The Positive Pants Podcast

Show note links:

• Download The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• For corporate coaching, training and workshops email [email protected]
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

Why Deprivation & All Or Nothing Thinking Can Be So Damaging

All or nothing thinking when it comes to achieving our goals can be tricky, but VERY common.

The idea that often comes up at this time of year that you MUST cut out lots of things from your diet or from your life to 'be better'.

And you better watch out for 'falling off the wagon' because that means you're a big old failure who's simply just not good enough.

That if you take a bite of the biscuit or a square of chocolate then you may as well throw the whole thing out the window because you're never going to be able to do it anyway.

I mean, hopefully you can probably see the issue with this thinking straight off the bat but this is a HUGE part of our conditioning that all too often we don't challenge ourselves on.

I'd love for you to think of a time, I'm sure it's not in the too distant past, where you said you weren't 'allowed' something, or to do something anymore, or you HAD to do something EVERY single day.

Usually this might be around dieting at this time of year but it could be anything. If clients have ever said to me, 'I'm challenging myself to do X, Y or Z every single day' or 'I'm going to ban myself from doing X,Y or Z from today' I highlight the red flag.

We have to give ourselves a different kind of challenge.

The challenge of being conscious to where these all or nothing ideas come from in the first place, because more often than not they actively reinforce the very thing you were trying to change anyway.

Not helpful!

Also, being conscious of why it's important to you that you get the result.

And what is actually sustainable for you, your personality and your lifestyle.

Is it actually something you WANT to do EVERY day? Is it even viable?

When it comes to health and wellness, whether it be physical or mental, there are so many fads that are all about deprivation or all or nothing thinking.

I do love a bit of routine, but I also won't beat myself up if I skip a day because usually if I do it's because I'm tuning in to my own energy, how I'm feeling and what I'm needing that day.

Some things I'm religious about like making sure I get at least 7-8 hours sleep per night.

But other things I'll go through phases with. I use SO many tools for mental wellbeing that to all or nothing my way through them all every day would take all day!

So it's about going with what your intuition tells you you need.

So the habit becomes, rather than every single day I meditate, exercise, do heartmath, journal, do breathwork, yoga etc etc etc, that I do SOMETHING every day that's for my own mental wellbeing.

Otherwise I tend to hold myself to 'most days'.

It's about finding what works for you. That's one of the reasons I keep a lot of my subjects open to your own interpretation, there is no one size fits all.

So much of this work is learning your SELF. That awareness is the most important part and I promise you it leads to FAR less mental clutter and instead of having a bully in your own head you get a friend.

Yes it's possible that inner voice can be a SUPPORT to you instead of a hindrance.

I'm talking from my own experience here and hundreds of clients who report the same. It's worth the work.

So, for me MOST days i'll do some journaling, Heartmath, make sure i'm moving (that might be in the gym or simply going for a walk), singing, drinking at least 3 bottles worth of my water, I'll read and make sure I talk to at LEAST one other human!

All or nothing thinking keeps you in a cycle of beating yourself up and feeling like you've failed.

What could it feel like if you relaxed it to a little bit of what you fancy?

When we take how we feel into account, deprivation is not something that usually leads to happiness or joy. (Unless there's a mental or physical health reason for what you're depriving yourself of, or when addictions or damaging substances are involved of course. As always, there's always going to be nuance to your own individual situation but I know we're all sensible grown ups here who can discern that for themselves)

This lack of joy feels like we're punishing or torturing ourselves from a place of we're not good enough so we must beat and bully ourselves into submission.

Wellness to me IS enjoyment.

When you shift the intention it can be a game changer.

I don't go to the gym or exercise to lose weight. I go because of how I feel. I know how it works with my brain and body. I want to make sure I have less pain in my dodgy knees. I want to look after myself. I want to be healthy. Weight loss is just a nice side effect.

THIS is what makes it sustainable.

I'm all for self improvement but I tend to take it from a different angle.

I'm not coming at it from a place of i'm not good enough. Quick fixes and trends tend to be based on you not being good enough and making sure you feel that way. I'm coming at it from a place of I'm absolutely worth the time, energy and money and I'm worth looking after and feeling good.

See the difference?

So I'm going with my 'is it worth it' philosophy this year. This is my version of 'a little of what you fancy.'

For example, if you're having a drink and you know you might not sleep well or have a hangover…is who and where i'm having that drink fitting into my 'worth it' category? Are they people I really want to be hanging out with or spending time with? Am I there out of desire or obligation?

Sounds ruthless but it's a game changer!

Same with food we might deem 'naughty' or in the 'I shouldn't' category.

Is that cake worth it? Am I REALLY going to enjoy every single morsel and do a happy food dance for it? If not, it's a nope! This genuinely helps me make WAY better food decisions and it's from a place of is IT good enough for ME. Not 'I can't have it because I'm wrong' in any way.

See the subtle shifts here?

Shifting the focus to enjoyment. Mindfulness over mindlessness.

Being conscious and aware of your habits and turning them into choices instead.

At the end of the day nothing is worth the expense of your mental health.

Nothing is worth reinforcing the opinion that you aren't good enough in any way.

And life, in my opinion, is supposed to be enjoyed.

That voice in your head can be your friend. It doesn't need to be a bully.

Balance over deprivation.

Conscious choices.

So if you're listening feeling like you've already fallen off the unrealistic wagon you set for yourself I hope this might shift your perspective.

And if you feel the all or nothing approach works for you…have at it!

My message here is doing what's right for and works for YOU. From a place of self respect and love rather than beating yourself up or feeling not good enough.

Because you're more than good enough my friend!

Fx

Show note links:

• Download The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• For corporate coaching, training and workshops email [email protected]
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

Letting Go Of Timelines

I had said I would be properly 'back to work' last week.

That didn't quite go according to plan.

I did what was necessary but I'm definitely still feeling a need to hibernate in a little cozy cocoon.

Which is TOTALLY normal considering behind the scenes i'm going through one of the biggest life upheavals i've ever dealt with. That's naturally going to take its toll on mind and body so looking after yourself is going to be essential in those times. If you're going through big life stuff too I'm sending you so much love and the biggest hug because it sucks but if you're on my email list you will have had a handy pep talk last week reminding you that you are FAR braver than you're giving yourself credit for. You've got this.

Besides that, let's be honest once the glorious twinkliness of the festive season dissipates you're left with this cold, wet weather, not much 'greenery' around and short days with not enough sunlight.

It got me thinking about all the ways we blindly follow timelines and time frames that, more often than not, weren't ours in the first place.

If you read anything about the laws of nature or cycles, winter is for slowing down and hibernating. Spring is when you pop into action.

So I've decided I'm going with that a bit this year to try it on for size.

There are so many other 'timelines' that so many people seem to tear themselves up about.

A lot of societal 'shoulds' and what not hitting those timelines 'means' about you as a person.

A lot of the time they're related to age and gender which is also not particularly modern.

So I think it's time we break some of them down and look at them a little differently, perhaps give ourselves a little reframe.

My dissertation at university was all about women and aging in the media. How society has let women believe they are second class citizens after a certain age and that it's 'all downhill' after a certain age.

This is a crock of you know what.

