The Pretender

In this episode Jay talks about the challenges and 'weirdness' of adult friendship. He shares his experience being blacked out by a long-time close friend, how he came to terms with it and how he views friendship now.

Resources: about friendship

Billy no-mates (Book Jay recommended)

Men, guard your friendships – heed the warning of the Banshees of Inisherin

When it comes to banter, men are in their element. But that is no foundation for lasting friendship

How I realised I'd become a friendaholic)

Quotable: "A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." -Proverbs 18v24

The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet"

Note: I don’t host a “comments” section, but I’m happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at [email protected]

In this episode Jay reflects on his recent depression and health issues, as well as how he lost his creative ability and enthusiasm for writing. He talks about an interesting technique suggested by a friend to regain it all back. What technique was this, you might ask - Doodling!

Finally Jay shares his entire doodle list that included all the activities he did just to stay afloat.

Resources about the technique of Doodling:

What are doodles and their benefits?

Benefits of doodling

Doodle your way to better mental health

Art Journaling (doodle and de-stress)

Quotable: "But what I figured out through this novel idea from my super friend - was more confounding: That throughout the process of my mental struggles and physical health I was doing the same thing - I was incoherently doing [different] things to try and get better." -Jay

The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet"

Note: I don’t host a “comments” section, but I’m happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at [email protected]

Jay talks to his identical twin brother Ralf about the experience of leaving Africa to settle in Europe, his experience with the difficulty of childbearing and the the challenges of dealing with different cultures and mental health. They then share the secrets and stories of identical twins!

Resources & Links:

MacSpeedys (Jay & Ralf's 'sort of' favorite courier)

Basketball player - Zion Williamson

Basketball player - Lonzo Ball

Nike Kobe line (Jay & Ralph's favourite shoes)

Adidas Dame 7 floral (shoe Jay bought)

Decathlon (Jay & Ralf's favorite store)

Rome, Italy

We Run Rome (Annual 10k run in Rome)

Panettone (traditional Italian Christmas bread)

Hamburg, Germany

Europe's Migrant crisis

Quotable: "Your relationship and marriage cannot be defined by having or not having a child....We let go [of the fact that we were struggling to conceive] and we immersed in each other." - Ralf 

"What's the point of having a child if your marriage relationship and the fundamentals of your home are broken?....invest in your relationship" - Ralf

Show notes: 

3:17 - Shoes & basketball

20.15 - Moving to Europe and the challenges of dealing with racism

58.13 - Ralf's story about his difficulties in child bearing

1:10:27 - his take on mental health

1:35:16 - The secret life of twins

The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" 

Note: I don’t host a “comments” section, but I’m happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at [email protected]

In this episode Jay reflects on his recent unplanned hiatus and life as he shares his strange illness, tragic death of a friend and gratitude through it all. Safe to say he is back!

Resources:

Thorn in the flesh

Quotable: "That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." -Paul the Apostle (II Corinthians 12:10

The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet"

Note: I don’t host a “comments” section, but I’m happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at [email protected]

Jay talks to Alice-Mulo about her art, advocacy work in mental health and about her adult therapy coloring book (Free your mind, free yourself) - a first in Zambia.

Resources & Links:

Alice-Mulo

'Free your mind free yourself' adult therapy coloring book 

Fortitude gallery

Alice's work exhibitions

OSISA

Alice's social media handle:

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

Quotable: "No matter how hard it gets, show up for your dream every time." - Alice-Mulo 

Show notes: 

7:29 - I am without a face project

14:46 - Adult art therapy coloring book book (Free your mind Free yourself)

42:52 - her own struggle with mental health

59:55 - Business, entrepreneurship and Fortitude Gallery

The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" 

Note: I don’t host a “comments” section, but I’m happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at [email protected]

Jay continues the conversation with Tabo about her journey of life; they talk about how she copes with life's various challenges, they talk about her career and the power of a woman as a home maker and she also shares her experiences in starting a business and much more

Resources & Links:

Solwezi, NW, Zambia

Permaculture, Geoff Lawton

Virtuous Woman (Proverbs 31:10-31)

GreenPole Farm

Connector

Red Velvet cakes and more

Quotable: "Submission is not a weakness, submission is an honor" - Tabo 

Show notes: 

Mental Health (2:19)

Homemakers and the life of a career woman (8:20)

Entrepreneurship (24:08)

Green Pole Farm (37:00)

The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" 

Note: I don’t host a “comments” section, but I’m happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at [email protected]

Jay talks to Tabo about her journey of life; the challenges she has faced as woman in her aviation career, her time living in Western Australia, returning home to Africa and the challenges that presented for her family. She also shares her experiences in starting a business and much more

Resources & Links:

Solwezi, NW, Zambia

Livingstone, Zambia

Lusaka, Zambia

Princess Margaret Children's Hospital

Shenton Park Hospital

Quotable: "You've gotta push in life until you get what you gotta get" - Tabo 

Show notes: 

Life & love in Australia (7:30)

Coming back home to Africa (20:27)

Victims (41:30)

Mental Health (1:01:26)

The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" 

Note: I don’t host a “comments” section, but I’m happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at [email protected]

Jay talks to Mrs. Pretender herself, his wife Serah about how she has walked with him through this journey and she airs out how she has borne the brunt of the pain as well as what helped them hold it together in their most difficult times..

Resources & Links:

School of Tomorrow Homeschool curriculum

Quotable: "I think As a parent if you decide to have a child, it's your responsibility to make sure that your child is brought up well" - Serah 

Show notes: 

Ryan and the story that changed our lives forever(9:47)

The effect of quitting his job on her (21:08)

Mental health (40:51)

Home education (56:40)

I got a life too (1:05:50)

The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" 

Note: I don’t host a “comments” section, but I’m happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at [email protected]

The Pretender podcast is back for a new season. Here's a Preview of what's to come in season 2.

In this excerpt from episode 16, Jonathan talks about how at one point in his journey he was really down and fighting for survival, how he almost gave up. Then he also challenges believers and Christians to come in the open and be real with their struggles..

Listen to the full episode here

The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled 1000 Feet

Note: I don’t host a “comments” section, but I’m happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at [email protected]