The Pressures of Privilege

Growing up in the south of France as well as in a castle, my understanding of wealth was shaped by reading stories written by the Comtesse de Ségur, one of the most popular authors of the Bibliothèque Rose, a French literary collection known for its pink children's books. In these tales, set against the backdrop of European aristocracy, being privileged wasn't about money and luxury—it was about responsibility, kindness, good manners, and generosity....

A narrated essay from The Pressures of Privilege.
Subscribe for more essays and reflections: https://dianaoehrli.substack.com/subscribe

I stood in the bustling conference hall in London, clutching my copy of the memoir. Across the room was its author—a man whose words about losing a parent at a young age had resonated with my own experience of losing my father at age five. The fact that his mother had been from Newport, like me, felt like an amazing coincidence.

Heart pounding, I approached his booth.

"Your talk today was incredible and I loved your memoir," I told him, pointing at my copy.

“You actually read it?”

“Of course, I'm from Newport too! And I notice you run a nonprofit in order to help disadvantaged people access care. I'm actually a trustee of a charitable trust trying to improve mental health outcomes in our community."

His expression shifted subtly. Was that a cringe?....

A narrated essay from The Pressures of Privilege.
Subscribe for more essays and reflections: https://dianaoehrli.substack.com/subscribe

The following letter is addressed to "Charlotte," a composite character drawn from several people in my life. Their shared experiences illustrate a particular challenge of privilege: the pursuit of global mobility and tax optimization that can inadvertently lead to a sense of rootlessness. While Charlotte herself is not a single individual, the patterns and struggles depicted here are very real—reflections of dynamics I've witnessed firsthand among those navigating the complexities of wealth and international living.

For American readers: European governments only tax the incomes and assets of their citizens if they are "domiciled" in those European countries, unlike the US, which taxes its citizens on worldwide income from all sources regardless of residence. There exist treaties that allow Americans living abroad to recoup some of those taxes, but it's never 1:1 and there is usually a delay during which you are out of pocket not to mention having to fill out US tax returns even if you don't set foot in the US. Charlotte, being European, can strategically manage her official domicile to minimize her tax burden—a common practice among wealthy Europeans that sometimes leads to a nomadic lifestyle....

A narrated essay from The Pressures of Privilege.
Subscribe for more essays and reflections: https://dianaoehrli.substack.com/subscribe

We all have biases, whether we realize it or not. Sometimes they lurk beneath the surface—implicit biases. Other times, we bend over backward to avoid bias so much that we swing too far—overcorrection bias. My own experiences with being scammed—twice—illustrate how either extreme can lead us astray. I lost money because I didn't want to seem prejudiced. It's a cautionary tale for anyone who's ever second-guessed their instincts in the name of "fairness."

We’re obsessed with the future.

We want more money, more success, more clients, more sex—more, more, more.

Happiness is always just around the corner.

We think, if only I were 10 pounds lighter, or if I had that extra $100K in monthly revenue, or if my ex finally realized I was right about everything, I’d…

As a coach, my entire mandate is helping clients get from where they are today to where they want to be. We live in that gap between today and the ideal. (Read The Gap and the Gain—it’s good.)

And yet, we spend so much time planning, strategizing, and analyzing that we become paralyzed.

But what if the secret to a well-lived life isn’t in chasing the goal, but in just 72 hours?...

A narrated essay from The Pressures of Privilege.
Subscribe for more essays and reflections: https://dianaoehrli.substack.com/subscribe

In this powerful episode, we sit down with Elwood Dasher, whose remarkable journey from addiction to recovery embodies the transformative power of love and second chances.

For nearly 35 years, Elwood has maintained sobriety after hitting rock bottom with a crack cocaine addiction that began when he was just a child. Growing up in New Jersey as the youngest of seven children, Elwood describes a mother who was both his fiercest protector and greatest influence. Despite her disciplinarian approach, her unconditional love provided the foundation that would later help him rebuild his life.

Elwood takes us through his journey from "running from the cops to becoming one," now serving with the Lawrence Township Police Department and Burlington County Prosecutor’s office. His unique perspective bridges worlds that rarely connect, allowing him to help those struggling with addiction with rare insight and compassion.

Before dedicating his life to helping others overcome addiction, Elwood spent 26 years as a leader in Fortune 500 companies, managing teams of up to 145 people. Today, as a Certified Recovery Specialist, he channels this leadership experience into providing intervention services and recovery coaching to individuals and families affected by addiction.

Throughout our conversation, Elwood shares powerful reflections on spirituality, the stigma surrounding addiction, and the systemic challenges in recovery services. His message of treating people with dignity and seeing beyond appearances resonates as a philosophy both personal and professional.

This episode offers a raw, honest look at transformation and the ripple effect of compassion. Elwood's story reminds us that with the right support and determination, anyone can change their life and use their experiences to help others find their way.

For more info: https://www.dashenvision.com/

Jingle: Oliver Kiker

What draws us to certain people or opportunities?

Is it flashy advertising or persistent selling?

It’s neither.

True attraction is something more fundamental. It’s magnetic. It pulls us toward those people or opportunities naturally, without manipulation.

It generates the kind of curiosity that makes you want to read every book in a particular section in a bookstore.

One definition I particularly like describes attraction as: a quality or force of someone or something that tends to pull others in or create interest in the person or thing....

A narrated essay from The Pressures of Privilege.
Subscribe for more essays and reflections: https://dianaoehrli.substack.com/subscribe

Ingredients of attraction include: being of service, adding value, and building genuine connections.

Buying friendships is not attractive.

Most people are running on fumes. Their reserve tanks are empty.

And I’m talking about all kinds of tanks:

Human: Only 12.2 percent of American adults are metabolically healthy; nearly one third feel lonely; and over 75 percent report experiencing at least one stress symptom in the last month.

Intellectual: The US ranks 36th in literacy in the world. I hear kids don’t read books anymore and get their information from short-form video on social media.

Financial: One-third of the US population has more credit card debt than emergency savings and the numbers worsened since 2023, according to a new Bankrate poll.

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, a reserve is a supply of something kept until it is needed....

A narrated essay from The Pressures of Privilege.
Subscribe for more essays and reflections: https://dianaoehrli.substack.com/subscribe

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way," wrote Viktor Frankl in his seminal work "Man's Search for Meaning." He knew the depths of human suffering firsthand, having endured three years across four Nazi concentration camps. During this ordeal, he observed a tragic pattern: those who perished were often those who had lost hope and purpose. When the flame of meaning flickered out, survival became nearly impossible.

A narrated essay from The Pressures of Privilege.
Subscribe for more essays and reflections: https://dianaoehrli.substack.com/subscribe

"You have plenty of money. Why are you trying to make more?"

This question—posed to me recently by someone whose opinion I value—led me to think about human flourishing, virtue, and the nature of happiness itself. Just yesterday, I found myself absorbed in editing a newsletter for our charitable foundation, feeling a surge of excitement as I worked to make it readable, fun, and informative. This simple task exemplified what I've come to understand about meaningful work: it's not about the money—it's about the engagement, the contribution, the flourishing....

A narrated essay from The Pressures of Privilege.
Subscribe for more essays and reflections: https://dianaoehrli.substack.com/subscribe