Women are taught to fear and do everything in their power to prevent an aging appearance from about the age of 20. It's madness.

What's the solution?

This is thankfully starting to happen, we need REAL women being championed and showcased in advertising, on the TV, in movies.

If you look now I'm LOVING how many women in their fifties are still being championed as sex symbols and I am SO here for it but there's still work to do to create the societal shift.

I follow body positive and age positive people on Instagram and make sure I'm filling my feed with their glorious confidence.

When I want to shift the way I see something this is what I'll do. I'll seek the evidence that it's possible. Marinate myself in places where these things are celebrated. It has a profound shift on how you see things. It also has a profound shift on how you see the world.

I seek places that are diverse, championing things that are not traditionally championed, challenging societies status quo and it really works. It's actually quite profound because all of a sudden, these things you feared becoming are seen in a positive light and you don't feel like 'everyone' thinks it's negative, or not normal, insert the right word for yourself depending on what's popped into your head as i'm talking.

So we have all this around our appearance going on and on top of that let's throw in that you 'should' be married by a certain age.

You 'should' own your own home by a certain age.

You 'should' have kids by a certain age.

You 'should' be on a certain salary with a certain title by a certain age.

You 'should' be making six figures in your business in a certain time frame.

And it's all a crock of you know what.

It's all other people's conditioning and opinion.

And none of this takes any nuance of what we actually might want into account. Or the negative potential aspects that could be involved.

And it is SO harmful to people's mental health.

Mostly because of the judgement we might feel from other people and what we make it MEAN about us if we don't hit that target.

It can cause people to stay in jobs they hate. Stay in relationships where they aren't happy. Get themselves into debt trying to find the quick fix to the timeline. Live beyond their means.

Essentially society says it's better for you to have these things and be miserable than not have these things and be happy.

It's another one of these unconscious thought processes that isn't questioned.

As if you're in some way a failure if you're single in your 30s or rent instead of own.

As if you should stay in a job you hate purely for the salary and the title. That job you chose when you were still in school and didn't know yourself.

What if people knew it was ok to change careers at any age, even if it means an initial drop in salary or title. In all likelihood it wouldn't stay that way for long because you're already super skilled and that will shine through. But you could be happy and love going to work every day.

What if people knew it was absolutely ok to leave a relationship that's not making you happy or even abusive. And that you're likely to learn really important lessons and meet someone else who you can be a bazillion times happier with. OR, heaven forbid, be single by CHOICE!

Or CHOOSE not to have children.

If you've been with me for any amount of time you'll know how fundamental I believe challenging our unconscious programming and thought processes is. This, in my opinion, really is the key to living the happiest life you can. The key to finally being able to love yourself and respect yourself. To make sure you're surrounding yourself with the right people. To finding your confidence.

The more you work on yourself, the more you know yourself, the more happiness, peace, calm, joy and potential into your life.

The possibilities really are endless.

So grab your journal later and start thinking about some timelines you've bought into that might in actual fact be a crock of you know what.

Seek people who have been through what you've been through and come out the other side. You'll notice they're often a little more 'glowy' after!

It's also important to talk things through with people who are going through similar situations so you can support each other.

Seek the stories of people who've done the scary thing that goes against the grain of what society tells you you should want or have and see where YOU land. With YOUR opinion and beliefs, without the clouds of these random societal timelines that have got in the way and clouded decisions.

It's your life and you are in far more control of it than you believe. IF you challenge your conditioning and programming with curiosity.

Especially at this time of year when you're being bombarded with all the ways you don't fit the bill or aren't enough.

It goes back to your values. What's more important to you? What other people might think, or FEELING happy in your own skin and in your life.

You are GLORIOUS and you get to create your own timeline.

Fx

Show note links:

• Download The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• For corporate coaching, training and workshops email [email protected]
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!

As I gear up to be 'properly' back to work this week I've been having a little ponder and reflections on some mindset shifts and ways of thinking that I personally believe could be helpful for 2023.

I've seen too many people get sucked in by certain messaging in marketing or in society itself that I believe is problematic.

2022 saw me the most disappointed I'd ever been at some behaviour I saw. The way people were treating each other. SO…MUCH…DRAMA, and I don't do drama. Not my circus, not my monkeys.

So I tried to see as little of it as possible.

It frustrates me seeing people behave badly towards other people. But, after 8 years digging deep into human behaviour, controversial as it may be, I feel huge compassion for those doing it.

It's wrong, plain and simple, I'm certainly not excusing it or saying I think it's ok. I categorically think the opposite. BUT, when you REALLY understand where that behaviour comes from it IS hard to not find compassion.

People that behave in nasty ways to people, or talk badly about people, are not happy people. It's often child consciousness following us into our adult life.

There is something going on there that is defense and protection mode. That behaviour comes from deep wounds.

When you really, truly understand that it's hard to not have compassion, which in turn changes how you react.

There's things that happened to me last year that were super hurtful. But I understand where the behaviour came from.

I choose to view it with compassion and exit the situation and know it's my choice who to be around and who not to be around. No hard feelings, new boundaries!

I'm on a mission to help people be more conscious because it's so fundamental to living a good life.

That comes from being aware of and then challenging our own thoughts and perceptions and also taking responsibility for our own behaviour.

When 95-99% of what you do is habitually wired in and automatic, we need consciousness as the absolute basic start to making any change and living a happy life.

It's not to demonise the unconscious, far from it. It's incredibly helpful in many ways. We want automation to conserve energy.

What we don't want is for it to rule our behaviour, our results and our lives.

So these are a few of the shifts I think are important to at least think about going into the new year.

Hustle has been glorified for many many moons.

This idea that if you're 'busy' that equates success.

It doesn't in my eyes.

I don't want to be 'busy' because in my mind that means I'm not being efficient (based on my own personal circumstances, privileges, nuances etc) Some people say 'balance' doesn't exist but I disagree.

I believe that balance looks different for everyone. Define your version of balance that makes you FEEL you had balance in your life. Screw what anyone else thinks. They're not you.

You do you boo!

It really feels like time that we stop focusing on what everyone else is doing or thinking about how they might be judging what we're doing and just do what we want to do!

Do what suits us, our personality, our experience, our life.

It's OURS at the end of the day.

I think this one is really important. I talk about it a lot.

It's impossible to talk to all people at any one time.

There is nuance to everything.

People can't judge people in exactly the same way.

We have nuance. They have nuance. Business has nuance. Careers have nuance. Friendships, relationships, family dynamics, things we've been through, what we want.

There is SO much nuance to every single thing you see!

Try not to blanket-coat opinions and start to question everything with curiosity.

You might be surprised by what you find and how it shifts things for you.

As I was saying previously, this one can bring in two of my previous points.

Nuance and the fact that people's bad behaviour is often driven by deep deep wounds. In 2022, more than ANY other year, I've seen anger and hatred everywhere I look online.

It's literally served to us and I'm absolutely not here for it.

As a society it seems like we're being driven by reactive aggression and outrage.

'This person must be punished'.

The need to hit people where it hurts and have them lose money, their business or be shunned from society in general.

It's horrific behaviour and while many of the people being 'cancelled' I wholeheartedly don't agree with.

When you bring nuance and curiosity into the situation things can look very different.

