The Unwanted Epilogue

Part 1 of our series of horror movie sequels that make us wish john carpenter would turn all of us into head crabs:

You scream, I scream, we all scream for Scream 3.

This movie was basically like getting CTE in one night without spending a decade getting your skull caved in playing professional football or getting kicked in the soft part of your head by horses.

There are actors in it. There's a killer. Who killed the people? Why would he or she do that? Also, who *cares*? I guess there's more of these movies but we're not going to watch them.

Next episode is diary of the dead I think, but we can't even remember watching the movie or if we saved the recording.

Part 1 of our series of horror movie sequels that make us wish john carpenter would turn all of us into head crabs:

You scream, I scream, we all scream for Scream 3.

This movie was basically like getting CTE in one night without spending a decade getting your skull caved in playing professional football or getting kicked in the soft part of your head by horses.

There are actors in it. There's a killer. Who killed the people? Why would he or she do that? Also, who cares? I guess there's more of these movies but we're not going to watch them.

Next episode is diary of the dead I think, but we can't even remember watching the movie or if we saved the recording.

Sometimes, the cruelest intentions are the ones we have for ourselves and the ones we love. Other times, you just want to have sex with your teacher to get out of gym class.

These movies were mostly the latter, although there was a lot of internal family love (incest) and internalized (and externalized) feelings of sociopathy.

Strap in and strap on, because the Cruel Intentions trilogy is here to teach your children how to get away with everything, up to and including murder (but in a sexy way).

Sometimes, the cruelest intentions are the ones we have for ourselves and the ones we love. Other times, you just want to have sex with your teacher to get out of gym class.

These movies were mostly the latter, although there was a lot of internal family love (incest) and internalized (and externalized) feelings of sociopathy.

Strap in and strap on, because the Cruel Intentions trilogy is here to teach your children how to get away with everything, up to and including murder (but in a sexy way).

Valerian and the title I'm tired of typing was a movie. There were some actors in it. I guess we watched it awhile ago and recorded about it. I don't remember actually seeing it or talking about it, but there does seem to be evidence here that it happened. If you see the person that edits these things, kick him in the shins because that guy is lazy. Seriously though, fuck that guy. Instead of watching the movie, just watch the opening scene on youtube and then play with some ninja turtle action figures and you've pretty much got it.

Trigger Warnings: School shootings, bad french accents, pornography (tentacles)

Valerian and the title I'm tired of typing was a movie. There were some actors in it. I guess we watched it awhile ago and recorded about it. I don't remember actually seeing it or talking about it, but there does seem to be evidence here that it happened. If you see the person that edits these things, kick him in the shins because that guy is lazy. Seriously though, fuck that guy. Instead of watching the movie, just watch the opening scene on youtube and then play with some ninja turtle action figures and you've pretty much got it.

Trigger Warnings: School shootings, bad french accents, pornography (tentacles)

2018's surprise sleeper hit (in the nads), Deep Blue Sea 2: Deeper, Bluer Sea, arrived on the scene in April and the Unwanted Epilogue crew was forced into action. The first possibly relevant, somewhat timely podcast they've ever released, this foray under the sea was fraught with danger. Mostly the mental kind--the sort that leaves lasting psychic damage. Nevertheless, they persisted and watched the sequel nearly twenty years in the making that belongs in a landfill.

2018's surprise sleeper hit (in the nads), Deep Blue Sea 2: Deeper, Bluer Sea, arrived on the scene in April and the Unwanted Epilogue crew was forced into action. The first possibly relevant, somewhat timely podcast they've ever released, this foray under the sea was fraught with danger. Mostly the mental kind--the sort that leaves lasting psychic damage. Nevertheless, they persisted and watched the sequel nearly twenty years in the making that belongs in a landfill.

Netflix spent 90 million dollars to take cinema to the next level for Bright, the 2017 smash hit that proved once and for all Will Smith still owes Xenu a hell of a lot more money. This episode asks the tough questions: Centaur cops--what? If Shrek exists in the world of Bright, wouldn't it have been a completely different movie? Why is LA exactly the same as it would be in our present time except with Ork graffiti? All this and more on the 15th episode of whatever this podcast is called.

Opening song credits:

80s Cop Show by Twin Musicom (twinmusicom.org)

Netflix spent 90 million dollars to take cinema to the next level for Bright, the 2017 smash hit that proved once and for all Will Smith still owes Xenu a hell of a lot more money. This episode asks the tough questions: Centaur cops--what? If Shrek exists in the world of Bright, wouldn't it have been a completely different movie? Why is LA exactly the same as it would be in our present time except with Ork graffiti? All this and more on the 15th episode of whatever this podcast is called.

Opening song credits:

80s Cop Show by Twin Musicom (twinmusicom.org)