This Memorial Day, don't forget those who laid down their lives in the Storage Wars.

Listen to this entire episode at .005x speed to unlock the "Slow and Steady Wins the Race" Achievement.

This episode is available in Senso-Surround 16.1 format which requires a specialized machine that shorts out all the fuses in your house and makes you have weird nightmares if you sleep too close to it.

This week's episode description is brought to you by the Ghoul of Eerie Silence, who would like to say:

Listeners who own parrots tell me they repeat what I say on my podcast and end up in jail (bird wing) which I recognize is a serious 1st Amendment violation but at the same time it's really funny that it's called "bird wing."

Because of the butterfly effect, every time I upload a new episode there's an earthquake in Indonesia. They said they're cool with it though.

Stumbled across this episode while digging through last year’s Easter basket for leftovers to eat. Also, unrelated but I think I have to go to the hospital forever.

Look to your left. Now look to your right. Both of these people will die having never listened to this podcast. That's why you're better than them and should have more rights.

Dreams are so strange. For example, I recently had to present a report on Napoleon I didn't prepare for while nude in front of twelve grey aliens and everyone from high school. Then I went home to take a nap and dreamed up the idea for this episode.

Under the right conditions, this podcast can be converted into a gas. If you figure out how to do it you’ll be just like those Chinese scientists whose mysterious deaths I know nothing about.