The Positive Pants Podcast

Show note links:

• Download The Positive Pants Toolkit App for just £9.99 per month https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://franexcell.com/stressed-to-success

• Download your guide for How to journal, for the non 'dear-diary' type! https://franexcell.com/journaling-101

• Grab your free Procrastination Buster workbook https://franexcell.com/procrastination-buster

• Find out YOUR Enneagram type:https://franexcell.com/introduction-to-the-enneagram

Ways to work with me:

• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App for just £9.99 per month https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

• For corporate coaching, training and workshops email [email protected]

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude

• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!

• Email me at hello@franexcell.com with any questions or take aways!

• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

Things I Wish I'd Known Sooner

There are so many things I know now that, had I known sooner, would have saved me a lot of time, energy, heartache and stress.

We put ourselves through so much just in our own heads and it's only on the other side of the growth that we get that amazing gift of hindsight and can look back and see with more clarity.

We can see the lessons.

We have the lightbulb moments.

When I started this podcast that was my biggest aim.

To help people see that it's so possible for things to change.

So I thought i'd share 25 of my favourite things that I wish I had known sooner with you today.

1. It's ok to love what you love. Other people will love it and you will find them. Be your very own special brand of weird and embrace it.

1. School wasn't set up to nurture 'different'. It doesn't mean you're wrong or not good enough, it usually means the opposite. When you read the autobiographies or pay attention to the stories of a lot of the most successful people around you'll see the patterns. More often than not they were not in the popular crowd. They were the outcasts. The quiet ones or the people who didn't fit in. Whatever people told you about who you were when you were young, it means nothing. What are YOU going to decide about who you are?

1. You have way more control over your life and outcomes than you believe. We are ruled by our unconscious programming, but the more you decode it, the more in the drivers seat you are. Learn the inner workings of your SELF! It's far more important than you realise.

1. Growth is always in the things you're scared to do. Not the things you're already great at. Get excited about what's on the other side. Sometimes the things we're scared to do are exactly the things we need to do.

1. Friendships go in ebbs and flows. People come into and leave your life. It can be really sad but if you're in a different stage of your friendship right now, it doesn't mean it will always be that way. Either way it's ok.

1. Spend less time with the people that make you feel not good enough and more time with the people who make you feel 'you'. It's never worth the pain of feeling like it's not ok to be you and you'll just reinforce that time and time again. Stick with the people who make you feel like sunshine!

1. Time with the people you love is not something to take for granted. Work and purpose are great, but not at the expense of time.

1. You can learn to regulate your emotions and rewire your brain and nervous system and when you do it will change your whole life!

1. Curiosity is a huge key to your own happiness. When you seek to understand yourself and other people, everything gets much clearer and less judgemental.

1. The people who are the most successful are the people who are the most comfortable being uncomfortable and the most ok with failing, making mistakes and getting things wrong. It's more than ok to make mistakes!

1. Communication is a skill and one of the most important ones that you can learn. Actively learn to listen and communicate. So much of this is shut down when we're young. It's something the majority of us need to relearn as adults.

1. Fear has nothing to do with who we are as people. It's not part of our identity. It's a protection mechanism and when you learn the tools to regulate your nervous system, fear has no control over you.

1. Discomfort means growth is coming. You literally can't have one without the other. It's part of the process. You can absolutely learn to embrace that discomfort as a positive thing!

1. It's impossible for everyone to like you. Stop trying to make them.

1. There are no fixed timelines for you to 'make it' or feel like you have your 'stuff' together. Restart. Trust it can lead you somewhere great. It usually does.

1. It's ok to take a break when you need one. In fact, it's essential. Listen to your body.

1. Your thoughts influence your physiological reactions and vice vers leading directly to your actions. The quality of your thoughts correlate directly to the state of your nervous system and vice versa. Heal your nervous system, change your thoughts.

1. There's no point holding on to regrets. Focus on what you learned and move on. There's always something positive to find there and rumination doesn't change anything.

1. It's ok to change your mind ad decid you want or need something different.

1. Sometimes not getting what you want is a huge blessing in disguise and leads you somewhere far better.

1. Don't compare yourself to anyone else and ignore nuance. There is SO much you don't know about what or who you're comparing yourself to. You are not comparing apples with apples. It's an absolute waste of time. Just because someone SAYS they're happy, doesn't mean they are.

1. Know your values and make sure you live them. Not living in alignment with your values is a sure fire path to unhappiness and anxiety.

1. Bad days and negative emotions are totally normal.

1. The simple things are often the most effective. Don't overcomplicate things when you don't have to.

1. You are and always have been good enough.

There are probably a million more but these are some of my favourites that have well and truly stuck with me. I hope they stick with you too.

Fx

Show note links:

• Download The Positive Pants Toolkit App for just £9.99 per month https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://franexcell.com/stressed-to-success

• Download your guide for How to journal, for the non 'dear-diary' type! https://franexcell.com/journaling-101

• Grab your free Procrastination Buster workbook https://franexcell.com/procrastination-buster

• Find out YOUR Enneagram type:https://franexcell.com/introduction-to-the-enneagram

Ways to work with me:

• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App for just £9.99 per month https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

• For corporate coaching, training and workshops email [email protected]

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude

• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!

• Email me at hello@franexcell.com with any questions or take aways!

• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

Reframing Wasting' Time

Fear about 'wasting time' is something I'm hearing time and time again at the moment. Pun intended.

As a society we're so wired to be busy and rushing around all the time. People often wear it as a badge of honour.

If you're not busy then you're doing something wrong.

Thinking this way has taken away some of the simple joys in life for many so I wanted to do a little reframing of the ways that people might perceive to be 'wasting' time that in fact, are doing wonders for our mental, and physical health.

I'd love that the next time you allow yourself to 'waste' some yourself, that you feel good about it.

Mathematician and philosopher Bertrand Russel said it best when he said, 'The time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time.'

As always, this is nuanced. There are some very real reasons that we fear this. Often chaos is encoded into our nervous system as the baseline of safety so it's always going to seek it in order to stay alive.

This is where deep healing work and self awareness comes into play and if you think that might be going on I highly recommend talking with your therapist about it and doing some research because it's actually very common.

It's also very changeable but it starts with the self awareness to recognise that you find it incredibly difficult to allow yourself to rest or relax.

I do feel like the tide is turning with the rise of JOMO, Joy Of Missing Out.

I believe the only 'wasted' time is the time where you TELL yourself you're wasting it and then by proxy, don't enjoy it.

I hear people all the time saying they're giving themselves time to relax, but when you dig a little deeper, that time 'relaxing' was actually spent mentally beating yourself up.

Or overthinking something you need to do and have been putting off.

Or researching something you're going to do.

We can even look at the time we spend looking after ourselves as wasted time too.

So what do we do about this?

As usual it's good old self awareness for the win.

Imagine that moment when the guilt switched to realising you're enjoying yourself, and ALLOWING it to happen.

