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- Episode 11 - Emails
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The dreaded E-mail, we all know and use it. Some better than others, why is that? In the next thrilling instalment of the Uncommon Communicator podcast James and Bandon break down the dos and don'ts of these electronic messages. Listen in to hear the UC moment and maybe discover your voice in E-mail.
We cover the History of emails
What is an email?
Letters?
Document transmittals?
More professional "texts"?
They "are Forever"!!!!
Pit Falls:
Too Much back and forth
Emails as text- Go Team /Thanks
Too many words
The UC Moment: Find your Voice in EmailYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOJqHEhS1CtX3A4nztIBzdA
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Website : theuncommoncommunicator.com37 min - Episode 10 - Black Swan
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This is it! This is the last episode of our coverage of the book Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss. Uncovering the Black Swan is the most important part of turning the tide in any negotiation and it will take all of our previous tools to get to the bottom and uncover these Swans.
Uncovering Unknown unknowns
3 Types of leverage
Positive
Negative
Normative
We will also discover the power of knowing their religion, or also stated as know their reality
The UC Moment : Know someone's worldview.YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOJqHEhS1CtX3A4nztIBzdA
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Website : theuncommoncommunicator.com29 min - Episode 9 - Bargaining Hard
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Welcome to the Uncommon Communicator podcast, your host James Gable and Brandon Thompson are here to bring enlightenment to the topic of communication.
Everyone has their own style of negation, and it is important as a uncommon communicator to know just what kind of negotiator you and the individual you are negotiating with style as well? Discover your style and learn how to bargain had in this thrilling new episode of the Uncommon Communicator.
The UC Moment: Know yourself and know your counterparts style.YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOJqHEhS1CtX3A4nztIBzdA
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Website : theuncommoncommunicator.com32 min - Episode - 8 Guarantee Execution
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Welcome to the Uncommon Communicator podcast, your host James Gable and Brandon Thompson are here to bring enlightenment to the topic of communication.The Chapters most important concept:
Yes is nothing without how
Asking -How…Knowing-How…Defining-How…Are all part of the effective negotiator’s arsenal
Where we going ?
· Add some tools to our tool box
·
*The Louisiana prison siege Pg 162
Yes, is nothing without How
*Ecuadorian Eco-Tourists
5 mil …Held in jungle…How do I know Jose is alive? How can we raise that much?
Be wary of the committee
Tools for the Arsenal:
Spotting liars, Dealing with Jerks and charming everyone else
· Verbal, Para-verbal ( how its said) and non verbal communications
· Cab Kidnapper story
The 7-38-55 percent rule
· 7% is based on words
· 38% is based on tone of voice
· 55% is based on the speaker’s body language and face
The Rule of Three
· 3 kinds of yes’s Commitment, Confirmation and Counterfeit
· Simply get the guy to agree to something 3 different times
· Could be the same calibrated question phrased 3 ways
The Pinocchio effect
· Just like Pinocchio’s nose, the number of words grew along with the lie
Use of Pronouns
· Use of I, Me, My the less important they are
· We they them and most likely engaged with the leader
The Chris Discount
· Using your own name humanizes and creates forced empathy
· What’s the Chris Discount?
o Safety and Quality folks at work
Bidding against themselves
· Again…How am I supposed to do that?
· Saying no, without saying no
What is the UC Moment (Uncommon Communicator moment)
The moment of enlightenment from today
Yes is nothing without HOW
Asking, Knowing and and defining
Next time we talk about “ Bargain hard”
Followed by The Black Swan
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Website : theuncommoncommunicator.com37 min - Episode 7 - Create the Illusion of Control
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Creating the Illusion of Control is all about asking the right kind of questions. What kind of questions do you need to ask? listen to the latest episode of the uncommon communicator to find out!
Some very quotable quotes from this chapter:Unbelief is the friction that keeps persuasion in check
The secret of gaining the upper hand in a negotiation is giving the other side the illusion of control
He who has learned to disagree with out being disagreeable has discovered the most valuable secret to negotiation
The best way to ride a horse is in the direction it is going.
The idea of Create the illusion of control came from an UC Moment for Chris…he calls it a Holy Shit moment (Same thing)
What do we learn about today:
· The greatest how question of all time
· How NOT to get paid.
o Scripting a negotiation with all the best practices we have learned so far.
The Greatest how question of all time:
Drug dealer, kidnaps another drug dealer’s girlfriend…Of course, what do they do? Call the FBI.
· Previously it was a tit for tat. You give me something, I give you something.
· “Hey Dog, how do I know she is alright”
o We’ll. I’ll put her on the phone
· This leads to the greatest how question of all time…
o How am I supposed to do that?
Suspending Unbelief
· According to Keven Dutton: Unbelief is active resistance to what the other side is saying, Complete rejection
o This is where all or most negotiations start.
o Unbelief is the friction that keeps persuasion in check
How not to get paid:
· The critical importance of self-control: If you can’t control your emotions, how can you influence the emotions of another party?
