"Unless you’re comparing Brad not texting you for two hours to getting cancer. Then you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself, Christine."

"You know, the one we all saw at Barnes and Noble for years at a time with the white cover of a bald guy staring into the camera lense’s soul with such depth that it made Medusa jealous."

"He seems like a beyond-cynical cock."

"Mom, I'm podcasting, jeez!"

"No tangible evidence, no steps on how to obtain anything, no nothing. And, worse of all, it sells for $9.42 on Amazon! What a con!"

"So sit back, crack open a pack of Brown Sugar Cinnamons, and bask in our collective mediocrity."

"It's spreading through other countries like wildfire, killing millions, and setting fire to all civilized society. Well, at least not yet." Oh, how I wish that that "yet" didn't come....

"It was clunky, heavy, and probably had a decent chance of giving your unborn children a birth defect or two from the radiation."

"And, if you can, don't mention the word 'sand' around this post."

"Most likely, the answer is no, because of your whole narcissistic assholeness getting in the way."