The Trawl

Another week of Tory psychodrama, another week of Tories making utter fools of themselves. It's hard to know where to start, so Jemma and Marina intro with a gem from Tory mayoral candidate, Susan Mason and her Essex nightclub howler.

Then it's a quick chat about THAT YouGov poll - and how it was oh so perfectly timed to collide with the Rwanda vote. And my word...what a kerfuffle. All that noise, pressure, threats, resignations - all for the bill to pass with just 11 looney rebels prepared to stand firm. Trust Tory rebels to be too incompetent to rebel.

Jemma and Marina savour the moment '30p Lee' became 'Hurty Lee' and invented a whole new word to describe the utter trauma of being...sniggled at. 

The ladies chat through the desperate lengths Sunak is going to in pursuit of his albatross Rwanda bill - including his magic trick, where from out of nowhere he is going to abracadabra up 150 judges. 

It would be rude not to include Therese Coffey's ruinous House of Commons moment regarding Rwanda, and then it's onto an observation of "Dodgy" Dave Cameron's Brexit admission on the Laura Kuenssberg show.

To finish, Jemma shares some cheeky weather reports, Marina brings up the Royals - because apparently we are a nation reeling and worrying ourselves sick over how Prince William will manage bathtime, and you're in for a treat with a perfectly on theme 30p Pudding. 

Thank you for sharing and do tweet us @MarinaPurkiss @jemmaforte @TheTrawlPodcast

Patreon

https://patreon.com/TheTrawlPodcast

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you’ve even mildly enjoyed The Trawl, you’ll love the unfiltered, no-holds-barred extras from Jemma & Marina over on Patreon, including:

• Exclusive episodes of The Trawl Goss – where Jemma and Marina spill backstage gossip, dive into their personal lives, and often forget the mic is on

• Early access to The Trawl Meets…

• Glorious ad-free episodes

Plus, there’s a bell-free community of over 3,300 legends sparking brilliant chat.

And it’s your way to support the pod which the ladies pour their hearts, souls (and occasional anxiety) into. All for your listening pleasure and reassurance that through this geopolitical s**tstorm… you’re not alone.

Come join the fun:

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheTrawlPodcast?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why can’t every freeborn Briton burn his Christmas tree in his own hearth? 

Jemma and Marina ponder how this question, that is on precisely nobody's lips, was chosen by blovitaing bell Boris Johnson as the hill to die on for his £15k per column article in the Daily Mail. You've got to wonder if they're having buyer's remorse yet. 

Then brace yourselves, as it's onto our new Brexit benefit! Move aside pint of wine, because now we have shellfish in the Thames! Prawn cocktail a la Thames, anyone? Or perhaps a bit of Coquille St Craps? 

But the meat of this pod is dedicated to the utterly gut-wrenching Post Office scandal. The ladies discuss why this story has finally captured everyone's attention and how it is sadly symptomatic of a country where the rich and powerful can cheat and crush the little person.

They discuss the gross gangster-style bullying and intimidation carried out by the Post Office and talk about the person who is really at fault here... Keir Starmer - apparently! Plus they pay homage to tireless campaigners of the cause like Priti Patel, or at least she made out she was, until a Community Note on X proved otherwise. 

After a delicious dose of fury from Ian Hislop as he schooled Tory MP Jake 'not very bright' Berry, the ladies move on to Kate Middleton's winning fashion formula, which is totally accessible for all - we just need to wait for H&M to start stocking diamond-encrusted tiaras, shields and tridents. 

Then it's onto underrated tweets and clips of the week, including a particularly cheeky Farage-flavoured one and a belter of a Post Office pudding from the wonderful satirist, Rosie Holt.  

Thank you for sharing and do tweet us @MarinaPurkiss @jemmaforte @TheTrawlPodcast

Patreon

https://patreon.com/TheTrawlPodcast

Youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/@TheTrawl

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you’ve even mildly enjoyed The Trawl, you’ll love the unfiltered, no-holds-barred extras from Jemma & Marina over on Patreon, including:

• Exclusive episodes of The Trawl Goss – where Jemma and Marina spill backstage gossip, dive into their personal lives, and often forget the mic is on

• Early access to The Trawl Meets…

• Glorious ad-free episodes

Plus, there’s a bell-free community of over 3,300 legends sparking brilliant chat.

