The Pressures of Privilege

In my younger years, any mention of emotions, self-help, or personal development was met with ridicule. Years later, when I lived in Switzerland, telling someone I saw a therapist was tantamount to announcing I belonged in a mental asylum. Yet mentioning a visit to the local pastor was perfectly acceptable.

Investing in personal growth was never prioritized—unlike financial assets or intellectual pursuits.

For the ultra-high-net-worth community, financial investment comes naturally. We retain elite CPAs, advisors, lawyers, and family office managers to grow and protect our wealth. Yet we often neglect a crucial investment: ourselves.

In "Family Wealth," James E. Hughes argues that preserving wealth across generations requires more than financial and intellectual assets—it demands human development. Without this human element, the other pillars can crumble....

A narrated essay from The Pressures of Privilege.
Subscribe for more essays and reflections: https://dianaoehrli.substack.com/subscribe

One of my life's biggest breakthroughs came as a result of problems.

Due to a misinterpretation of a legal document, I was denied trust income and employment at my family’s real estate business, making me the outlier—the only one out of a dozen individuals—excluded from financial support. The consequence? I threw myself into journalism.

Years later, the breakthrough arrived. The skills I had accumulated through work enabled me to get a position within the family trust and eventually to organize a family mediation, ultimately ensuring that females received a fair share of the business's planned liquidation.

All those years of chopping wood and carrying water resulted in a skillset and grit that I am glad I have today.

Fast forward more than a decade, every six months, I list my problems (though I've never reached 99, like in Hugo's song) because I recognize them as potential opportunities....

A narrated essay from The Pressures of Privilege.
Subscribe for more essays and reflections: https://dianaoehrli.substack.com/subscribe

The other day, one of my clients admitted he was afraid he felt vulnerable and defenseless in the event armed robbers invaded his property.

When he said this, I thought about the execution of the nobility during the French Revolution, the Bolshevik slaughter of the Romanov family, and the hushed up murder of the 84-year-old widow of the painter Wassily Kandinsky in Gstaad. In our times, I have to admit that during the days of the George Floyd violence, I set my burglar alarm at night and was on the verge of buying a gun, which a friend in Seattle ended up doing.

Visible wealth makes you a target. The client I mention above appears modest on the outside, but he does live on a large property, which is in itself a sign of wealth....

A narrated essay from The Pressures of Privilege.
Subscribe for more essays and reflections: https://dianaoehrli.substack.com/subscribe

"This village can be a gilded cage," the pastor said. She sat in my living room in the Swiss Alps, holding a mug of warm herbal tea. It had been an intense but liberating hour. I had been sharing my fifth step—a part of the recovery process—a kind of confession delving into one’s moral inventory, focusing on resentments, the causes, how we were affected, our part in each cause, and our fears. When I described my problem with living in the idyllic place I lived—as suffocating—she had made that statement.

Her words struck a chord bringing me back to childhood. When I was around four or five, I enjoyed exploring the rooms of the French castle where we had moved to a few years prior from the Swiss Alps when my parents separated....

A narrated essay from The Pressures of Privilege.
Subscribe for more essays and reflections: https://dianaoehrli.substack.com/subscribe

Happy New Year! The following post was not easy to write because some of it triggered troubling memories and filled me with fear. Yet these are stories that need to be told—stories about addiction, privilege, and the price of keeping up appearances.

During this past holiday season, I discovered Wim Wenders' film "Perfect Days." It’s the story of Hirayama, a Tokyo toilet cleaner who escaped his family’s life of privilege, abuse, and addiction by embracing simplicity, routine, and mindfulness. His journey mirrors a troubling reality: according to a 2017 Arizona State University study, young adults from affluent backgrounds are two to three times more likely to develop drug or alcohol addiction compared to national averages. This piece explores the unique pressures, enabling factors, and hidden struggles that fuel addiction in privileged families—and offers paths toward healing....

A narrated essay from The Pressures of Privilege.
Subscribe for more essays and reflections: https://dianaoehrli.substack.com/subscribe

In college, I loved reading Thomas Mann's "Clothes Make the Man." This short story follows a character who, by wearing elegant clothes, is mistaken for a nobleman. But his charade unravels, and he’s humiliated when his true identity is revealed.