There have been MANY times through the ages when the mobs have been wrong.

Remember that next time you jump on a bandwagon. Do you have all sides of the story?

Extreme views often come from some semblance of psychology or neurobiology that makes sense.

Again, not simply stating who's right and who's wrong but more, how can we make this make sense.

What could have happened to this person to make them think or behave this way?

We're very quick to react to how something 'looks' on the surface, usually without going deeper.

Leading nicely on from my previous point, try to remember all of the lenses we look at things through are different.

This goes back to nuance again. (sensing a pattern here?!)

When it comes to the truth, there are always more than one version of it.

In the example of two people falling out there's one person's truth, the other side's truth and somewhere in the middle is THE truth.

Question with curiosity!!

Time and money spent on your own health, mental health wellbeing, development and enjoyment is, in my opinion, the BEST and MOST important investment you will ever make.

It makes everything infinitely better and the ROI is bigger than you could ever expect.

Whatever that looks like for you.

It could be spa trips and retreats, it could simply be finding 5 minutes to yourself.

Figure out what you feel YOU need to be the best version of you.

That will look different to everyone.

Oh my goodness, if you realise something isn't working for you. If something feels heavy. If something or someone is not serving you anymore. You get to change your mind!!

It's such a bizarre thing, the amount of stories and judgement that people can put on what other people do with their time and their lives.

It doesn't matter! That's a THEM thing, not a YOU thing. Follow joy. Follow happiness. Follow peace. It's YOUR life.

If you feel you have to be fake or hide parts of yourself, it's probably not your room or your people.

Just because there's a clique that you're not in, doesn't mean you're not good enough.

Spend more time with the people and in the rooms that give you a felt sense of safety.

Be around the people your nervous system is calm around. Y

ou deserve nothing short of that.

Your body is always talking to you and giving you clues about these things. Make a point to listen.

On that front, on the flip side, if you see someone changing it up HIGH FIVE them.

Keep your judgement to yourself, question where that judgement is coming from in the first place and realise big changes take gumption, bravery, cahones! It's to be high-fived!

I don't think this needs much explanation really.

You're not going to win this every time, you're human.

But how could things be different if you did it MOST of the time? If it was your intention?

Ego can be a little beastie. It's human for that to get in the way sometimes but when you're solid on your values and how you want to behave towards others I promise you'll start to not tolerate anything different from other people.

It's the very basics of treating others how you'd like to be treated. Game changer.

Remember even the toughest, strongest-looking people can be extremely vulnerable underneath it.

People are very quick to forget the phrase, 'In a world where you can be anything, be kind'.

Aim to remember it as much as possible.

Everyone has their struggles and demons.

You never know what's going on for someone else.

Check on your strong friends.

As much as you possibly can.

Just be a good person, lead with that.

I hope that's given you some food for thought and perhaps a few things have spring to mind that you'd love to add.

2023 is my 'year of me'. And I'm SO here for it.

Like I've said before, there's still some tough bits still to come for me but I know how glorious it's going to be on the other side and I'm here for the lessons and the growth.

I'm honing in and doubling down on all the things that make me FEEL good.

I've cheated the system and I've chosen TWO words for 2023. How very bold of me indeed.

The first one is authenticity.

To me this means absolutely not changing myself to fit anyone else or anyone else's opinion on what I 'should' be doing.

Not dumbing myself down or suppressing who I am.

It means being with and around the people I feel 100% myself with.

Not ignoring my gut or red flags.

The way I see it is if you're not being authentically you what are you left with? A career or business you don't love. People who don't make you feel your best. Surface-level relationships. No thank you!

Not everyone is going to like it and that's absolutely ok. There will be plenty who do.

Think of authenticity like a spam filter for your life. The more YOU you are the more the pieces that don't fit fall away. Wonderful.

The second is fun.

This year, I'm going to have some flipping fun!

I'm going to try new things, go to new places, spend time with my favourite people and let my inner child run absolutely wild.

It's going to be glorious and I'm so glad you're coming with me on the ride!!

Fx

Show note links:

• Download The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back winter 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

Lessons And Growth In The Dark Scary Times

Well here we are.

1. Feels like yesterday it was 2019!

So, I'm easing you in with this one in the hope you're still taking as much time as you need for yourself.

As much rest as you need.

As much time with your loved ones as you need.

I for one tend to take the first week of January off and ease myself back in super slowly, no pressure.

I've stayed totally off social media too for 2 weeks which has been wonderful.

I am giving you a bit of a raw one today but I know that it's going to give someone who's going through it at the moment some hope or a different perspective so it's worth the vulnerability hangover.

2022 for so many people, including myself, was a bit of a shocker personally.

It's very easy when things are hard to drown in it and miss all the good that is right there in front of you. Your brain will be very helpful and filter this for you too if you don't put your conscious hat on and intentionally look for the good bits so remember that. There's always an unconscious filter on everything so pop on your conscious hat and take another look, you never know what you might find.

It's especially difficult when you're surrounded with people's highlight reels, that are LITERALLY highlight reels leaving out all the bits they don't want you to see or know about, making it look like they've had a wonderful year and you're left feeling a little flat and wondering what's wrong with you.

There's nothing wrong with you my love, you're just comparing apples to pineapples and thinking they're the same.

So here we go…I've been honest about the fact that 2022 was difficult for me personally.

One day I will talk about it all and the lessons but it's not appropriate for me to do that for a little while yet, I know you'll understand.

I've had to let go of what I thought my life was, and what it was going to look like from pretty much every angle.

I've had to let go of some of the things I love the most in my life too.

It's been brutal and incredibly painful honestly, and now I've been 'in' it a while and starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel I can see it's also been very beautiful.

Things have happened in the last year that I used to think would break me but my goodness it's done the opposite.

The things I used to fear, have happened. And guess what, I'm still here.

So if you've been through the ringer the last year I hope you can reflect back and see the same, even if you're still in the thick of it I hope you allow yourself to start looking for the value and the lessons that might be there.

My priority in 2022, particularly the second half, was really doubling down and practicing what I preach.

I let go of goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year because they just weren't a priority anymore. (Pssst…you get to change your goals by the way…thought that was an important point to make on Jan 2nd!)

I have looked after myself like never before. I've been in the gym, in the spa,meditating, doing heartmath, tapping, journaling, making sure I'm outside, really simply listening to my body every day and giving it what it needs. (by the way, that's how you improve your confidence and self love too…actually love yourself, treat yourself well and keep promises to yourself, you'll find when you do that you care far less what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself!)

I've been painfully honest with myself about what's serving me and what's not across all areas of my life. It's something I do often but I've really gone for it over the last few months and it's very cathartic!

I've let a huge amount of things go. I've burned a lot of stuff down, metaphorically, that were sapping my energy!

I've supported myself like never before. It's actually been really lovely to witness how I've handled things and I'm incredibly proud of myself.

As someone who had such terrible anxiety and negativity and chronic catastophising for most of my life, to be able to handle some of the really big things life can throw at you in the way I have gives me a tremendous sense of pride.

That girl back in 2014 wouldn't have believed the 2023 version could exist. So wherever you're at right now, I promise it can change! It will take work but your life can be unrecognisable in the best ways.