What would you do?

Would you chase some creative pursuits or start learning a new skill…even if you're rubbish at it to begin with?

What are you wiring in?

You're wiring that it's ok to not nail something on the first try. You're wiring that it's beneficial and enjoyable to have a beginner's mind. You're wiring that you can GET good at something over time.

Would you spend time reading?

What are you wiring in?

You're wiring that it's ok to take time for you. You're wiring that you are allowed to take time for something you enjoy. Whether it's learning with non-fiction or a little escapism with fiction.

Would you be able to spend time with friends or family, even if you did nothing in particular?

I love doing this. Just chilling out with friends. Whether it's spending a whole day in the pub just chatting, or having a pajama party and watching a movie.

Some people might consider that wasted time and that you should 'do' more with it, but I really believe the opposite.

I believe these times are SO important because it allows you to just be!

Not have to perform in any way. Be nothing and no one but totally yourself. Be in the company of people you love.

There's so much pressure around us to 'be' or 'do' or 'perform' a certain way when a lot of the time our bodies or minds are screaming out to do less and rest more.

The only way out of this cycle is awareness.

As you're thinking about things that you have often previously thought of as 'wasting' your time, even if you enjoyed it, what comes to mind for you?

What would you do more of if you didn't think of it that way?

What would be on your 'wasting time' list?

How much more joy would it bring into your life?

What difference could or would it make to how you feel?

How can you bring your inner child in to play with it too?

What did you LOVE doing as a kid that you stopped?

Could you get back into it?

The bottom line is if it's something you enjoy doing, it's NOT wasted time.

Cliche as it sounds we really do only get this one life. You're all here because you want to feel more positive right?

It can be so much easier than we think and it starts with awareness, curiosity and the willingness to challenge your, other people's and society's opinions.

Call BS on what you don't agree with and go chase that joy!

If joy lives in chilling out, peace, ease and flexibility like it does for me…amazing.

If joy lives in sitting in nature just watching and listening to the scenery…amazing.

If joy lives in taking yourself for dinner by yourself or people watching in cafes…amazing.

If joy for you lives in spending hours learning a new skill and still being bad at it…amazing!

If joy for you lives in doodling in notebooks that will never see the light of day…amazing.

If joy lives in writing, with no intention of ever publishing…amazing.

If joy for you lives in naps and pajama parties for one…amazing.

We really need to get to know ourselves on a far deeper level and give ourselves permission to do the things we enjoy.

Knowledge really is power in this instance.

You just need to see this behaviour in your kids to see the happiness it brings, the good that it does and development it creates.

The same still applies as adults! We just lost that gift over time due to other people's and societies opinions of what we 'should' be doing with our time and what counts as high value or low value tasks.

We get to take that decision back.

Nothing you enjoy doing is ever wasted time! Let go of the guilt and do more of it!

See how much of a difference it makes.

Fx

Show note links:

• Download The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://franexcell.com/stressed-to-success

• Download your guide for How to journal, for the non 'dear-diary' type! https://franexcell.com/journaling-101

• Grab your free Procrastination Buster workbook https://franexcell.com/procrastination-buster

• Find out YOUR Enneagram type:https://franexcell.com/introduction-to-the-enneagram

Ways to work with me:

• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App for just £9.99 per month https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

• For corporate coaching, training and workshops email [email protected]

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude

• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!

• Email me at hello@franexcell.com with any questions or take aways!

• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

What Is Mental Fitness

What is mental fitness?

I was listening to a podcast with Simon Sinek recently where he was talking about preferring the term 'mental fitness' to 'mental health' or 'mental illness'.

And I'm SO in agreement.

So much work still needs to be done and so much still needs to change when it comes to the stigma attached to working on yourself and struggling for any period of time emotionally or mentally.

The idea that there's something 'wrong' with you or fundamentally flawed or broken for experiencing things that are simply part of the human experience.

For having a bad day. A bad week. A bad month.

Struggling when something is going on in your life where it would ABSOULUTELY make sense for you to struggle, feel pain or challenging emotions.

Having what people may call 'negative' emotions.

Judging ourselves for experiencing anxiety, which at it's core is our human alarm system and trying to alert us that something needs attention.

Managing reactivity and triggers.

Not being totally happy with where you're at.

There's nothing 'wrong' with you.

We simply haven't been taught how to handle being a human a lot of the time.

This is why I'm so passionate about helping people shift the way they think about things.

Fundamentally shifting the lens that you look at life and yourself through.

Understanding why you the things that you do, or feel what you feel WITHOUT the judgement.

It's the judgement piled on top of the emotions that makes everything feel so much worse.

The focus on concerns over being judged by other people, as if you need to hide something.

That it's 'bad' or YOU'RE 'bad' if you experience it.

We're taught it's not ok to not be ok.

But also, let's be honest, the judgement from yourself is usually way worse.

So, we work on our health and fitness when we realise it's important in having a happy, long life right?

We might be more conscious of what we eat, move our bodies, and exercise.

Hopefully in a sustainable way that's something we can easily incorporate into our day to day lives and we can create sustainable habits.

Not all or nothing.

Not beating ourselves into submission from the perspective of not being enough.

But either way, we're praised for healthy choices, even when sometimes it's to the detriment of other things.

We're complimented for weight loss, even if it's come through disordered eating.

We're seen as 'better' in some way because we're looking after ourselves.

So why doesn't the same thing apply to our mental health and fitness?

I believe it's starting to.

But the important shift is how we look at it on an individual level.

Society will catch up.

You need to start with the question, what does mental fitness look like to you?

Is it clear thinking and decision making?

Is it the ability to not beat yourself up for getting something wrong or having a down day?

Is it deciding to do what's right for you in the moment in spite of self sabotage?

Mental fitness to me are the things that you consciously do that you know are good for you.

It's actually utilising the knowledge that you can retrain and rewire your brain and that it will feel hard and clunky at first but the effort pays off.

It's the ability to allow yourself a human moment and understand why it's there, without the judgement.

What could it look like if you were consciously improving your mental fitness as well as your physical?

What if you treated those as the same thing?

Watching what you eat vs watching what you feed your brain.

Moving your body for your muscles vs moving your body to move stagnant energy and emotions through you and benefitting from those lovely endorphins.

Diet culture is, for the most part, inherently toxic. And unfortunately, the mental health space can be too. This is another reason I like to think of it as mental fitness.

When you're working on your fitness levels specifically it's not always just for aesthetic reasons.

It's not as much extrinsic than it is intrinsic.

You're doing it for different reasons than trying to lose weight.

That's the way I choose to think of it anyway.

When I started working out I was doing it to have a better quality of life. To aid the health of my rickety arthritic knees. To FEEL better. To know my internal organs are healthier.

I've lost a stone and a half but as a nice side effect.

It wasn't my explicit goal.

