The Thoughtful Leader Podcast with Ben Brearley

During a two-day training course, Ben noticed that conversations about different leadership challenges kept returning to the same point: get to know your people.

In this episode, he explores why that simple practice matters. Spending time with people and observing how they work can help you recognise changes in their behaviour, understand their strengths and weaknesses, and adapt to their personal style.

Ben also explains how showing an interest in others can build trust and connection, making it easier for people to speak up and for you to have the conversations your team needs.

• Spend time with people and observe how they usually behave, so you can notice when something changes.
• Look for changes from a person's usual behaviour rather than assuming a single gesture has a fixed meaning.
• Understand both strengths and weaknesses: use strengths when delegating and help reduce the impact of areas where people struggle.
• Ask simple questions about what people enjoy, what stresses them and where they need support.
• Notice personal preferences and tailor your approach, including how you recognise contributions or begin conversations.
• Treat personality assessments as useful prompts for understanding, rather than perfect descriptions of a person.
• Showing interest in people can reduce the perception that you are focused only on your own goals.
• Trust and connection can help people share ideas and concerns, and make accountability conversations easier.

• The Behaviour Panel: YouTube channel.
• The Trust Equation.
• Article: Build stronger connections for less stress.
• Episode show notes, where Ben says he will link to the channel, the Trust Equation and the connection episode.
• Work with Ben: Leadership Coaching.

What could you learn about someone in your team that would help you support them more effectively?

The expectations you hold about a team member can influence your tone, body language and the amount of oversight you provide. Those signals can then affect how the person responds.

Drawing on his reading of David Robson's The Expectation Effect, Ben explores the connections between expectations, self-fulfilling prophecies and leadership.

He describes how doubts about someone's capability can contribute to a cycle of nervousness and increased checking, and how showing trust and support can help create a more positive cycle. He also suggests ways to respond when changing your underlying beliefs feels difficult.

• Notice the beliefs and expectations you hold about individual team members.
• Those expectations can influence your questions, tone, body language and level of oversight.
• A team member who senses a lack of trust may become nervous and seek more reassurance, reinforcing your original doubts.
• Showing belief in someone, offering help and giving them space can encourage a more positive response.
• You may not be able to change a belief immediately, but you can consciously adjust your behaviour.
• Use supportive language and positive body language to help offset the negative signals your doubts may otherwise send.

• The Expectation Effect by David Robson.
• Work with Ben: Leadership Coaching.

Have you seen expectations shape behaviour in your workplace, and how might yo

Delegation involves more than distributing a list of tasks. It gives people responsibility and some freedom to decide how work gets done.

In this episode, Ben explains the distinction between task allocation and delegation, drawing on a project where giving a team member responsibility for technology rollouts helped improve his motivation.

He explores levels of delegation, why developing people takes an upfront investment of time, and how to examine the discomfort that can come with letting go of control.

• Task allocation distributes work; delegation gives people additional responsibility and decision-making freedom.
• Autonomy can help people feel valued, take ownership and become more motivated.
• Adjust the level of delegation to the person's capability and the trust you have in them.
• Delegation can range from investigating and reporting back to acting independently, with different levels of oversight in between.
• The levels are a spectrum of freedom, rather than a rigid set of numbered rules.
• Avoid giving every opportunity to your strongest performers: they can become overwhelmed while others miss the chance to learn.
• Treat the time spent teaching and supporting people as an investment in future capability.
• Examine whether reluctance to delegate reflects the situation or your own fear of losing control.
• Use delegation to develop people and prepare them for greater responsibility, as well as freeing up your time.

• Work with Ben: Leadership Coaching.

What would you add to these ideas about delegation, and what helps you feel more comfortable giving people responsibility?

Capable people may not need you to help them do their jobs every day, but they can still value your presence and support.

In this episode, Ben reflects on leadership roles where he could have been more visible. He explores the assumptions that kept him in the background, the benefits of connecting with people beyond his direct reports, and ways to be more present in meetings and across the team.

