The Widowed Parent Podcast

We're changing things up this week, in honor of the one-year anniversary of the podcast. I've asked my friend Karen Millsap to interview me on my own show. Long time listeners will remember Karen from Episode 14. She's a widowed parent herself, and she is a Mindset Mastery Coach who is passionate about teaching individuals the tools and resources to feel better, live better, and achieve their goals with a healthy mindset.

This week – in Part 1 – we talk about my story. I'm always on the other side of the mic, asking the questions, but this week the tables are turned. Karen interviews me, and I share my journey of the past few years with my husband, Dennis, being diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and then dying when our kids were 9 and 11.

Some topics we discuss include:

• Our "normal" life before my husband, Dennis, died;
• His diagnosis with glioblastoma, an aggressive form of brain cancer;
• Living through the 8 months he was terminally ill;
• Parenting our 9 & 11-year-olds through his illness;
• What the early months of being a widowed parent were like;
• Starting Megan's Cards for Cancer with my daughter to raise money for brain cancer research; and
• Looking ahead to Part 2 – next week – with more about how I started the Widowed Parent Podcast, and what I've learned so far from my guests.

Many thanks to Karen for taking the mic this week and helping me share my story. I hope you enjoy our discussion.

I had such a great discussion with Keisha Blair for this episode. Keisha was 31 when her husband passed away suddenly, just eight weeks after the birth of their second child. Keisha lives in Ottawa, Canada, and she has written a brand-new book called "Holistic Wealth: 32 Life Lessons to Help You Find Purpose, Prosperity, and Happiness."

Some topics Keisha and I discuss include:

• Being widowed with a toddler and a new baby;
• Taking a sabbatical after loss;
• Returning to the workplace;
• Having one son with memories of his dad, and one son too young to remember him;
• The importance of creating a personal mission statement; and
• What is 'holistic wealth,' including Keisha's tips for this.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Keisha Blair.

I had such a great discussion with Jessica Maitland Mayo and Micki Burns of Judi's House for this episode. Judi's House is in Denver, Colorado, and Jessica is the CEO and Micki is the chief clinical officer. One reason I love the work Judi's House is doing is that they put equal emphasis on both direct client services and real, critical research to advance our collective understanding of childhood bereavement and best practices. Plus, Jessica is a widowed parent and past client of Judi's House, so it was wonderful to talk with her about her journey and reflections.

Some topics we cover on this episode include:

• Jessica's journey as a widowed parent after her husband died by suicide when her kids were 7 and 11;
• Juggling a demanding job along with her grief and her kids' grief;
• Her number one desire to protect her kids;
• The importance of telling her kids the truth about their dad's death;
• Her family's experiencing as clients of Judi's House;
• The founding of Judi's House by Brian Griese and Brook Griese;
• The Judi's House Pathfinders program for youth ages 3-25 and their families, and the measurable positive outcomes;
• Stats on childhood bereavement from the Childhood Bereavement Estimation Model that Judi's House has developed and partnered with New York Life Foundation on;
• Why childhood bereavement is a critical public health issue;
• How emphasis on preventative care in the mental & behavioral health field is lagging emphasis on preventative care in the physical health field; and
• The relative lack of research into the needs and challenges of bereaved families.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Jessica Maitland Mayo and Micki Burns of Judi's House.

We're back this week with a brand new show, and today I'm thrilled to welcome Vicki Jay as my guest. Vicki is the CEO of the National Alliance for Grieving Children. Some topics Vicki and I talked about include:

• Why it's easier to address childhood grief early in a child's life than it is to deal with the potential effects of unresolved grief when they become adults;
• The fact that 1 in 14 kids will lose a parent or sibling by the age of 18;
• Children's Grief Awareness Month coming up in November, and some ways widowed parents can help raise awareness during this time;
• How to submit a story of "Everyday Heroes" who support the grieving children in your life;
• Why we should all wear blue on November 21 (and post pics on social media!);
• The NAGC's activity book for elementary age kids and their caregivers;
• "Dear Me" letters from adults who lost a parent to their younger selves; and
• Resources available on the NAGC web site, including a state-by-state listing of children's grief programs.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Vicki Jay.

ENCORE EPISODE - originally published March 20, 2019

I'm so happy to bring you my discussion with Pam Garramone. Pam is a positive psychology coach who teaches people how to be happier.

It's important to note that Pam is not talking about ignoring or minimizing the pain and difficulty of losing a spouse, and being a widowed parent, but rather about some ways to gradually move the needle and to work some happiness into our lives in spite of this.

Pam and I talked about so many interesting topics, including many practical tips for how to be happier — and — how to help our kids be happier. We talked about:

• What is positive psychology, and how does it relate to 'regular' psychology;
• Some tools of positive psychology that can help us become happier;
• The VIA character survey, and how to use your signature strengths to lift depression;
• Fostering a growth mindset in our kids;
• How helping others helps us to feel better;
• How social connections can boost happiness; and
• The benefits to our lives of increasing our happiness.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Pam Garramone.

