Did you know that being an “early bird” or a “night owl” is biologically determined? These tendencies are called “chronotypes.”

We all have a tendency towards one or the other to different degrees. So, what happens when the early bird and the night owl get together?

This relationship can be primed for conflict, if there’s not understanding.

One partner wakes up bright eyed and energetic before their alarm even goes off, while the other can’t be roused from their deep sleep. Later that night, Mr. Sleepy is wide awake and wants to watch a movie with their partner, but they’re snoozing on the couch by 9pm.

Each scenario can bring about feelings of rejection and unimportance.

Why won’t he get up? He knows how important it is to me to hit the ground running in the morning!

Why can’t she stay up with me? It feels like she doesn’t even want to spend time together. I think she’s avoiding me.

If either of these scenarios sound familiar, be sure to check out this week’s episode. We’re talking about the physiology between these sleep patterns and how to adjust your rituals of connection to honor each of your chronotypes.

We talked about recording this episode. And our immediate response? “Eww!”

No one wants to be in a parent-child relationship with their partner. Surprisingly, many of us are.

Being in a parent-child relationship means there is a hierarchy in place. One partner (the “parent”) holds more influence, decision-making power, and control than the other partner (the “child”). The “child” may have tried to express their opinion in the past, but gave up after seeing how powerful the “parent” was. The “parent” may have experienced the “child” make a lot of mistakes or poor choices, which led them to feel the need to takeover to ensure their lives stay on track.

So, what is the problem?

Healthy couples are in equal partnerships. Each partner has equal influence, decision-making power, and control. No one person feels they are beholden to the other. Over time, this hierarchy will affect all areas of the relationship. (Anyone want to have sex with their “Mom” or “Dad?” Ahem, no…).

In this week’s episode, we’re sharing stories about the types of parent-child relationships we’ve seen, how to identify if your relationship has slipped into this dynamic, and what to do to reset the hierarchy.

You know those couples who seemingly love to fight?

They’re always in conflict and it’s always BIG. There are BIG arguments, BIG emotions, and BIG reactions.

You never know what to expect.

Maybe it’s not “those couples” for you. Maybe it’s you. Or your partner.

Do you ever feel pulled by an invisible force into saying or doing something when you’re angry in hopes that your partner will react in a BIG way?

Does being yelled at feel better than being ignored?

Does it take a grand gesture - expensive gift, vacation, Public Displays of Affection - to feel fully loved by your partner?

If so, you may be an emotional intensity addict.

In this week’s episode, we’re addressing the often overlooked, misunderstood experience of emotional intensity addiction. We’re reviewing the physiology behind this addiction, what to be on the lookout for, and how to retrain your brain to seek out healthier stimulating experiences and ways of connecting with your partner.

Teenagers aren’t the only ones experiencing the dark side of social media. Couples of all ages are struggling with comparison, how much is “too much” to share online, and spending quality time zoned out while scrolling their Instagram feed.

Have you ever:

Battled with your partner to stage the perfect Instagram photo?

Vented about your spouse on Facebook?

Scrolled social media mindlessly with your partner sitting next to you?

Most of us can say yes to some, if not all, of these scenarios. These actions are damaging to your relationship if done on a consistent basis.

To get a better understanding of your social media use, consider when you are using it, how you feel before you reach for the phone, and how you are hoping to feel during or after use. Knowing the answers to these questions can help you choose alternate actions in the moments when social media is not your best outlet.

In this week’s episode, we’re talking about how to set boundaries with social media use to preserve your relationship and your emotional well-being.

It’s already the end of June! Have you thought about your summer bucket list?

Think about the things you definitely want to do this summer. Maybe it’s going to the beach, spending time outside, or hunkering down and watching movies in the air conditioning. What do you want to do with friends? On your own? With your partner?

Consider how you’d like to feel when the temperatures drop and the kids are going back to school. What memories do you want to have made? What experiences would you like to look back on fondly?

You and your partner each creating a summer bucket list and then sharing them with one another is a powerful way to create seasonal rituals of connection. You’ll get to know more about your partner’s interests, the meaning they place on certain activities, and be able to share enjoyable time together.

In this week’s episode, we’re taking you through a strategy for getting clear on what you want to accomplish this summer, who you’d like to share those experiences with, and how to collaborate with your partner to create a shared bucket list. We’re helping you lookout for common pitfalls in this process, as well as ways to deepen your love maps.

We all have bad days. Days where you didn’t sleep well the night before, everything has gone wrong since you got out of bed, or for no reason at all. On these days, everything feels like a challenge. The smallest tasks feel monumental and the slightest inconveniences feel catastrophic. Your patience is worn down before you make it to breakfast and your fuse is short. It is just a matter of time before your partner winds up in the crossfire.

Unless, you do something about it.

Left unchecked, a day like this can lead to big withdrawals from your emotional bank account. Small interactions are likely to be negatively charged and, depending upon where you two are at, can set off larger conflicts. Engaging in a conflict discussion when you’re already in a bad mood is not setting yourself or your relationship up for success. You’re likely to get flooded faster and lose control.

So, what do you do?

Take responsibility for moving your bad mood from negative to neutral. Do something to shift your focus in a more positive direction. For example, you could do gratitude journaling until you fill up one page with things you’re grateful for, listen to music you love, or scroll through photos of feel good moments you’ve had. It’s important to observe and correct the self-talk cycling through your brain as well.

