot of the time.  

I was moody and far more irrational.

I craved comfort/junk food ALL the time. 

I was also super forgetful and that’s not like me at all. 

I just didn’t feel like me!

Lack of sleep in general has also been linked to a decreased immune system and other health factors, sleepfoundation.org has lots of resources on this too.

This isn’t something I've absolutely nailed but it’s something I strive to improve every day. 

I do get 7-8hrs of sleep every night now without fail. I also don’t have children which helps that, so again, don’t use anyone else as your bench mark, simply aim for changing small things you can to improve the quality of your sleep where you can.

My focus is looking for ways to improve the amount of deep sleep and REM sleep I get because they’re just so important. 

I’ll give you a few of the ways I've improved this and you can also do your own research with the experts I'll give you too.  

Sleepfoundation.org is a great resource.  I also love listening to Andrew Huberman who is a neuroscience professor at Stanford university and he has his Huberman Lab podcast which is also a great resource and he’s done lots of episodes on sleep. 

So, let’s take REM sleep.  Most of us are aware of REM sleep and most will associate it with dreaming. REM stands for rapid eye movement. 

It’s important and serves several functions such as memory and learning consolidation and emotional processing and brain development. It looks after your brain!

Slow wave/deep sleep is super important because it looks after your body too. This is where the body repair takes place and some more lovely brain stuff too. 

So essentially without these stages of sleep you aren’t repairing your brain and body efficiently. That’s not going to help you in your waking hours to feel your best!

I’m not going to go into the sciencey stuff too much because as I say, I’m not an expert and I certainly don’t want to tell you the wrong thing but I can tell you how much of a difference focusing on it helped me and the small improvements I made that really helped me achieve that.  Please do go to the resources I've mentioned if you want to understand deeper. 

There’s a cascade effect throughout your life when you prioritise sleep.

You feel more alert.

More capacity to cope with what life throws at you.

Your focus and memory improves.

Your mood improves.

And with all that it’s not difficult to see how much easier life could be.

So here are a few of the things that really made a difference for me.

I block out all light and sound. I look glorious when I sleep because I have a mouth guard to stop me grinding my teeth and I have a black silk sleep mask and jelly earplugs. 

My alarm is my fitbit which I love for 2 reasons.  Firstly it vibrates on your wrist to wake you up which is much kinder and there is also a function called ‘smart wake’ which wakes you up in the most efficient cycle of sleep for you to feel alert and awake.  It’s always harder to wake up if you’re in a deep sleep cycle so I find this super helpful.

Not eating late is a big one. I don’t win this battle every day and I notice the difference when I do. I believe the ideal is 4 hour before you go to bed.

Alcohol is an absolute sleep stealer for me. If I know I'm going to have a drink I adjust the next day accordingly because I KNOW my sleep isn’t going to be good.

We switched to decaf tea so we can still enjoy it when we like but I don’t have caffeine after lunch.

I use blue blocker glasses (you can get prescription blue blockers which mine are) for any screen time from the afternoon.

I try to get outside as soon as I can because natural sunlight sets your circadian rhythm.

I go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time every day. 

Making sure you have a cool room is also a biggie. 

Warm baths and showers about an hour before bed help me drift off more quickly.

I use a sleep pillow spray or essential oil roll on on my pillow and wrists.

HeartMath, meditation and my Sensate also help. Particularly if I do wake up in the night, they help me drift back off quickly.

Yoga nidra is great for sleep.

I exercise most days but in the morning, not late at night. 

A night time routine is helpful to prepare your body and mind for sleep. I personally journal at night and I might read a bit to help me drop off too.

This isn’t an exhaustive list but I’m hoping there might be some super simple things in here that can help you start to make incremental improvements. 

For you it might be enlisting a loved one by saying ‘Hey, I desperately need some good Zzzs please could you x, y, z’ That could be look after the kids, sleep in another room, go for a nap in the day…I don’t know, you do you!

I’d just love for you to remember the cascade effect it can have.

We’re SO quick to label or diagnose or beat ourselves up if we’re not feeling our best and it’s easy to ignore the things that can make a profound difference. 

Could you simply really need a good night's sleep?

Fx

Show note links:

• Download The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE ‘Stressed To Success’ meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess 
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back winter 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude 
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook 

Contact:

• Make sure you’re following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

Is Sunk Cost Fallacy Keeping You From Happiness?

Is sunk cost fallacy keeping you from happiness?

Firstly we should probably talk about what sunk cost fallacy actually is. 

According to the Oxford Dictionary it’s ‘the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial.’

And it can HUGELY impact the decisions you make AND your happiness.

In SO many areas of life.

Right now with everything feeling so tumultuous I’m seeing sunk cost fallacy clouding decisions and causing lots of unnecessary pain for people.

So let’s have a chat about it.

When something isn’t working for you anymore but you’ve invested a tonne of time, effort, money, emotion and energy it’s VERY hard to let go of.

Particularly because there are SO many stories that may need to be challenged around what those decisions mean.

So today I'm offering up a little reframe for you in an attempt to help you release some of the tension you might be feeling right now.

If you’ve been with me a while you’ll already know I don’t subscribe to the rubbish around starting a business purely to escape the big bad 9-5. 

I don’t subscribe to the idea you should stay in something because you’ve been in it a long time. Business, careers, relationships, friendships. Life is all about reassessing and checking in with how you feel and course correcting. 

I don’t subscribe to the idea that having a job means you’re less successful than anyone else.

I don’t subscribe to the notion that you can’t do multiple things.

I don’t subscribe to the notion that you can’t have both a job and a business…in fact that’s when I've been at my happiest. (hello…enneagram 6 here i’m all about the safety and security!!)

I don’t subscribe to the notion that you can’t change your mind!

I think it’s so dangerous to intentionally cause someone to believe there’s something ‘wrong’ with them if their version of success and happiness doesn’t fit a certain mold just to sell your product.

And unfortunately that’s the world we live in right now be it business, relationships, weight loss, parenting, health, spirituality.

