The Postnatal Podcast

This week I’m chatting with Kavita Trevena who is the face behind The

Unlikely Mummy blog and online community. Kavita started The Unlikely Mummy as

she experienced mental health difficulties postnatally. She didn't want any

other mums to feel alone so wanted to set something up where she could help

other people who are experiencing difficulties postnatally to feel less alone.

 

Kavita is brilliantly open and honest about her experiences and she is

really frank in this episode about her experience of early motherhood.

 

Kavita talks about her experience of being an Asian woman with a mental

health difficulty. Kavita explains that mental health issues are rarely spoken

about in Asian cultures which can be isolating for Asian women experiencing

postnatal depression or anxiety.

 

Kavita feels strongly about wanting to share her experiences with as many

mums as within Asian communities and she doesn't want other mums to feel alone.

 

Kavita talks about her experience of having Gestational diabetes, about the

cultural challenges she faced during pregnancy and how she found it difficult to

adjust to parenthood at times.  

 

We chat about Mum guilt and the comparison and competitiveness that can

sometimes creep in when talking with other new mums.

 

We also talked about how amazingly supportive it and feel to have an

awesome group of mum friends building you up and cheering you on.

 

Kavita shared openly about her journey with postnatal depression; she

shares her fears about having her baby taken away and about how lonely those

early days of motherhood can often feel.

 

Kavita also talked about her experience of being referred to CAMHS (child

and adolescent mental health services) to support her relationship with her son.

I am really grateful for Kavita sharing this part of her story as she says the

work she carried out helped her so much to feel happier and to have a better

relationship with her son.

 

This is a whirlwind of an episode, I really hope you enjoy listening as

much as I enjoyed recording it. 

Find out more about Kavita 

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/theunlikelymummy/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/groups/Theunlikelymummy/

Today I'm chatting with Amy aka One Tuff Muvva. This episode comes with a trigger warning as we are chatting about severe postnatal depression that led to Amy spending some time in a mother and baby unit. 

I also want to apologise for the sound quality on some of the audio - I forgot to plug my mic in so it's a bit echoey - sorry!

Amy and I talk about her experience of antenatal depression, postnatal depression and her stay in a mother and baby unit. 

It sounds as though this episode will be really heavy, and there are definitely some elements of Amy's story that are difficult to hear. However, this is definitely not a doom and gloom episode. 

Amy's story is majorly inspirational and she talks us through her recovery from perinatal mental illness. She shares the amazing transformation she experienced during and after her recovery and how this has impacted positively on every aspect of her life. 

Amy has gone on to do amazing things when it comes to campaigning for mental health through her One Tuff Muvva brand and also through her work at Funky Pigeon where she designed a whole range of cards to send to people who are experiencing mental illness and also led a campaign to raise awareness of mental health. 

You are going to want to listen to the end of this episode, it's bloody awesome and I think you'll be totally inspired by Amy's story. 

 As always, I'd love for you to leave me a review on iTunes and also share with another mum or parent who you think would enjoy the episode. 

Where to find out more about Amy

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/one.tuff.muvva

Today I'm chatting with Even Canavan. Eve is one of the women behind the Perinatal Mental Health Partnership and is one of the masterminds behind Maternal Mental Health Matters Awareness Week.

This epiosde comes with a trigger warning as we talk about pregnancy loss, Eve's experience of postpartum psychosis and also about Eve's admission to a mother and baby unit. 

Eve talks about having three losses before she conceived her son. Eve has a medical condition which meant she was a high risk pregnancy and had planned caesarean becaus of this. 

During pregnancy Eve focused on practical plans, she didn't really think about how to prepare emotionally for the time postnatally. 

Eve explains she became unwell very quickly after having her son. Her mum noticed she was 'glazed over' and didn't seem herself straight away. 

Eve talks about her experience of postpartum psychosis. She describes being really scared of her son and couldn't be in the same room as him, Eve also said she felt she'd made a terrible mistake having a child and it really panicked her to think that she would have to look after her son forever. 

It took six weeks for Eve to be diagnosed with postpartum psychosis; during this time her partner was extremenly worried about her and they sought advice from a number of health professionals who were unable to help Eve. 

At 6 weeks postpartum Eve was admitted to a mother and baby unit and Eve said it was after this that she started to recover. 

We talked about the really great perinatal support that is available but Eve said there are women 'falling through the gaps' who aren't receiving the care they need and deserve. These are often women who wouldn't meet the criteria for a perinatal mental health illness but are struggling with their emotions nonetheless. 