He also explains why leaders who manage managers should discuss their intentions before getting more involved with those managers' teams.

• Avoid assuming that capable people do not need your presence or support.
• People beyond your direct reports may value the opportunity to connect with you.
• Being present can help you build relationships, act as a sounding board and make it easier for people to raise ideas or issues.
• "Managing by walking around" can help you understand the work and the area you lead.
• Short catch-ups can provide opportunities to connect when people work remotely.
• Consider where contributing to meetings, presenting or volunteering would be useful.
• Explain your intentions to the managers you lead before attending their meetings or connecting more with their teams, so your involvement does not feel like micromanagement.

Could you be more visible in your leadership role, and where would your presence make the most useful difference?

Defensive behaviour often appears when someone experiences feedback or criticism as a threat. They may justify their actions, change their tone or push back in an attempt to make the uncomfortable conversation go away.

In this episode, Ben explains why simply backing off can reward defensiveness and leave important problems unresolved. He shares practical ways to continue the conversation: be helpful, ask for the other person's view, avoid surprising them with criticism in public, identify a shared goal and, when necessary, describe the behaviour you have observed directly without applying a judgemental label.

• Defensiveness is often a response to a perceived threat.
• Backing away every time someone becomes defensive can reward the behaviour and weaken accountability.
• Position yourself as helpful by asking what support the person needs.
• Ask for their opinion because there may be important context you do not yet understand.
• Give sensitive feedback privately and avoid putting people on the spot in public.
• Focus the conversation on a shared positive outcome.
• If other approaches do not work, describe the specific behaviour you observed and ask what is happening.
• Avoid simply labelling someone as defensive; observable behaviour is less judgemental and harder to dispute.

You can reduce defensiveness without abandoning accountability by lowering the sense of threat, seeking the person's perspective and keeping the conversation focused on support and shared outcomes.

What has worked best for you when dealing with defensive behaviour, and what approaches have not worked so well?

It is possible to be talented at your work without enjoying it. Over time, this can create stress and leave you feeling stuck, especially when you have invested years in a profession or industry.

In this episode, Ben shares questions that can help you think more openly about your career direction. He invites you to imagine your ideal job, notice the activities that put you into a state of flow, consider the lifestyle you want around your work, identify the parts of your role that create the most stress, and recognise the work you enjoy most. The aim is not necessarily to abandon your career, but to find ways to adjust your direction so it fits you better.

• Being good at a type of work does not necessarily mean you enjoy it.
• Imagine your ideal role five years from now without limiting yourself to your current position.
• Notice which activities absorb you so completely that you lose track of time.
• Consider your whole life when thinking about career direction, including hours, flexibility, remote work and in-person work.
• Identify the tasks that create the most stress and consider what they reveal about your values and motivation.
• Think about which parts of your current or previous roles you enjoy most.
• A better career direction may involve adjusting your current work rather than starting again completely.

Your future career direction should reflect not only what you are good at, but also what you enjoy, what gives you energy and the kind of life you want your work to support.

• Article: Flow by Psychology Today.
• Book: Flow.
• Work with Ben: Leadership coaching.

Which parts of your work put you into a state of flow, and what might they reveal about your future career direction?

Starting a new leadership role often comes with pressure to make an impact. That pressure can tempt leaders to change things too quickly, rely too heavily on what worked in a previous role, or accept other people's assumptions about the team.

In this episode, Ben explores four common mistakes leaders make when entering a new role. He explains why it is important to understand the context behind current ways of working, listen to the experience already in the team, balance the needs of senior leaders with those of team members, and gather evidence before making changes.

• Avoid changing things simply to prove that you are making an impact.
• Do not assume that methods from a previous role will work in a different team, organisation or industry.
• Form your own view of the team instead of treating other people's opinions as fact.
• Learn the context behind existing practices before deciding they are ineffective.
• Avoid aligning so closely with your boss or senior leadership that you ignore your team's experience and input.
• Gather information, get to know the team and use evidence to support any changes you make.