People knowingly creating a belief of ‘if i’m not this, or don’t have that then I’m not good enough’ and attaching things to your identity that should be nowhere near it!

There’s a lot of fear mongering, shame and guilt thrown into a lot of marketing online at the moment.

It’s causing people to compare themselves, attach a weight, a revenue number or audience size to how valuable you are as a person.  I see it as the next epidemic and I'm glad I'm starting to see a lot of companies making a stand against it!  

And I'm loving the rise and rise of people taking wellness seriously but there’s definitely a lot of work to be done. 

It hurts my soul to see so many people feeling this way about themselves when they’re doing things countless other people wouldn’t have the guts to do.

Your own safety and happiness should come first in everything. Screw what anyone else thinks or tries to tell you you should do, have or be.

It hugely grinds my gears so I think we need to debunk some myths and shift some perspectives.

There is a very real mental health crisis going on at the moment which I believe is being compounded by a lot of the online messaging that we’re given in order to keep us buying.

I’m always telling my clients to do what makes them happy and feel secure and out of scarcity.

If that means a full time, part time or contract job while you’re growing your business then awesome.

If that means realising the career you thought you’d love isn’t aligning with you anymore and looking for a total change, awesome.

If it’s a relationship or a friendship and you’ve realised it’s not right anymore.

Sunk cost fallacy can affect us across all areas of our lives in one way shape or form.

So where in your life right now are you not making a decision you want to because of sunk cost fallacy?

The last 2.5 years have been bananas! 

It makes perfect sense if you’re tired or have re-evaluated your priorities.

What isn’t fitting anymore?

Where are you clinging onto something because you’ve invested time, energy, money, effort and emotion into it?

What is the story being that?

What are you telling yourself is true?

What is the reason outside of ‘i’ve spent so much time, energy, effort and emotion’. What else is there for you?

What does the change give you and what does it take away?

Does it give you breathing space?  Does it give you more time?  Does it take away anxiety?

These are important questions to ask yourself.

I’m a big believer that if something isn’t making you happy anymore that it needs to change.

Even if it takes a little time. I’ve been slowly shifting things up in my own business in my own pivot for a while. It can take time but you must be honest with yourself when your happiness is at stake.

So pay attention to the stories and grab your journal. Are they true?

A few examples might be getting a job, part time or full time doesn’t mean you have to stop building your business.

Changing your niche, ideal client, products, anything about your business or changing your career doesn’t mean you’ve failed in any way. 

Taking the time to figure out what you want doesn’t mean you aren’t successful.

There are so many ways to shift your perspective on making a change and doing the right thing for you.

Could you look at it as brave or courageous?

Could you see it as what it is….just being honest with yourself and continuing to pursue your own happiness?

It certainly doesn’t mean you’re less than anyone else in any way.

People are having to make hard decisions during the current climate. Particularly here in the UK with the insane amount of change and uncertainty. 

With things feeling like they’re changing by the minute, no wonder there’s heightened stress and anxiety.

Lean on all your tools. You know the ones, the ones I’m talking about alllll the time.

Lean boldly into the decisions that are right for YOU.  No one can tell you what those are, everyone’s situation is different, there is no one size fits all.  

If you’ve been ignoring a niggle or a pull to do something and have held yourself back because of sunk cost fallacy as yourself if it’s really coming from you, or your fear of judgement from other people.

You set your own rules.

Hang in there tiger, you’ve got this!

Fx

Show note links:

• Download The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE ‘Stressed To Success’ meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess 
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back winter 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude 
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook 

Contact:

• Make sure you’re following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

The Power Of Presence

Presence is a practice.

Like most things we talk about around here. 

When it comes to life changing personal growth nothing is a ‘one and done’ scenario and requires patience and practice. 

That’s where we see all those lovely jubbly lasting changes that we all want so much.

Presence is also something that a huge majority of people actually struggle with.

We’re in such a fast paced society these days with so many demands for our attention and so much messaging that may cause us to worry about the future or ruminate on the past. It's no wonder!

We’ve literally wired our brains to NOT be present!

Think about it, how often are you actually paying attention to what’s right in front of you?  Even watching TV or listening to something are you mentally elsewhere?  Maybe on your phone numb scrolling?

Think for a second about the thoughts that tend to be rushing and rolling around in your noggin.

Are they in the past?  Ruminating on the ‘shoulda, woulda, couldas’.  The things you wish you’d said and done, the things you DID say and do that you wish you hadn’t. A lot of us spend time rumbling around in the past.

Are they in the future?  Wondering about the ‘what ifs’?  Worrying and catastrophising about things that haven’t happened yet?

I feel I'm in a very good place to talk about this as an enneagram 6 because I was always very well practiced doing both of these and not staying in the present moment where I could be conscious and rational.

So I can attest to the fact that it really is something that you can learn.

I don’t win every time for sure. But I find it SO much easier to catch myself not being present and consciously bring it back.

That’s the magic of being present. You’re conscious.  You’re in much more control of your own choices and behaviour. You make better decisions. 

It improves your relationships with other people.

If you work with clients it helps you get better results.

Creativity lives in presence. 

Gratitude and appreciation lives in presence.

It’s usually FAR less stressful in the present moment. 

You’re not worrying and overthinking as much when you’re present.

Focus and attention lives in the present.

You listen better when you’re present.

You’re more connected to yourself and others in the present.

You’re able to use a lot of the tools that are going to help you rewire your brain and nervous system when you’re in the present moment.

Sound good?

Thought so.  

So what are some of the best ways to go about practicing presence? 

Asking good questions and becoming your own best coach is a great place to start. 

Journaling is a glorious way to start with learning this skill. And it is a skill. 

You can use stream of consciousness journaling to really allow whatevers present to be present. It’s also helpful because it will show you how much your thoughts are spending in the past or the future.

All you do is essentially brain dump whatever pops into your head. It will read like a big jumbled mess of weirdness and that’s perfect.

It will allow you to be present. It will allow you to consciously see some of the things that are going round in your head affecting your day to day. You’ll be able to find your sense of humour for those things and you might even slowly start to notice that those thoughts start to become more present over time.

