Forget everything you know about podcasts. Okay, now try to remember again. Otherwise you won't know what this is.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket" adherents humiliated and rebutted by my single Easter basket brimming with well-secured eggs.

If you don't listen to this week's episode I'm just going to grind it up and put it in your food dish anyway.

The relevance of this week's episode title to news that broke days after the episode was recorded is just a coincidence. Don't become insane about it.

This trial copy of Podcast Simulator has expired. Please take the Red Pill to exit the simulation or the Blue Pill ($25.99/month) to remain in a parasocial relationship with a stranger.

I'm exempt from being drafted into any future wars due to a mysterious condition I've developed known only as "podcast foot.”

Just got off the phone with every single person in your life and they were telling me how much they like the podcast and how they don't respect you for not having listened to this week's episode yet. They also told me you owe them $100?

This podcast is carbon neutral. I think it’s ok but there are better and worse elements.

This episode really puts the “pod” in podcast *walks away before you can ask me what I mean*

I tried to leave this episode in your mailbox but a dog came after me and bit all of my toes off one by one. It took hours. And then I remembered there's a way easier way to do this.