My goal was to be able to walk for longer than 30 minutes without having to pay for it for 3 days. I'm now up to 2.5 hours and only having to pay for it for about an hour after.

Do you see the difference?

Diet culture comes from a place of you not being acceptable or good enough as you are. That you have to look a certain way to be accepted and acceptable.

The mental health space can absolutely do the same.

Which is SO counter intuitive.

It can make you feel like if you're not meditating for an hour, journaling for another hour, doing breathwork for 30 minutes, taking a cold plunge, doing yoga, getting out into nature, reading non-fiction for an hour, reading fiction for an hour, visualising, Heartmath every single day, and if you're not…then you're doing it 'wrong' and hey presto…guess what, you're not good enough.

These concepts in and of themselves are all great things, they really are, I talk about all of them a lot.

But not about doing them at the expense of your life. And in all honesty as ironic as I know it sounds…not at the expense of your mental health!

And not as a tool to beat yourself up with.

It sounds EXHAUSTING right?

It sounds like a full time job in and of itself.

The bottom line is scientific studies have proven that even just a few minutes of a lot of these things is incredibly beneficial.

So to me, working on your mental fitness involves the discernment to be able to know, and do, what's best and right for you.

I say it a lot and i'll say it until the cows come home.

You have to find what's right for you and you have to meet yourself where you're at right now.

Sometimes that's the ability to be able to say 'actually, I need to do nothing right now'. But know it's from a place of being what you need and not some form of self sabotage to reinforce negative feelings about yourself.

Mental fitness is the consciousness to listen to your mind and body and do what you NEED. Which will sometimes be the last thing you WANT to do.

For example, you're having a bad day and you're really in a funk. You don't want to talk to anyone, do anything, leave the house. You KNOW that's not making you feel any better.

You can listen to the part of you that wants to stay there knowing that it's likely to make things worse.. Or you can consciously question why you might want to and what could be better for you and what you might need in that moment.

You manage to get yourself in the shower and go for a 15 minute walk and maybe even message a friend saying, 'hey, I could use a little support right now, can you talk'.

Mental fitness is understanding you have choices, and what they are.

It's knowing you're good enough and you're worthy even when you're experiencing big emotions or having a bad day.

It's categorically NOT about not having challenging and painful times, negative emotions, thoughts and feelings. It's KNOWING you have the capacity to handle them and that they are temporary.

It's resilience.

So how do you want to work on your mental fitness today?

Not what are you going to tell yourself you have to do every single day for 100 days or else you're a failure.

What are you going to do to meet yourself where you're at right now?

What could fit easily into your day and into your life?

How are you going to choose to consciously shift your thinking today?

You'll find the more you do this the less reactive you are, the more quiet it becomes in your own head, the more positive emotions you're able to identify, that the negative emotions hang around a lot less time, the more confidence you feel.

Remember we're all just walking around following the path of least resistance. The thing we've rehearsed the most in our brain.

This is absolutely changeable and over time we totally shift and create new paths of least resistance. New autopilots that serve us much better.

You're already doing better than you think.

Fx

Show note links:

• Download The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://franexcell.com/stressed-to-success

• Download your guide for How to journal, for the non 'dear-diary' type! https://franexcell.com/journaling-101

• Grab your free Procrastination Buster workbook https://franexcell.com/procrastination-buster

• Find out YOUR Enneagram type:https://franexcell.com/introduction-to-the-enneagram

Ways to work with me:

• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App for just £9.99 per month https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

• For corporate coaching, training and workshops email [email protected]

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude

• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!

• Email me at hello@franexcell.com with any questions or take aways!

• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

Reframing uncertainty

Uncertainty is not something we love as humans.

Often the fear of it will keep us in situations that aren't good for us simply because that fear of uncertainty and what could happen is so strong.

But what if we could reframe it?

What if we could totally change the way we view uncertainty and not have all the answers?

Would that change your behaviour and your decisions?

As humans we're wired to seek certainty and repeat familiar patterns because that's safe.

When we can get on board with the idea of being comfortable being uncomfortable, the whole world opens up.

I'm so thankful I have wired myself for this over the years, especially with my personal situation having a huge amount of uncertainty at the moment.

That's not to say it doesn't affect me, of course it does, you can't expect it not to.

BUT it means I can begin to talk myself round pretty quickly.

The more you practice reframing the things that are uncertain, the easier it is to handle because you're utilising good old neuroplasticity to literally rewire your brain and nervous system to tolerate it.

As per usual this is where all the glorious tools for emotional and nervous system regulation come into effect.

It's also where understanding that we are not our thoughts, but the observer of our thoughts is hugely important.

The more you can catch your thoughts spiraling to the negative, the more you can talk back. Rationalise with them. Be curious about them and question them instead of blindly accepting them as fact.

This is a skill that you can absolutely learn.

Neuroplasticity at work again. Hooray!

This is very much how I trained myself to stop being Eeyore on a bad day, catastrophising and expecting the worst to being someone who even when the negative thought pops up can automatically go 'hang on, is that true? What else is also true?'

It's a very magical skill let me tell you!

So even in the midst of the most uncertainty I've ever experienced I've still managed to create some.

How could that change things for you?

To find certainty in the uncertainty?

The main way I do this is in the way I question myself.

Where CAN you create some certainty?

What do you have control over?

When can you think of a time that things were uncertain and it led to amazing things coming into your life?

I've been speaking to a lot of you over on Instagram really struggling with a lack of certainty.

Most of you have been business owners but lots of people in corporate roles too.

What does that tell you?

Uncertainty is something we need to learn to live with right?

It doesn't matter if you have a job or a business there is always some level of uncertainty to deal with.

So…the more we learn to tolerate that and reframe that uncertainty the better right?

My favourite way to do this, and something I've genuinely been writing in my gratitude journal every night, is to think about all the potential positive possibilities that could be available to you.

Ooooof I love it.

Our brains tend to go to all the assumptions we make and to all the ways this uncertainty could be a really negative thing. Think job loss, business shifts, relationship breakdowns etc.

What COULD it lead to?

What could you get excited about in the uncertainty?

If you're being made redundant, what could this mean for you in a positive way?

Will it allow you to have a career shift?

Does it give you an opportunity to sink your teeth into something new that could be so much better for you?

Could it lead to MORE happiness?

If your business is struggling at the moment because of the seismic shifts that have been going on in the world for the last few years and not showing any signs of stopping, could you think of a new programme or service you'd love to sell?

Is there a totally different way to earn money that you'd love to explore?

Could you get a part time or full time job at the same time to take the pressure off and support you?

What could that look like? Could that be fun? Could that get you out of the house and meeting new people? Could it increase your confidence?

If your relationship has ended how could it be a positive thing?

Relationship breakdowns are brutal and a huge upheaval but can you be excited about finding yourself again?

Trying new things that you wouldn't have within the relationship?

Meeting someone new that you might be happier with?