I'm particularly proud of the calm I'm able to access in the chaos. The way I'm instantly able to shift my perspective. The way I'm able to acknowledge and feel any negative feelings with no judgement and know there's always the calm after the storm that brings with it incredible lessons.

Doing this means that things that could have knocked me down for days previously, last a matter of hours or often just minutes. The magic of allowing yourself to feel your feelings and know that they are valid, valuable and justified!

It's as if every time I move through something negative or dark there's a new layer that sheds and new growth that happens.

I don't fear the big bad things anymore. I take a deep breath, zoom out and just think about the next step.

I hope you're finding this episode helpful because I think there are too many people who talk about things being sunshine and roses all the time and it's simply not true. I promise you these are the parts that make us who we are. They are the catalyst for growth. Post traumatic growth is magical. These things that you thought would break you happen and your baseline of happiness, resilience, self worth all shifts for the positive when you allow the growth to happen.

I know and I absolutely trust that the things I thought would break me are actually building me.

That's magic in my eyes.

I don't fear other people's judgement of me because I know it always says FAR more about them than it does about me.

There's so much pressure in this world to show up and be perfect, people will look to tear you down. That's their thing, you don't have to take it on. It's really not about you anyway!

I've been let down by so many people this year who I thought I was close to and had my back. It's been very painful at times but also I'm grateful because I don't want that energy in my life.

When people SHOW you who they are, believe them. You get to grieve who you thought they were and what you thought you had, but know it was never really there in the first place and you will be far better without them. Let the gap they leave create space for amazing people to come into your life.

I'm very solid in my opinion of myself these days. I don't need validation from anyone outside of me, nice as it is when it happens ha!

I know who I am and I'm excited for who I'm going to be in the future.

I've also allowed myself to be supported like never before. This was newer for me this year. I've always been very independent and identified as 'capable' of doing everything myself. It's been something I've really practiced and worked on and it's brought so many beautiful things into my life. I've talked about it in a previous episode.

I'm not putting any pressure on 2023. It will involve some things that I never thought I'd be doing. Things that I don't want to do. Things that are hard, sad, heartbreaking and challenging to my ego but I promise you the episode you hear this time next year will blow your mind.

So whatever your last year has looked like please allow yourself to zoom out and start to get excited about the potential positive possibilities.

I can see them so so clearly now, and I AM excited. What an adventure I'm going on.

And I hope that you can start to see things that way.

Please remember that the 1st January is just another day.

It's a societal thing that has made it so important and made people feel like it's the ONLY day of the year where you really need to get your shiz together and if you don't stick with it you're a mighty failure.

I don't believe in resolutions that set you up to fail and don't take the science of habits into account and are set through a lens of all the things that you think are 'wrong' or 'not good enough' about yourself.

No thank you.

I like to do things a little differently.

I love this time of year for reflection and I also love it because as much as you really can do this any day during the year, I do like the energy of a clean slate. I just take away the pressure.

You're perfect as you are. If you want to tweak some things this year from a place of self love rather than self judgement then I'm so here for that.

Although there are still some hard things to come for me in 2023, I know I'm going to handle anything that comes my way.

There are lessons I've learned, and am still learning that I will be forever grateful for. Even though they SUCKED at the time.

I know who my people are. I know who I am!

There are also plenty of exciting things that are coming up for me this year outside the personal growth I know is coming my way in abundance.

There is going to be an even more affordable and accessible way to use the Positive Pants Toolkit app coming very soon that I'm really excited about.

There are hugely exciting developments with the podcast AND the potential launch of 2 more. One that ties in nicely with this one but longer form interviews so I KNOW you're going to love that one.

And one that's something I'd love to do just for fun. So keep your ears peeled for those.

I'm going to be doing more individual enneagram sessions and bringing you the gift of sweet sweet self awareness and the roadmap to your own growth and happiness. If you're not following @enneagramandexcell please do go follow, there's a link to book your session in the bio over there too. I ADORE these sessions because they never fail to blow clients minds and completely shift the way someone sees themselves. So much self compassion comes from understanding your enneagram type and it gives me chills to see how that shifts for someone.

You can also now work with me 1:1 through your company, just email [email protected] and put me in touch with your HR or learning and development contact.

I'll also be doing more corporate trainings and workshops too which again, if you'd like me to come into your company or work with your team just put me in touch with the people responsible and we shall make it so. I've worked with some very cool companies this year around understanding self sabotage and emotional regulation tools and techniques as well as the enneagram and it all brings me absolute joy so the more the merrier!

Instead of fixing any goals for myself this year outside of continuing to look after myself and support myself to the best of my ability and lean into what my body is telling me it needs, I'm going with authenticity and flow.

There are still a lot of unknowns in my world, and a little more pain to get through so i'm going to allow myself to follow the nudges. I'm letting things unfold, feeling my feelings, allowing myself to say yes to opportunities or to what scares me.

And also…lots of healing.

I hope wherever you're at or however you're feeling today that you know how much you matter.

Fx

Show note links:

• Download The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back winter 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

Time to look at progress differently, There's A Shift Coming!

It's time to look at progress, success and what happiness in your business truly looks like, differently.

There's a shift coming and I'm SO here for it!

I've been banging this drum for a very long time now and if you've been listening for any amount of time you'll hopefully know that I do not subscribe to the crazy 'guru' marketers and 'celebrity' coaches out there's depiction of what success and progress really looks like and I find it incredibly problematic and toxic.

Whether that's in business, careers, weight loss, personal growth and healing…anything!

The idea of overnight success, click your fingers and it's done and the very concept of what that success actually looks like, or 'should' look like.

It becomes the very thing that keeps people trapped in a cycle of feeling worse and worse when they don't get the unicorn results.

People are waking up and wising up to it and I for one am ELATED about that.

So many people come into starting their own business purely because they want more flexibility in their lives.

Which is actually easier to achieve when you're going for what were your original goals in the first place. Often to replace a salary or a bit more.

Then they're sold the 'six figures in six months' idea and the concept of seven, or even eight figure businesses now without taking into account any real version of what it took to get them there and the original goal seems like you're 'playing small'.

Or the idea that they are completely healed (impossible by the way, growth IS the human experience, the work is never done and that's a beautiful thing!) and they can show you the exact steps to do the same thing yourself.

We don't actually know if they're really 'there' at all.

We never hear the nuance of their personal circumstances and privilege.

We don't know the nuance of any healing they had to go through to get there or how long that took.

We don't know the full story of any of it.

But we benchmark ourselves against it!

Or, we have done for far too long and people are more clued up and are asking themselves better questions.

And nothing could make me happier.

The bottom line is your identity has to catch up before something shows up in your reality.

Without doing the inner work and having a deep look into the self awareness piece of the puzzle you'll hit barriers every step of the way because your brain and nervous system WILL put them there.

Having what you want has to feel SAFE in your nervous system, if it doesn't then self sabotage ahoy!

Last week I was oop North in Blackpool for the wrap up of The Mentorship. The high level 6 month programme that I run with Dawni Baxter and Abi Hugo.

I'm amazed I didn't cry when we were going round the table talking about results, what the biggest thing they're taking away from the programme is, their plan going forward and their focus for 2023 because everything i've ever wanted to hear from someone I'm working with was exactly what was coming out of their mouths and I could be more proud of every single one of them.

So I wanted to share some of the key points in the hope that it might inspire a little shift in you too, to see what's possible when you let go of some of the conditioning that's very purpose is to keep you trapped in a cycle of needing more when you have so much of what you already need within you right now.

I wholeheartedly believe that. You just have to back yourself and have the support and reminders to believe it.

So here we go, these are some of my favourite key points from our discussion.

The shift to Internal from external validation. This is HUGE for me. Hearing this felt like absolute 'mission accomplished' for me. Letting go of numbers in exchange for how you FEEL about yourself. Knowing that numbers do not define you in any way.

Putting yourself first. I believe we all need to apply this. Nothing should come at the expense of our physical, mental or emotional health. It's been too long that hustle culture has been glorified to the detriment of self. It HAS to stop. Not compromising self to keep up with the joneses.

Turning away money if it's at the expense of mental health, physical health, ethics. Being able to do this in the face of potential scarcity is a HUGE win! Knowing when it's right for you and when it's wrong for you. There are SO many more benefits that come from being able to do this than will ever come from taking the money anyway.

How important doing the inner work truly is. Being able to truly find themselves in the process of undoing unhelpful conditioning. The strength and clarity that you find there is invaluable and life changing.

Recognising what a REAL 'lifestyle' business can look and feel like. A lifestyle business is one that fits into the lifestyle you really want. For most people, when they're really honest with themselves, is far simpler (and easy to achieve!) than the social media 'lap top lifestyle' images. For many people this might look like working less per week, with flexible hours, loving what you do and staying under the VAT threshold. There's no judgement to be had either way but all too often I see people sacrificing what they really want for what they think they should want, and that if they don't have means they aren't good enough. Remind yourself of what it was you originally wanted and why. Get there first, then continue to grow if you want to.

Feeling confidence and clarity around your direction while being able to be authentically you. This should be so obvious but the vast majority of people don't have this. Not having this is when shiny object syndrome can wreak havoc.

The power of Real authentic support, do you have it? If not, where could you find it?

Having the confidence to say yes to opportunities instead of hiding. Oof, I loved hearing this one!

Offerings that actually FEEL good. I promise when they do they'll be so much easier to sell.

No more feeling like trying to fit square pegs into round holes. The reality is humans are nuanced creatures. No two are exactly the same in every way. You have to get to know your square pegs and round holes AND not judge yourself for not 'fitting' somewhere.

Braveness.

Flexibility and not being afraid to pivot.

If you take away the pressure cooker you'll move so much faster!

A lot of that comes from figuring out YOU, which is at the heart of everything I do. When you do that, everything will become easier.

So I hope that inspires you to think a little differently about the year just gone, the one coming up and your own progress.

It's often not the surface level 'showy' things that prove our progress, it's the deep shifts of patterns, self identity and the way we feel which are the real marker of success.

I'm so grateful to have been a part of this for them. They did the work. There's no getting around that part but if you have the right support around you you will absolutely fly!

And finally, before I take my little Christmas break, I wanted to say a huge heartfelt thank you to every single one of you listening to this.

Every single listen, subscribe, download, share, recommendation, review, it all means the absolute world to me and I can't believe my little brain child of helping people understand themselves and how they tick has grown to where it is now.

So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

I wish you happy festivities for whatever you're doing.

I'll see you on the flip side in January!

Fx

Show note links:

• Download The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back winter 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

How To Handle Festive Season Triggers

The festive season can be rife with triggers.

This year I'm having a lot of conversations with people who are feeling a little nervous going into said festivities and I wanted to offer up my perspective, in case it's helpful for a little reframe or to remind you of the tools you have available to you.

To many people the festive season is a time for joy, fun, family, frolics and great food.

For probably just as many people it's a little less joyful and more anxiety inducing for a number of potential reasons. Particularly this year when so many people are still operating from fight, flight or freeze responses after the intense last few years we've all had.

So I'm going to talk about some of the common triggers that might come up because awareness is going to be the biggest key to making sure you're not overtaken by triggers. I'll also give you the key steps to managing them. Awareness is and always will be number one.

But not just for you, to also help you step into someone else's shoes too and understand why certain things that might not be triggering for you, could be for someone else and how to support them.

Remember as Carl Jung says, 'Until you make the unconscious conscious it will direct your life and you will call it fate.'

The more aware you are the less power they have. When they remain unconscious you don't have any other choice but to run on autopilot and from your old, often unhelpful, protection mechanisms that might result in a self fulfilling prophecy.

We want you to use the most efficient area of your brain, your prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision making, rational thought, and choice. All the things you need when potential triggers are around. It's known as the CEO of your brain and it literally goes 'offline' in stressful situations.

So, we want to know how we keep that online as much as possible.

Money is going to be a very common festive season trigger. Finances in general are a big one for people, especially this year.

There's so much comparison, particularly on social media.

There's so much 'shoulding' on ourselves about how our festive season 'should' look.

So much expectation.

However, a lot of it is actually self generated. We do it to ourselves. We put the pressure on ourselves.

In tricky financial times we need to think a little outside of the box. Set boundaries with ourselves and others. That might be instead of the financial pressure on food being on one person could it be split amongst everyone. For example, one person brings a starter, one sorts the turkey, one sorts pudding, one brings the trimmings.

Of course I can't speak to your individual situation but I'm hoping you get the idea!

People might be feeling awkward this year and we don't have to wait for them to say so. We can suggest ways to all be in it together, we can even make it fun, and help take the pressure off.

If you're really struggling this year please do google what's happening in your local area because there are lots of charities that will be putting together dinners and donated gifts.

You could make presents, do secret santa, get creative but please take the pressure off yourself as much as you possibly can and don't try to keep up with the Joneses.

Family and relationships are next up. Goodness these can be a big trigger for so many and often when things we thought we'd healed might sneak back in when we're spending more time with people we might normally love from a distance.

Being in the wrong relationship, not being in one, arguments. People not pulling their weight.

Within the family trigger might also be loneliness or loss too for various reasons. If that's you I'm sending so much love. Please have a google again for things going on in your local area. Even if there's people to meet up with online. Please don't suffer in silence.

Toxic positivity and having to answer questions about 'where you are in life' also play a part here so plan out in advance how you want to handle it. Brainstorm some killer comebacks. If people ask you questions you don't want to answer, turn it back around and ask them something about themselves. People love talking about themselves and they love judging other people…don't give away the fodder!

Food and booze can be a trigger for those managing addictions and eating disorders.

Booze can be triggering for people in various ways. It could be being around it. It could be worrying about how you'll behave or what you'll say after a drink, how someone else will behave with you after they've had a drink, or it could be the hangxiety that ensues and plagues the day after for yourself.

Obligation is huuuuuuuuge during the festive season. Feeling like you have to say yes to things you don't want to. Going places you don't really want to be. Feeling like you 'should' be out all the time and creating elaborate stories of what it means if you're not and you're not posting about all the festive fun you're having.

If you want to stay in your pajamas until January that is your prerogative my friend!

If your nervous system doesn't want sensory overload on nights out and you want to chill at home…you do you!

Nobody, I repeat NOBODY will remember that you chose to be in your jimjams instead of going to a party.