And it’s your way to support the pod which the ladies pour their hearts, souls (and occasional anxiety) into. All for your listening pleasure and reassurance that through this geopolitical s**tstorm… you’re not alone.

Come join the fun:

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheTrawlPodcast?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Comedian and writer Jen Brister eschews X but is massive on Instagram where clips of her brilliant stand-up frequently go viral. Jemma and Marina love her so much, they've both been to seen her live so imagine their delight when they found out Jen, not only listens to The Trawl, but also can't stand the Tories. Inevitably, politics is at the forefront of their minds in this get together, but there's plenty of chat about parenthood and why it's OK to admit playgrounds are boring (for adults). 

Marina and Jemma enjoy playing clips of their Jen Brister highlights and it all makes for a very fun Trawl. 

Jen's new special: The Optimist

https://800poundgorillamedia.com/products/jen-brister-the-optimist

Thank you for sharing and do tweet us @MarinaPurkiss @jemmaforte @TheTrawlPodcast

Patreon

https://patreon.com/TheTrawlPodcast

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you’ve even mildly enjoyed The Trawl, you’ll love the unfiltered, no-holds-barred extras from Jemma & Marina over on Patreon, including:

• Exclusive episodes of The Trawl Goss – where Jemma and Marina spill backstage gossip, dive into their personal lives, and often forget the mic is on

• Early access to The Trawl Meets…

• Glorious ad-free episodes

Plus, there’s a bell-free community of over 3,300 legends sparking brilliant chat.

And it’s your way to support the pod which the ladies pour their hearts, souls (and occasional anxiety) into. All for your listening pleasure and reassurance that through this geopolitical s**tstorm… you’re not alone.

Come join the fun:

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheTrawlPodcast?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the first Trawl of 2024 and the ladies are back with a bang - or indeed, a massive bell!

Jemma and Marina lament taking quite so long to record the first new year's Trawl. They expected the Tories to be less chaotic over the festive period and into the new year, but alas, they got that as wrong as a Patrick Minford economy prediction.

There were many uncool yule moments, and many festive bells, but in this episode Jemma and Marina explore the lowlights of a man with more community notes than your local civic centre: Rishi Sunak. And the little weasel has been busy...

First Rishi did Home Alone, then Rishi did Southampton FC, then Rishi did the oldest youth centre known to man - but what Rishi didn't do, was the truth. 

Sunak's 2023 lookback was interesting... In that it was a lookback on a 2023 that will have been familiar to absolutely no one, but worry not, as you'll be sure to find comedian Tilly Thorpe's version is far more on point. 

The ladies discuss the latest in global Britain, including Sunak opening the year with a tweet announcing the end of global Britain. Because stopping a Chinese student from bringing their mother to the UK is now delivering for the British people...

Then it's onto the biggest bells of all - Gongs! Jemma and Marina lament a country where Sir Wetherspoon is now a thing and breakers of electoral law don't get banned from parliament, but instead embedded within it. They also wonder what cup size one must reach before their political opinions become irrelevant - this might be one for Lord Bailey of Paddington to answer. 

Underrated tweets include a fox hunting gem, all polished off with a tuneful treat from The Marsh Family regarding those peerages, with a sing named:  

“Does Truss not feel ashamed?”

Thank you for sharing and do tweet us @MarinaPurkiss @jemmaforte @TheTrawlPodcast

Patreon

https://patreon.com/TheTrawlPodcast

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you’ve even mildly enjoyed The Trawl, you’ll love the unfiltered, no-holds-barred extras from Jemma & Marina over on Patreon, including:

• Exclusive episodes of The Trawl Goss – where Jemma and Marina spill backstage gossip, dive into their personal lives, and often forget the mic is on

• Early access to The Trawl Meets…

• Glorious ad-free episodes

Plus, there’s a bell-free community of over 3,300 legends sparking brilliant chat.

