To whoever used one of their three genie wishes to wish for another episode this week: I was already going to do one. Hope you like this more than one million jet skis, moron.

This podcast is said to be playing in the halls of heaven. Not a big deal, though. It’s just heaven. I honestly hardly ever talk about it but it hasn’t come up organically yet so…

Every play this episode gets helps me feed my echinoderms. Please. My echinoderms are starving.

I'm only making this podcast so that I can get famous enough for Elmo to notice me. I need to exchange words with him.

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Getting pregnant so I can point to my belly and tell people I'm "podcasting for two now."

This episode is being released into the water supply.

They just translated ancient Sumerian tablets which prove once and for all that Die Hard actually isn't a Christmas movie. Piss my life into pieces.

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This episode is encoded with a message which you can decipher by taking all of the words I say in the order I say them and then deriving meaning from the sentences they form. Good luck.