Episode 3 Labels
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Read Pg. 49 Paragraph 2
Summary of story:
· In 1998, a tense standoff in a narrow hallway on the 27th floor of a Harlem high rise . No telephone to call so for 6 hours it was talking through the door without any response from the holdouts. Using late night FM DJ voice, labeling their suspected fears
“It looks like you don’t want to come out”
“It looks like you don’t want to go back to jail”
“It seems like you worry that if you open the door, we will come in guns blazing”
The door finally opens, and all three fugitives came out. All three fugitives said that they didn’t want to get shot and Chris’s voice calmed them down
We learn 3 key things from this chapter :
1. Tactical empathy (trade mark Black swan group)
2. Labeling
3. Accusation Audits
Tactical Empathy
o “Empathy is the ability to recognize the perspective of a counterpart and the vocalization of that recognition”.
o “It’s not about agreeing with the other persons beliefs, values or giving out hugs…that’s called sympathy”
o It’s seeing the situation from the others perspective.
o Tactical empathy is a step beyond
o Its understanding the feelings and mindset of another in the moment
o Its about hearing what is behind the feelings to increase your influence in all the moments that follow
o Its emotional intelligence on steroids
o Negotiators use empathy because it works. Empathy is why the 3 fugitives came out after 6 hours.
o Sun Tzu is quoted as saying “The supreme are of war is to subdue your enemy without fighting.
Labeling
o Labeling is validating someone’s emotions by acknowledging it.
o A shortcut to intimacy and a time saving emotional hack
o Labeling has a special advantage if the person is tense. Exposing negative thought to daylight makes them less frightening
o Reinforces good aspects and diffuses bad ones
o For some, Labeling can be one of the most awkward negotiating tools to use.
o Its tough at first but no one even notices you’re doing it!!
o Words, tone and body language provide a wealth of knowledge for you to work with.
o Once you have spotted the emotion…label it
o It sounds like
o It seems like
o It looks like
o The final rule of labeling …
o Silence …let it lay there and resist the urge to say anything and it will work its magic.
Accusation Audit
o Turns labeling into a process where applied systematically you can disarm your counterpart
Other takeaways:
Get a seat and an upgrade on a sold-out flight
Label, tactical empathy, label…and then the request
Research shows that the best way to deal with negativity is to observe it without reaction, label each negative feeling and replace it with a positive, compassionate solution-based thoughts.
What is the UC Moment (Uncomm
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