Before putting your stamp on a new leadership role, take time to understand the team and its context. Thoughtful, evidence-based changes are more useful than changes made simply to create an impression.

• Work with Ben: Leadership coaching.

What mistakes have you made when starting a new leadership role, and what

Empowering your team. Delegating effectively. Asking people for their input. Taking time to think. Staying quiet so others can contribute.

These can all be signs of good leadership. But what happens when the people around you perceive them differently?

Sometimes thoughtful leadership behaviours can be perceived as weakness, indecisiveness, lack of visibility or a failure to take charge. In this episode, I explore why this happens and what thoughtful leaders can do to manage perceptions without abandoning the way they want to lead.

• Why empowering someone else can be interpreted as taking a back seat.
• How effective delegation can sometimes be mistaken for avoiding work.
• Why staying quiet in meetings can hurt perceptions of your visibility.
• How taking time to think may be mistaken for indecisiveness.
• Why asking for input can sometimes be interpreted as not knowing what to do.
• Why more direct and authoritative leaders may judge thoughtful leadership differently.
• How your position as a leader can make visibility more important than you realise.
• Why relationships influence how people interpret your leadership.
• How to distinguish intentional thoughtful leadership from simply avoiding stepping forward.
• Why being transparent about your leadership style can help manage perceptions.

• Podcast episode: #319: How to be authentic in your leadership role.
• Work with Ben: Leadership coaching.

Have you ever been criticised for a leadership behaviour that you believed was actually good leadership? Or have you seen thoughtful leadership interpreted as weakness?

Leave a comment on the show notes page or on Spotify.

Many leadership courses include a values exercise.

Usually, you're given a long list of values and asked to choose the ones that seem most important to you. That can be a useful starting point, but it doesn't always tell you much about what those values mean or how they influence your life and leadership.

Your strongest values are often revealed through your experiences, emotional reactions and the people you admire.

In this episode, I share four questions that can help you uncover and understand your values more deeply.

• Why simply choosing words from a values list may not go far enough.
• How a proud moment can reveal a value that was being fulfilled.
• Why anger or frustration may signal that an important value was compromised.
• How periods when life was going well can reveal the conditions you value.
• What the people you admire can teach you about your own values.
• Why it can be useful to identify five to seven important values.
• How ongoing reflection helps you refine your understanding over time.
• Why values awareness can help you lead and live more confidently.

• The Useful Values Journal: A free digital journal that guides you through identifying, reflecting on and refining your personal values.
• Understand Your Values online course: A guided online course for exploring your values in greater depth (use the coupon code TLVALUES for a discount).
• Values list: A list of values can help you identify possible words after reflecting on your experiences.
• Related essay from Ben's other website: Who do you think you are?

Which of these four questions gives you the strongest response? Are there any other questions you use to understand your values?

Leave a comment on the show notes page below or join the discussion on Spotify.

Most leaders probably don't think of themselves as particularly self-interested.

However, self-interest doesn't only appear through obvious behaviours such as political manoeuvring, blaming others or trying to climb the career ladder at someone else's expense. It can also appear in small, everyday moments.

Checking a message while someone is talking. Repeatedly cancelling one-on-one meetings. Being consistently unavailable. Failing to take an interest in someone's career development. These actions may not come from bad intentions, but they can still make people feel unimportant.

In this episode, I explore small, medium and large examples of self-interest and consider how they affect trust, morale and leadership credibility.

• Why self-interest can derail otherwise capable leaders.
• How distraction and a lack of attention can make people feel unimportant.
• Why repeatedly cancelling one-on-ones damages relationships.
• How constant busyness can begin to look like self-interest.
• Why supporting career development is an important leadership responsibility.
• How blaming, avoiding accountability and political manoeuvring destroy trust.
• Why the perception of self-interest matters, even when it isn't your intention.
• How focusing on others can ultimately improve your own leadership results.

• Leadership coaching: Work with Ben.

What examples of self-interest have you seen from leaders? Do you sometimes notice any of these behaviours in yourself?

Leave a comment on the show notes page below or join the discussion on Spotify.