Eve also talked about women often feeling guilt about being unwell when their children are young as they worry about the impact this will have on attachment and future development.

We agreed the focus should be on women recovering and getting better so they can build that relationship with their child rather than focusing on what they have missed out on and giving women the message that if they are unwell they will have damaged their relationship with their child. Attatchment can always be repaired after a woman recovers. 

I asked Eve if there is anything she would have done differently if she could do it again. She said she would prepare for the time postnatally and think more about what emotional support she would need postnatally. 

I really loved chatting with Eve; it's a fab episode. If you enjoyed it then please leave me a review on itunes and share it with a friend who you think would find it useful. This really helps to spread the word about the podcast and allows me to help more mums. 

I also talked about my free 'finding your purpose in motherhood' challenge that I'll be running soon. It's a five day challenge where I'l give you daily tasks that will help you reflect on your motherhood journey so far and think about where you want to be and how you can get there. Sign up here. 

Yes please Maisie, I'm in!

Find out more about Eve. 

Blog - https://smalltimemum1.wordpress.com/

Instagram  - https://www.instagram.com/eviecanavan/

This episode comes with a trigger warning as we talk about miscarriage. 

This week I'm chatting with Khuselwa Antonio. I loved this chat I had with Khuselwal we covered so much! Including:-

- Khuselwa's experiences of moving to the UK from South Africa and having a baby with limited family support. 

- Khuselwa's anxiety and worry about being a good enough mother for her son. 

- Khuselwa's experience as a Black mother in the UK. 

- Having a growth mindset as a mum. 

- Postnatal depression. 

- Pregnancy after loss. 

- Some amazing advice from Khuselwa about how to overcome emotional struggles. 

- The importance of speaking up for yourself during childbirth. 

And loads more. 

I really hope you enjoy this episode. If you do then please leave me a review and share the podcast with a friend who would love to listen. This really helps to spread the word about the podcast and reach more people. 

Find out more about Khuselwa

Instagram -  https://www.instagram.com/khuselwaantonio/

This week I’m chatting with Annie Broadbent. Annie is a psychotherapist, a mum of 2, has written a book about grief and bereavement and she also works with perinatal mental health. Annie is also the woman behind the Instagram account ‘Dark side of the mum’.

This episode comes with a trigger warning as Annie and I discuss dark thoughts that can come with motherhood including thoughts of women wanting to harm their babies.

There’s also a bit of background noise. You’ll hear a friendly bird chirping away and also my one year old having a tantrum – don’t worry. She wasn’t abandoned while I was recording the episode, her dad was there trying to keep everything under control….

In this episode we chat about:-

       -        The ‘shadow work’ that comes with motherhood. This can include denying our less acceptable thoughts                    and feelings and finding it difficult to accept and own negative thoughts and feelings we have about                              motherhood and our children.

-        The cultural expectations of motherhood being ‘natural and instinctive’ when this is often not the lived experience of women.

-        We talked about women who don’t meet the criteria for diagnosis of postnatal mental health issues; these are often the women who miss out on help and support and then end up feeling like failures.

-        How the culture of motherhood makes it more difficult than it should be. There’s so much focus on the baby. Women are idolised during pregnancy and then are forgotten about once the baby is born.

-        Most other on western cultures have some away of marking becoming a mother. E.g special food for new mums, 40 days of rest, ritual baths, sacred fires etc. Annie is of the view we need a way in our culture of honouring becoming a mother.

-        The rush to get back to normal

-        Annie shared the research of Donald Winnicot who talked about the hate a mother feels for her baby. This was back in 1974 yet talking about this is still a taboo today.

-        We talked about the balance between conscious parenting and perfectionism and the pressure that women put on themselves nowadays.

-        We also talked about the reasons women fear sharing their true thoughts about their feelings towards their children.

-        Annie shared that if women are struggling with dark thoughts. They need to be shared and spoken about so women can receive support and make sense of how they feel.

Find out more about Annie.

-        Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/dark_side_of_the_mum/

-        Website  -  https://anniebroadbent.com/

Grab a copy of my self care toolkit for mums here. 

Click here

This week I’m chatting to Sara Fernandes from only human therapy. This episode comes with a trigger warning as Sara talks in depth about her experience of postpartum psychosis and admission to a mother and baby unit.

