Your kid melts down, tells you no, or hits their sibling and has aggressive behaviors, and it's exhausting. There are two hidden problems behind almost every "big behavior": there's always something deeper going on under the iceberg. In this episode, Adriane reveals the two hidden reasons behind defiance, meltdowns, and hitting and why once you see it, you can't unsee it.

In this episode, you'll learn:

Mentioned in this episode:

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If your kid melts down out of nowhere, digs in their heels, or reacts in a way that leaves you completely stumped, this episode is for you. Adriane breaks down five simple, doable strategies for parenting a child with big behaviors that don't include another discipline chart or consequence system, but tools that actually work with your child's brain instead of against it.

In this episode, you'll learn:

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Loved this episode? Take a screenshot and tag Adriane on social, or leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It helps other overwhelmed parents find this show.

You're playing with your kids because you know it's good for them, but something feels off. You might even feel annoyed. In this episode, I break down the 5 specific ingredients that make play actually land and create a stronger bond with your kids. At first, you'll have to think about these things, but the more you do it, the more they'll all become a habit! 

In this episode, you'll hear:

Go Deeper: Read the full framework this episode is built on: The Ultimate Guide To Becoming a Playful Parent: raisingkidswithpurpose.com/playful-parent

Free Resource: Grab your free Playful Parenting Scripts — ready-to-use phrases for connecting through play: Download here

Want to go deeper? We spend a full module on all 5 of these — with real practice, not just theory — inside the Purpose Parent Transformation Program. Head to raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat to see if it's a good fit.

Previous episodes on play:

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With joy, Adriane

"I don't have time to play with my kids" is rarely about the clock. It's usually beliefs and burnout talking. In this episode, I talk about why play can feel almost threatening when you're completely depleted, what the research actually says about getting out of that state, and why the fix isn't finding more time; it's a mindset shift.

In this episode, you'll hear:

Free Resource Mentioned: Grab your free Playful Parenting Scripts. Ready-to-use phrases for connecting through play, even in small moments: https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/u2q5m4 

Go Deeper: Read the full framework this episode is built on: raisingkidswithpurpose.com/playful-parent

Want more support? This is exactly what we work through, hands-on, inside the PURPOSE Parent Transformation Program - https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/

Schedule a call here: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat 

Loved this episode? Screenshot it and tag me on Instagram, and subscribe so you never miss an episode.

Your kid isn't trying to make your life harder. In this episode, I'm breaking down what "disobedience" actually is (hint: it's rarely defiance), why play works faster than timeouts to turn it around, and sharing some of my own play-in-action stories from our house: the wins, the messy middle, and everything in between.

In this episode, you'll hear:

Free Resource Mentioned: Grab your free Playful Parenting Scripts — ready-to-use phrases to turn everyday "no's" into connection and cooperation: Download here: https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/u2q5m4

Go Deeper: For the full framework this episode is built on, head to the blog: raisingkidswithpurpose.com/playful-parent

Loved this episode? Take a screenshot and tag me on Instagram, and don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode of parenting advice you wish your parents had.

These 7 tools are about being intentional with the time you already have, not adding more to your plate.

#1: Play

#2: FOCUS Time — Quality One-On-One Time

#3: Hug — and Hold It

#4: Bedtime Bonding

#5: Eat Dinner Together

#6: Effort-Based Praise

#7: Disconnect to Connect

The Big Picture

Disclosure: Some links below are affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission if you make a purchase — at no extra cost to you. I only share products I genuinely love and recommend.

Books to Read Aloud With Your Kids:

Wild Robot series by Peter Brown

Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson

Skunk and Badger by Amy Timberlake & Jon Klassen

The Very, Very, Far North by Dan Bar-el

Website: raisingkidswithpurpose.com

You know the moment. Your kid does the thing, and before you even think about it you're correcting, lecturing, repeating yourself, and nothing lands. They do the same exact thing the next day!

In this episode, certified parent coach Adriane Thompson breaks down the science of why correction without connection falls flat, and she gives you 4 simple, practical tools to connect with your child first, so your words actually get through. Whether you're dealing with meltdowns, defiance, or just a kid who seems to tune you out, this episode will change the way you show up in the hard moments.

WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE

Why correction without connection doesn't work

The prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for reasoning, logic, and understanding consequences, is not fully developed until the mid-twenties. When kids are dysregulated, this part of the brain essentially goes offline. No matter how calm or clear your correction is, if your child's nervous system is activated, the message cannot land. Connection is what brings their brain back online and makes them available to hear you.

Research also shows that kids need five positive interactions for every one corrective interaction. That 5:1 ratio matters, and the four tools in this episode are part of how we build it.

Tool #1: Empathize First

Before correcting, offer just enough empathy so your child's nervous system knows they are safe and seen. This isn't about excusing the behavior or skipping the correction; it's about opening the door so the correction can actually get through. Think about how differently you receive feedback when someone checks in with you first versus when they come straight at you with criticism. Our kids are wired the same way.

Tool #2: Get on Their Level

Physically get down to your child's eye level before you say a corrective word. Crouching down, sitting beside them, or placing a gentle hand on their shoulder communicates safety through your body even before you speak. Towering over a child activates their threat response. Eye level does the opposite: it signals connection and collaboration, not confrontation.