Try it for 5 days and just see what shifts for you and what you notice.

Next up we have meditation as a super practical way to get more present. Specifically noticing what’s showing up for you. What sensations are you feeling in your body? What thoughts can you notice and let go.  

It’s literally about being in the present moment.  It WILL take practice but everything does. 

Now, there’s a caveat here. Many people find meditation difficult, have a listen to the episode Have you decided you’re no good at meditation for some practical reasons why and what you can do about it. 

Heartmath is one of my all time favourites.  I’m a licensed heartmath coach so I teach all my clients the various heartmath techniques but it’s an incredible way to get back into your body and into the present moment using simple breathing techniques. 

It also wakes up your prefrontal cortex which goes ‘offline’ when you’re in the threat response so you can make far better decisions and regulate your nervous system. It’s quite simply glorious.  

Mindfulness is the ultimate in presence. 

Mindfulness is a form of meditation and it’s a really practical one.

It’s the ability to be fully present and aware of what’s going on internally and externally…without judgement. It’s simply about what is. 

The more you practice it the more you’ll start to notice your mind wandering less.

My favourite activity is a waking up the senses exercise. What do you see, what do you hear, what do you feel, what do you smell, what can you taste.

You can do this anywhere! Walking, consciously taking the time to look up from your desk for a minute. In a meditation.

The more you do it the more you’ll feel and notice the benefits.

Being present allows real appreciation to come through. 

When you aren’t present you aren’t going to notice all the little things around you. You’ll miss them.  

When you’re present you’re more in tune with other people too. You’re more empathetic because you pick up on the visible and tonal cues.

Try it and start to notice what you notice! 

And notice how your thoughts and feelings might start to shift and perhaps become a little clear, or quieter.

Like I say, it is a practice. You won’t win every time. That’s totally ok. Just keep going.

Fx

Show note links:

• Download The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE ‘Stressed To Success’ meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess 
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme 
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude 
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook 

Contact:

• Make sure you’re following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

The joy of addition and subtraction

The joy of addition and subtraction is something that not that many people actually take the conscious time to think about.  

Which means it can have a really profound effect…which I love.

And as always it’s about keeping things super simple.

Often the simple things are what can have the most profound effects.

So firstly I should probably explain what I mean by addition and subtraction and in what context.

I was talking with my glorious positive pants toolkit members in our monthly call and I was talking through a little exercise I do so I thought I would go through it with you.

The first part is something I've spoken about before and often people will save this for the beginning or end of the year.  However, I'm a big fan of doing it at any point where things are feeling ‘off’ or you’re going through some sort of change.

Essentially we’re going to be getting super clear on what you want and reminding your brain (specifically your reticular activating system) what’s important to you and what opportunities to filter out for you.

But the piece I really wanted to go into here is the idea of addition and subtraction.

Often there are some seriously easy wins to be found in there that were hiding in our unconscious programming and will a little conscious thought are easily solvable.

Some that could be instantly changeable. 

Some that can give you some serious clarity.

Some that give you focus and motivation.

Glorious…we love ALL of that.

I do this exercise along with my written visualisation journaling and future gratitude practices. 

You might use it as a manifestation exercise.  You’re basically talking in the present tense about what you want your life to look like. 

I do this using the core life categories. 

Health and fitness, wealth and finances, Learning and growth, Career and work, romance and relationships, fun and adventures, friends, family and social life and environment.

Whenever I do any journaling or visualisation exercises in this realm I like to go through these categories. 

You know…I like to be thorough.

So what am I talking about when I say the joy of addition and subtraction?

When you go through these categories and get really honest with yourself…what needs adding to each?  What needs taking away?

So much of our inner work is about honesty. 

The ability to be self aware and honest.

Conscious.

We can tell ourselves so many stories that, when not conscious and curious, become absolutes. 

I can’t do that because…

If I do this, then that happens.

The magic of asking yourself better questions is game changing.

And asking ‘what do I need to add to make the shift towards where I want to be’ and ‘what do I need to subtract to make a shift towards where I want to be’ in each of these categories can give you sooooo many clues on how to make it happen.

I always say it’s about the softly softly catchy monkey approach to get to where you want to be.  Too many people focus on the big audacious goals that are HUGE and can then feel paralysed and sit in inaction.

Plus it’s all too easy to create goals that aren’t really your goals and have been set by good marketers to keep you buying and feeling rubbish about not being where you want to be just yet.

You see it in areas that focus on external validation. That if you don’t look a certain way or weigh a certain amount or earn a certain amount or have the right amount of followers then you are not good enough or worthy as a human.

Time to say no more my friends! 

It’s SO much easier to focus on incremental improvements than to ever expect yourself to wake up one day and poof everything’s different. 

That is how you make it happen. 

Being prepared to do the work.

Being prepared to question yourself, your thoughts, your behaviours and your beliefs.

And just take the first move forwards.

So, take each category and grab your journal.

For example, let’s take work.

Right now, whether you have your own business, you’re in a job or maybe both.

What needs adding that’s going to allow you to live according to your values or to feel how you want to feel.

Could that be adding flexibility?  How can you do that?

Could it be adding the knowledge that your bills are covered?  How can you do that?

Could it be that you need to add a new revenue stream?  How can you do that?

Could it be that you need to subtract some distraction?  How can you do that?

Could it be that you need to subtract being around certain people?  How can you do that?

There are so many ways you can question yourself around this and it’s honestly magical.

What people tend to do is look at and focus on what they don’t have, without really questioning why or what needs to happen to change it and make it happen..

We can get stuck in a mindset of self pity or victim mentality, which is not empowering at all and difficult to move out of. 

But, if you ask yourself what needs to be added in this particular part of your life in order to make that happen. And what needs to be subtracted to make it happen all of a sudden you see all these possibilities that you didn’t see before.

More stories will come up from your lovely brain and ego trying to keep you safe in the predictable familiar, which is when you continue to keep asking.  

