There is a deep psychological need that every human being has to impress other people. To be recognised, to be seen, respected, and to be valued.

This need is real and demands to be fulfilled.

But when we pursue it in the wrong way, it can be harmful to our happiness, our integrity, and our relationships.

In this talk on the Parsha of Chayei Sarah, Chief Rabbi Dr Warren Goldstein explores a foundational teaching from Pirkei Avot: "Say little and do much." The Gemara contrasts two figures - Abraham and Ephron - as archetypes of righteousness and wickedness. Abraham promises little and delivers abundantly. Ephron promises generously and delivers nothing.

What lies beneath this contrast?

The answer lies in a deep longing that we all have: the search for recognition.

Ephron's grand promises came from a desperate need to impress others. Abraham, by contrast, wasn't living for human applause. He lived for the recognition of Hashem. The Mishnah teaches that those who chase fame lose it, but "the crown of a good name" is bestowed by God Himself. The Rambam explains that true honor flows from integrity, humility, and doing good for its own sake.

Hashem sees the effort, the sacrifice, and the hidden goodness even when no one else does.

And when recognition comes from Him, it becomes steady, lasting, and real.

This talk reveals a Torah model for navigating our deepest need for recognition in a way that frees us from the fragility of public opinion and anchors our self-worth in eternal values.

Key Insights

• Recognition is a core human need, but where we seek it determines everything.

• "Say little and do much" - the Gemara's blueprint for integrity.

• Abraham vs. Ephron: two models of greatness and emptiness.

• Ephron lived for applause - Abraham lived for God's recognition.

• "Those who seek to spread their name lose it," - the Mishnah's warning about human validation.

• "The crown of a good name" is bestowed not by people, but by Hashem (Rambam).

• Hashem sees the effort, the sacrifice and the hidden goodness, even when no one else does.

• True recognition comes from living for a higher purpose, not for approval.