We can sometimes have the idea that once other parts of the relationships start to work better, like around our mindset, values and communication skills, that the intimacy will then necessarily fall into place. That the fact that we are getting on better will then lead to enhancing the spark and passion… but is that true?

Our guest today Dr Tara has conducted a study of 5000 people to assess sexual patterns & satisfaction and she’s discovered some gems that can help you transform YOUR intimate life.

Dr Tara is a tenured professor of sexual and relational communication, an award-winning researcher, and a sexual communication expert. You can see her work on the media such as Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health Magazines, and HelloGiggles. Her recent TED Talk “Become Sexually Powerful” focuses on the connection between sexual confidence, sexual mindfulness, sexual self-esteem, sexual communication, and sexual satisfaction.

In this episode we go DEEP into what are the most common challenges that clients report in the area of intimacy and sex.

And most importantly, what are the 3 steps that YOU can put into place TODAY to start shifting YOUR intimate connection to your partner?

It has been estimated that 46–74% of men and 16–41% of women are active pornography users in modern nations [2,3,4], according to the Sexual Medicine Journal (see link below).

This data is supported by one of the most popular porn websites, PornHub, which has reported over 39 billion searches and 42 billion visits during 2019, implying 115 million visits and 18,073 terabytes of data transferred per day [5].

So what has driven this, and what have been the consequences on mental health and on relationships?

What can you do if you, or someone you know is affected by this?

This is what we are going to be exploring today, along with sex and porn addiction expert Gary McFarlane from The Kairos Centre based in Somerset, in the UK.

We are going to be exploring:

Why has there been such an increase in porn usage during the pandemic?

Where is the line that makes something a problem or ‘addiction’?

What are the impacts of addiction on relationships?

What are the first steps towards recovery?

Below are some links referred to during the show:

https://www.kairos-centre.com/sexual-addictions/

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41443-020-00380-w

This episode is an extract from a client Q&A session hosted by Matt & Rebeca to support them to overcome challenges that are holding them back from having the relationship that they want.

You will hear Matt & Rebeca sharing strategies with Emma who is concerned that her defence mechanisms from a previous relationship could be affecting her current relationship with her partner by making her withdraw from her emotions.

How can she rekindle that emotionality that she has experienced in the past which now seems to be missing or lacking?

What are the key factors to consider to see whether our partner is supporting us to meet our needs?

How can we see whether our partner is supporting our values and the things that are most important to us?

Please note that as it's recorded from Emma's home environment, the sound is affected at some points.

Enjoy!

What could be more romantic than a perfect valentine's day meal?

Chris had booked the fancy restaurant and treated Amanda out to a romantic meal. Everything was set for a perfect night… so what could possibly go wrong?

Listen to Chris and Amanda’s discussion around how a simple question about menu choices led to deeper insights around:

- How the give and take of the relationship plays out and how it affects us

- How we should dress for a date, and how it affects the mood!

- How our discomfort can play out in the conversation when our partner does something unexpected or ‘embarrassing’

- What happens when we feel insignificant to our partner

- The role of expectations in shaping our experience and how this could make our partner feel

- Boundaries and what happens when we step over them

This episode is an extract from a session with our clients to run through questions and challenges that they are going through. Chris and Amanda volunteered for the hot seat and shared a current challenge they are going through.

Other clients in the session found it to be a powerful and insightful share, so don’t miss this episode which could shine a light on your relationship challenges too.

There are numerous different tools that can help us to analyse and understand personality types. These can help us to understand the types of challenges we are *most likely* to experience with people that have different styles to ourselves.

The difference between enjoying a relationship with a COMPATIBLE person versus struggling with someone who is INCOMPATIBILE is like night and day. While we can make ANY relationship work if we are really committed to it, we are going to be uncovering why we may struggle with a partner of a certain personality type.

We’ve got three personality challenges that we are going to be discussing and each one can spell disaster in your relationship.

These are around power and dominance, focus and the way that we express pain or disatisfaction... listen on as we uncover the secret to identifying and dealing with these relationship-threatening patterns!

Today you will be discovering everything you need to know understand why there are SO many of us nice guys (and ahem, recovering nice guys!), and how we sabotage things when we show up in that way… both in DATING as well as in longer-term relationships.

🚀Recognise the signs of how our culture has an 'issue' with masculinity and what this is REALLY going on there!

🚀See how the "Nice Guy" struggles to FIND a partner due to the effects on attraction when people see us in this way, and what we need to do to overcome this!

🚀Understand that how even long term relationships are negatively affected when we are perceived as a push-over or the "Nice Guy", and the exact steps we need to take to ensure that this doesn't affect us!

While focussed today on MEN, this is going to useful for EVERYONE as many WOMEN will also recognise the patterns and challenges that we discuss, maybe EVEN having been on the receiving end of them!

Chris asks Matt & Rebeca questions about their journeys and how they came to be supporting couples to improve their relationships, and the most rewarding aspects of this work:

- Why they each chose to focus on the area of relationships

- The costs of staying in failing relationships - on themselves and the people around them

- The challenges of balancing different requirements that we have in relationships such as needing to feel loved while also maintaining the spark and attraction

- Finding that point when we come to see where the real challenge is coming from

- The importance of healing the past AND learning the skills we need to have the kind of relationship that we want

- The challenges presented by our society that lead to so many failing relationship

- The added challenges of working together as a partnership, as well as being an intimate partnership

It’s sometimes said that 90% of our challenges in a relationship are things that we BRING to the relationship - this is our baggage from the past that hasn’t been processed.

Today I’m joined by the incredible Piers Cross who who has supported countless men to overcome their past traumas and to discover their truth through his writing and coaching work.

He shares his story in his book ‘How to survive and Thrive in Challenging Times - 101 ways to cultivate Resilience, Wellbeing and Inner Peace in all areas of your life’

He is also the host of ‘An Evolving Man’ podcast where he interviews thought leaders in the area of masculine psychology.

Areas of focus:

1. How to define ‘trauma’, and are there different levels in terms of how it affects us?

2. If we haven’t properly healed a trauma, how could it show up in our relationship?

3. What are the biggest challenges for men in particular in healing our traumas?

4. What are the keys to developing resilience?

5. What is the transformational power of group mens’ work such as Menfest?