I also wanted to mention a conversation we have towards the end of the episode where Sara talks about weaning herself off her medication herself. Sara felt this was he right approach and it worked for her. However, I wanted to share that I’d always recommend for you to reduce any medication with the support of a doctor.

One final warning; we had some connectivity issues and there is a bit of distortion on the audio during the episode but I hope you can sit with it as this episode is well worth a listen!

Before we start I wanted to share with you about my new self care toolkit for mums. It’s designed for mums who are feeling stressed out and overwhelmed with motherhood and there are techniques and tools to help you take care of your needs.

The toolkit includes a self care audit so you can get an idea of where you currently are with your self care and where you may need to make changes. It’s got suggestions for quick self care activities you can carry out each day, a weekly self care planner, links to self care resources and there’s also a Facebook group included to help keep you accountable. All this for £4.99. Grab a copy here.  

Give it to me now!

Find out more about Sara

Website - https://www.onlyhumantherapy.com/

Instagram -  https://www.instagram.com/onlyhumantherapy/

**Trigger warning, pregnancy loss**

This week I’m chatting with Sarah. Sarah is the writer behind the blog ‘mum muddling through’ where she has written about her experiences of motherhood for the past five years.

In this episode we cover loads of topics and Sarah is really open and honest about some very difficult experiences she has had. I need to share that Sarah talks about the loss of her second daughter when she was 24 weeks pregnant so this episode comes with a trigger warning in relation to that.

Sarah talks about her postnatal experience with her first daughter; she talks about feeling quite overwhelmed with all the visitors she had and we had a discussion about it sometimes being hard to balance wanting family members to meet the baby and also wanting to have time to rest and recover.

Sarah talks about the loss of her second daughter and how this impacted on her. Sarah became pregnant with her third daughter a few months after her loss and she shared how she felt very anxious during that pregnancy and didn’t really believe she would be having another baby until she had her in her arms.

We also talk a lot about Sarah’s relationship with alcohol. Sarah has been sober for just over 18 months and she shares how her identity used to be closely intertwined with drinking culture and wanting to still be ‘fun’ and not boring (I think this is something lots of mums struggle with – I did!) Sarah talks about there being a time that she wouldn’t be able to comprehend not drinking again. However, her relationship with alcohol became more tricky after her birth of her third daughter and started to have a negative impact on her relationship with her husband and her children which led to her quitting alcohol completely.

We also discussed how stopping drinking led to Sarah realising she had depression and anxiety and had been using alcohol to mask this. Sarah sought support from her GP and has found ways to recover from this; we talked about some of the self care techniques Sarah has used to recover from her mental health difficulties.

This is an information packed episode with loads of different topics covered. I really love the way Sarah is so frank when she’s talking about some of the difficult experiences she’s had and I think this is a must listen for anyone.

I really hope you enjoy the episode; if you do then please head over to iTunes and lave me a review as this really helps the podcast be found by other new mums.

I also wanted to share with you about a new self care toolkit I’ve put together for new mums. This toolkit has a self care audit so you can assess how well you’re currently looking after yourself and where you could benefit from making some changes. There’s a really simple activity to help you reconnect with what you used to love doing before you were a mum. There’s a weekly self care planner you can print off to keep you accountable and there are also lots of quick and easy self care ideas and resources to get you started.

I realise how busy mums can be so I’ve made the toolkit really simple to use with activities that take only a few minutes a day so you can start to look after yourself without feeling overwhelmed.

The toolkit is only £4.99 (a bargain for what you get) and you can grab it here. 

Give it to me now!

Find out more about Sarah

Mum muddling through website - https://mummuddlingthrough.com/

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mummuddlingthrough/

This week I’m chatting with Tasha D’Cruz. Tasha is a nutritionist, specialising in maternal health. Tasha also has a 15 month old baby.

We talked about how Tasha prepared for the time postnatally. Tasha did a La Leche League three day course during pregnancy. She also did an NCT course as a way of creating a network of mum friends.  Tasha also did a hypnobirthing course to prepare for birth

We talked about postnatal doulas – with retrospect Tasha thinks it would have been helpful to have had one, particularly a few months in when her dad had gone home and she needed some practical and emotional support.

Tasha talks about her experience of those early days of motherhood. She said for the first month she felt like she was in a bubble, everything was in soft focus and she wasn’t really aware of anything else that was going on around her.

Tasha had three days to herself without visitors, she thinks this helped with getting used to one another and adjusting to parenthood.

