Synergao: When Harmful dynamics Combine to Produce Something Good
Synergao is the idea that individual elements—on their own can be painful, difficult, or even seemingly harmful—but as a whole - come together to create something beneficial, strengthening, or transformative.
Our hardest experiences can merge, creating wisdom, resilience, strength and purpose.
Synergao reminds us that healing is not simply about erasing the past—it’s about integrating it.
Synergao means:
- Betrayal – teaches boundaries, to let people earn trust, to appreciate loyalty, to BE loyal. To put all of our eggs so to speak first in the basket of the One who will never leave, abandon, abuse or betray.
- Loss deepens our love and value of life and time with people (Memento Mori… hope transitions to honor )
- Trauma never deserved or good, but the healing sharpens empathy and deepens compassion as we are renovated with strength, self-respect and confidence.
- Chaos (feuds and drama including family, divorce, friend group, smear campaigns and chronic drama) helps us recognize, prefer and prioritize peace.
- Darkness, aloneness – intensifies our connection with God, safe healthy people and recovery.
None of those things are good by themselves. But together? On the other side of being dragged through the valley? They often create someone wiser, steadier, aware and equipped to walk others home through their storms.
Cognitive reappraisal – (not denial or toxic positivity) is a powerful emotion regulation skill where you intentionally change your thoughts or interpretation of a situation to alter your emotional response, making it less intense or more adaptive. Rather than suppressing feelings it involves reframing negative events, challenging distorted thinking (like catastrophizing), and finding alternative, positive perspectives, leading to better mental health, resilience, and overall well-being.
It takes work. Setting goals in the midst can help! My Dad’s advice and 3 came home.
Synergao is the process where difficult or negative elements—like trauma, loss, or chaos—combine to produce something unexpectedly good. A diagnosis leads to complete health make-over (heart attack and diabetes led to this in people I know). A breakup leads to working on the self and finding someone new eventually (friend who was left and stopped smoking and devoted himself to getting healthy). A job loss leads to maybe furthering education, starting a business or ending up in another position that works out better.
I have experienced many life shattering events over the years, it’s what I come from. Some of the most painful being death and loss, worrying about the son I was raising… moving into betrayal… the ending of friendships (it’s okay, the only thing we had in common was that we both hated me haha), shock and awe types of conflicts and problems.
I began to understand that each situation would eventually be part of my story, a memory…and that what mattered most would be how I moved through it, how I handled it, how I treated people and how I treated myself!
(In the MEAN-time!) Recalibrate and take really really good care of yourself. When your world feels like it is spinning out of control…get good at controlling yourself (Morning routine for 30 days!)
Balance – what you’ve going through…with what you’re into
Synergao reminds us that healing doesn’t erase the past; it transforms it.
It’s all part of our story, we all have embarrassment, loss, worry and pain. We all do. What makes the difference is what we do with it. Play your hand well. If you are navigating some terrible cards… take care of yourself, come up with a plan, set a couple of goals… and play your hand well. And eventually, how you handled it might just become a light for someone else’s long, dark tunnel.
Listen in to this week's Unhooked episode!