And it’s your way to support the pod which the ladies pour their hearts, souls (and occasional anxiety) into. All for your listening pleasure and reassurance that through this geopolitical s**tstorm… you’re not alone.

Come join the fun:

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheTrawlPodcast?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Jemma and Marina invite you to The Trawl Christmas Party. It's in your ears, whenever you want to attend. Wear what you want, it's all very laid back though the chat veers from serious to light, to ridiculous and the drinks are imaginary. The slow dance isn't obligatory but does add the office party feels...

First Marina and Jemma toast the fact that 2024 will hopefully be the year we finally get a general election. A glimmer of hope on the Tory landscape. Then the Trawl ladies wonder why it's so hard to find press coverage of Prince Harry's win in court. It's almost like the press don't want to besmirch the press.

Then - we need to talk about Mone. After all, she's the one who organised an interview with Laura Kuenssberg, which went about as well as the one Prince Andrew did. Come to think of it, he didn't think he'd done anything wrong either. 

Marina and Jemma are not impressed by Mone's defence that the millions are her husband's so 'nothing to do with her, honest guv' or the facts of what went on during the pandemic when it came to doling out PPE contracts. 

The party is taking a turn for the grim, so the girls turn their attention to some of the funniest clips of 2023 and chat about their favourite Christmas movies. Though Marina might be having a rethink on one of hers.....

There's just time for some underrated tweets and some thank you's. Marina and Jemma have had a ball trawling this year and literally couldn't do it without you. Merry Christmas you filthy animals. They'll be back in January ready for a massive 2024 xx 

Thank you for sharing and do tweet us @MarinaPurkiss @jemmaforte @TheTrawlPodcast

Patreon

https://patreon.com/TheTrawlPodcast

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you’ve even mildly enjoyed The Trawl, you’ll love the unfiltered, no-holds-barred extras from Jemma & Marina over on Patreon, including:

• Exclusive episodes of The Trawl Goss – where Jemma and Marina spill backstage gossip, dive into their personal lives, and often forget the mic is on

• Early access to The Trawl Meets…

• Glorious ad-free episodes

Plus, there’s a bell-free community of over 3,300 legends sparking brilliant chat.

And it’s your way to support the pod which the ladies pour their hearts, souls (and occasional anxiety) into. All for your listening pleasure and reassurance that through this geopolitical s**tstorm… you’re not alone.

Come join the fun:

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheTrawlPodcast?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sunak and Johnson have both lost their whatsapp messages - the ones which were sent when they were Prime Minster and Chancellor and in charge. It's 'such' a coincidence and makes total sense that it's magically happened to both of them. Jemma and Marina are totally convinced - honest guv. Marina's worried about Sunak's memory too. The poor sausage can't recall anything. Jemma suggest fish oils maybe? 

Still, Dorries is on hand to thoroughly discredit her love, Johnson, without even realising she's doing it. In fact, in her world she's supporting him, it's quite a talent. Lineker is blowing up X again by daring to reply to people and Mone has paid for a documentary which is entirely neutral and fair. 

In other news Joey Barton has decided women shouldn't be allowed to commentate on football. Marina and Jemma have a lot to say on this and just hope Joey is alright with that. Oh and Farage is back from the jungle having come in at 'who cares' third place. 

Pudding is quite sublime and suitably festive. Politics Joe have pulled it out the bag again. Enjoy!

Thank you for sharing and do tweet us @MarinaPurkiss @jemmaforte @TheTrawlPodcast

Patreon

https://patreon.com/TheTrawlPodcast

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you’ve even mildly enjoyed The Trawl, you’ll love the unfiltered, no-holds-barred extras from Jemma & Marina over on Patreon, including:

• Exclusive episodes of The Trawl Goss – where Jemma and Marina spill backstage gossip, dive into their personal lives, and often forget the mic is on

• Early access to The Trawl Meets…

• Glorious ad-free episodes

Plus, there’s a bell-free community of over 3,300 legends sparking brilliant chat.

And it’s your way to support the pod which the ladies pour their hearts, souls (and occasional anxiety) into. All for your listening pleasure and reassurance that through this geopolitical s**tstorm… you’re not alone.

