The Uncommon Communicator

Fear, in general is a very complicated and deeply rooted subject. 

Fear is a neurophysiological response to a perceived threat. Fear activates our fight-or-flight response by stimulating the hypothalamus, which directs the sympathetic nervous system and the adrenal-cortical system to prepare our bodies for danger. This can happen suddenly with a surge of stress hormones into our bloodstream, or we can experience a slow drip of anxiety that creeps up on us as dread.

Glossophobia - the fear of speaking in public - is a very common phobia, one that is believed to affect up to 75% of the human population. Yes, approximately 75% of us have fears and anxiety towards presenting or speaking in public, presenting online, or facilitation a conversation or a meeting.  most people would rather die than give a speech in front of a crowd...

Fear is one of the four primary emotions:

Fear

Joy

Sadness

Anger

Here are the most common fears on public speaking:

1.    The fear of failing (self-doubt)

2.    The fear of forgetting the content

3.    The fear of looking nervous or insecure

4.    The fear of judgmental (tough) audiences

1.    It’s better to remain silent and thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt – Abraham Lincoln 

5.    The fear of the unexpected (impromptu speaking)

6.    The fear of time

7.    The fear of technology

So how can we diffuse the fear of speaking in public? Well, not by avoiding it, but quite the contrary:

Whatever your fear, if you face it, you will know how to deal with it. So the number one solution to the fear of speaking in public is what will ''take away'' the fear of it. That cortisol produced will be ''hitting'' the amygdala (our reptilian brain), which will result in producing very two important neurotransmitters: glutamate (the excitation neurotransmitter) and noradrenaline ( the focus neurotransmitter); This is why you are more focused and enjoy presenting? Because the very fear will help produce these amazing neurotransmitters.

Try imagining the worst thing that can happen – maybe you will forget your content, maybe you will look a bit awkward. It's fine, we've all been there. It's really not the end of the world. Learn from it, it never failing when you learn from it;

Rehearse, rehearse and rehearse again. We're talking about the 3 P's of public speaking: ''plan, produce, perform''. So before you perform, make sure you plan and produce (your preparations and rehearsals should take at least 10 times longer than your performance).

Do not forget, the audience is there to support you and they WANT YOU TO DO GOOD. Often we think exactly the opposite. Become aware of this reality, and your reality will look different as a result.

Make Your Nervous Energy Work For You

Learn to channel your nervous energy into positive energy. Being nervous is a form of adrenaline. You can use it in a positive way to help give an impassioned presentation during public speaking events.

The moment of enlightenment from today

Rehearse, rehearse and rehearse

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The Uncommon communicator is the individual that has the enlightenment to recognize in any situation whether communication has occurred. This uncommon communicator takes ownership of the conversation and possess the skills to navigate and facilitate the conversation to mutual understanding.

Welcome to the Uncommon Communicator podcast, your host James Gable and Brandon Thompson are here to bring enlightenment to the topic of communication.
To train the Uncommon approach to communication we will discuss the tenants or mantra of the Uncommon Communicator 

1.    Enlightenment – The Key 

2.    Ownership – The combination lock 

Enlightenment 

Enlightenment scares some people. They think is some hippie drug induced state and it couldn’t be farther from the truth. 

en·light·ened

adjective

1. having or showing a rational, modern, and well-informed outlook.

"the more enlightened employers offer better terms"

Here is a scary quote:

““Enlightenment is a destructive process. It
 has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier. Enlightenment is the
 crumbling away of untruth. It's seeing
 through the facade of pretence. It's the
 complete eradication of everything we
 imagined to be true.”
 ― Adyashanti

• The key : Enlightenment - You have to recognize if communication is taking place. 
  • Seems simple but it must be the starting place
  • This is the start of emotional Intelligence and self-regulation
  • The communicator must be fully invested to ensure communication takes place. 
  • Communication is only a two-way street if both are Enlightened. 