Tool #3: Limit Your Words and Actually Listen

When a child is dysregulated, more words make it harder, not easier. Say the most important thing once, clearly, then stop. And then do the part most parents skip: actually listen to what your child has to say. Kids are far more likely to receive correction when they first feel heard. Fewer words, more presence.

Tool #4: Be a Sportscaster

Sportscasting means narrating what you observe without judgment, interpretation, or emotional charge, like a sports commentator describing the action on the field. "I see that you hit your sister. I see that you're really frustrated she took your puzzle." This approach helps kids feel understood, slows everyone's nervous system down, gives kids the language for their own emotions in real time, and creates space for them to begin problem-solving on their own. It works equally well in discipline and in praise.

LINKS & RESOURCES MENTIONED

Blog Post: 11 Ways to Build a Strong Parent-Child Relationship Through Connection:https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/parent-child-relationship

Book a Free Call with Adriane: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat

P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/

RESEARCH & SOURCES

Prefrontal Cortex Development

The prefrontal cortex continues developing into the mid-twenties. This region governs executive function, decision-making, and impulse control — and is significantly less accessible when a child (or adult) is emotionally activated.

National Institutes of Health — Brain Development - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3621648/ 

The 5:1 Positive-to-Negative Interaction Ratio

Research by Dr. John Gottman originally identified this ratio in relationships, and its principles have been widely applied to parent-child dynamics. Children thrive when the emotional bank account stays full — which requires far more positive deposits than corrective withdrawals.

The Gottman Institute — Positive to Negative Ratio - https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/ 

Co-Regulation and the Developing Nervous System

Children's nervous systems regulate through connection with a calm, regulated adult. This is the science of co-regulation — and it's the foundation for why connection must come before correction.

Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University - https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/serve-and-return/ 

Have you felt like you keep giving in and can't follow through on a rule or boundary you've given your kids? This is super common as parents find themselves withs struggling to set boundaries and instead make a bunch of rules that can backfire. In this episode, Adriane unpacks how to set boundaries that actually get kids to listen and make better choices, and also learn how to give your kids autonomy!

In this episode, I'm breaking down the real definition of boundaries vs. rules, why fear-based parenting does the opposite of what you want, and how to set boundaries that build connection, foster your child's autonomy, and create cooperation instead of compliance.

This is one of my favorite topics to teach and one that completely changed how I parent my three neurodivergent 2e boys (who are autistic, gifted, have ADHD, anxiety, OCD, and more!).

In this episode, you'll learn:

Resources mentioned:

Connect with Adriane:

If this episode helped you, would you take 30 seconds to leave a review? It helps other parents find this podcast! Message me if you don't know how to do it!

You may have been told to praise your kids when they're "being good." So you tell them, "Good job" any time they make a good choice; you may use sticker charts and other forms of praise.

In this episode, we're digging into what the research actually says about generic praise and why the small shift from praise to encouragement changes everything for your child's brain, resilience, and long-term motivation.

In this episode you'll learn:

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Free Strengths Toolkit — Discover your child's core character strengths so you can encourage them intentionally in the moment. 👉https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/d5l5j6 

Read the full blog post — includes the strength-based encouragement infographic, printable phrase guides, and deeper research breakdowns. 👉 raisingkidswithpurpose.com/strength-based-encouragement

Mentioned in this episode: EP 9: The Lie We've Been Told About Consequences — if this episode resonated, go back and listen to Episode 9 where we unpack another big myth about what actually motivates kids: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/9-the-lie-weve-been-told-about-consequences-and-rewards/id1879606964?i=1000760441242 

Books referenced:

*The links above are affiliate links. If you purchase through my links, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend books I've personally read and love!

Work with Adriane: If you're ready to go deeper, not just with how you talk to your kids, but how you show up regulated, connected, and intentional, the P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program is where we do that work together: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com 

A lot of parents grew up without getting their emotional needs met. They may have grown up emotionally unsupported and left to work through hard feelings on their own, mostly because their parents, even if well-intentioned, had to work and were busy. Or they grew up in homes where feeling disappointed, sad, or mad simply wasn't allowed. And out of love, many parents are now overcorrecting. They're removing every uncomfortable moment from their child's life because watching their child struggle feels unbearable.

Here is the truth nobody is saying out loud: when we shield our kids from every hard moment, we are not protecting them. We are robbing them of one of the most important skills they will ever need: frustration tolerance. And tolerating frustration is needed to build resilience.

In this episode, Adriane shares a real story about wanting to rescue her son from disappointment, but she made a different choice. She illustrates a powerful example of what it looks like to stay present with your child in their hardest moments without fixing it for them.

Frustration tolerance is not something children are born with. It is a skill that must be practiced. Their brains are literally under construction, and their frontal lobe, the part responsible for regulating emotions and understanding cause and effect, are not fully developed until their mid-twenties. Our job as parents is not to remove the frustration. It is to be the scaffold while they learn to move through it.

This episode covers:

Resources and Links Mentioned:

How to Become Your Child’s Emotion Coach: Episode 12 -  https://theparentingwithpurposepodcast.podbean.com/e/emotioncoach/ 

Play with Purpose Parenting Class: This class is designed to help parents connect with their children through intentional, purposeful play while building the skills kids need to thrive. https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/play-with-purpose/

The P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program: Adriane's signature 7-step framework for parents who want to regulate themselves first so they can show up fully for their kids in the moments that matter most. https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/ 

Book a call with Adriane: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat