The Shmuz

Eleanor Roosevelt has been credited with saying, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." The reality is that most of the battles that we fight are based on complex constructions -- created by us. Whether they be issues of misunderstanding other's motives, or our fight with passions and desire, or understanding our place in the universe - our fights and battles are very real to us.

Yet, when you try to explain them to others we often find, many people can't even identify with the challenge nor understand the temptation.

This Shmuz focuses on the fight of our generation, and the very powerful psychological forces that help create the fever- pitched battle that it is.

"Considering where I come from and what I've been through, I'm doing pretty well..." While this may be a comforting position to take, the question a person must ask themselves is: is this really all that I can be? What if I were to stop making excuses? What if I was to truly hold myself accountable to live up to my potential? What if I was to go full blast - how great could I be?

This question is essential for growth, but it is also one of our greatest pitfalls. If we don't clearly see how much we are capable of, we cannot chart the course toward our potential. However, with a realistic view of where we are now and a clear understanding of what we could become might lead to depression.

This Shmuz focuses us on maintaining a balance between the two views needed for steady growth: a clear understanding of where we are now and a vivid image of what we can be, even if we won't reach those levels for many, many years.

If you were to poll our community, the average parent would admit we probably give our children too much. And while this sentiment may not be clearly spoken out by young parents, once children hit the teen age years, most parents upon reflection would say : I wish we had been more firm with them when they were younger; Weve probably spoiled them; They would have been better off, had they not be given quite so much  

We live in permissive times, and parents seem almost afraid to say the word no to their children. Yet intuitively, we understand that we are injuring our children by not being firm, by not setting limits, and following through with consequences when they go past those limits. The challenge for parents is to find the balance between letting our children know that we love them unconditionally and setting limits and educating them in our expectations.  

Using the backdrop of some of the most famous personalities in all of history for reference, the Medrash presents to us some of the foundations of effective parenting.  

Every human needs to grow -- this is an inborn trait in the species. That trait either manifests itself in real, significant growth or it can be sublimated, channeled into other pursuits. When we watch people chase all types of new plateaus and never being satisfied when they attain them: The man who is constantly seeking to make more money, even though he already has far more than he can spend in his lifetime; the king who goes to war to expand his boundary, even though his monarchy is safe and secure, these are manifestations of the need for growth, incorrectly channeled.

This need stems from the Nishoma of man, his soul. Man was placed on this planet exactly for that purpose -- to grow. If man fills his soul's needs, then he is satisfied, and finds peace, if he doesn't, then he has this unmet need and desire within him that plagues and haunts him, demanding its fill. If that fulfillment can't be attained with real growth then it demands its fill with something, anything, as long as it takes away that gnawing sense of "I am wasting my life".

This Shmuz introduces us to some of the most basic factors in the functioning of a human being, and helps us understand exactly what it is that man needs to attain happiness.