We were driving back from the beach, and he said, “She’s just a drug addict. I don’t want my kids listening to her,” about Demi Lovato.
Everything in me said to keep my mouth shut, but I didn’t listen. All the alarm bells were going off…
Instead, I spoke my truth, which meant disagreeing with him. (this was new for me at the time)
I said, “You can’t reduce people to their struggles. She’s struggled with her addiction publicly. That’s hard enough. And she’s also demonstrating the power of not giving up on yourself. I think she deserves to be respected, not judged.” (or something like that)
And boy oh BOY did he not like that.
What came next was a string of insults. I was called a bad mom, a lowlife, the works.
At one point, this kind of interaction would’ve broken me down.
I would’ve crawled back into the pit within myself so no one would have a reason to attack me, and I’d start attacking myself.
Why didn’t you just keep your mouth shut?? Now your kids have to watch this man berate you like you're nothing.
Maybe I am nothing. Who am I to have an opinion?
I should’ve known better.
Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?
I felt stupid for speaking my truth, for taking up space. I felt stupid for having a different opinion than him. And that feeling wasn’t unfamiliar. I had felt it many times in my life.
Because I believed: if I’m real, if I speak my truth, then I’ll cause problems. Someone won’t like it, and something bad will happen. Therefore, being me is dangerous.
But really, I was misunderstanding what was happening, and you might be too.
How many choices, ideas, perspectives do you just nod along to because you’re afraid to rock the boat? Probably enough that you’ve lost touch with your own truth, your own voice.
Making trusting yourself feel like the wrong thing to do.
How many relationships have you devoted yourself to where you couldn’t even be your true self? And then you’re lying in bed at night, hoping no one “figures you out” and decides to abandon you…the same way you’ve abandoned yourself.
How much pain has that caused you? Be real with yourself about it.
But let’s zoom out and look at this honestly.
You’ve only been parading around in this mask, this shadow of yourself, because you became convinced that who you are is a problem.
Someone’s extreme response to your true self confused the hell out of you because you don’t just feel your own emotions. You feel theirs too.
Of course it was easy to come to that conclusion — that you’re the problem.
But here’s the reframe I need you to take from this:
Your realness is not the problem. It exposes who and what’s not for you.
Read that again.
When someone rejects or criticizes something about you, that’s not a sign to put that part of you in a box on a shelf in a dark closet.
It’s important information that’s meant to guide you.
It’s saying: hey, maybe this situation or this person isn’t right for you. Maybe this relationship isn’t going to fulfill you the way you think it will. There’s a different path available to you. Keep going.
Being authentic, being you, is built in self-protection. It’s a filter for your life.
Sure, rejection is uncomfortable. Conflict is uncomfortable.
But when you learn how to stay deeply connected to yourself when emotions are high, that discomfort stops feeling dangerous.
Having a healthy, honest relationship with yourself is what leads you to safe relationships.
It’s what gives you your strength when things are tough.
It’s the only place in this world where you can truly be unconditionally loved.
Once you have that connection with yourself, you stop craving people or situations that once required you to be smaller.
Your relationship to yourself is the most important relationship in your life. And it’s time to prioritize it.
Your future is counting on it.
If you’re done sacrificing your peace, your ability to sleep at night just to be accepted by others, then schedule a chat with me. Let’s talk about what’s going on, where you’d rather be, and how you can get there.
Either way, wear your authenticity like a shield. Let it scare the wrong ones away. Because that’s when the right ones can find you.
If you consider yourself a sensitive, self-aware soul who’s breaking a cycle of self-abandonment, and this conversation resonated with you, consider subscribing.
We’ll chat in your inbox a couple times a week about how to:
* make yourself a priority in your life
* stay grounded even when emotions are high
* and take control of your life story
You’ll also receive a free tapping audio that helps you feel steady even when you’re feeling a lot.
Self-Reclaim EFT Specialist | Certified Master EFT Tapping PractitionerReclaim your energy, time, and peace, and finally live like you matter.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thebodyknowsthetruth.substack.com