What needs adding and what needs subtracting?

I love doing these exercises because there’s always something that’s a super easy fix or win.  I also love it because It’s so fascinating to catch my brain in its stories. 

The more you do that the more you can laugh at it and also not just blindly believe the things you say to yourself.  

So it’s a double whammy effect of being honest about all the steps you can take to keep moving forwards, being able to see what’s within your power and control and also practicing and wiring the neural pathway to not believe the rubbish you say to yourself half the time.

That’s the difference that makes the difference.

So I hope you enjoy this exercise and really take some time over it and see some simple action points and I hope you come back to me in a few months and tell me all the progress you’ve made! 

You do need to do the work though ha! Fx

Show note links:

• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE ‘Stressed To Success’ meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess 
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back winter 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude 
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook 

Contact:

• Make sure you’re following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

Mantras For Success In A Stressful World

I wanted to go a bit rogue for today's episode and give you something tangible you can use to come back to time and time again.

You might want to do it with your eyes closed so do feel free to listen to the context and then pause and come back later. 

I know things might be feeling a little bit tricky and sticky at the moment and often people love affirmations in these times…BUT…I think about affirmations a little differently.

If you’re saying something that your unconscious mind is just going to go ‘HA! No chance.’ then there really is very little point and you’ll likely feel that it makes you feel WORSE.

So, we use phrases that our mind can really get on board with. So when you go through these please do feel free to take what feels good (you’ll notice physiologically in your body) and leave what doesn’t. OR adapt it to your language and something you know you can get on board with.

If you know EFT/Tapping please do feel free to give these a big oomph by tapping on your meridian points.

I’ll give you a quick reminder of the points. 

Start with the karate chop point on the side of your hand and make your statements of how you’re feeling right now. Then speak along with these mantras at each point. 

Top of the eyebrow. Side of the eye. Under the eye. Under the nose. Under the mouth. Collar bone. Under your arm on the bra line. Top of the head.

If you’ve never practiced EFT before feel free to leave that out or follow along with a reel that I've posted on my Instagram.

I’m going to state some mantras for you to repeat in your own mind or out loud. 

Please make sure you’re in a safe place if you’re going to do these with your eyes closed and of course not driving, operating machinery or watching the kiddos. 

So here we go.

Even though there’s a lot going on in the world right now, this is temporary and I am ok.

Even though this situation might not be ideal, I know there are more options for me if I seek them.

I control my busy mind, not the other way around.

Even though I may feel worried about the future, I can be right here, right now, in this moment.

I am far more capable than I'm giving myself credit for.

I know what’s right for me. 

It’s the people who keep digging that find the gold. 

It’s ok for me to put this down for a minute and look after me. 

I’m good enough. I have always been good enough and I always will be good enough.

I make good decisions when my emotions are regulated.

I get to choose to be happy.

I’m great at what I do and I'm always learning and evolving.

I choose what I feed my brain. I get to switch off the news and look at my own situation.

Other people’s opinion of me matters far less than my own opinion of me. 

Slow and steady wins the race.

I really have got this. 

Success comes from being willing to fail. 

Rest is an essential part of success. 

It’s ok to feel my feelings.

Every day I'm growing and evolving.

Everything is going to work out exactly as it’s supposed to.

Cliche as it sounds, when one door closes another, better door opens. There is always another option. 

When things don’t work out as I planned it’s simply an opportunity for course correction to something better.

I always figure things out, but I don’t have to do it by myself.

I don’t have to do everything myself.

The most successful people in the world make mistakes.

I will either get the result I want or the lesson I need.

Where I put my attention is what shows up in my life. 

The hardest part is to just start, everything gets better from there.

I only need to focus on the steps, not the mountain.

I define my own version of success.

The secret to success is to just keep going and course correcting as needed.

Pick some that you really resonate with and start to live by them and see how things shift for you. 

I really hope you enjoyed this.  Let me know over on Instagram @imfranexcell 

Fx

Show note links:

• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE ‘Stressed To Success’ meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess 
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back winter 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude 
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook 

Contact:

• Make sure you’re following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

Why You Can’t Change Other People

You can’t change other people.

Sorry. 

I said what I said.

This goes for family, friends, spouses, colleagues.

If someone doesn’t want to change something about their behaviour or ways of thinking, you can’t get them to.

Trying to change other people really does tend to do more harm than good for your relationships too.

Think about it, how do you feel when someone tells you what you ‘should’ do or think?  Does it go well?  Does it feel good?

We can’t fight fire with fire. 

Dishing out the same behaviour we’re trying to avoid in someone else isn’t going to work!

The people close to us really do have the ability to trigger us very quickly. 

They have their ideas of what’s ‘good’ for us, or what we ‘need’ and people are always simply operating from their own maps of the world.  Their perspective.

And often just a simple comment can be enough to send us into a spiral.

‘Don’t you think you should just get a proper job.’

‘How's your little hobby going?’

‘Do you really think that’s sensible, you have a family to look after.’

‘I could never do that.’

‘You’re not really going to make any money from that are you?’

Alllll the judgement and maybe some criticism and unsolicited advice thrown in for good measure.

But you can’t change them.

I know it sounds slightly hopeless, especially when someone is driving you NUTS with their unhelpful comments or behaviour…BUT that doesn’t mean the situation you’re not happy with can’t change.

You can’t change them, BUT you can change your reaction to them and in turn stop the interactions you don’t like from happening.

When you focus on changing yourself, the entire situation can be changed.

Turn it inwards with curiosity, not judgement. 

What is REALLY bothering me about this situation?

It’s also worth recognising why you might want to change that person’s way of thinking or behaviour.. 

What does it give you, or take away?

What’s YOUR agenda in wanting them to change?

What is that person's comment or behaviour triggering in you?

What are the feelings that bubble up for you?

Are they necessarily accurate or true?

You’ve got their unconscious stuff, knocking up against your unconscious stuff so the best way to change that is to firstly notice and recognise it.

Notice that their map of the world and yours might not be the same, and that’s ok.