Being able to have that flurry of excitement again around meeting someone new? The first time they hold your hand or that first kiss?

How can you think about something differently that could create a total physiological shift for you?

There really can be so much to be excited about when things are rocky. Even though it might not feel like it at the time.

A lot of the time the thing we add to it that really doesn't help is the feeling of other people's judgement of that situation.

How would you feel if you put that aside?

What different decisions would you make?

How are YOU viewing your situation that you might judge in someone else?

Can you shift that?

How would it shift things if you focussed on the short term rather than panicking about the big, huge gargantuan big picture view? This is where mindfulness can come in incredibly handy.

At the end of the day the only thing that's certain in life is uncertainty.

Fx

Show note links:

• Download The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://franexcell.com/stressed-to-success

• Download your guide for How to journal, for the non 'dear-diary' type! https://franexcell.com/journaling-101

• Grab your free Procrastination Buster workbook https://franexcell.com/procrastination-buster

• Find out YOUR Enneagram type:https://franexcell.com/introduction-to-the-enneagram

Ways to work with me:

• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App for just £9.99 per month https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

• For corporate coaching, training and workshops email [email protected]

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude

• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!

• Email me at hello@franexcell.com with any questions or take aways!

• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

What Is Happiness?

What is happiness?

Oof, big question!

What is this big thing that so many of us spend our lives trying to find?

Do you actually know specifically?

How will you know when you have it?

What happiness looks and feels like will vary from one person to another, yet we all feel like we're chasing the same thing.

It can feel pretty elusive and hard to nail down.

I could ask 500 of you what happiness meant to you and end up with 500 different answers!

It's another part of our collective human experience that we may have never even thought to question or dig into.

Like so many things. We walk around on auto pilot making assumptions based on our own maps of the world and think that everyone else thinks the same as us, or should think the same as us.

But sometimes even that part isn't clear. What do we REALLY think?

This is why I love digging into our own psyches. It's SO fascinating when you really look into the things we believe, think and feel. It's so subjective and can often be changed simply by daring to look a little closer and pick apart our unconscious programming and natural learned protection mechanisms.

It's also entirely likely that me asking you this question today, and in 10 years time, and 10 years ago, would have completely different answers.

And yet we can feel like we're chasing this elusive happiness without realising we might already have it.

It comes down to perspective again. You might have something big going on that isn't ideal, but could you still be happy underneath it all?

Can you have that not ideal thing going on and not judge it or transpose it over to all other areas of your life and still be able to say you're happy?

To some people happiness might be joy, elation, laughter.

To some it might look and feel like peace and contentment.

To some people it might be love and connection.

To some people it might look like passion and purpose.

To some it might be high levels of self esteem and pride.

To some it might look and feel simply like acceptance.

So what is it?

Is happiness something that it's realistic to expect to feel all the time?

Is happiness a fleeting feeling or a more general state?

Is it a passive or active state? Meaning, do you have a responsibility in it or is it just something that happens to you?

I often love doing a little deep dive into what certain emotions and feelings really look like for me. Without society's opinions and the opinions of other people.

Really allowing myself to dig in and essentially create a map of that emotion according to me.

I often find some surprises in there.

What words do I associate with it?

What feelings do I associate with it?

Where do I feel it in my body and what does it specifically feel like?

How much can I name about this emotion and its qualities?

It creates some next level self awareness and real clarity over what you want and how you are going to achieve it.

The kind of awareness that most people simply don't get to without the desire to what I call 'seek to understand'. I mean that in the context of self, others, society and the world.

The more you can question, be curious and understand yourself, other people, society and the world the more sense everything makes.

I find mapping out an emotional state can also give me more of a map on how to reach it too.

It takes away any judgement around perhaps not having it, or having it if it's something like anxiety for example, and replaces it with curiosity.

When your filters are clouded by other people's and societies and cultural filters it's usually very difficult to really find what you're looking for.

The waters are a little muddy.

It can be clouded by what we think it 'should' or is 'supposed' to look like.

There's so much nuance to the human condition, to our feelings, our thoughts, our behaviours and it's easy to assume we're all singing from the same hymn sheet but in reality we simply aren't.

Our own experiences throughout our lives, particularly before we're 8 years old have shaped a lot of our expectations.

I mean let's be honest, Disney and romcoms have a LOT to answer for here too!

Do you know what makes you happy?

Is that different to what brings you joy?

Joy tends to be fleeting and happiness more long lasting.

Let's look at this a different way. Do you know specifically what STOPS your happiness or interferes with it?

Do you feel like other people or external things are required for you to be able to feel it?

The reality is there is no one universally agreed upon definition of happiness.

Different cultures have different words and expectations when it comes to happiness.

If you compare America to Japan for example, happiness looks very very different.

In America happiness is seen as more joyful, energetic and in Japan it's more calm and serene.

So many people, when you ask what's important to them and what do they want for their lives, will say happiness or to be happy.

So I believe it's really important to define what that is for ourselves.

And to make sure we're super clear on the things that do make us happy so we can do more of that.

Emotions are and will always be transient. They're moveable. You're not meant to feel just one thing all the time.

The way I see happiness is that the underlying feeling of contentment and peace can still be there, even when things are a little more rocky.

It's a sense of solidity.

A sense of groundedness.

A sense that everything is always going to turn out ok.

A sense of calm and balance in my nervous system.

That feeling of being able to do a big deep sigh and feel like all is well. Even if it's not 100% true at that moment.

A sense of satisfaction and optimism.

So you can see, I really don't think happiness is one thing. I think it's a combination of lots of things.

So what is happiness?

Happiness is entirely subjective and exactly what you decide it to be. And it might be closer than you have allowed yourself to realise.

Fx

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How To Be Authentic, Even When You Feel You Can't Be

Authenticity has been a core value of mine since I understood what values even were. Until it became a buzzword for people who quite often weren't actually authentic at all and it all felt a bit cringe ha.

Authenticity will also have a different meaning to each individual person too.

It might mean trustworthiness.

It might mean honesty.

It might mean saying what you think without concern.

It might simply mean the opposite of fake to you. (I hugely struggle with fakery which is probably one of the reasons it's so important to me.)

It might encapsulate all those things.

Often in the workplace people are told to be their authentic selves but that can get confusing if it's delivered without clarification.

It can feel like, 'be yourself but…on our terms.'

In online businesses people are always told 'be authentic' you'll attract more people. And it's true, but it's also nuanced.

There will be times when you feel like you can't give all of yourself because there are personal things going on that need to or should remain personal.

So what does authenticity look like when you can't share everything. Maybe there's ill health in the family, a situation that involves someone else. Legal issues. Your own health battles. There are so many reasons that you might feel like you can't or don't want to share what's going on for you.

Also, should you ever feel like you have to share everything in order to be authentic?

I can't tell you the answer to that but I encourage you to reflect on it.

For me authenticity is the ability to truly be oneself.

