"like actually horrible, not 'oh this person was mean to me on a social network' horrible"

"Particularly when that alternative is Bill de Blasio taking a news conference in a Brooklyn Nets jersey."

"A buff hero (probably played by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson), comes in, says a few poorly written lines, and leaves the film in good standing."

"I would never degrade myself in that fashion, lest I make myself less of a man and more of a cuck. And I could never willingly make myself be a cuck."

"Some of us might even Ascend into Heaven when we hit blackout in a crowded bar for the first time in months."

"If Jocko Willink stopped getting up at 4:30 AM and GETTING SOME, 21-year-old finance majors who listen to Gary Vee and become the CEOs of dogshit digital marketing companies would have nothing to masturbate to."

"I’m navigating the waters currently myself, but I think there’s a big difference between putting your life in the hands of an all-powerful entity rather than some dude pretending to be one while strung out on a combination of bath salts, shrooms, and Viagram. Again, just my opinion."

"I’m 'emotionally unavailable' according to numerous ex-girlfriends."

"Two, I’m not encouraging rebellion- well, at least one where a massive uprising of people overthrows the government. That’s not a very educated thing to do in my opinion."

"The entire book, all that blank paper, was just a massive troll."