February 05, 2025

The Real Truth About Cats

12 minutes

If you’re the owner of a cat, then you’ll undoubtedly be aware that its life is governed by a strict set of rules that you’ve established for it. Wait, no — that’s for a dog. Let’s try again: if you have a cat, then YOUR life is governed by a strict set of laws that it’s established for you. Here's a collection of the closely guarded secret rules to help you establish good relations with your cat.

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TIMESTAMPS:

The law of feline magnetism 0:13

The law of sleeping beside a cat 0:35

The law of the misshapen rug 0:55

The law of observing the refrigerator 1:22

The law of feline resistance 1:48

The law on cleanliness 2:09

The law of endless milk consumption 2:36

The law on defining value 3:09

The law of feline inertia 3:42

The law of feline extension 4:17

The law of feline agility 4:52

The law on moving house 5:19

The law on feline curiosity 5:55

The law of feline physics 5:23

The law of the feline gaze 7:02

SUMMARY:

Cat fur is attracted only to things of a contrasting color, regardless of the color of the cat.

Cats must sleep in their owners’ beds as often as possible, preferably in a pose that’s comfortable for them and not for anyone else.

No rug can remain in its original flat state for any lengthy period of time.

If a cat stares intently at the refrigerator for long enough, someone will come and provide something tasty from it for the cat (and for no one else).

The resistance shown by a cat is directly proportional to the desire of their owner to force them to do something.

The desire to get dirty appears straight after being cleaned.

A cat can drink any quantity of milk, even if that quantity is several times larger than the volume of the cat itself.

The desire of a cat to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the furniture’s value.

A cat will remain in its desired state of rest until it decides otherwise, regardless of the laws of physics.

A cat’s body stretches at a rate directly proportional to the time it spends asleep.

Given the right amount of time, a cat will be able to reach any area of your home that attracts its interest.

The likelihood of an empty box soon being occupied by a cat when moving house is approximately 100%.

A cat’s interest is indirectly proportional to the amount of effort a person puts into attracting its attention.

The possibility of being made to take any kind of medicine is sufficient to provide a cat with enough energy to overcome the known laws of physics and carry out teleportation.

A cat can induce feelings of guilt in others with a single stare. Even when the cat itself is at fault. In fact, especially when the cat itself is at fault.

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