There are plenty more and it's so individual but I wanted to highlight some of the most common.

There is one more I'd like to briefly mention before I go onto some of the ways to handle these things and that is…Board games!

If you know it's going to descend into rage and destruction…walk away from articulate. Or hide it in advance!

So what are some of the additional reframes and things you can do to make sure you're feeling as balanced as you possibly can be?

Remember, first up we have the awareness piece.

What tends to trigger you during the festive season? The more you're aware of it the more control you have over it, than it has over you.

Awareness of your own triggers and being sensitive to what could be going on for others.

Next, decide in advance what could make it easier for you?

That's nuanced to everyone's situation and I can't give you the answer to that but for me as an example, when I've been adamant I don't want a drink I've brought my own. I would also often drive meaning I couldn't drink and the peer pressure was taken off.

I actually love a lot of the non-alcoholic options out there on the market now. My favourites are from Three Spirit and Edi.

When times have been tough I've shopped in charity shops and found really thoughtful gifts. I used to have a budget of £1-3 per person and I'm not kidding when I said I won Christmas. Poundland was my friend back in 2014 when there were 8 nieces and nephews to buy for!

Recognise what a trigger is. It's an alert system to a previous threat, alerting you that something similar might be happening or about to happen in the present. It's not necessarily true. It's trying to protect you.

It's worth saying we're not actually talking about 'Triggers' in the truest context here as that's a much bigger subject (a trauma response associated with PTSD or CPTSD, often a sight, sound or smell that triggers the fight/flight/freeze response that can cause flashbacks and physiological effects) but the word trigger has become the word most people understand and associate with a reaction within ourselves to something in the present moment that has reminded us (consciously or unconsciously) of something that has happened in our past or making us feel intense discomfort.

It's a nervous system response.

Meaning you can intentionally send your nervous system signals of safety by activating the parasympathetic nervous system through something as simple as using a longer exhale.

This will also bring your prefrontal cortex back online allowing you the distance between stimulus and response that gives you back the power to respond vs react. You have choice back. You can rationalise and make a different choice if that's what would serve you better in the moment.

How do you think you could prepare to be around your potential triggers? Can you create yourself a game plan?

Grab your journal and write down all the potential triggers you're aware of and write down how you could deal with it in advance or in the moment. Look at it from the position of the causal observer, the fly on the wall that has no emotional attachment to it.

What might you recommend to a friend asking for advice on how to handle the same thing?

Do you HAVE to be around the potential trigger at all? Are there any ways that you might not have to be and still keep the peace?

Where can you kindly but clearly set boundaries?

Where could you take a break or get outside for a walk in nature? How can you plan these things in?

When it comes to triggering and stressful times it comes down to making sure you're doing MORE of what works.

What normally supports you day to day that might fall to the wayside in the festive season?

Is it exercise? Journaling? Meditation? Being out in nature?

It's easy to see the festive season as 'time off' for certain things, especially positive habits but I would argue it's a time to double down and make sure you're supporting yourself in the best possible way.

It really comes down to 8 core things.

Awareness.

Self Care.

Boundaries, with yourself and others.

Communicate your thoughts and feelings.

Reframing.

Preparation.

Asking for and allowing support.

Emotional regulation.

The more you can regulate your nervous system, the better.

Grounding, breathwork, Orienting using your senses (what can you see, hear, smell, feel, taste) Heartmath (in for 5, out for 5), meditation, using a device like Sensate (information is in my link on Instagram). If you're a member of the Positive Pants Toolkit and have the app, dive in there!

We have a lot of tools and resources at our disposal. We just have to remember to use them.

Fx

Show note links:

• Download The Positive Pants Toolkit App to access all the tools & techniques to rewire your brain and revolutionise your life https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp
• Book a call to discuss corporate training and 1:1 coaching https://calendly.com/franexcell/freeconsultation

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

Can you go slow to speed up?

Can you allow yourself to go slow so you can speed up?

What do I mean by this?

Well, we're wired as a society for instant gratification, in so many different contexts, and if we don't get it we often give up and in the process make a tonne of negative assumptions about ourselves.

Or at least berate ourselves for something not happening instantly and then beat ourselves up some more and think everyone else can do it instantly so there's something wrong with me.

We then seek the evidence for that being true.

But the trouble is we're not often looking at the whole picture and making assumptions about what it took for people to have what they have.

We take the same approach whether it's working towards something we want or our own healing.

We want everything to happen now.

And there are plenty of people who are ok with setting us up to fail by telling us we can bypass the hard work.

Again there are parallels in so many areas of life, business work, healing, weight loss etc.

There are some fundamental issues with this mentality.

Which by the way is absolutely not your fault. Too often we're sold the 'you can have this right now…without doing the hard work' messaging.

First of all it really is setting people up to be disappointed.

It's also often going to result in you spending a lot of money and a lot of time chasing the quick fixes when in fact you'd get where you want to be so much more quickly (and cheaply!) if you took and focused on the slower road.

I know it sounds counter intuitive.

I love to illustrate this as thinking about wanting to build a bridge from one place to another place where you'd rather be.

If you build one bridge slowly and consistently and really take the time to do it properly, how long would it take for you to get there?

Vs how long would it take if you constantly rush, start frantically building one bridge and it either crumbles or you realise it's not robust enough or the right method for you so you start building another one and the same happens. Then you start building another one and the same happens.

How long is it going to take you to get to the other side?

You won't, right?

You'll spend the same amount of time, usually more, and create more frantic and frenetic energy stopping and starting and building using shoddy materials on shoddy foundations vs allowing yourself the time to do it properly and allow that bridge to last a lifetime.

Even if some of the bricks were a little heavier, and things may have been a little harder along the way, even though at many points you wished there was a quicker way, but you feel in your bones how solid your bridge is and how it will last a lifetime.

Which sounds more productive and better in the long run?

We live in a pressure cooker and nervous systems can't heal in pressure cookers.

As much as we'd love it to be different.

Nervous systems heal in the slowness and the softness, what i'm always calling softly softly catchy monkey.

Allowing yourself to take your time, dip your toe in the water and create safety as you go. At the same time allowing yourself to completely rewire your brain and nervous system.

Dysregulation cannot heal dysregulation.

Think about it logically. How could that happen?

This is why burnout takes TIME to heal. There comes a point where your body forces you into it.

You need to think about what you're actively doing while you're healing. Literally creating new neural networks. Undoing and reworking decades of patterns into your nervous systems. Creating a new story of what safety looks like to your brain and nervous system.

It's flipping magical that we can do that!

But we do have to put the work in and often that means taking it slower than you'd ideally like to.

We need to stop trying to PUSH everything. Stop trying to FORCE everything and seek unicorn quick fixes that leave you feeling ten times worse than when you started.

Like I said, there comes a point where all that pushing takes its toll and you'll be forced to slow down.

Remember your bridges!

Give yourself the gift of really good, solid foundations.

I know in the festive season lots of things often feel like they speed up.

There's less rest. Less sleep. Less time for you. That in itself can be hugely triggering.

This usually happens when you're being run by obligation so I invite you to ask yourself what you really WANT to say yes to and what you don't this festive season.

Remind yourself, it actually takes less time if you allow yourself to take it slow than it would if you constantly try and use quick fixes and quit. You will heal faster if you let yourself take it slow.

I know how tempting it can be to seek quick fixes when you're in any sort of pain. It makes perfect sense. I'm certainly not saying things won't feel better before you reach your end goal. If anything I believe it's LESS painful in the long run.

So, how could you take things a little slower?

What could it look like?

How could it feel?

As always, you're a rockstar and you're capable of huge things.

Allow yourself the time to make it happen.

Fx

Show note links:

• Download The Positive Pants Toolkit App to access all the tools & techniques to rewire your brain and revolutionise your life https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp
• Book a call to discuss corporate training and 1:1 coaching https://calendly.com/franexcell/freeconsultation

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

Can You Fall In Love With The Person You're Becoming?

What if you could fall in love with the person you're becoming?

Before you become that person.

What if you can look at where you're at and the reasons you'd like to create change with compassion and absolutely love the person you're on your way to being, before you're there?

How could that change things for you?

What does that person look like?

What does that person feel like?

We have to remember that all these behaviours and foibles that we have, and beat ourselves up for having, served us at one point in our lives.

The feelings we've been taught to push down and deny serve a purpose. They are there to be felt. Fully.

We're not taught this as children.

A lot of it comes from our experiences as children.

Like I always say when we're delving into our protection mechanisms and the ways that we self sabotage and why, it's not about blaming or shaming the people in our lives who didn't know better at the time but it's understanding it's impossible to meet another human's needs 100% of the time.

When those needs are met as infants we internalise that. It's not 'I'm a good person in a situation where my needs aren't met'. It becomes 'my needs are not being met because I'm bad'.

This is the basis of a lot of shame and 'i'm not good enough' feelings.

It's not our fault.

It's not true.

It's often not our primary caregivers fault either which is worth noting.

People are often searching for the 'perfect' way to be. How to be the perfect partner, parent, friend.

The reality is it is impossible.

It doesn't exist.

No one is immune to this process of being human.

For me life is about incremental improvements and being ok learning the lessons.

I'm always loving on the person I'm becoming.

Having self compassion when I get it wrong and learning the lessons.

The beauty of allowing yourself to be human and have the entire human experience.

So let's get to know this person you're becoming now shall we?

Best get comfy and grab your journal for this one! If you're out and about let it percolate in your noggin and come back to it.

Remember when we're doing this it's from the perspective of seeing ourselves AS that person. Not beating ourselves up for not being there yet! Spoiler alert, you'll never be THERE. That's half the point.

Life is about growth and evolution. You could do this exercise today and have a totally different experience and vision in a year.

So much of what I do is about inspiring kindness towards yourself.

I beat myself up, berated myself and hated myself to various degrees for the majority of my life.

When I realised that was simply a behaviour that I'd learned and not who I am, and that it's all infinitely changeable, it was one of the most freeing experiences of my life and led me exactly here!

So, ready to dive in? Awesome!

How do they handle setting and honouring boundaries with other people?

How do they handle setting and honrouring boundaries with themselves?

How do they think, feel and behave when they get something wrong or something doesn't go the way they wanted it to?

How does this person show that they know their worth even when they aren't feeling their best?

How does this person show up in their friendships?

How does this person show up in their relationships?

How does this person show up in their work?

How does this person behave when the proverbial hits the fan?

How does this person show up when they're annoyed or angry?

How does this person treat themselves physically? (Think diet, exercise, self care)

How does this person treat themselves emotionally? (Think self talk and looking after their mind)

What is the difference in thoughts for this person?

How do they carry themselves?

What's their posture like?

How do they dress?

And most importantly how does all of this feel?

It's all within reach, and nowhere near as far away as you think it is. Come back to this episode as many times as you like. Visualisation is incredibly powerful and you'll be training your reticular activation system to start filtering out all the opportunities for you to get what you want AND showing your brain what's possible and already available to you.

Ooof it's powerful and oh so bloomin simple!

So, I hope you got some insights through this exercise that shows you what's possible.

The difference in Fran 2.0 vs Fran most of her life and at her worst in 2014 is immeasurable. Incomparable. Unrecognisable.

But no one can do the work for you I'm afraid.

The more you understand yourself, your thoughts, your feelings, your behaviours and motivations the more compassion you have for yourself and the quicker you move towards being the person you want to be.

I'm not for a second saying there's anything wrong or that requires fixing with who you are right now. But as you're here I have a sneaking suspicion there is some self judgement going on and some changes you'd love to make.

You are always good enough, you are always worthy. There's just some layers of experiences, traumas and societal stuff that once it shifts, will help you feel infinitely lighter.

The more you understand, strip back and rewire your unconscious programming on a nervous system level, the easier life gets.

If you'd like my help with that you can of course book an Enneagram Essentials call to get you really moving on the self awareness piece and understanding how to move towards who you always were and who you were always meant to be before life got in the way.

Fx

Show note links:

• Download The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back winter 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

What's going into your psyche right now?

What's going into your psyche every day right now?

I know I hammer this home a fair bit but I feel like it's a really important subject to reiterate time and time again because it's so, so easily overlooked.

So even if one person hears this today and shifts something leading to a brighter day, well then I'm happy as larry.

What are you currently watching, reading, listening to and who are you surrounding yourself with?

This stuff penetrates your psyche so whether it's positive or negative it's going to be influencing how you think, feel and behave right now.

In my opinion it's more important than ever to make sure you're surrounding yourself with the right, most supportive things and allowing it to work some magic.

I just spent 3 days at an event that was all about tapping into your intuition, that was good to feed my psyche for 3 days for sure. It also meant that I was busy so had a LOT less screen time.

It's no secret how much I love Instagram over some other social platforms because it's so easy to curate your very own little inspirational happy place on the internet.

I share what I consider pure joy to my stories all the time. That's what I see when I'm on there. Inspiration, education and joy…and cute fluffy animals which you guys also seem to get immense joy from.

I've also been intentionally spending time with some of my favourite people.

People that bring me joy.

People who have meant a lot to me either now or at some point in my life.

I honestly can't tell you the joy I've felt doing this. If you can't tell, chasing joy is one of my priorities and focus right now.

I spent the week in London staying at my friend's house and in that time I went out for pizza with one of my best friends of 17 years.

I went for dinner with 3 of my girlfriends who I've been friends with for 22 years.

I went out with 2 gorgeous friends who are going through something similar to me personally and we really put the world to rights over lunch that didn't finish until 11pm.

I had a zoom call with a guy friend of mine who was my absolute ride or die from 14 years old who I hadn't spoken to for about 7 years.

I went for a drink with one of my old friends from school, so we've been friends 22 years and again, didn't see each other for 7 years and it was like no time had passed and we had a really great catch up.

Life gets in the way right?

Particularly when we had 2 years of not really being able to go anywhere and most people dealing with their own stuff, it's so, so easy to let the people and things that matter fall by the wayside.

Then sometimes it gets to the point that you feel like it's been too long.

It's never too long.

Every single one of these people as soon as I saw them it was like no time had passed at all.

Pure joy.

It's a good reminder that people still love you even if you haven't seen or heard from them in a while.

You're in control.

You can put yourself out there to just say, 'hey, you mean something to me, can we catch up?' whenever you like.

Yes there was probably too much red wine consumed.

Yes I'm tired.

But my goodness is my heart full.

This is what I'm feeding my psyche.

It's all too easy to get bogged down in doom and gloom and scare mongering.

Focus on what YOU have control over.

Place your attention and intention on how you want to feel.

Listen to podcasts that inspire, educate or entertain you. If you're here you're already doing it, gold star, do it more!

If you feel yourself slipping into doom scrolling or getting involved in drama or comparing yourself to other people, catch yourself!

Then shift the focus.

So what do you want to put your attention on?

What inspires you?

What brings you joy?

Who brings you joy?

What doesn't?

Like I say, I know I talk about this a lot but with these episodes I'm very led by what I think people need to hear right now and this is what came up as important to me.

Check me out already using my intuition more.

It's scary out there, there's no denying that. It doesn't have to feel scary inside too.

Create your own safe space and your own safe haven and be meticulous over what and who you let into it.

Remember you're the one that's in control. Notice the difference when you start intentionally shifting your attention. See how it feels.

And remember you're amazing and you've got this!

Fx

Show note links:

• Download The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• 1:1: https://franexcell.com/work-with-me
• SOS! (Success Over Stress) Group Programme (Coming back winter 2022!)
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

Things To Pay Attention To Daily

There are some simple things to pay attention to daily that, when you do, can really have a huge effect on your life and the way you feel.

If you've been listening to me for any amount of time you'll know my passion is helping people be a little more conscious of the way we tick as humans, how society forms a lot of our opinions and ways of thinking and how our childhood and experiences do the same.

The vast majority of the world is roaming around completely unaware of themselves.

And you simply can't change anything when you're existing on auto pilot.

When those same negative thoughts and beliefs are looping in your brain.

I believe that we are all capable of change. But it starts with awareness. Consciousness.

This is why I love the Enneagram so much because it shortcuts so much of the awareness piece and it is so transformative because once you know…you know!

You can't unlearn it.

Add to that the huge self compassion and self understanding that comes with it and the compassion for others

We kind of walk around believing that everyone thinks the same way we do.

At the same time we know it couldn't be further from the truth based on our experiences.

There are a few things that you can start to really pay attention to daily that will help with the awareness piece.

It will also help you consistently keep moving towards incremental growth and to be able to notice little incremental changes that you can make on a daily basis to keep moving you towards the life you want to live.

Whatever that looks like for you.

For me it's peace, ease and flexibility. Happiness. Calm.

It might look different for you but that is my inner compass. Knowing that means I can ask myself the right questions on a daily basis of if what I'm doing is moving me towards or away from that.

So let's go through a few of the things you can start to notice daily now.

Notice what gives you energy.

This might be something you physically do. It could be certain people you're around. It might be certain things you eat or drink.

For me some of the things that give me energy are really looking after myself through exercise. Even when I don't want to do it, I ALWAYS feel better afterwards. I feel sluggish when I haven't moved.

Mr Milo doggo pants gives me energy.

Being outside gives me energy. Sunlight gives me energy.

Earl grey tea in the morning somehow gives me energy…which is totally psychosomatic because I drink decaf ha!

Being with my girlfriends gives me energy. Great conversation gives me energy.

Singing and dancing gives me energy.

So how does noticing this help? Well, when you KNOW what gives you energy and you also know you want to have more of it you can consciously do more of the things that give you energy!

Notice what saps your energy

Same thing, This might be something you physically do. It could be certain people you're around. It might be certain things you eat or drink.

Junk food saps my energy. Doesn't mean I don't eat it…comfort eating was something I learned at a very young age and I get a lot of joy from my food BUT I'm sensible about how much and when. I know when it could be problematic for me. As an example, i'd never eat junk food if i've got client calls. It totally saps my energy and I want to be on top form! In fact any big meal in the day does so I save that for my dinner. Otherwise I need a nap! That's just me…i'm not advising you to do the same ha!

I'm super tuned into people's authenticity so when I'm around someone whoI feel isn't authentic I politely make my excuses to leave. The same applies to small talk. If it's not a genuine connection I struggle. I actually want to start another podcast for in depth interviews for people who feel the same. This is one of the reasons I often struggle in the online industry and if I don't feel like I can be super genuine or authentic I don't really want to show up. I'm not labelling that as good, bad, right or wrong…just interesting to notice.

There's some obvious things too like not enough sleep or a hangover of course but i'm talking about the slightly more subtle energy suckers. They're the things you really want to notice.

When you understand these things about yourself you can make changes or seek the solutions that get around those obstacles. Without the awareness you aren't able to do that.

Notice what makes you feel grateful

Same, same! The what's and the who's that you might take for granted. When you intentionally seek gratitude you wire your brain to find more of it.

Notice what makes you not feel good about yourself

This is a biggie and something that often remains unconscious and on autopilot until you see it and are able to challenge it. Things can feel so 'normal' to us that it's not questioned. It's a feeling we're so used to that we forget we have a choice to be around it or not.

Notice what brings you joy

My favourite. I've been talking a lot recently about chasing joy. It's something we can so easily have, without it having to cost anything, and yet it's so easily overlooked.

Chase it, intentionally. Seek the little things that bring you joy. When you notice them you'll be amazed how much joy you can bring into your life even when things feel hard!

Notice what's not working for you

Another one I talk about a lot. Sometimes we can feel a low level of dissatisfaction without actually being conscious of what specifically is causing it.

When you get to the root of it you can do something about it! This is another one I talk about a lot. Check out the sunk cost fallacy episode next if this one strikes a chord.

Notice how you feel after doing certain things

This is genuinely how I got into my exercise habit. Well, most of the habits I have now to be fair. It's very easy to focus on things feeling like a bit of a 'chore' or like something you HAVE to do. Noticing how you feel AFTER doing them vs the before is the game changer.

I feel 10x better in myself after exercise, meditation, heartmath, sitting in the hottub at the gym. This is again how you move incrementally towards feeling more of how you want to feel. Notice it and try to name the feeling.

I don't exercise to lose weight. Even though I piled it on over the pandemic and with my bad knees. It's simply a glorious side effect to something I'm doing anyway now. Shift the focus. Notice how it makes you feel.

Notice where you feel resistant

Finally for today is this one. Where do you feel resistant? What specifically are you resisting? There are a lot of clues in your resistance!

So, there we have it. This isn't exhaustive of course but my goodness if you start to notice some of these things the changes can be phenomenal.

So enjoy your noticing this week!

As always if you want a little help on the self awareness front you can book in an Enneagram Essentials call with me. You, me, an hour and a half of helping you understand your unconscious programming and how to go about creating changes…glorious! You'll find the link in the show notes, on the @enneagramandexcell instagram link or just pop me a DM and I'll send it to you!

Fx

Fran Excell, Success Mindset Mentor at www.franexcell.com - Helping Business Owners & Executives Overcome Stress & Self Sabotage so they can get back their time, get off the emotional rollercoaster and feel more in control.

RESOURCES:

Check out The Positive Pants Podcast Here

Download your FREE Stressed To Success Meditation Here

Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App Here

Work with me. Book In a Free 20 Minute Discovery Call Here