Ironically, I lived the inverse while living in the Swiss Alps: I wore trekking clothes and tried to hide any signs of wealth to avoid judgment.

The fear of appearing arrogant was one factor. Learning about my father’s world was another. My father had been a mountain guide who had painted houses, coached hockey, and worked as a lumberjack and stunt man in a James Bond movie (a Pitz Gloria guard). While some might have distanced themselves from their humble roots, I took pride in mine.

But pride didn’t shield me from reality.

A narrated essay from The Pressures of Privilege.
Subscribe for more essays and reflections: https://dianaoehrli.substack.com/subscribe

The aroma of oatmeal wafted in the air filling me with a sense of safety. Cheng’s carefully set breakfast table reflected her approach to everything she did—meticulous care, whether it was folding our clothes or making meals.

While many of my peers saw their nannies come and go, Cheng stayed. She became our rock: a constant, reassuring presence, and a stern taskmaster. I am convinced she's the reason I'm alive today. My story is rare: nannies seldom become family, yet Cheng has been with us for nearly 50 years, transitioning from caregiver to cherished grandmother figure in retirement. Some parents can't tolerate their children's attachment to an outside caregiver. In our case, our mother and Cheng formed a team, united in raising three children.

Growing up, many of us heard the maxim "children should be seen and not heard." For many families, this attitude profoundly shapes how children experience love and connection—or its absence.

A narrated essay from The Pressures of Privilege.
Subscribe for more essays and reflections: https://dianaoehrli.substack.com/subscribe

I remember sitting around the dinner table one Christmas, back when our family still gathered for the holidays, before the big court case that ended all that.

"It takes one generation to make it, one to spend it, and one to lose it," my uncle said, his voice carrying the weight of experience.

The table fell silent.

At the time, I thought my uncle had created our wealth. Later, I learned that he had built upon the wise investments our great-great-grandfather had made. Still, his words stayed with me, a reminder of wealth's fragility and the pressures it brings.

A narrated essay from The Pressures of Privilege.
Subscribe for more essays and reflections: https://dianaoehrli.substack.com/subscribe

When I told my mother I was going to rename this blog, “The Pressures of Privilege” and start writing about money, she shuddered.

In families like mine, talking about money is taboo—yet it remains central to our lives, often cloaked in terms like "legacy," quietly dictating our choices, relationships, and responsibilities.

Since returning to Rhode Island from Switzerland, I've felt out of alignment. My journey has been unconventional: after seven years in journalism in the US, I spent 17 years in the Swiss Alps, where I connected with my late father's agrarian roots, worked for a community newspaper, and helped found a magazine. During this time, I got sober, identified my core values—mastery, empathy, and authenticity—and transitioned from journalism to coaching. I became an ICF-certified coach, wrote a yet-to-be-published book, and explored everything from finding purpose to navigating life as an Adult Third Culture Kid...

A narrated essay from The Pressures of Privilege.
Read the full post here: https://dianaoehrli.substack.com/p/the-pressures-of-privilege-a-new
Subscribe for more essays and reflections: https://dianaoehrli.substack.com/subscribe

Jürg Matti is a former professional skier and snowboarder who became a successful coach for the Swiss National Snowboard team. He led athletes to 17 medals, including Olympic triumphs. Jürg was a founding member of the Swiss Snowboard Association and played a crucial role in the sport's development and inclusion in the Olympics.

What we learned:

Jürg's career transition from athlete to coach, and later to personal trainer.

His experience with loss when his first wife, Ursi, a two-time European snowboarding champion, passed away from cancer.

How he coped with grief and found joy again through snowboarding and his children.

His perspective on healthy living, including habits like drinking milk from local cows and eating locally sourced meat.

The importance of outdoor activities and spending time in nature for physical and mental well-being.

His approach to coaching and personal training, focusing on individual goals and gradual progress.

His views on Swiss lifestyle, including home-cooked meals and organic food.

How he found love again after losing his wife and rebuilt his life.

His current work as a personal trainer in Gstaad, Switzerland, and his contentment with his life and career.

The interview showcases Jürg's resilience, his passion for sports and coaching, and his perspective on leading a healthy, balanced life in the Swiss Alps.

Jingle - Oliver Kiker (Instagram)