Ownership  is a combination lock 

This uncommon communicator takes ownership of the conversation and possess the skills to navigate and facilitate the conversation to mutual understanding.

• The Combination lock:  How do they speak?
  • Assertive 
• Aggressive 
• Passive 
• Passive - aggressive 

How do they listen?
 

• Tell me more
•  Tell me less - ( Soup Nazi from Seinfeld)
•  I need facts 
• I need stories

• What is their emotional state?
   
• Calm
•  Excited 
• Angry
•  Emotional 
• Cold 

• Having the Key and applying the combination to understand the listener will begin the process of identifying the walls that breakdown communication. 

The moment of enlightenment from today

Be uncommon and through enlightenment, take ownership of your conversations 

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The Uncommon communicator is the individual that has the enlightenment to recognize in any situation whether communication has occurred. This uncommon communicator takes ownership of the conversation and possess the skills to navigate and facilitate the conversation to mutual understanding.

Welcome to the Uncommon Communicator podcast, your host James Gable and Brandon Thompson are here to bring enlightenment to the topic of communication.

Communication in training, we will cover two aspects:

1.    The Trainer – are they effective?

2.    The trainee – Are they trainable 

1.For the Trainer:

Trainers are able to maintain a dialogue with various participants and groups of learners. Their strong communication and interpersonal skills help them attract and maintain attention, break the ice, shift the focus of learners when needed, and be heard by the audience.

Help the trainee to walk away with one thing 

On-the-job training

On-the-job training is training that is undertaken in your place of work. Businesses can carry out several different types of on-the-job training:

Coaching

An experienced member of staff will work through a task step-by-step with an employee.

The experienced member of staff or ‘coach’ will support the employee through the learning process by passing on their knowledge and skills.

Role play

Role play involves acting out a scenario to see how an employee would perform under certain conditions.

This will allow the employee to practice appropriate ways to deal with situations that may occur in the workplace.

Job rotation

Members of staff can be rotated or moved through different jobs within the organisation so they acquire a range of skills from each department or job role.

Shadowing

Shadowing is when an employee observes another employee working to gain a better understanding of how they do their job. This is usually for a set period of time such as a few days.

Demonstration

Demonstration is when an employee watches a task or a particular process being carried out and then attempts the task/process themselves.

2.For the Trainee:

Signs a Job Applicant Is Trainable

Determining trainability may seem like a challenging task. How can you tell if a candidate is trainable just by talking with them? Here are a few key factors to consider.

• Cognitive Ability
   
• A Passion for Learning
   
• Adaptability
   

The moment of enlightenment from today

Trainer or trainee , Communication is a 2 way street
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The Uncommon communicator is the individual that has the enlightenment to recognize in any situation whether communication has occurred. This uncommon communicator takes ownership of the conversation and possess the skills to navigate and facilitate the conversation to mutual understanding.

Welcome to the Uncommon Communicator podcast, your host James Gable and Brandon Thompson are here to bring enlightenment to the topic of communication. 

vul·ner·a·bil·i·ty

noun

1. the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.
2. Open to attack or damage 

Truth: Telling or expressing the truth, honesty 

Honesty: Truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness. Freedom from deceit or fraud

What does Brené Brown say about vulnerability?

In her new book, Daring Greatly, Brené Brown describes vulnerability as "uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure." It's that unstable feeling we get when we step out of our comfort zone or do something that forces us to loosen control.

Shame is the fear of disconnection “I’m not good enough”

Enter discussion on the market-place of ideas

The discussion of vulnerability and even addressing the topic of shame is connecting with todays audience. 58 Million views of her 2010 Ted talk 

Here are some traits of an effective leader:

• Effective Communicators. Leaders are excellent communicators, able to clearly and concisely explain problems and solutions. ...
• Accountable and Responsible. ...
• Long-term Thinkers. ...
• Self-motivated. ...
• Confident. ...
• People-oriented. ...
• Emotionally Stable.