To be able to live authentically to me means not feeling like you have to hide anything and accepting all parts of you. Including loving the parts of yourself that are harder to love, because we all have those. And also knowing you don't HAVE to share everything with everyone if that's what's authentic to you in that moment. It's the self awareness to know where you're at and what you need.

I spent a lot of time in my youth feeling like I couldn't be myself. Like if I was truly myself then people wouldn't like me.

I felt like I didn't fit.

So I people pleased a lot, in terms of more often than not going along with what other people wanted and not speaking up for myself and what was important for me.

I let go of things I was interested in and loved doing because I thought it made me 'different' or 'weird'.

I was absolutely, fully, completely uncomfortable in my own skin which made authenticity feel almost impossible because it was terrifying.

This didn't lead to any kind of happiness. It led to feeling like I had to hide parts of myself. There were a few select people I could really be myself with and not worry they would judge me. People who were the same brand of weird as me!

As if parts of myself were unlovable and had to be kept secret.

I don't think I even really knew who I was myself. I knew who I thought I should be to be acceptable to others.

It wasn't a fun way to be and is something I put a lot of time and energy into healing.

Because of this, being authentic is hugely important to me.

In two ways.

Being authentic AS myself to make sure i'm always surrounded by the right people, being true to who I am and not ever feeling like I have to hide parts of me for fear of judgement or being unloveable.

And being authentic FOR myself. Advocating for myself. Knowing my values and boundaries and making sure I'm prioritising things I love and that make me feel good, playful, joyful and myself.

I now know that the more authentic I am the more the right people and opportunities come my way.

So, it's not a secret that for the last few months I've been dealing with HUGE changes in my life (which are of course leading to the almighty glow up!)

I've been feeling like I can't talk about them or what's going on because it's really not right that I do just yet, and therefore i've been struggling to figure out how to navigate all that AND feel authentic. Which meant my annual end of December first half of January social media hiatus went on for WAY longer than originally planned.

Talking on the podcast and to my email list felt a lot more doable so I didn't totally disappear. I just came off social media.

It's a funny one because the hiatus was absolutely what I needed for a hot minute to create some space for healing so it WAS authentic to me.

The difficulty was when I felt like I wanted to come back and didn't really know how to do that AND be respectful to other people in my life AND show up authentically myself.

It has been a conundrum!!

And I think I've figured it out.

So last week I ended my hiatus after having some incredibly lovely messages from people for the last few weeks telling me they missed my content and asking if I was ok.

As always I try to turn personal experiences into something helpful, practical and actionable for you too so hopefully I manage that today because I feel like this is something a lot of people struggle with.

Whether in the office or in your business feeling like you have to 'show up' on social media there will be times where your humanity takes the front row seat.

There are inevitably going to be times where big life stuff happens and it's not appropriate or you simply don't want to share it.

The big question is how to navigate that while maintaining your authenticity.

And it's a delicate one that I'm learning in real time and I don't pretend to know all the answers.

However, there are a few thought processes I've had and things that I've done that have helped me start to feel like I'm getting my mojo and rhythm back and I thought I'd share it with you.

The first thing is to remember you don't OWE anyone anything. Your life is YOUR life and you should never feel pressured to share something before you're ready.

I navigated this one by letting people know SOMETHING was going on and that I couldn't say more publicly. I shared in places I felt comfortable. For me that was to my email list and here on the podcast. There's something about owning the narrative and knowing that some people might be annoyed with the cloak and dagger but that MOST people will understand and be patient with you. I also replied to anyone who reached out and was happy to tell them.

Recognise where people's need to know comes from. Anyone who does get annoyed with you not sharing or holding something back is probably not doing it from a place of having your best interests at heart. So let them move on.

Please don't concern yourself over losing people who aren't willing to have compassion and understanding. They aren't your people.

Know your values. The more you know your values and can stay strong to them in general will always help you be more authentic. Even when there's something you have to hold back. When you talk with authenticity it really does shine through. People will feel it coming from a genuine place.

When it comes to authenticity, know, lean into and own your strengths and weaknesses. This is more of a general comment on how to make sure you're able to cultivate authenticity in your life.

Be clear on your boundaries. No one can push you into sharing what's not right for you to share. Or doing something you're not comfortable with. Know your boundaries and know they are absolutely valid.

Do what works for YOU!

Maintain high levels of self awareness. However you choose to do this. Whether it's journaling, mindfulness, meditation or something else.

You'll find that the more aware of yourself you are, the less your ego will get involved and the more calm, confident and comfortable you are being authentically you.

Share what you're comfortable sharing, with who you're comfortable sharing with. Lean on your support system. Even if there might be one please you might feel like you can't be completely authentic, make sure there are plenty of places you can.

An important thing I think when it comes to authenticity is to do what you say you'll do and if you can no longer do it, communicate that. When you stick to your word it does WONDERS for your self esteem.

For me, letting people know something huge was going on behind the scenes was important in me navigating being able to come back onto social media.

Like I say, if people can't bear not knowing what it is they aren't your people. Stay within the perimeters of what you're comfortable with.

Be honest with yourself. So, so important. Being able to challenge yourself with curiosity and be super clear on who you are and what is authentic to you.

Always, always continue working on your self awareness. Authenticity comes alongside self acceptance.

The more authentic you're able to be, the more your anxiety will reduce. The more solid you'll feel in yourself.

Joseph Campbell said, 'The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.' And as someone who used to struggle to find anything they liked about themselves, I wholeheartedly agree.

Life begins when you can truly be you! And if you've been feeling like you can't be completely authentic right now because you've got big personal stuff going on then I hope this has helped. You will figure out how you can stick to your values and boundaries and still feel like you don't have to hide.

Sending you a huge hug.

Fx

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How To Build Resilience In Uncertain Times

Resilience is the ability to recover quickly from difficulties.

How quickly you're able to bounce back from adversity.

Bouncebackability if you will.

And in more 'sciencey' terms it's psychological flexibility.

I like to refer to it as your ability and capacity to cope with what life inevitably throws at you.

However, it's not just bouncing back to where you were but in my opinion springing forward into your next stage of growth where you feel even more strong and unshakable to deal with what life throws at you.

Adaptability through times that feel like you're playing a very consistent game of whack-a-mole.

As soon as one issue is resolved, another one pops up unexpectedly.

Resilience is that feeling of being unshakable. Less panic and implode, more deep breaths and 'I can do this'.

Basically, the more resilient you can learn to be, the easier every facet of life becomes.

Who doesn't want a bit of that?!

Resilience to me is the calm amidst the storm.

It doesn't mean the storm disappears. It just means you can navigate those choppy waters a lot more steadily and don't let the fact there's some choppy waters take over every other area of your life.

It's a learned skill and a muscle to flex and grow and when you put the time in and understand that it WILL grow and WILL develop it makes it that much easier.

The growth that happens through the adversity itself is hugely powerful. Post traumatic growth for the win.

