The Serpentine Path

In this extended episode I talk about the romanticism of indigenous healing practices, the shamanic use of co-regulation, the isolationism of our current health paradigm, and the belief systems that are challenged and healed when we heal in community.

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In this episode I welcome the first guest to the podcast: Vincent, the man who has walked beside over the past 3 years of jungle life. 

Together we talk about how Vincent began his path in the jungle, the process of navigating an indigenous culture as a foreigner, the benefits and dangers of choosing to sit in ceremony with the medicine of yagé (ayahuasca), and what it truly means to call oneself a “healer”.

Vincent is the only other person who has any idea what my life has looked like over the past three years since choosing to leave the states and commit to my path in the jungle. However, his story is uniquely his own and the insights that he shares are widely applicable for all those who are walking a path of coherence, self-respect, responsibility, compassion, consciousness, and love. Enjoy!

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In this extended episode I share one of my favorite Samhain stories from when I visited the cemetery and met the guardian spirit of the dead.

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On October 31, 2018, at 22 years old, I accidentally my ancestors for the first time in my life.

As someone who did not grow up in a tradition or culture of ancestral reverence, I had no idea how to connect with the people in my lineage who had passed over to the other side. For me, there was no guidebook, no ceremony, no ritual, and no path to follow when it came to contacting the dead and, on a subconscious level, I believed that I had been abandoned by them.

However, in the moment that I needed them the most, the spirits of all of my female ancestors arrived in order to help me leave my five year long abusive relationship. They held me in their collective arms, whispered their stories into my ear, and suffused their eternal love and strength deep into my bones. Two days later, with the knowing that I carried the power and teachings of my ancestors inside of me, I was finally able to leave the relationship, once and for all.

Thus began my understanding of what my role truly was in my lineage, what I had chosen and been chosen for in this life, what my path was meant to look like moving forward. I started to see the fabric of my life in the weaving of my family’s long and complex tapestry. I stepped into the responsibility and reverence that is required of me in order to walk a path as a respectful descendant and a loving future elder.

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In this extended episode I speak about the impact of pornography, casual sex, hook-up culture, and the lack of weight, value, and reverence that we offer to our sexual experiences in our modern culture.

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PART TWO

What does the body remember and how does it attempt to communicate to us? How trustworthy are our memories and how sure can we ever be of “the truth”? What impact does childhood sexual abuse have on an individual, a family constellation, a community, and a culture? How do we find our way to peace, trust, acceptance, forgiveness, and love once more?

These are the questions that I have been asking myself over the years in my process of unraveling the layers upon layers of damaging sexual experiences that I have been through in my life. These are the uncomfortable, painful, healing, and, ultimately, freeing explorations that I have immersed myself in. This is the deep ancestral cleaning that I have taken on for my lineage. This is one large part of the work that I have come into this lifetime to do.

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What does the body remember and how does it attempt to communicate to us? How trustworthy are our memories and how sure can we ever be of “the truth”? What impact does childhood sexual abuse have on an individual, a family constellation, a community, and a culture? How do we find our way to peace, trust, acceptance, forgiveness, and love once more?

These are the questions that I have been asking myself over the years in my process of unraveling the layers upon layers of damaging sexual experiences that I have been through in my life. These are the uncomfortable, painful, healing, and, ultimately, freeing explorations that I have immersed myself in. This is the deep ancestral cleaning that I have taken on for my lineage. This is one large part of the work that I have come into this lifetime to do.

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In this extended episode I talk about the differences that I’ve noticed in how Europeans and White Americans relate to our ancestors. I also share some suggestions for how White people of European descent can begin and/or deeper their relationship with their ancestors and open themselves up to the beautiful, intricate, challenging, and healing complexities of their lineage. 

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For the majority of my life I had an extremely fractured relationship with my ancestors. As a White American of European descent, I was cloaked in the guilt and shame that came with the reality of knowing that my ancestors had enslaved and committed genocide against entire continents of people. Thus, in my attempt to make things right, I did all that I could to learn about white privilege, white fragility, white woman tears, reparations, land back, wealth redistribution, police and prison abolition, the construction of race, and so on—all the while, distancing myself as much as possible from my European ancestors that I believed were to blame for all of the violence and trauma that we are all still experiencing on a global level today.

The shame of my Whiteness and the hatred that I felt towards my ancestors left me entirely disconnected from the full complexity of their lived experiences. It stripped them of their humanity and denied all of the gifts, blessings, and teachings that they had to offer me. More than anything, it erased their histories of having been colonized, oppressed, enslaved, and ripped from their European indigineity long before they, themselves, became the colonizers, oppressors, and slave traders/owners that they eventually became. Thus, in rejecting the multi-layered reality of their stories, I, too, robbed myself of the ability to understand how my ancestors’ pain and suffering transformed them and laid the groundwork for the invention of Whiteness that has occurred over the past 500 years.

It has taken me years to find compassion and forgiveness for my ancestors. It has taken me years to fully embrace and accept the rich and colorful offerings that they have been holding out to me. It has taken me years to learn how to honor the sacredness of their native languages, ancestral foods and medicines, shamanic healing lineages, warrior codes, folk songs and stories, and connections to the land of their original territories. Above all, it has taken me years to open up enough space in my heart to hold the 2,000 years of suffering, pain, and trauma that they lived as people who have an intimate familiarity with both sides of the colonized/colonizer experience. Thus, in opening the door for deeper relationship and understanding, I have begun the process of allowing my ancestors to heal through me as a child of their lineage who is ready and willing to truly know who they were, what they lost, and what prayers they have been holding for their descendants.

MENTIONED:

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In this extended episode I share about a few different stories:

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