Listed below are the traits that bad leaders commonly exhibit:

• Too bossy
• Fearful of change
• Unwilling or unable to communicate effectively
• Dismissive of ideas other than their own
• Lacking empathy
• Inconsistent
• Prone to blame others rather than accept responsibility themselves
• Indecisive

 Is the idea of shame and vulnerability in the concept of leadership a fad? 

Take on the marketplace of ideas and decide for yourself. 

We do believe that this is important in relationships but is this the fix for leadership? 

The moment of enlightenment from today

Leadership comes in many skills, add to your tool chest 

Leadership is a Russian doll?

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Managing and communicating through a crisis or incident is a skill everyone should have. A crisis can come in many sizes. From small family events to large corporation trouble. The plan starts with the basics. 

Crisis: A time of intense difficulty, trouble, or danger.

A time when a difficult or important decision must be made

Incident: an event or occurrence

There are Three stages  that are common to all crisis or incidents 

Pre-Crisis-------->Crisis------->Post-Crisis

Here are the 4 C’s of crisis communication to aid your business in the pre-crisis, mid-crisis and post-crisis phases.

Coordinate with your employees and make sure that everyone is on the same page. 

Consider the risks and benefits of your crisis plan. You should be prepared for every scenario that might play out during a crisis situation. 

Communicate with your audience. Consumers appreciate honesty, especially in a crisis. Make sure you keep them informed at every stage of a crisis. 

Create and maintain trust by continuing the communication during the post-crisis phase. 

Warren Buffett once said, “It takes twenty years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you’ll do things differently”. You can not prevent crisis situations from happening, but you can decide how you will react to them as a company.

Whether you are in a crisis or preparing for one, remember to coordinate with employees, consider the risks and benefits of your plan, communicate honestly with your audience, and create trust by communicating post-crisis.

Ed Bradley said, “Be prepared, work hard, and hope for a little luck. Recognize that the harder you work and the better prepared you are, the more luck you might have”.

The moment of enlightenment from today

Have a Plan

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Common Male Workplace Communication Styles  |

•  Energetic
•  Businesslike Direct
• Frank
•  Concise 
• Simple
• Short
•  Externally oriented 

 Common Female Workplace Communication Styles

• Sociable 
• Emotional 
• Diplomatic 
• Empathetic 
• Complex
• Long Internally oriented

For Men when talking to Women:

• Say more about how and why
• Talk more quickly and include more detail
• Accept that some conversations don’t need outcomes

For Men when listening to Women:

• Listen longer and with more concentration
• Watch for body language and feelings more
• Allow more time for the conversation when necessary and Interrupt less

For Women when talking to Men:

• Be more concise if possible
• Be as clear and direct as you can
• Talk more slowly and on one topic/subject at a time

For Women when listening to Men:

• Be more explicit in your responses
• Respond in structured/sequential ways
• Appreciate the information conveyed (even when it is short)

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The passive aggressive is a complicated individual that complicated our communication

Passive-aggressive behavior is characterized by a pattern of passive hostility and an avoidance of direct communication.[1][2] Inaction where some action is socially customary is a typical passive-aggressive strategy (showing up late for functions, staying silent when a response is expected).[2] Such behavior is sometimes protested by associates, evoking exasperation or confusion. People who are recipients of passive-aggressive behavior may experience anxiety due to the discordance between what they perceive and what the perpetrator is saying.