As I've talked about before, I always find it a huge comfort knowing that positive growth comes from being in the weeds of a situation that from the outside does not look or feel great.

It's something I hold on to throughout.

That feeling of, 'I wonder who I get to be on the other side of this.' And, 'I wonder what this could lead to for me in the future.'

But…You don't HAVE to be in the thick of things to be able to build your resilience though.

Much of it comes down to learning to look at the truth of the situation.

Making sure you're questioning your perspective and assumptions with curiosity. Making sure you're really dealing in reality and not unconscious programming.

The ability to reframe and change the narrative to be about the potential positive lessons and growth you can experience rather than the pain or inconvenience facing you in the moment.

We all make mistakes at the end of the day and we all go through hardships.

Using the right tools and techniques is also very helpful in cultivating resilience, even when you aren't in the weeds.

Breathwork is incredible for this. Specifically for me as a qualified Heartmath coach, Heartmath is my favourite technique and it's so simple.

We call it heart focused breathing and also a balancing breath.

It works specifically with your nervous system and vagus nerve to increase your vagal tone and what Dan Siegal calls your 'window of tolerance'. It literally creates homeostasis, in other words balance, in your nervous system.

It increases your vagal tone, which is your ability to move quickly and easily between states.

Between the sympathetic nervous system (Flight or flight) and the parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest).

It also increases your heart rate variability (HRV) which is known to be a measure of resilience.

HRV is the space between beats of our heart and can be a measure of our nervous system flexibility. More variability means more flexibility which means more resilience.

Your breath is incredibly powerful when it comes to resilience and one of the reasons a yoga practice can make such a difference.

Slow belly breaths too.

There are lots of ways to increase your HRV which I might go into in a future episode and lots of them are in The Positive Pants Toolkit too.

There are also some cognitive processes that you can use too to shift the way you think and create neural pathways for more resilient thinking.

One is allowing yourself to move towards the fear and pain instead of avoiding it. Allow your brain and nervous system to learn that it's safe through giving it evidence.

Naming your emotions and learning to sit with them and let them be there.

Being in the present moment and looking forward with a focus of what IS within your control, rather than ruminating on what's already happened that you don't have control over.

Think of all the times you thought you couldn't handle something and you did. This is such a simple but powerful exercise. Allowing yourself to really recognise what you've overcome and how far you've come already.

Think of the times that negative things have led to positives for you or paved the way to a new path that's so much better for you.

It doesn't mean that you'd love to go through those things again. It just gives you the evidence that you need that you are more than capable of handling it.

It also doesn't mean that you start trying to take on more than you can handle on your own. You're a human and we all have limits.

It means you start to recognise your 'levers'. You start to utilise your community.

Those people and resources in your life that help make things easier. It means you're more comfortable speaking up and saying 'I need your help.'

Flip the switch and reframe potential outcomes.

There might be an initial reaction to something, often an assumption of what will happen, but there are likely multiple different potential outcomes.

Explore those and consciously ask yourself what is within your control to go towards those more positive outcomes.

Do not underestimate looking after your physical health when it comes to resilience too. Exercise is one of the many things that can help increase your HRV.

What you feed your body will also have an effect too.

As always, one of the most important factors in resilience is self awareness.

When you can catch yourself when you're feeling stress activation or identify your emotions this is where you can create the biggest change in the shortest time.

The more aware you are of what's going on in your brain and body, the easier it is to use the part of your brain responsible for conscious thought processing. Here you can challenge your thoughts.

Developing optimism is a huge part of resilience. I can attest to this as a previous Eeyore on a bad day. Asking yourself how COULD this become a positive in the future or what positives COULD come from this situation?

When I tell people now how negative and worst case scenario I used to be they don't believe me. That's purely as a result of doing this work.

The work has been building my confidence, working with my nervous system, understanding how I tick as a human and being, being able to objectively look at all the things i've been through and come out the other side.

Collecting the relevant evidence.

Leaning on people and learning that i don't have to do everything on my own and it's actually better for me if I don't.

If I can do it, so can you. I believe in you.

Fx

Show note links:

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Contact:

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• Email me at hello@franexcell.com with any questions or take aways!

• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

Staying Strong Through The Stages Of Grief

In the late 60s Elizabeth Kubler-Ross developed the 5 stages of grief in her book 'On death and dying' specifically about people facing terminal illness. It was quickly adapted to grief in general.

Just before I dig in I'm putting a trigger warning out for you, I'm not actually going to be talking about death but if you're in the midst of going through anything traumatic yourself right now please do go easy on yourself and maybe come back to this episode when you feel more ready.

I wanted to do this episode because since the pandemic I feel a LOT of people have been grieving a LOT of different things.

We can't deny that life has changed immeasurably. Whether that's for better or worse.

I'm having so many conversations with people at the moment who are dealing with what feels like grief and it's worth acknowledging because so many of us have faced losses of some kind over the last few years alone.

The thing with grief is it's really not just reserved for death.

Grief is a natural response to a loss of any kind.

Grief can hit us in so many other circumstances and having been through my own deep grief recently I believe it's helpful to understand the stages of grief and that healing is not linear.

As you'll likely know by now, I believe that understanding ourselves and what to expect when it comes to how we tick as humans is incredibly comforting in times of stress or pain and can alleviate a lot of the added negative thoughts and beliefs that we can pile on top of it.

The last thing anyone needs when they're in a grief process is to be nasty to themselves in their own heads or to beat themselves up for having incredibly natural feelings that do need to be processed one way or another.

Some of the very common grief processes that we might go through and perhaps not identify it as grief is at the end of a relationship.

The end of a friendship can bring up deep grief too.

Coming to terms with limiting illnesses and grieving the way we thought our lives were.

Even the loss of a job or letting go of a business.

Identity loss can hit us hard too and there are so many ways that can happen. Whether it's down to our appearance, a breakup, pregnancy, infertility, retirement or something else.

We attach so much to our identity and when that fundamentally shifts for some reason if we're not supported or equipped to handle it it can have a profound effect.

There are SO many more things we might grieve too, but we might not allow ourselves to recognise it that way.

There should be no judgement around what you 'can' or 'can't' grieve.

It's a process and every person is different.

For me the reason this episode felt important is because I'm seeing so many people struggle at the moment and when we can normalise our internal processes and understand that we aren't broken or alone and that things WILL get better and that you can have immense growth throughout the process it can make it easier, even if it's just a small fraction.

There is no time limit with grief either. Whatever it is you might be grieving.

But one thing that I find incredibly comforting is knowing that alongside these stages you are also GROWING at the same time.

You are healing at the same time. Even though there might be days where it really doesn't feel like it.

Grief and healing aren't linear.

The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

I believe that healing and processing and growing are the final stage and also happening throughout.

Denial is a tricky stage because it's where we might be ignoring the signs that it's time to let go of something that is right under our nose.

