The Sam LaCrosse Show

"The entire book, all that blank paper, was just a massive troll."

"....follow the Option B’s and throw them into a trash can with a bottle of lighter fluid and a blowtorch and send them to the Nether Region as well."

"Kind of like an AI only without the potential to turn it into a nuclear holocaust. At least as far as we know."

"Worst of all, our friend pulled the biggest skeleton out of the closet- his opponent’s real name was Clarence."

"Because if you don’t, you could end up with a coked-out Silicon Valley flunkee as the president of your tech startup."

"'But they will not be fine,' said the Narrator."

"They’re awful. Pieces of human garbage and/or feces that absolutely muck up the world with how atrociously they behave towards one another."

"But why haven’t we fixed it? We’re men, right? We should be able to fix things! Meat! NASCAR! Margot Robbie!"

"Two large men, drunk off their asses, crossing swords in the bathroom, quite literally having a pissing contest. It made me shudder just thinking about it."

"eXiStEnTiAl ThReAt"