Notice that they might not have the same information that you do, or have had the same experiences you have.

You have to notice what is going on inside of YOU and the reactions you’re experiencing.

This isn’t necessarily about admitting fault. 

It doesn’t mean you’re in the wrong. 

It does mean looking for, accepting and admitting your responsibility.

Where in the situation can you grab YOUR responsibility for escalating a situation by the proverbial and make a change.

This could look like communicating honestly.

This could look like taking a deep, regulating breath before you respond.

This could look like setting a boundary.

This could look like sharing vulnerably and communicating your feelings.

Without blame.

We can get attached to how other people need to change and it’s important to remember that it’s based on our own perspective of what’s good, bad, right or wrong. 

Remembering that just because it’s our perspective based on our map of the world doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the ‘right’ one.

We’ve all been there where we want to change something about ourselves and it’s hard. You have to WANT to change it. 

If you don’t, or if the secondary gains you get from the behaviour are stronger than the draw of the change itself you know it’s not going to happen.

So what makes you think that you can do that for someone else?

What could be helpful instead that you haven’t tried yet?

Could that be asking a question instead of reacting in anger?

Could it be asking for clarification stating the story that you’ve created and checking in to see if that’s right and what they really meant?

All we can do is take responsibility for ourselves.

Take responsibility for our own reactions and responses.

Take responsibility for being curious about which buttons the other person might be pressing for us.

Take responsibility for our own clear, conscious communication.

Take responsibility for finding empathy and understanding for why someone might be doing or saying the things we want to change.  What’s their highest positive intention at that moment?

We have WAY more control over our interactions with others, and our triggers, than we think. The focus just needs to be on us, not them.

So I have a little mantra for you that I recently gave to some clients when they were fed up with other people’s opinions on what they’re doing. I hope it serves you too.

‘Their stuff is not my stuff. Their truth is not my truth. Their opinion is not my opinion. I know my own mind and I know what’s right for me.’

Fx

Show note links:

• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE ‘Stressed To Success’ meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess 
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back winter 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude 
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook 

Contact:

• Make sure you’re following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

How To Practice Radical Honesty

I know I've covered something vaguely similar to this a few months ago but I felt it important to revisit with a slightly different slant for you this week.

I’m always going to try and support the best I can in tricky times to attempt to shift thoughts and perspective so you don’t have to stay stuck in any loops or spirals or impending doom when you don’t need to so I hope you forgive me for a little repetitiveness in these crazy bananas times! 

What is radical honesty?

Well it kind of does what it says on the tin really.  It’s being completely, unadulteratedly honest with yourself and others.

And it’s more difficult than it sounds. 

It’s where you override your natural instinct to tell innocent little porkie pies that we do all day to protect people’s feelings or to avoid conflict or whatever it may be and just be honest in that moment.

The hardest is practicing radical honesty with ourselves.

We all tell white lies to save someone’s feelings, or purely out of habit based on what we’ve learned is ‘acceptable.’

The ways someone will ask us if we’re ok and we’ll reply with ‘fine thank you’ even if that’s miles away from the truth.

Or saying no when someone asks ‘would you like some help?’ even if we desperately do want that help!

I’m mainly focusing on radical honesty with ourselves for this episode but it’s worth bearing this concept in mind as you go about your day to day. 

How many times per day are you not exactly honest with people?

What do you find yourself feeling you can’t be honest about and why?

What is the story around what might happen if you were completely honest in those moments?

No wonder we struggle to get our needs met…yikes!

So, for now, we focus on our internal dialogue of honesty with ourselves.

We want all the lovely things that come from high levels of self awareness, like self acceptance, self compassion, self love even! 

To understand our own behaviour and triggers and be able to look at ourselves, warts and all, and know that we are worthy and valuable.

And the freedom…oh the freedom!

But many of us aren’t willing to do the deep dive into our own psyche that will enable us to be radically honest with ourselves and in turn get our needs met and start getting what we really want in life.

At the end of the day that’s what it requires. 

In my opinion this level of self honesty brings a huge amount of humour to our patterns too where previously there may have been frustration and contempt for ourselves.

So why do we find radical honesty with ourselves so hard?

We are designed to lie to ourselves!  We don’t even know we’re doing it most of the time.

Our ego protects our sense of self, always. Usually that comes with telling you similar white lies to the ones you tell other people day to day.

Once you know, you know! You can’t hide anymore and deceive yourself. 

It’s there. 

But the other thing that’s there is your freedom.

Freedom from repeating the same cycles, patterns and behaviours that don’t serve you.

Freedom from forever asking yourself ‘what’s wrong with me?!’ or ‘why do I do this?!’

Freedom from staying in situations that aren’t making you happy.

Freedom from self sabotage. 

Mindfulness adopts the concept of non judgemental awareness and I love that. It’s just being plain and honest about what is present for you moment by moment. What you see, think , feel , hear etc.

Mindfulness has been commandeered by the wishy washy and I’d love that to change because it’s an incredible psychological tool to train your brain in so many ways that are more helpful for you. 

It’s also an amazing emotional regulation tool and a great way to build your own awareness.

Not only that but to help you zoom out from that awareness.

To understand that you are merely the observer of your thoughts and experiences.

Understanding and accepting that these things aren’t who we are, they are adaptive behaviours that we can absolutely change when we heal the root cause.

Everything you want is on the other side of this work.

You might think it could be Pandora's box, it might be short term but it’s incredibly freeing and if you work with a professional then that time frame is radically shortened.

I’m not going to sugar coat it and say that it’s not sometimes painful, it absolutely can be.  That doesn’t mean it WILL be. 

I can tell you from experience that confronting the parts of myself that I didn’t like was transformative in them not being there for me anymore.

Many people refer to this as shadow work. 

‘Shadow work’ sounds ominous.  It’s about accepting the parts of yourself that you’ve denied exist. Those parts of you that you’ve shunned as unacceptable and unlovable.

And yet those are the things that keep you beating yourself up in your own head and repeating the same patterns.

We want change but don’t want to do the ‘work’ because it’s painful. 