Come join the fun:

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheTrawlPodcast?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Five seconds after Jemma and Marina finished recording the last Trawl, typically, British politics took a new turn for the mad. Cleverly has declared that unless you earn £37.5K you can't settle here with a foreigner. Having crushed millions of people's hopes and dreams and stuck a big Tory finger up to romance, there's hardly time to scream 'But what about Shirley Valentine?' before moving on to the next psychodrama. Oh yes, it's Rwanda shitshow time. The Tories are fighting like rats in a sack, determined to get the 'Rwanda Safety Bill' through and to hell with the law. None of it has been edifying but Mark Francois strutting about talking about his 'star chamber' and 'spartans' and the 'five families' is particularly astounding and generates a lot of great tweets.

George Monbiot put in a brilliantly impressive turn on Question Time so Marina and Jemma make sure you hear a bit of that. Then it's time to pay tribute to poet Benjamin Zephaniah who sadly died. 

It's fitting that this episode finishes with a poem for pudding. This one is written by Michael Forte (Jemma's dad) and the Trawl ladies think it's got Trawl written all over it. 

Thank you for sharing and do tweet us @MarinaPurkiss @jemmaforte @TheTrawlPodcast

Patreon

https://patreon.com/TheTrawlPodcast

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you’ve even mildly enjoyed The Trawl, you’ll love the unfiltered, no-holds-barred extras from Jemma & Marina over on Patreon, including:

• Exclusive episodes of The Trawl Goss – where Jemma and Marina spill backstage gossip, dive into their personal lives, and often forget the mic is on

• Early access to The Trawl Meets…

• Glorious ad-free episodes

Plus, there’s a bell-free community of over 3,300 legends sparking brilliant chat.

And it’s your way to support the pod which the ladies pour their hearts, souls (and occasional anxiety) into. All for your listening pleasure and reassurance that through this geopolitical s**tstorm… you’re not alone.

Come join the fun:

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheTrawlPodcast?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This month, The Trawl met someone you might not expect us to... Someone who certainly bucks the trend of people we’ve spoken with thus far, because it’s a person, who you could argue, finds themselves on the other side of the debate more often than not.

Even if you don't know of Hodges himself, you'll definitely know who he works for - The Mail, or as Jemma and Marina tend to refer to it - "one of those Tory right-wing sh*trags".

At time of record, Braverman has just been sacked following the remembrance day riot at the cenotaph, which one could argue was almost sponsored by the papers Hodges is associated with. Needless to say, the ladies quiz him on this and how someone with such a well-known, anti-Tory, Labour MP mother, could end up working where he has. 

Disagreements ensue, from the pro-Palestine and pro-ceasefire marches to who it is that really chooses our leaders: the electorate or the press barons? Jemma asks whether Dan cares about the non-dom nature of his big boss and if ever he and his colleagues turn up to work and despair at the bilge they're paid to write. 

Prepare to be shocked by Dan's verdict on the Tory VIP PPE lane, and to be not shocked at all by his thoughts on the revolving door between press and politics - after all, what would you expect from the man once referred to in The Spectator as David Cameron's "new favorite columnist?

An interesting chat, somewhat baffling and, at times, a lot like nailing jelly to a wall. 

Thank you for sharing and do tweet us @MarinaPurkiss @jemmaforte @TheTrawlPodcast

Patreon

https://patreon.com/TheTrawlPodcast

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you’ve even mildly enjoyed The Trawl, you’ll love the unfiltered, no-holds-barred extras from Jemma & Marina over on Patreon, including:

• Exclusive episodes of The Trawl Goss – where Jemma and Marina spill backstage gossip, dive into their personal lives, and often forget the mic is on

• Early access to The Trawl Meets…

• Glorious ad-free episodes

Plus, there’s a bell-free community of over 3,300 legends sparking brilliant chat.

And it’s your way to support the pod which the ladies pour their hearts, souls (and occasional anxiety) into. All for your listening pleasure and reassurance that through this geopolitical s**tstorm… you’re not alone.