· Pg 156 Story of freelance marketing firm not getting paid from a new CEO
· Calibrated open ended questions take the aggression out of a confrontational statement.
· Perhaps, maybe, I think, it seems allows you to introduce ideas and requests with out sounding overbearing and pushy
· Avoid: Can, Is, Are, do, or does
o Best is What and How and sometimes why
· The Script: Pg 157
o 90% success rate
o Think and plan
What is the UC Moment (Uncommon Communicator moment)
The moment of enlightenment from today
Create the illusion of control – Control your emotions and suspend their unbelief
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Website : theuncommoncommunicator.com28 min - Episode 6 - Bend Their Reality
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James and Brandon tackle the next chapter in Chris Voss's book never split the difference "Bending their Reality". In this episode the nuts and bolts and back and forth of negotiation are discussed, along with the shocking revelation behind the title of the book. listen close and you just might hear one of the greatest jokes ever told: and as always the UC moment is something to remember and move forward with. Ladies and Gentleman this is "Bending their Reality"YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOJqHEhS1CtX3A4nztIBzdA
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Website : theuncommoncommunicator.com35 min - Episode 5 - That's right!
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The Uncommon communicator is the individual that has the enlightenment to recognize in any situation whether communication has occurred. This uncommon communicator takes ownership of the conversation and possess the skills to navigate and facilitate the conversation to mutual understanding.
In this episode we discover how to uncover "that's Right"
We continue our Journey through "Never Split the difference" by Chris Voss. the meat of this chapter is found in Pgs 97-98.
The active listening arsenal is employed using many of the things we have learned in previous episodes:
1. Effective pauses2. Minimal encouragers
a. Yes, ok, I see
3. Mirroring
4. Labeling
5. Paraphrasing
6. Summarize
a. Paraphrasing + labeling =Summery
b. Articulating the meaning and acknowledging the emotions
The UC Moment:
That's Right is better than your right.YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOJqHEhS1CtX3A4nztIBzdA
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Website : theuncommoncommunicator.com30 min - Episode 4 - Mastering No
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The Uncommon communicator is the individual that has the enlightenment to recognize in any situation whether communication has occurred. This uncommon communicator takes ownership of the conversation and possess the skills to navigate and facilitate the conversation to mutual understanding.Story summary:
She tells Chris that he needs to go volunteer at a Suicide hotline and go away. He does, learns some lessons from that time. In one particularly proud moment, Chris was certain that he had a great conversation, talked the guy down, he was happy with the results. His supervisor thought it was the worst call ever! This is where we learn about the counterfeit YES and the power of NO! Chris did eventually go back and he did end up getting the job.
The 2 Key things we learn from this chapter:
1. NO Starts the negotiation
2. The 3 kinds of Yes’s
3. An email magic trick
NO starts the negotiation
· No is a gateway to yes
- It allows the giver time to pivot, adjust and re-examine.
- It allows the person some feeling of control but also some time to think
- It actually creates the environment to get to the one YES that matters
Start with NO
In Jim Camps book “Start with No” we learn to give our adversary the permission to say no at the very onset.
He calls it the right to “Veto” and people will fight to the death for the right to say NO…So give it to them
This creates a much more constructive and collaborative environment.
You have to train yourself to hear no as something other than rejection
I’m not yet ready to agree
You are making me uncomfortable
I do not understand
I don’t think I can afford it
I want something else
I need more information
I want/need to talk it over with someone else.
Ask solution-based questions to better understando What about this doesn’t work for you?
o What would you need to make this work?
o It seems like there’s something here that bothers you
· People have a need to say NO…Don’t just hope to hear it, but get them to say it, and say it early
The 3 Kinds of Yes’s
· The Counterfeit
o You are given a yes because it an easy escape route
o They are only saying yes to get more information
· The Confirmation
o An affirmation without any real commitment
· The Commitment
o The real deal, a true agreement that leads to action
· The three types of YES sound very much the same. You need to train yourself to learn how to recognize the subtle differences
Email Magic
o Have you given up on this project?
o Example, I was planning on getting there but got my response with an email that included “ I’ve set several emails and have left you a couple of voice mails…
What is the UC Moment (Uncommon Communicator moment)
The moment of enlightenment from today
No Starts the negotiation, Allowing the other person some time to think and gives the Uncommon Communicator the opportunity to ask solutions based questions to really understand.
Next time we talk about “ That’s Right!”