It likely sounds similar to: “This sucks. My day sucks. My life sucks. I hate this. This is horrible. This is never ending.”

In reality, this day sucks. Or push yourself further to consider the possibility that just this morning sucks. You have the power to turn it around.

In this week’s episode, we’re giving you strategies for managing a bad mood as an individual, as well as how to navigate these types of days in the context of your relationship. We’re talking about preventing and minimizing damage with the goal of sharing your world with your partner without making withdrawals from your emotional bank account.

How do you start your day?

Maybe you hit the snooze button a few times, then jump out of bed and rush to get ready before running out the door. Or you may have a child-sized alarm clock that gets you up when it’s still dark out. Or you may be one of those special people whose eyes pop open with the sun and climb out of bed feeling rested and ready to face the day.

How do you connect with your partner in the morning?

Most of us don’t. You may pass each other on your way in and out of the bathroom and grunt a “good morning,” or grab a bowl of cereal together at the kitchen table, but do you really connect?

Spending time being present with one another, communicating, being affectionate, and sharing your worlds before going your separate ways for the day is a really powerful ritual of connection. In this week’s episode, we’re discussing a new way to create shared time in the morning and how it can set your days and relationship up for success.

When you’re in a relationship long enough, you start to acquire some repeat issues. A conflict happens, it’s unpleasant, but you two move forward. A few months later, this conflict reoccurs. It’s a bit more heated, lasts a little longer, but, again, you two move forward. This cycle continues for weeks, months, or even years.

Eventually, you find yourself in a kitchen sink situation.

You know, when you’re arguing about one thing and something (seemingly) unrelated breaks through?

“I can’t believe you didn’t empty the dishwasher. I asked you to do this because I had to leave early for work. You never listen to me… you didn’t listen to me when I asked you to [insert unresolved issue]. You’re so selfish - you don’t even care about what’s important to me!”

And, you’re off to the battlefield.

These unresolved issues will continue to grow overtime until addressed. Each related disagreement will be more intense, harder to resolve, and take longer to move forward from.

In this week’s episode, we’re walking you step-by-step through tackling these unresolved issues in your relationship. This is an opportunity to finally repair the past hurts and make a plan for how you’re going to handle this situation more constructively in the future. Keep in mind: you’re going to reset your goal from getting your partner to agree with you to deeply understanding the experience each of you has had.

You know those moments where you look at your partner and can’t believe the way they’re acting? You can’t fathom why they feel it’s appropriate to speak to you that way, turn away from you, ignore you, or dismiss what you’re saying. Frankly, you feel like they’re just “acting like a jackass!”

We can guarantee you there are reasons for those behaviors. And they may not be what you’d expect.

Here are our top three reasons:

1 | They feel criticized by you.

2 | There have been too many micro-rejections.

3 | There are unresolved issues from the past.

Surprised? One of the most important things we want couples to know is no one exists in a vacuum. Your partner isn’t acting negatively because they’re a bad person or they don’t like you anymore. Something is affecting them and they’re reacting in a less-than-ideal way.

Your best first step is to look at your own actions. Is there something you’ve been doing that they may not appreciate? Have you two had the opportunity to spend time together consistently? Have there been any major withdrawals from the emotional bank account? Have you been turning towards or away from one another lately? If you’re unsure, ask your partner!

On this week’s episode, we’re walking you through a deeper understanding of these three reasons for less-than-ideal behavior and what you can do about it. Listen to learn more about why your partner may feel criticized, how to watch out for micro-rejections, and strategies for resolving issues from the past.

P.S. You know we are not proponents of the 4 Horsemen (criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, contempt), but sometimes like to poke a little fun at ourselves and our partners. We don’t recommend calling your partner a “jackass” :)

Have you and your partner ever fought about texting?

Most people have.

Here are the most common conflicts:

Non-responsiveness. You’ve texted and your partner isn’t getting back to you. What is he doing? He commented on Instagram, so you know he’s on his phone. Is he just ignoring you on purpose? He always has his phone with him. Why isn’t he responding? Maybe he’s punishing you. Or maybe he doesn’t care about what you asked. Doesn’t he ever think about you during the day? How can he be so thoughtless?

Tone. Your wife sent you a message: “when are you coming home?” You two have a history of arguing over you working “too late” and not keeping her in the loop. You know what she means here. She’s annoyed. She’s mad because you didn’t let her know when you’d be home and now the conflict has begun.

Going to war. This can happen in a few different ways. It can be the outcome of the non-responsive scenario or the tone scenario. You react to your partner (via text) based on the assumptions described above:

“You never answer me! I saw you on Instagram… don’t pretend like you didn’t get my text.”

“Oh, you’re mad already. That’s great. Excuse me for trying to get my work done. Maybe I’ll stay later, since you’re going to be in a bad mood anyway.”

It can also happen by bringing up a conflict discussion in text. Initiating a conversation that’s likely to be emotionally charged and that you don’t expect to see eye-to-eye on via text is likely start to an all out war.

Any of this sound familiar?

In this week’s episode we’re filling you in on the landmines to avoid, the struggles we’ve had around texting with our significant others, and how to make texting work for your relationship.