If you've lost a loved one this is different, it might show up as a feeling of numbness and carrying on as if something hasn't happened.

We need to remember that this is a way of protecting ourselves and is totally natural and not anything to feel shame around. Our minds need to adjust to a new reality and that can take time and feel confusing.

The next stage is anger. Oof I went through this one big time!

This is where we're seeing our new reality for what it is a little more. We might be angry with someone else or we might be angry at the situation itself, or some higher power.

You might lash out at others in this stage.

We need to remember in this stage that it's part of the process and it's justified.

The way I saw it though was progress. Things are moving. It's another step forward and an opportunity to work WITH the emotion. Finding ways to process the healthy anger and not be consumed by it.

The next stage is bargaining. This is where we're still trying to protect ourselves and trying to find ways to alleviate the pain.

We might do this with someone else that's involved or we might do it with ourselves or a higher power. This is where we might feel like we'd do anything to take away the pain.

This is where, in relationship break ups, it can be so easy to go back to someone that's not right for us. Or we might start to look for the positives and ignore the negatives in a situation because it might feel easier to go back than do the healing work to move forwards.

Remember change happens when the pain of staying where you are outweighs the pain of the change.

Please be kind to yourself if you recognise this in yourself and be kind to others who might be going through this as it can bring with it an intense feeling of powerlessness and lack of control and can feel very isolating.

Then we have the depression stage. Again, a painful but necessary part of the process and one where healing IS still taking place. Again, double down on understanding where you're at and the things that you know help you feel better. You ARE processing pain in this stage. This is where people might want to isolate themselves more and be less sociable.

In this stage for me I felt the need to retreat and I gave myself that sometimes but I also made sure I Was reaching out to people and being honest about where I was at. Some really beautiful memories have come from this for me and every time I did spend time with people I always felt better after. It might be different for you.

So much of what makes these first few stages so hard is how much we're trying to resist and fight against it.

Eventually you come to the acceptance stage. This is where the fog clears, things feel calmer and the pain is not as painful.

We're coming out of survival mode.

You can see the growth and the learning that you'll take through life in this stage.

You might feel like you're coming back to yourself. Hopeful.

Please remember grief is not linear. You might move through these stages quickly and in order or you might go backwards again but you WILL come out the other side.

This is just one model of the grieving process and it's one that I found helpful.

Whether you're grieving a loved one, an identity, a relationship, a friend, a business you've let go of, a job you've lost, you ARE healing.

You might find you need to sleep more and also struggle to sleep. You might procrastinate more.

It's a time to go all in on looking after yourself and listening to what you need.

You will likely need more rest, allow it instead of beating yourself up for it. Let go of the guilt.

Please take good care of yourself, and other people in your life that you might be recognising these signs in and don't feel the need to rush and have patience.

Fx

Show note links:

• Download The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app

Freebies:

• Grab your FREE 'Stressed To Success' meditation: https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess
• Book in a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min

Ways to work with me:

• For corporate coaching, training and workshops email [email protected]
• Join The Positive Pants Toolkit App https://franexcell.com/positive-pants-toolkit-app
• Enneagram Essentials 90 minute 1:1 & Guide book https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/2b6wubgnysrp

Products:

• Grab Your 365 day Gratitude Journal on Amazon:https://bit.ly/365daygratitude
• Grab Your Positive Pants Firmly On Notebook:https://bit.ly/positivepantsonbook

Contact:

• Make sure you're following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Email me at [email protected] with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

How To Have A Quantum Leap

So many people talk about quantum leaps as if they are a magical mystical thing.

Maybe they are. I'm totally open minded to these things.

I'm also very practically minded too.

So, what is a quantum leap?

The term is less used in reference to its place in physics and more in terms of having a huge change or leap in the direction you want to go in a seemingly far shorter amount of time than most people think it 'should' take.

The idea of collapsing time.

The Cambridge dictionary describes it as 'a great improvement or development or advance in something'.

And my goodness have I been quantum leaping all over the place over the last month let me tell you!

My life, and who I am, is fundamentally and completely different.

Unrecognisable in fact from the version of me a month ago.

So who could I be in another month?

Who could I be by the end of the year?

How exciting is that?

You're always SO close to a HUGE change but it takes a little bravery to take a leap and take the action required to get that quantum leap where there's a moment that you look back and go 'whoa, how did I do that so quickly?!'

It might be a career change.

It might be a niche change in your business.

It might be a change in relationship status.

It might be letting go of a toxic person in your life.

It might be simply being super honest with yourself about what feels out of alignment and finally stopping ignoring the niggle and taking some action.

So often we can plod our way through life not really changing anything much, yet still hoping for these epic quantum leaps and it just doesn't work that way.

But why do these quantum leaps seem so ethereal and unachievable?

Often because we're looking for a short cut to where we want to be and we're looking in the wrong places.

People think they're intellectual missing some key piece of information but the missing piece is actually the action that you're avoiding.

This is where nervous system work comes into play.

The more tolerant you are of discomfort the easier quantum leaps become.

You have to learn to sit in tension.

You have to learn to work WITH your nervous system to increase your window of tolerance.

This is the trick to SO many things in life. When you do THIS foundational work everything becomes easier.

You're always going to feel tension when you're doing anything new or making a big change because that's how we're wired.

We're wired to instinctively protect ourselves at all costs.

That means anything outside the realms of our current habitual wiring.

That's why it can feel so difficult to make changes and we can feel like there's this internal tug of war happening with ourselves.

That's because there is.

There's dissonance between what you want and your current wiring.

This is where support comes into the equation.

Think back to hard things you've done, did you have support?

Did you talk it through with people and enlist help to make sure you don't go back on doing what you say you're going to? Or making sure you stick with something to get you through the hard bit before it's wired in?

That's absolutely something I've done HUGELY that has immeasurable contributed to my quantum leaps over the last months, 6 weeks really.

If I hadn't had the support of my incredible friends, family and therapist I guarantee I wouldn't have achieved what I have in such a short space of time.

So what support have you got in place right now? If you don't have any, where could you find it?

There's very real, physiological reasons that these things are hard. You can't out human yourself!

I believe psychoeducation is essential, which is a big part of what I try to do here for you. When you understand how we all tick as humans it becomes easier to override your own wiring.

When you know what to expect you can navigate it with so much more ease and less internal struggle and less internal negative self talk.

You understand what's REALLY going on AND how to move through it, without being horrendous to yourself in your own head and believing what you're telling yourself.

This makes things so much quicker. Even just understanding that rewiring your brain and nervous system is in itself a huge piece of the puzzle.

The next thing that I believe is essential in creating quantum leaps I've touched on previously. You have to get comfortable being uncomfortable.

Comfort is the killer of quantum leaps.

Taking the time to increase your nervous systems window of tolerance and increasing your vagal tone. The vagus nerve is the key to a huge amount of change and to be fair warrants an entire episode but for now if you want to learn more please go back and listen to my interview with Stefan Chmelik who is the founder of Sensate which I'm an ambassador for.