Come join the fun:

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheTrawlPodcast?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Trawl schedule has gone off piste due to haywire Christmas diaries (normal practice will resume next week). And so it is that this week, Jemma and Marina find themselves trawling, just as news is breaking that Cleverly has announced a tranche of policy, supposedly designed to cut immigration figures. Their heads are spinning as they try to absorb the latest ill thought out Tory batshittery which means foreign carers won't be able to bring dependants with them (nice). Oh, and if you fall in love with anyone foreign, unless they earn 37K, they can't come and live with you. Okaaaaa

There do follow some reasons to be cheerful - more Tory MPs are reportedly considering leaving the sinking ship before they can be booted out. One of the names mooted is Education Secretary, Gillian Keegan, but she's busy wreaking havoc before she offskies. Childcare is the latest sector under the Trawl spotlight and Marina and Jemma's conclusions are that.....things aren't not looking good. Free hours can only be free if someone pays for the labour.

A lot of people of note have sadly passed since the last ep. The Trawl ladies take a look at the people who have died in the last week and discuss whose deaths have moved then personally in the past. Jemma would never have predicted who Marina says. 

There's news from the jungle, tweets from Cop 28 and a chat about why on earth Starmer felt the need to describe Thatcher's legacy as 'meaningful.' It's caused a ruckus on the left that's for sure. 

Cilla's back for a quick blast and Larry and Paul serve a very well themed pudding.

Thank you for sharing and do tweet us @MarinaPurkiss @jemmaforte @TheTrawlPodcast

Patreon

https://patreon.com/TheTrawlPodcast

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you’ve even mildly enjoyed The Trawl, you’ll love the unfiltered, no-holds-barred extras from Jemma & Marina over on Patreon, including:

• Exclusive episodes of The Trawl Goss – where Jemma and Marina spill backstage gossip, dive into their personal lives, and often forget the mic is on

• Early access to The Trawl Meets…

• Glorious ad-free episodes

Plus, there’s a bell-free community of over 3,300 legends sparking brilliant chat.

And it’s your way to support the pod which the ladies pour their hearts, souls (and occasional anxiety) into. All for your listening pleasure and reassurance that through this geopolitical s**tstorm… you’re not alone.

Come join the fun:

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheTrawlPodcast?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The episode opens with a trip to the Plymouth Christmas lights switch-on, where Torty MP, Johnny Mercer is met with a different type of Christmas cheer. 

Then it's report time... Because last week the OBR published its economic and fiscal outlook for 2024, and it's a grimmer read than one of Nadine's dirty novels - though in the OBR report, a significantly higher number of people are getting screwed. 

Jemma and Marina discuss the numerous newspaper headlines celebrating Hunt's tax cuts, which is problematic, given we're now facing the biggest tax burden since WWII. But hey, why let the truth get in the way of a client journalist's headline?

Then settle in for a gripping, action-packed, true crime story, featuring Tory Mayoral candidate Susan Mason. Less Die Hard, more Lie Hard.

Underrated clips of the week include Elon Musk wiping another few billion off the X share price during a public soiling of himself, and a little treat from Cilla Black - God Rest Her Soul.

Pudding is served up by Moog with his version of Susan Mason's terrifying run-in with the criminal underworld of London. Sadiq Khan has a lot to answer for...

Thank you for sharing and do tweet us @MarinaPurkiss @jemmaforte @TheTrawlPodcast

Patreon

https://patreon.com/TheTrawlPodcast

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you’ve even mildly enjoyed The Trawl, you’ll love the unfiltered, no-holds-barred extras from Jemma & Marina over on Patreon, including:

• Exclusive episodes of The Trawl Goss – where Jemma and Marina spill backstage gossip, dive into their personal lives, and often forget the mic is on

• Early access to The Trawl Meets…

• Glorious ad-free episodes

Plus, there’s a bell-free community of over 3,300 legends sparking brilliant chat.

And it’s your way to support the pod which the ladies pour their hearts, souls (and occasional anxiety) into. All for your listening pleasure and reassurance that through this geopolitical s**tstorm… you’re not alone.

Come join the fun:

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheTrawlPodcast?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.