ENCORE EPISODE - originally published April 3, 2019

Today we're going to really focus in on the grief piece of the widowed parenting puzzle. It can be really hard for widowed parents to know how to help their children with their grief, because most of us don't have much experience, nor any education, in this. And so, I'm really glad to share with you today my discussion with Buffy Peters and Sasha Mudlaff, from Hamilton's Academy of Grief and Loss in Des Moines, Iowa. Hamilton's is Iowa's largest funeral home, and 20 years ago they decided to start providing grief and loss support to their clients and to the broader community as well. And if you're not in Iowa, not to worry – they have fantastic -- and free -- resources available on their web site. I'll link to them in the show notes.

I learned so much from talking with Buffy and Sasha. Some topics we covered include:

• Handling questions from kids, including when you don't know the answer;
• The importance of telling kids the truth about tough situations;
• Language to avoid when talking with kids about death;
• Secondary losses experienced by kids who have lost a parent;
• Undue burdens that may unintentionally be placed on kids;
• Misconceptions that adults may have about children's grief
• Why it's important for kids to see the adults around them grieve, and modeling healthy grieving;
• How children's grief differs from adult grief; and
• Why it's important for adults to validate kids' feelings of grief.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Sasha Mudlaff and Buffy Peters.

ENCORE EPISODE - originally published January 16, 2019

I had such a great discussion with Dr. Justin Yopp of the University of North Carolina for this episode. Justin is a clinical psychologist and is co-author of the book, "The Group: Seven Widowed Fathers Reimagine Life."

I really enjoyed our wide-ranging discussion. It was a fascinating mix of practical and academic, and included some great stories from the widowed dads in the book about their experiences. Some of the topics we covered include: the dual process model of coping and bereavement; post-traumatic growth; the concept of being a 'good enough' parent; the unique hardships of being a widowed father; and the research into the needs of widowed parents being conducted at UNC.

By the way, if you're a widowed mom or dad with kids 18 & under at home, and widowed less than three years, I'd encourage you to answer the survey on their web site…this is such important work and, surprisingly, there is very little research that's been done on the needs of widowed parents. Look for the link in the show notes for episode 9.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Dr. Justin Yopp.

I had such a great discussion with Rachel Kodanaz for this episode. Rachel is the author of three grief-related books, and is an expert on returning to work after a loss – both from the perspective of the grieving person and the perspective of the employer. In fact, she consults with and speaks to organizations large and small on this topic. She's a widowed mom herself, having lost her husband when her daughter was just 2. She was employed in a large corporation at the time, and had to figure out how to make returning to work work for her family.

Some topics that Rachel and I discuss include:

• How she negotiated with her employer to take her toddler along on business trips;
• Getting creative to solve the time-crunch problems of raising a young child on her own;
• Myths about employees returning to work after a loss;
• Questions to ask yourself before returning to work, to make your return go more smoothly;
• Tips for discussing what you need with your employer;
• Thoughts on how much to share with a prospective new employer when looking a job;
• Tips for kicking the proverbial elephant out of the room when returning to work;
• EAP, FMLA, and other employment benefits that may be available;
• Suggestions for when you suspect colleagues may be resentful or think you're not pulling your weight; and
• Why you should have an "elevator speech" ready for when people say insensitive things.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Rachel Kodanaz.

I had such a great discussion with Litsa Williams for this episode. Litsa is the co-founder of the popular grief blog and website What's Your Grief, and I had the pleasure of meeting her this summer at the National Alliance for Grieving Children symposium. What's Your grief has so many articles on every different topic related to grief and loss, and they also have a number of really innovative projects going on that might be interesting to think about trying with your kids or teens.

Some topics that Litsa and I cover include:

• Resources available on the What's Your Grief blog and web site;
• Recommendations for books and movies to read and watch with your kids;
• The Grief Secret project;
• The Grief in Six Words project;
• The Photo Grief project, and the online grief photography class they offer;
• The What's Your Grief podcast; and
• Litsa's advice and perspective as both a grief professional and as someone who lost her own dad when she was just 18.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Litsa Williams.

I had such a great discussion with my friend Nancy Bearg for this episode. Nancy is the co-author of "Reboot Your Life: Energize Your Career and Life by Taking a Break." I invited her to be on the show because I've heard from a number of listeners who are wondering if it's ok to take a sabbatical-type break from work after becoming a widowed parent, and looking for ideas on how to make that work.

I knew right away when I first got a listener question on this topic that I just had to talk to Nancy about it. I've read her book several times in the past few years, so I knew it was full of information and examples that would be helpful to my listeners who are thinking about taking time off work.

Some topics that Nancy and I discussed include:

• The benefits of taking a sabbatical, both personally and professionally;
• Common concerns that people have about taking a sabbatical;
• Advice for talking with employers about taking time off;
• Considerations about how much time to take;
• Suggestions about how to structure your time off;
• How taking time off can help you reconnect with yourself and what is meaningful to you; and
• How giving yourself the gift of time can be incredibly important for anyone, including widowed parents.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Nancy Bearg.