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Website : theuncommoncommunicator.com30 min - Episode 3 - Labels
Episode 3 Labels
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Like, follow and send in your reviews to your favorite Podcast platformRead Pg. 49 Paragraph 2
Summary of story:
· In 1998, a tense standoff in a narrow hallway on the 27th floor of a Harlem high rise . No telephone to call so for 6 hours it was talking through the door without any response from the holdouts. Using late night FM DJ voice, labeling their suspected fears
“It looks like you don’t want to come out”
“It looks like you don’t want to go back to jail”
“It seems like you worry that if you open the door, we will come in guns blazing”
The door finally opens, and all three fugitives came out. All three fugitives said that they didn’t want to get shot and Chris’s voice calmed them downWe learn 3 key things from this chapter :
1. Tactical empathy (trade mark Black swan group)
2. Labeling
3. Accusation Audits
Tactical Empathy
o “Empathy is the ability to recognize the perspective of a counterpart and the vocalization of that recognition”.
o “It’s not about agreeing with the other persons beliefs, values or giving out hugs…that’s called sympathy”
o It’s seeing the situation from the others perspective.
o Tactical empathy is a step beyond
o Its understanding the feelings and mindset of another in the moment
o Its about hearing what is behind the feelings to increase your influence in all the moments that follow
o Its emotional intelligence on steroids
o Negotiators use empathy because it works. Empathy is why the 3 fugitives came out after 6 hours.
o Sun Tzu is quoted as saying “The supreme are of war is to subdue your enemy without fighting.
Labeling
o Labeling is validating someone’s emotions by acknowledging it.
o A shortcut to intimacy and a time saving emotional hack
o Labeling has a special advantage if the person is tense. Exposing negative thought to daylight makes them less frightening
o Reinforces good aspects and diffuses bad ones
o For some, Labeling can be one of the most awkward negotiating tools to use.
o Its tough at first but no one even notices you’re doing it!!
o Words, tone and body language provide a wealth of knowledge for you to work with.
o Once you have spotted the emotion…label it
o It sounds like
o It seems like
o It looks like
o The final rule of labeling …
o Silence …let it lay there and resist the urge to say anything and it will work its magic.
Accusation Audit
o Turns labeling into a process where applied systematically you can disarm your counterpart
Other takeaways:
Get a seat and an upgrade on a sold-out flight
Label, tactical empathy, label…and then the request
Research shows that the best way to deal with negativity is to observe it without reaction, label each negative feeling and replace it with a positive, compassionate solution-based thoughts.
What is the UC Moment (Uncommon Communicator moment)
Empathy helps you be the uncommon communicator by knowing if conversation is taking place, Labels are tools the tool box to make you a better listener and communicator.
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Website : theuncommoncommunicator.com33 min - Episode 2 - Mirrors
In this episode we discover the power of Mirrors and the powerful late night FM DJ voice.
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Episode 2 – Be a MirrorThe Uncommon communicator is the individual that has the enlightenment to recognize in any situation whether communication has occurred. This uncommon communicator takes ownership of the conversation and possess the skills to navigate and facilitate the conversation to mutual understanding.
Welcome to the Uncommon Communicator podcast, your host James Gable and Brandon Thompson are here to bring enlightenment to the topic of communication.
Read pg. 24 paragraph 3 – When we got the call.…
Summary of the event:
· September 30th, 1993 2 masked robbers trigger and alarm at Chase Manhattan bank in Brooklyn
· Chris watts and Bobby Goodwin attempted robbery of a bank and ended up in a hostage negotiation.
· With the 7th largest standing army in the world ( THE NYPD) waiting outside it became a stand off of monumental proportions.
· Ultimately called a success, no nobody got hurt , the bad guys in custody but this situation revealed how much was needed to be learned but at the same time they were awakened to and inspired by the elemental power of emotion and dialogue
There are 3 things to learn from this chapter :
1. Mirrors
2. Late night FM DJ voice
3. It’s really not that easy to listen
Mirrors
· A real life Jedi mind trick
o Gives you the ability to disagree with out being disagreeable
· Can be awkward at first and takes practice
· Repeat the last word or few words and wait
· Encourages empathy, bonding, keeps people talking buys you time and often reveals your counterpart’s strategy
Late night FM DJ Voice
· Downward inflecting voice keeping it calm and slow
· Creates an aura of authority and trust worthiness.
Listening
· Not really a principle but found in the section called “calm the schizophrenic where Chris talks about the team that is brought in to listen
· The FBI has come to the conclusion that it takes a team to listen, and that should be a wakeup call that its not that easy to listen well.
· We are easily distracted, engage in selective listening cognitive bias enters in.
· Make your sole and all-encompassing focus the other person and what they have to say.
· True active listening and other tactics we will learn later all help to disarm our counterparts and make them feel safe
What is the UC Moment (Uncommon Communicator moment)
The moment of enlightenment from today
Listening and letting others be heard is the beginning of all good communication
Next time we talk about “Don’t feel their pain…Label it!”
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Website : theuncommoncommunicator.com24 min
About The Uncommon Communicator
From the publisher's feed
The Uncommon communicator is the individual that has the enlightenment, to recognize in any situation, whether or not communication has occurred. This uncommon communicator takes ownership of the…
conversation and possess the skills to navigate and facilitate the conversation to mutual understanding. Taking on the experts as well as the Sophist of old to help bring clarity to the lost art of true communications.