God shows me 1 Kings 8:22 and 1 Kings 8:55 as an encouragement for my future promises from Him

An attractive blond haired lady gives me a second look and two smiles and it stirs something up in my stomach, wondering if it was the woman my mother has been wanting me to meet

Laura is a "no show" for the fourth time and I see the Laura look alike AGAIN!

A WONDERFUL update on my progress doing the work to memorize the teachings of Jesus Christ

Revelation about how my anger and offense increases when I try to get around the evil my ex-wife is doing to me through parental alienation, rather than resting in the Lord's design

The World War 1 and 2 Documentaries have had a huge impact on me

Thoughts on suicide being an unforgivable sin

I consider myself as being in a war and being a soldier for the Lord Jesus Christ's army...I'm sort of like a medic

How many Christians try to justify living in the "Gray" rather than in the white or the black of Scripture

Thoughts on humility: It's easy to be humble when everything is going well in your life

Revelation about God testing us and making us wait, and how it shows us how much progress God has made in our hearts

Noticing in my heart that I'm more and more able to consider the possibility that God may indeed have someone else for me, other than Laura

A strong moment of temptation to confront the woman who did a serious wrong to me

More encouraging principles and insights from the book Abraham by Charles Swindoll

While waiting on God the Holy Spirit exposes the deepest idols and lusts in our heart

I feel more convicted about trusting God now than I ever have

I'm not ready yet. I need more suffering and more training before God can promote me

There is NOTHING left that God could take from me to ruin me, except His presence

God is helping me to see in this darkest of moments that my faith in God is now unshakable

Losing my children's burning loving hearts helps me to better understand how Father feels as a parent when He loses his children's hearts

Most Christians only believe God is Sovereign in their heads, not their hearts

Feeling overwhelmed for those behind me knowing how long you have to walk through darkness and suffering to get to fullness and Holiness in Christ

Reflecting back on choosing the Crucified life over my old "Churchified" life

After a powerful time in the cloud on the mountain, I think I have found Hudson Taylor's spiritual secret

Totally trusting God to promote my ministry one day and reflecting on the encounter I had with the angel in 2001 who told me "The Lord will be magnified and glorified through your obedience"

Counseling a single parent mom whose husband destroyed marriage with pornography addiction

How Satan uses offense to separate us from God's will and favor bringing us into insecurity and despair

Run back into Kay as she is having a panic attack and the Lord blesses her through prayer

Wrestling and confused about the burden I have to tell people what the Lord is doing in the face of the fear of exalting myself

Terrifying dream about the Bridge being out with no one to warn the drivers

There is NO Power in the Christian life without PURITY...all other "power" is a counterfeit

Bizarre dream about my ex-wife followed by a letter stating her attorney is withdrawing as her counsel

God gives me confirmation that the timing isn't right for Him to answer my prayers yet through the book Abraham

Realizing that I will never get so spiritually mature that I don't need to depend on God always

When God tells me to wait it means He has something wonderful for me

A horrible phone call from the children as I hear their hearts are closing to me as their father

After reading part of a memoir, my desire to write my own story was stirred up but I must wait for God's timing to promote my ministry, not me

The importance of God's Sovereignty and allowing Him to be in control

After prayer to refresh me from a weary morning, the Lord gives me a divine encounter with an Agnostic

God stops me from promoting my story through the "Unbroken" campaign

Tozer's insights about the idolatry of Isaac in Abraham's heart and my idolatry of my own children

Seeing how God allowing me to believe I would meet Laura at a certain time, showed me that she was too much in the center of my heart

Feeling such shame after watching old videos of me doing sales training and seeing the evil motives of my heart and my desire to receive the praise of men

Insights about how even "quiet people" can be guilty of trying to preserve the honor by not saying anything

I still have a tendency to get ahead of God and try to "make something happen" in everything, which is why He keeps shutting me down on everything

Desires of the heart give us energy to go to God and spend time with Him in prayer

God shows me that I'm still subtly trying to honor myself and promote myself

Encouragement from another Charles Stanley Message about looking past your disappointments

Believing God can "raise the dead" on my meeting Laura

God shows me new meaning and personal insight about Romans 8:18

Awesome day with three encounters at Starbucks regarding the John 7:17 Challenge including a public dialogue with a Muslim in front of others at Starbucks

The incredible name of Jesus Christ and what happens when spoken out loud in public

A friend named Tom tells me he thinks God is going to do something really big in my life

Another difficult day because of the parental alienation and the rejection I'm feeling from Laura

Insights about why God has allowed me to expose the evil done to my children and myself by Satan through my ex-wife

I am comforting others by my own discomfort

I'm amazed by how quickly I can go from having a good day to an absolutely dark day where I want to quit

So very frustrated by what I experienced at a Baptist church Christmas party and this becomes the straw that breaks the camel's back for me with going to "church"

In the face of such a strong desire for a soul mate who LOVES God like I do, I fear Laura doesn't have that love for Him

God's mercies were new the next day and I woke feeling refreshed

Resting in God's Sovereignty and God's will for my life

Telling the Lord if I need to live single the rest of my life I can do it

My terrible burden about "church" and the Saint must walk alone

I am truly blessed by a $300 donation that comes in after praying for child support money

I see Laura's friend Jennifer again and It becomes a major blessing in my heart for unexpected reasons

More and more gratitude for how Father has orchestrated this whole Laura thing all for my character development, knowing exactly the kind of training and discipline I needed

Nothing can compare to the gift of God's presence and becoming more like Jesus Christ

My mother comes to me in a surprising moment says she is praying for Laura

I received a notice of a court hearing I must now attend in AL about child support

Fighting terribly hard to keep my faith for Laura...