I see too many people paying people in a bid to ‘fix’ themselves. They want something done TO or FOR them. Wave the magic wand. I promise you if you place your money there it’s money wasted. 

Everything is a collaboration of sorts. 

The thing I really want you to understand is that when you DO do the work EVERYTHING can change for you. 

Radical honesty is a part of that work.

What parts of yourself do you disown?

What is it in the people we dislike that is mirroring a part of ourselves that we shun?

Where do our harsh judgements of ourselves and others really come from?

Who do we really want to be? I bet you that’s who you really are at your core. Without all the ‘stuff’ laid on top from other people's opinions and your own adaptive behaviours.

How can we reclaim the parts of ourselves that are desperate to be heard?  

Where are we projecting our own fears and feelings onto other people?

Where are we not being truly honest with ourselves…and why. What benefit is there for us?

What causes you to feel guilt, shame or disgust within yourself?

Why do you REALLY do what you do? 

Go back to starting with why. The number of wishy washy business owner ‘why’s’ i’ve heard over the years would make your toes curl because the vast majority of them aren’t true. 

If we aren’t operating from our REAL ‘why’ then the motivation isn’t there. 

Most people’s ‘why’s’ are fundamentally selfish and the more honest we can get about that the better. 

Fundamentally to have what we want in life we have to know ourselves on a DEEP level. Otherwise we’ll never be able to call ourselves on our own BS and we’ll be destined to keep repeating the patterns of behaviour and thinking that just don’t work for us.

So you HAVE to get reacquainted with yourself. 

This is where my friend The Enneagram comes in and why I'm so passionate about it.  

You are confronted with radical honesty AND the roadmap to real, true, authentic change AND oodles of self acceptance, self compassion and all the other lovely things you want. 

You’ve just got to look it in the face first. 

Confront it with curiosity and self compassion.

Everything you do makes perfect sense on some level.

Every person who has had an Enneagram essentials session with me so far has managed to laugh at themselves when we’re going through their number together and they manage to look at themselves on a level they haven’t before with no judgement from me…or themselves. 

Magical!

If you’d like to book one I'd of course LOVE to have you. They’re only £222 at the moment. If you need a payment plan, DM me on Instagram.

The link is in the show notes and in my bio on Instagram on my @enneagramandexcell account. 

In my opinion it really is the start to everything shifting for you. 

Better communication with others, understanding why things trigger you and not other people and vice versa. 

More HONESTY with yourself and others. Meaning more control, choice and agency over your own life.

More compassion with others (pretty much every person gets their spouse, best friend or parents to do the test too!)

You’re able to shape your career or your business based on what you learn. 

You’re able to hire better based on what you learn.

You’re able to understand why certain business models just don’t feel good to you and what will.

You’re able to see why something is causing you to feel a certain way.

I know how easy it is to carry on carrying on. 

Wondering why things feel ‘off’. 

To keep chasing the shiny objects that allow you to avoid doing ‘the work’. 

You don’t need to keep chasing your tail.

How can you be radically honest with yourself?  

Create that REAL self awareness and make the changes you’ve been longing for. 

You aren’t broken, you don’t need fixing, you just need the road map to YOU!

I’ll leave you with this thought…Wouldn’t life be easier and more fun if you were able to be your authentic self?

Fx

Show note links:

• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App & Community https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE ‘Stressed To Success’ meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess 
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back Spring 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App & Community https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• The Mentorship 6 month programme: https://beyondthedawnblog.com/the-mentorship/ (Next Cohort June 2022)

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude 
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook 
• To sign up for The Positive Pants Planner Waitlist: https://bit.ly/pppimwaiting 

Contact:

• Make sure you’re following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

What To Do When You’re Feeling Wobbly About Uncertainty

Are you feeling on a wobbly footing with all the uncertainty that’s surrounding society at the moment?

It’s something that’s not to be ignored because as we know, our unconscious thoughts and feelings are always driving our behaviour. 

So if our inner voice is one of stress, panic and uncertainty then it’s going to have an effect on our work one way or the other.

It’ll also have an effect on our relationships and our health long term.

Here in the UK the death of our Queen, even though she was the grand age of 96, sent shockwaves of sorrow.

She has been a constant in our lives.

With her passing comes a new King and at this point nobody knows what that could mean long term. I’m sure he doesn’t even know yet!

It’s all too easy to get set into the ‘what if’s’ and as story making and meaning making machines our brains will be going into overdrive creating stories right now if left unchecked. 

Naturally as humans we’re really not wired to love change and uncertainty to put it mildly.

We’re wired to avoid ‘new’. To repeat ‘familiar’. So the collective energy is feeling heavy.

We’ve had the pandemic, followed by a huge amount of political turmoil, we’ve got the cost of living crisis, talk of recession and soaring bills and now the loss of the queen and a new King.

It’s totally natural if people feel discombobulated.

So what do we do to try and find some firm footing when we feel very much on shaky ground?

You won’t be surprised by some of the things I say here because I've always been banging the same drum because after 8 years of intensive study, multiple qualifications in multiple trauma informed modalities and working directly with people. I know what works. 

If I ever feel on wobbly ground, which I do because I'm human and life happens, these are my go tos. 

I practice what I preach.

So, what do we do first?

Notice how YOU feel, and focus on that. 

Don’t get dragged into other people’s ‘shoulds’.  

As a society it’s become all too easy to project or opinion onto others, vocally and publicly. 

People LOVE to tell you what to think and how to feel. They project their ‘stuff’ onto you. They blanket generalise that if they think something that must be how everyone thinks or you’re a bad human. 

It’s rubbish. 

Yes we need to be able to critically analyse our own thoughts, feelings and beliefs that’s hugely important. Always be open to learning and the ability to change your mind but you have to deal in truth with yourself about what YOU believe. 

What are your thoughts at the moment?

What are the stories?

How influenced are you being by the loudest opinions and how does that feel? 

What do YOU think, believe and feel?  Is it yours or something you’ve picked up from someone else. 

