This episode is being released into the water supply.

They just translated ancient Sumerian tablets which prove once and for all that Die Hard actually isn't a Christmas movie. Piss my life into pieces.

You have used (1) Podcast Listening Token to listen to this podcast. You will receive no more for the duration of your life. Thank you for your business.

This episode is encoded with a message which you can decipher by taking all of the words I say in the order I say them and then deriving meaning from the sentences they form. Good luck.

I just found out a shark chewed on an undersea data cable and accidentally zapped this episode into their brain. Nature is so fascinating.

I’m so thankful, people should be thanking me for how thankful I am. You’re welcome by the way. And thank you.

This episode was originally entirely in Morse code and I had to redo the whole thing. Rookie mistake.

My podcast rival on the iTunes charts is someone accidentally uploading the sound of marbles being thrown down stone staircases every week. They're sponsored by HelloFresh.

Thank you for electing me president but I must refuse the honor because I hate working in offices. I don’t care that you made it an oval. Also I’m illiterate.

I submitted this episode to a lake behind my house. Just put it on a disc and tossed it in the water for consideration. Excited to hear back.