1. Lateness

2. Avoidance 

People use many different avoidance strategies to display their aggression without being overt about it. Some examples include: 

• procrastination 
• avoiding returning a loved one’s call 
• avoiding certain topics of discussion, especially if they know the other person wants to discuss those topics 
• ignoring someone as a form of aggression, such as by not approaching them at a party 

3. Weaponized kindness

4. Sarcasm 

5. Silence 

6. Subtle digs 

7. Weaponized incompetence 

There is no single method that works for all types of passive-aggressive behavior. Some options to consider include: 

• Responding to the emotions: Rather than discussing aggression, it may help to respond to a person’s emotions since passive aggression is an attempt to communicate them. “I know you are upset that I forgot your birthday, and I want to fix it. Can we work on a solution together?”
• Avoiding counter-aggression: Some people respond to passive-aggression with more passive-aggression. This only undermines communication and can initiate a vicious cycle of escalating aggression. 
• Countering with open communication: Addressing passive-aggressive behavior for what it is can sometimes be helpful. Try naming the specific behavior, then asking the person to do something different. “When you stop speaking to me when you are angry, it means I cannot resolve the conflict with you. Can we try talking through this instead?”
• Setting relationship boundaries: When a person refuses to acknowledge their aggression, it can be helpful to draw boundaries about what sort of behavior a person will tolerate. For example, a person might say they will not wait longer than 10 minutes when a loved one is late or continue calling when a person gives them the silent treatment. 
• Calling a person’s bluff: This can be effective when a person pretends to be unable to do something they actually can. A spouse might ask their partner to sign up for cleaning lessons or watch YouTube videos on styling children’s hair. 

The moment of enlightenment from today

Recognize and address passive aggressive culture.


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Welcome to the Uncommon Communicator podcast, your host James Gable and Brandon Thompson are here to bring enlightenment to the topic of communication. 

“Bad news does Not get better with time”

What we will cover today:

1.    Why is it important to deliver bad news correctly and timely? 

2.    9 tips for successful delivery 

1. Make eye contact.

As cliche as it sounds, it’s better for the receiving party to be sitting down. Make sure you sit down as well to avoid seeming too intimidating or overpowering. Bad news should always be delivered as gently as possible. Sitting down with the person you’re talking to can make him or her feel more comfortable, as it will give that person the impression that you genuinely care and want to break the news as nicely as possible. 

2. Sort yourself out first.

It’s never good to give someone bad news while you’re upset. Try calming yourself down first. If you start giving people bad news while you’re emotional, you may forget to include all of the details. It can make the news seem worse to him or her, and you might make him or her uncomfortable. Make sure you’re calm and composed beforehand. Take a few deep breaths and emotionally prepare yourself for what you’re about to do.

3. Try to be neutral.

This is especially true if you personally have little or no connection to the news itself. If the person receiving the bad news is the only one affected, try your best to be neutral. Stick to what you know and don’t stray too far to any one side of the news. 

4. Be prepared.

Rehearse what you’re going to say before you start speaking. You’re more likely to remember everything and to say it in a composed and logical way if you’re ready beforehand. It’s important that the receiving party know everything, so make sure you’re prepared to tell that person all that he or she needs to know.

5. Speak at the level you need to.

Don’t treat adults like children, and don’t treat children like adults. Make sure you evaluate the situation and the person before you speak. Talking to someone above or below his or her level of understanding will only make the bad news harder to hear. Or, even worse, it might make it seem like you don’t care enough to take the time to speak to the person properly. 

6. Use facts.

Bad news is emotional and can be confusing for the person receiving it. Provide facts and evidence for why something happened or what went wrong. This way, he or she will be totally informed. If something can be done about the situation, the person will have full knowledge and can proceed from there.

7. Don’t negotiate.

If something bad happened, that’s that. It will only make things worse if you give someone false hope or make something seem better than it actually is. Stand firm in your assessment of the situation and tell the person exactly what you think. 

8. Offer help.

Remember to be sympathetic and understanding of the situation. Offer any help you can or refer him or her to someone who can offer aid. Let the person know that you know this is difficult news to hear, and, if it’s appropriate, tell him or her that you understand what he or she is going through. It can be incredibly helpful to simply have someone offer sympathy in hard times.

9. Suggest solutions.

If something is fixable, let him or her know. It’s always best to remain optimistic, and if there is something to be done about the situation, be sure to keep that option open. If action can be taken, it’s often the case that it should be. 