Figure out the stories around the uncertainty. What are you telling yourself is going to happen?  What could you do NOW to make sure it doesn’t?

I did a practical episode last week because so often we overlook the practical because we’re caught up in our thoughts and feelings. 

We overlook the ways we have control over our experience.

Which leads me nicely onto what I do next.

Ask, what do you have control over?

This is so huge and so easily overlooked. Is there anything practical that you can actually do to change the way you’re thinking, feeling or shift the stories you’re telling yourself?

What ACTION can you take? 

Allow yourself to think outside the box here. 

Instead of catastrophising focus on the short term and be in the present.  There simply are a lot of unknowns at the moment. We’re all in that boat.

Practicing mindfulness is a great way to do this. You are literally TRAINING your brain to be in the present moment. You’re wiring it in. With that neural pathway naturally comes less catastrophising and ‘what-if-ing’.  The ability to be present allows you to be in your prefrontal cortex too. Conscious. Rational. We like that!

I know I bang this drum a lot but you simply have to look after yourself as a priority. Your internal world is the one you’re in the vast majority of the time and if you’re not looking after that and your physical world it causes problems elsewhere. 

Making sure you’re in the best possible place you can be is never not going to be helpful.

The better place you’re in the better you can show up for others too. Don’t underestimate how much of an impact you not firing on all cylinders can create. 

Actually supporting yourself in the best way you can. Nourishing food, plenty of water, regular exercise. The basics that such a huge percentage of the population ignores.

Learn to tolerate discomfort. This is something you can train yourself to do.  

Get comfortable being uncomfortable. You’re always going to feel that sense of discomfort when you’re trying to do anything outside of your familiar patterns. 

Learn to send cues of safety in your body. Breathe, EFT, Heartmath, movement. The usual things that soothe and calm an aroused nervous system.

Seek joy.  Goodness me I feel like this has fallen to the wayside in the last few years for a lot of people. I think people are feeling stuck doing things that they aren’t loving or NOT doing things they do love because of stories around sunk cost fallacy and time pressure. It’s time we MAKE time for things that bring us joy. 

Let go of hustle culture and tune into what’s REALLY most important to you. 

Take time offline.  I was really happy to see how many people actually took a proper break over the summer. I do feel though like people have come back with a ‘refreshed and raring to go’ attitude…which is great…but not if that’s the very thing that caused you to need such a big break in the first place. It’s just going back for more of the same.

How can we allow ourselves to embrace a little bit of a slower pace if that’s what we really want? Without feeling the pressure of random judgement from random people. Let it go.

Don’t bottle up your feelings.  You’d be hard pushed to find anybody who hasn’t had the slightest wobble or struggle over the last few years so please know you’re absolutely not alone.  The more we normalise talking about it the easier life gets.

The certainty of worry can be addictive. It's familiar. Predictable. Rehearsed and repeated.  Your brain releases dopamine through ‘certainty’ so you literally get rewarded for worrying.

In terms of feeling better in yourself and managing what life has to throw at you it often comes back to the simplest of things that are the easiest to ignore.

Regulating your emotions. Looking after your nervous system. Challenging the automatic thoughts and stories. Using the cognitive AND the somatic tools and techniques. Brain AND body.

It’s not rocket science, it just goes against most of our natural automatic programming so it feels harder until it’s habitual. 

That’s how habits work. They take more energy before they conserve them.

So if you’ve been feeling a little on the wobbly side please don’t beat yourself up. It’s been a crazy rollercoaster of a few years. 

Focus on what’s within your control right now. 

Be honest about what you really want and let go of self judgement. 

Focus on the present moment and look after yourself. 

Don’t future-trip on worst case scenarios. 

You find solid ground by creating it within yourself. Wobbles and uncertainty are a natural part of life. 

You’re doing great.

Fx

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How To Handle Feelings Of Scarcity

I feel like now is a very good time to talk about how to handle feelings of scarcity with all the constant bombardment of talk around the cost of living crisis, rising inflation and recession.

Oof it’s a biggie.

The trouble is that is what often perpetuates the issues and causes things to get worse in some sort of ironic vicious cycle.

I need to caveat this whole episode because I of course can’t talk to every single person's individual situation right now and this episode is NOT about financial advice because I'm not a financial advisor, accountant or in any way qualified to give it. 

What I am qualified to do is to try and help give a shift in perspective and talk about the best tools at your disposal to help you manage those feelings of scarcity.

There are always going to be practical things to take into consideration.  

However, the mental and psychological aspect of scarcity can often feel even worse than the reality.

The reason I want to talk about this today is because I'm seeing people really become unstuck at the seams at the moment and making big rash decisions, largely due to the sheer amount of scaremongering that’s going on in the media.

The financial situation in the UK and other parts of the world is a very real concern for a huge amount of people AND it can be made ten times worse when we’re not properly looking at our own individual situations but we’re also comparing ourselves to other people at the same time.

The media can’t report YOUR unique situation and I can’t talk to it either so this episode is about trying to get a handle on a few practical mindset exercises that you can do and to give you a potential shift in perspective or alternative viewpoint and get you out of the threat response that could be causing you to fight, flight or freeze right now.

When we’re in fight or flight mode our prefrontal cortex literally goes offline. 

We need our prefrontal cortex as the CEO of our brains for conscious, rational thought, decision making, rational thinking.

With that offline we’re stuck in fear mode and autopilot and that’s not helpful and you cannot make good decisions from that place.

If you’re running a business, scarcity is never a good place to be.  You will not take good actions from that place so it needs to be looked at. 

So where do we start trying to shift this a little?

Firstly, look at your own finances.  

I always recommend clients have a REAL picture of their finances. Personal and business. 

I personally do this with multiple tracking spreadsheets for business and personal that are super easy to manage (I’m an enneagram 6, of course I’m prepared for anything ha!) I know exactly what’s coming in and what’s going out.  

I know exactly how much my business costs per month and what my personal expenses are and know exactly what I NEED to make in the business to live how I want and what to pay myself every month.

