The Sam LaCrosse Show

"Basically a guy who says fuck the entire world, rents a used Winnebago, and sells his entire life to finance and endless supply of canvas and fingerpaint to make drawings that he sells for 50 cents because it 'completes him'."

"like actually horrible, not 'oh this person was mean to me on a social network' horrible"

"Particularly when that alternative is Bill de Blasio taking a news conference in a Brooklyn Nets jersey."

"A buff hero (probably played by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson), comes in, says a few poorly written lines, and leaves the film in good standing."

"I would never degrade myself in that fashion, lest I make myself less of a man and more of a cuck. And I could never willingly make myself be a cuck."

"Some of us might even Ascend into Heaven when we hit blackout in a crowded bar for the first time in months."

"If Jocko Willink stopped getting up at 4:30 AM and GETTING SOME, 21-year-old finance majors who listen to Gary Vee and become the CEOs of dogshit digital marketing companies would have nothing to masturbate to."

"I’m navigating the waters currently myself, but I think there’s a big difference between putting your life in the hands of an all-powerful entity rather than some dude pretending to be one while strung out on a combination of bath salts, shrooms, and Viagram. Again, just my opinion."

"I’m 'emotionally unavailable' according to numerous ex-girlfriends."

"Two, I’m not encouraging rebellion- well, at least one where a massive uprising of people overthrows the government. That’s not a very educated thing to do in my opinion."