The sensate device is one of the many ways you can increase your vagal tone and heart rate variability (again, I think that warrants its own episode!)

You can also use Heartmath, the Apollo Neuro device, breathwork, meditation, exercise, singing, gargling, humming, EFT (tapping) and lots lots more.

This really is fundamental in learning to tolerate the discomfort that you will inevitably go through when making big changes.

Work on your consciousness. Unlearn your conditioning through self awareness work. Watch out for where your attention is. Is it on moving forwards or being stuck?

It matters hugely. When you can become the observer of your own thoughts you really do become the master of your life. No joke. It takes practice but it becomes simply how you think.

Everything becomes habitual with practice and repetition. Be intentional and curious.

TAKE ACTION and KEEP MOVING.

Do the healing work, regulate your emotions and work with your nervous system.

Your next quantum leap starts with one choice or decision, followed by action. Then another. Then another.

You aren't missing pieces of the puzzle. You have it all already, you just need to use it.

I often say 'who you are today isn't who you have to be tomorrow.' I love that. I lived that.

I love how empowering it is to KNOW that in every fibre of your being.

To know that if you're having a tough time or you're not happy or you want something big to change that it's actually FAR closer than you think.

I for one am SO excited for where i'm going to be by the end of the year because I know the possibilities are endless and I'm already reaping all the energetic benefits of the big, giant, quantum leaps.

Like I say, where I am and who I am now is NOT the same as a month ago. Unrecognisable, and it started with a big, huge, terrifying decision, along with all the other things I've talked about today.

You're absolutely capable of quantum leaps.

But you have to take action.

I can't wait to hear about yours!

Fx

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Diamonds Are Formed Under Pressure

I've spoken to so many people in the last week about the pressure they feel under.

The pressure to be visible.

The pressure to be seen to be doing things you don't necessarily want to be doing.

Financial pressure.

Emotional pressure.

Work pressure.

Business pressure.

Relationship pressure.

The pressure to do ALL the things and be a whole, fully formed, brand new person just because it's been January.

Oof! I feel the pressure just talking about it.

We're a couple of days away from February, I hope you feel the pressure is dimming just a little remembering that spring is just around the corner.

If you haven't noticed, I took the whole of January off social media.

I was silent on the gram!

I've already got lots of hilarious animal posts ready for my return don't you worry. So please do come follow me over @imfranexcell and @enneagramandexcell if you're keen to learn more about that.

Of course the podcast went out, my wednesday email went out every week without fail.

I was around but, behind the scenes.

I've been in my own personal pressure cooker of late as you'll likely be aware.

It's still not appropriate to talk about it just yet but I'm sure by now you've read between the lines to understand what's been going on for me in my personal life.

That's the thing with pressure, sometimes something has to give and for me, that was social media in January, I really just needed the time offline.

Lots of you have been SO lovely and sent me messages asking if I'm ok.

The answer is absolutely yes. Thank you very much for asking. I'm looking after myself, using all the tools in my toolkit, giving myself what I need and practicing what I preach.

I'm all good.

What was really lovely is most of the messages were along the lines of 'I just want to check in that you're ok because you've not been on stories for ages, but whatever might be going on for you if anyone can handle it I know it's you.'

Which, in all honesty, really hit me in the feels and helped me see how much of a dramatic change 'doing the work' was for me.

I was an anxiety ridden little negative catastrophiser for the majority of my life and even though knowing what I do and practicing what I preach doesn't mean I don't have bad days or the proverbial doesn't hit the fan, i'm resilient AF these days and not so easy to rattle!

I'm always wanting to be honest about realistic expectations and normalise negative emotions and bad days as a significant part of the human experience.

Curiosity is always going to be your best friend when it comes to this.

Making sense of your thoughts, feelings and behaviours is such a game changer in all areas of life and I want that for you because I know through training and been there, done it, got the T shirt experience just how possible it is to achieve.

I also want you to know that these moments are where all the good change happens.

Diamonds are formed under pressure.

All too often we're taught that we 'shouldn't' have negative emotions or bad days. We toxic positivity ourselves until the cows come home and I promise you that won't get you anywhere.

Address, don't suppress.

Our biggest lessons and transformations tend to come from leaning into our shadows.

Having this attitude that good stuff is on the other side of anything negative really means the world to me because it means I never see hard times or bad experiences as inherently BAD.

I can be in them, feel all the feels and ugly cry as much as I like and be excited about what's to come.

Sometimes things happen which allow you to go to far deeper depths of healing than you ever could have got to on your own.

The next 6 months or so is still going to be hard for me but every single day the 'sads' heal and the excitement builds.

If you're on my email list you'll know that this year is all about chasing joy.

Joy for me in January wasn't on social media.

Sometimes it is.

This time I knew I needed to be Offline Fran for a bit. And it's been glorious.

I've seen so many amazing friends and had more laughs than I've had in ages. I've reconnected with people who are important and I'm in life re-build mode.

Trust me when I say there's an almighty glow up coming! I feel it in my waters!

So much of our distress in life comes from fearing what 'might' happen.

Or what might not happen.

There's such a focus on what we don't want that the fears can sometimes overwhelm us and that leads to more distress and then we're in the spiral.

What I thought was genuinely one of my worst nightmares has happened.

Plus it's an almighty life upheaval in pretty much every area of life and as an Enneagram 6, I'm not traditionally great with those.

I'm a planner. I plan for all situations and outcomes.

I usually have a plan A, B and C.

I always have options.

It's how I roll.

It's how my nervous system feels safe.

And I've had to let go of a lot of that over the past few months.

And hard as it has been I'm already reaping the rewards.

I feel more solid in myself than I ever have before, and I was already pretty solid in myself.

I feel more clarity about what I do and don't want in my life, and what I will and won't tolerate, than I've ever had.

I feel excitement for a future where I have literally no idea what it might hold. Who knew that was possible for me?!

I'm a freaking diamond baby!

And you are too.

When you can start to look at the times in your life where it feels like intense pressure and there's a huge amount of big feelings, and maybe some ugly crying and intense uncertainty, as turning yourself into that big beautiful diamond instead of something that's going to break you, how do you think you'd handle things differently?

At the moment I feel this strange sense of peace and excitement. Yes there are days where it's underneath some uncertainty and fear.

It's also letting go of worrying about anyone else's judgement, letting go of any guilt or resentment and remembering that every single time I've been through anything awful in my life the glow up has been imminent.

And this will be a pretty big glow up ha!

When you can let yourself sit with those big feelings and help them move through you, maybe by dancing, breathwork, exercise or my favourite big ugly cry it happens even faster.

You're a magical creature who is capable of SO much.

So if you're facing something tough, or new, or a big change that's full of uncertainty…Remember that diamonds are formed under pressure and the glow up is imminent!

Fx