Just having this information takes away a huge amount of anxiety and gives you a lot of control back.

Plus it stops the ‘I MUST have ‘10k months or I’m not good enough and my business isn’t successful’ mindset that’s infiltrated your brain from all the marketing messages out there. 

That’s my next tip. 

Think about what messages have infiltrated your brain (and WHY, who does it benefit you having them) vs what’s actually reality. 

Marketing is rife with ‘not enough’ messaging because that’s what keeps you buying. Remember that. 

You could easily have a 6 figure business with no money to pay yourself AND you can have a £40k per year business and have loads of personal disposable income. 

These things can exist at the same time and it’s one of the many reasons why you should never compare your finances to someone else’s because it really means absolutely nothing and you NEVER have the whole picture.

You could very easily cancel tonnes of memberships or subscriptions but before you do, really look at them. 

What makes you feel good?  

What makes your life easier? 

What could make a big difference for you if instead of cancelling you actually decided to USE? 

Think of the bigger picture. 

As an example, I have a health membership that I barely look at. It would be easy to say that’s a ‘non essential’ but I wholeheartedly don’t agree. 

I get amazing tips in there (even though I'm barely in it) that I do implement. 

Having the membership (even though I'm barely there) holds my health in my consciousness day to day and in turn it makes me healthier.  

I make better choices and health is a huge focus for me at the moment. It’s also a comfort to know there are lots of recipes and recommendations in there if I choose to use them and I know I can go and get a question answered in the group if I choose to. See what I’m saying?

There’s always another way to look at something.

So now we’re a little clearer on the actual picture in front of us and feeling a little more in control. Let's look at the next step, it’s a controversial one in the online business industry and one I've always gone against the grain with.

Get a job! 

I said what I said! 

Job is not a dirty word. Jobs are investors into your business.

They’re also ways to KEEP going and moving towards your dreams in my opinion. Especially when there’s so much uncertainty. 

It could be full time, part time, contract, freelance. Lots of potential options.Particularly now so many of them are remote working.  It really opens up some new doors. 

The only people who have told you that having a job is a ‘bad’ thing and means you aren’t successful or your business isn’t successful and you aren’t good enough are the marketers that stand to profit from your fear around that.

When I had both my job and my business the enneagram 6 in me was SO happy. 

While instead of fearing redundancy and job losses I was happy as Larry knowing I had my business income if I lost my job. 

In my business I was always happy as Larry because I never had to do anything ‘because of the money’. I could be very picky over who I worked with and never made decisions from a place of lack or scarcity.  How bloomin glorious. 

Yes it helped that I enjoyed my job. That was a privilege but I've absolutely done my fair share of shockers for the greater good.

I only left my job when it got in the way of some of the big things I really wanted to do in my business because there was a conflict of interest.  Otherwise in all honesty I think I'd still have it.

I know SO many hugely successful business owners that also have jobs. It’s a total fallacy that having one means you’re not successful.  It’s made up. Do what’s right for you.  It’s absolutely personal preference. 

The bottom line is if you’re in scarcity and panicking about paying your bills you will not feel good and you will not make good decisions. Recurring revenue, whether that’s from payment plans or a job it really doesn’t matter. You know your bills are paid and that gives you freedom in itself.

On that note, for my glorious listeners who are in jobs and don’t have businesses,  why not start a side hustle.  For exactly the same reasons!

It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just something you enjoy.  

Do you love making things? 

Do you create art? 

Can you start an Etsy shop? 

Can you teach music lessons locally? 

Do you love gardening? 

Could you be a tutor? 

Mark exams?

Back in the day when I was trying to figure out my life after it imploded I made a pros and cons lists of everything I could or would enjoy doing (very enneagram 6 of me of course!) 

One of the things I put down on my little map of ‘Fran’s passions and skills’ was finding bargains and selling them on for profit. I ADORE charity shops and car boot sales and I find countless treasures that could be sold on for more. I get a BIG kick out of it.

Tonnes of it you can even get for free, particularly on Facebook marketplace and Nextdoor.

If you also want a few ideas on upcycling as an option too go check out one of my absolute business besties Abi Hugo over @thewhitethistle because she’s always turning free stuff into GORGEOUS creations that could sell for a fortune.

On that note and based on last week's episode, have a big declutter and sell what you’re going to chuck on ebay or facebook marketplace etc.  There are lots of other options too now, I think vinted is one i’ve seen but I can’t speak for how good it is. 

Get on community sharing apps, Nextdoor and Olio are the two biggest I know of. 

There are also community Facebook groups where people are often doing swaps or giving things away for free. 

Lastly for today, check your thoughts. 

I’m always saying we have to ‘deal in truth’ with ourselves. 

This requires being curious and conscious of our thoughts. Grab your journal!

What’s going on for you right now?  

What are the thoughts around money coming up for you right now?

Are they true?

Are they based in truth and fact?

Are they based in the present?

Or are you future tripping and feeling out of control?

Remembering that we are not our thoughts and that we are the observer of our thoughts is a life changer. 

You do not have to believe everything that pops into your head. 

Find those thoughts, write them down and consciously challenge them.

Do the somatic work that is going to soothe your nervous system and bring you back into balance and let your prefrontal cortex come back on line and back into the driver's seat.  EFT/tapping, Meditation, breathwork or yoga for example.

Prioritise looking after yourself and actively helping your nervous system.

Allow yourself to think outside the box and see all the potential possibilities. 

Like I say, I'm not giving you advice, I'm hopefully simply sparking some potential ideas! (I am not a financial advisor in any way!)

This is absolutely not an exhaustive list of ideas either. These are just the ones literally off the top of my head. 

The bottom line is there are SO many ways to bring in some extra income but if you’re stuck in fight or flight you won’t see them. 

It’s even more important to shift the thoughts and beliefs around what you’re making doing any of these things ‘mean’ about you as a person! 

There are often SO many more options in front of us but if you can’t even think straight to look you won’t find them.

Be conscious of what you consume media-wise and allow yourself to challenge it. 

Remember…You have got this. 

Fx