Tasha is Malaysian, her dad came over from Malaysia three days after Tasha gave birth, with a suitcase full of Chinese confinement herbs for him to cook confinement recipes for her. Tasha talks about eating a strict menu in those early stages postnatally to help her body to recover.

Tasha says she felt her dad wasn’t really strict about this, he was doing it in a supportive way to help her to heal. Tasha talked about this being commonplace in Malaysian culture.

Tasha wishes she had prepared for the emotional changes she would experience postnatally. Particularly regarding her relationship with her partner.

Tasha also talked about coping mechanisms. She described a behaviour where she found herself often counting to 4 when she was patting her baby or doing other things. She recently read about maternal OCD and felt what she was doing was compulsive counting. Tasha said she thinks she was using this as a technique of avoiding thinking about the massive responsibility of parenthood.

I asked Tasha if there is anything she would have done differently; she said she would rest more. Tasha describes having a quick recovery after birth so sprang back into action quite quickly. Tasha wishes she had done a week in bed, week on the sofa and a week in the house.

Top tip - get a cleaner if you can afford it.

Where to find Tasha 

Website - https://tashadcruz.com/

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/tashadcruz/

I wanted to record an episode on my own as I’ve spoken to a few women lately who experienced postpartum psychosis and spent time in mother and baby units (awesome episodes that are coming up by the way, I can’t wait to share them with you!)

It got me thinking about the spectrum of maternal mental health and wellbeing and the different experiences women have postnatally.

 I recently chatted to someone about the 2015 report by the maternal mental health alliance called ‘falling through the gaps’. This report highlights the fact that lots of women are not receiving the mental health support and treatment they deserve and need in those early stages of motherhood.

I realise that there is also a lot of great work going on out there to support women who are experiencing postnatal mental health issues, but for women who don’t receive the support they need during this vulnerable time it’s not good enough and there are still more changes required to improve services that are available.

However, I am also aware of a group of women who haven’t fallen through the gap. They wouldn’t necessarily meet the criteria for postnatal mental health support or diagnosis.

There are a multitude of women who find motherhood hard, who struggle to get through the day and feel as though they are doing it wrong. These are the women that are likely to internalise what’s going on. To feel like failures and blame themselves for not being a good enough mum.

These are the women I want to reach with the work I do and support and share the message with them that you don’t have to continue to feel this way.

There are things you can do to start to feel better and I chat in more detail about these things in the episode. These are:-

-        Self care.

-        Talking to people you trust about how you feel.

-        Peer support groups.

-        Asking for help when you need it.  

-        Self help/ meditation/ relaxation.

I also wanted to let you know that I’ve created a ‘surviving mental health’ guide eBook for mums. It’s packed full of tools and techniques that mums can use to take care of their mental health and emotional wellbeing. It’s coming out on Monday 15th June but is available for pre-order NOW for only £4.99.

Grab yourself a copy now!

Grab yourself a copy now!

This week I’m chatting with Claire Kidd. Claire is a mum of two and she lives in Australia.

We talk about Claire’s preparation for birth which involved hiring a doula and doing a hypnobirthing course. Claire is of the view that the hypnobirthing prep paved the way for her to have the birth experience she had hoped for and went on to have a positive impact on her postnatal experience.

Claire’s doula sounds absolutely fantastic and she spent some time helping Claire and her husband to prepare for becoming parents by talking about what would change, what they would miss when they became parents and how their relationship with one another. It makes me so happy to hear that there are others doing this work with parents as I’m majorly passionate about helping women and their partners prepare for the emotional aspects of becoming parents as well as the practical so I loved listening to this part of Claire’s story.

We chatted about Claire’s positive experience first time round and she describes the time postnatally as joyful and blissful which is lovely to hear.

We also talk about Claire’s experience of going from being a mum of one to having her second daughter. Claire talks about the conflict that women go through when they are struggling to balance the needs of two children. It can be tough so we chat a bit about how Claire has adjusted to that.

This is a really lovely episode with lots to take away about the possibility of women having positive experiences during birth and postnatally – this is equally important to share and talk about as much as talking about some of the more difficult experiences women have.

I hope you enjoy the episode. If you do then please leave me a review and subscribe on iTunes as this helps to spread the word about the podcast. Also please share with any mums who may find the podcast useful.

I’ve also created a free wellbeing for mums download. It’s packed full of hints and tips to help you take better care of yourself and your emotional wellbeing. Grab it at maisienicholls.com/wellbeing.