10. Use Sorry properly and effectively 

The moment of enlightenment from today

Bad news does NOT get better with time


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Episode 23 – Vacation Communication

The Uncommon communicator is the individual that has the enlightenment to recognize in any situation whether communication has occurred. This uncommon communicator takes ownership of the conversation and possess the skills to navigate and facilitate the conversation to mutual understanding.

Welcome to the Uncommon Communicator podcast, your host James Gable and Brandon Thompson are here to bring enlightenment to the topic of communication. 

1.    Communicate your absence 

2.    Survive your relatives 

 Her are the 6 tips to communicate your absence:

1. Place conflicts on your calendar

2. Create an automated email & voicemail

3. Inform your colleagues that you’ll be away 

4. Contact your important clients

5. Make yourself a checklist

6. Clean out your office

Two important things to remember

·      You will NOT capture everything

·      If you’re that Irreplaceable than you’re not a good leader

Vacation Communication – Surviving the family 

The #1 reason for conflict on vacation…

Unmet expectations and unpleasant surprises 

Unmet expectations and unpleasant surprises can easily cause fights on a family vacation.

Don't ever make assumptions. The best way to avoid unmet expectations and unpleasant surprises is to thoroughly research your destination, hotel, and activities before you leave home.

Brandon’s keys to success 

#1 Have a plan/ Research everything

#2 Don’t Blame Other 

#3 Divide and Conquer 

#4 Plan Down time 

The moment of enlightenment from today

Plan and communicate your absence

Use the Mantra – “YOUR ON VACATION” 

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Truth,, Lies and Candor 
Welcome to the Uncommon Communicator podcast, your host James Gable and Brandon Thompson are here to bring enlightenment to the topic of communication. 

It takes a lot of truth to gain trust but just one lie to lose it all 

1.    Truth

2.    Lies

3.    Candor

Speaking the truth is one of the foundations of being an Uncommon Communicator. How we speak, recognize, and use it will determine the outcome. 

Truth and trust have a deep connection. In Hebrew, both stem from the same root 

Lies :

Who Gets Lied to the Most

1. Parents – 86%
2. Friends – 75%
3. Siblings – 73%
4. Spouses – 69%

Where the Most Lies are Seen

1. Resumes – 40%
2. Dating Site – 90%

Everyday Lying

 – 6 lies are told daily by men to their partner, boss, or colleagues.
 – 3 lies are told daily by women to their partner, boss, or colleagues.
 – Lying is considered more common among phone calls than face to face chats.
 – 1 lie in every 7 is discovered as far as liars can tell.
 – A 10th of lies are just exaggerations and 60% were outright deceptions.
 – 70% of liars claim they would tell their lies again.
 – Americans tell an average of 11 lies a week.

People are surprisingly bad at detecting lies. One study, for example, found that people were only able to accurately detect lying 54% of the time in a lab setting—hardly impressive when factoring in a 50% detection rate by pure chance alone.3 

Tips for lie detection 

1.     Being vague; offering few details.

2.     Repeating questions before answering them.

3.     Speaking in sentence fragments.

4.     Failing to provide specific details when a story is challenged.

5.     Grooming behaviors such as playing with hair or pressing fingers to lips.

Candor:

unreserved, honest, or sincere expression : FORTHRIGHTNESS

or:

the quality of being open and honest in expression; frankness.

Often referred to as refreshing 

Radical Candor by Kim Scott 

Radical: far-reaching or thorough.

Candor: being open and honest in expression.

 In other words, radical candor is the quality of being thoroughly open and honest with others. When it comes to work and management, this means balancing care for your team members with helping them know where they need to improve.

The uncommon communicator should use Candor, Speaking the truth in love to make those around us better. 

The moment of enlightenment from today

The uncommon communicator should use Candor, Speaking the truth in love to make those around us better. 

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