The squonk, or Lacrimacorpus dissolvens, is noted as “Probably the homeliest animal in the world, and knows it” [1]. Much of our information on the squonk comes from two volumes on Appalachian and upper-midwestern lumberlore, Fearsome Creatures of the Lumberwoods, With a Few Desert and Mountain Beasts by William T. Cox, and Fearsome Critters by Henry H. Tryon. Taken together, their descriptions and accompanying lithographs paint a picture of a morose dog-pig hybrid, hairless and weeping, and covered with warts and moles. According to Cox, “Because of its misfitting skin, which is covered with warts and moles, it is always unhappy; in fact it is said, by people who are best able to judge, to be the most morbid of beasts”.

This melancholy extends beyond its appearance, and it is said that the poor animal weeps constantly. Tryon notes that “He is given to constant weeping over his really upsetting appearance, and can sometimes be tracked by his tear-stained trail”. Cox corroborates this, noting that hunters are often able to follow the squonk by its tear-stained trail, and Tryon notes that these squonk hunts are best performed by moonlight. The squonk is not without its defenses though, as when surprised or frightened, it can dissolve itself into a puddle of tears to escape capture.

Records of the squonk mainly come from the hemlock forests of Pennsylvania. They make their home in these hemlocks, and are active only during the twilight hours, returning to their hemlocks before moonrise, where they can avoid catching a glimpse of their reflection in a moonlit pool, an event that will often bring the squonk to tears. The ancient distribution of the squonk was thought to be much wider, but as the high plains where it roamed gradually turned into swamps, it was forced to try to adapt to water. Between the squonk’s limited cognitive abilities, and the fact that it only evolved webbing on its left feet, it found itself unable to swim, merely going in circles when it tried to enter the water. It finds its hemlock homes of today much more suitable.

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