Commentary: Revelation about Laura and Persis both being signs or representations of a heavenly reality in Christ

Fervent prayer to God to please grant me this blessing and bring himself glory

God uses an Andrew Murray book to give me the most wonderful encouragement. When God is building your faith, He will allow your prayers to go unanswered on purpose

An example of a text conversation between my ex-wife and I, showing she is captive to the Father of lies

How Satan has been used through my ex-wife for such good

Great encouragement from reading Hudson Taylor's love story

I only want God to promote me, so that I can promote Him and His ways

Hudson Taylor learned that God was his One Great Circumstance in life, not all the other lesser circumstances

Repenting of the prideful thought, "Mom, I already know that verse"

I see two very conspicuous 919's and 525's just before I hear a "good idea" of starting up groups and promoting the ministry

The Lord is warning me to stay put and not attempt to do something "good" for Him, but rather wait for Him Always

God has produced more fruit in my the last two years than in the previous twenty years

Seeing God's graciousness to me to HOLD ME BACK in so many ways over the years to protect me and keep me humble

Recalling all the times I had to cause pain to myself by denying myself and instead obeying and doing God's will by waiting on Him

PARENTAL ADVISORY: (SEXUAL TOPIC DISCUSSED IN THIS ENTRY)

I move out of my friend's office and I'm no longer homeless 4 months to the day I moved out of my parent's house

I get my first cell phone after over 14 months with no phone

A gripping fear comes upon me thinking that I may never know the love and intimacy of a wife ever again

My ex-wife again rejecting my calls and requests to have the children for Christmas

I feel hope deferred makes the heart grow sick...my heart feels sick

Feeling consumed by God's commandment to memorize the Scriptures and condemned by not doing it as diligently as He commands

Revelations on hiding God's word in your heart

The most dramatic encounter I've ever had on the mountain with an atheist

God encourages me with a certain person buying 4 books

Another time where I say I've had enough...I want out of all this suffering and lack

Commentary: Comparing the grace of Christ in my life now to 6 years ago

Asking God, who around me is obeying and trusting you like I am?

My mom sincerely asks if it is possible that God used Laura as a placeholder until the one He chooses comes along

Greater than my desire for Laura is my fear of manipulating the situation and getting ahead of God and losing my assurance that He is the one who did it

Tempting thoughts about the wealthy woman who wanted a relationship with me

God making me wait this long has built the strongest character in my heart

I am NOT going to quit, but I am going to keep waiting on and trusting in the Lord

Encouraging myself in the face of very little ministry subscribers, fruit, and book sales

The Lord continues to show me, "Finish the work" while avoiding the temptation to self promote

God shows me another 646 and I went to the mountain and had another incredible encounter that motivated me to keep memorizing Scripture

Nov 7th 2014, the 777th day since Laura said she would have coffee with me and the day I believe I will meet her

Struggling with the idea of what might happen to my faith if I don't see her today

My deep confusion and frustration the next morning when God did not bring Laura across my path

Commentary: Don't feel sorry for brother Michael...wait until you hear what God showed me years later about this experience and deep disappointment

I now know what it feels like to want to give up on God and just become an atheist

The only evidence I have in my life that God is good, is in my heart, not in my circumstances

s God still good even when He doesn't answer our prayer or come through for us?

How can anyone see in my life that God is good?

Is this journey just all suffering like in the life of Paul?

The ultimate testing of my faith so far

Focusing on Enduring in my work even though my books sales and subscribers are so low

Avoiding the trap of self-promotion

Memorizing the teachings of Christ is very hard but I must keep going

Another divine encounter on the trail with the same Catholic guy Robert I ran into over a year ago

What will happen to my faith if I don't see Laura today, the day I believe the Lord has shown me I will see her

I didn't meet Laura and it was a crushing blow. I can now better understand how atheists feel when they have cried out to God and He didn't answer or come through for them.

All of my thoughts and frustrations about the mixed signals I seem to be receiving

Commentary: If romantically minded women were running my life, I would have met Laura by now, but God's thinking and ways are not our ways

Now I'm in this dark place where I'm totally confused about whether I have heard God correctly or enough

Is God still good when the circumstance of our life are not. Do I still believe God even though what I thought He would give me, did not come?

I need to KNOW that the Lord is pleased with me by seeing His power in my life to answer my prayers

There is NOTHING in my life that shows that God is for me. No one can see that God is with me

Forcing myself to put my hope in the life to come, not in this life