The Widowed Parent Podcast

I had such a great discussion with Laurie O'Neil and Marisa da Silva for this episode. Laurie is a social worker and is Marisa's great-aunt. Marisa is 10 years old, and her mom, Terri, died when Marisa was just 5. Together Laurie and Marisa are co-authors of the book Graceful Woman Warrior, which is based on the journal Terri kept while she was undergoing treatment for breast cancer.

Topics we discussed include:

• How the book Graceful Woman Warrior started as a blog by Marisa's late mom Terri during her breast cancer diagnosis and treatment;
• Laurie losing her own dad at age 8 and feeling alone in her grief as a child;
• What the kids in Marisa's class thought about the "book talk" she and Laurie gave in class;
• What Marisa likes about the EmpowerHER program; and
• Why Laurie says writing this book has been transformative for her.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Laurie O'Neil and Marisa da Silva.

I had such a great discussion with Brennan Wood and Jana DeCristofaro of The Dougy Center for this episode. The Dougy Center has programs for kids and families in Portland, Oregon, and they are also a national leader in the field of childhood bereavement. They also produce a popular, and long-running, grief podcast called Grief Out Loud, which listeners can find on their favorite podcast app.

Some topics we discuss include:

• Brennan talks about feeling different from her peers after losing her mom at age 12;
• How attending The Dougy Center as a teen changed her life;
• Meeting Hope Edelman, author of Motherless Daughters, when she was 19;
• The Dougy Center's programs for grieving kids and families in the Portland, Oregon, area;
• Their Pathways program for families facing an advanced serious illness;
• The Grief Out Loud podcast, which Jana hosts and produces;
• Being ok with holding 2 thoughts that seem to be conflicting; and
• What widowed parents should know or consider in the first 90 days.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Brennan Wood and Jana DeCristofaro of The Dougy Center.

I had such a great time talking with Jason Stout of Outward Bound USA for this episode. I met Jason last June at the National Alliance for Grieving Children Symposium in Snowbird, Utah, and I knew I wanted to have him on the show. Outward Bound is a unique program that uses the outdoors to inspire personal growth.

Topics Jason and I discussed include:

• How he did a 78-day winter Outward Bound expedition when he was a young adult, and how this was important as he dealt with multiple death losses he had as a child, including his dad at age 14;
• When, where, and why Outward Bound got started;
• Various programs they have, such as gap year and semester programs, Pathfinders, and short courses;
• What is the Outward Bound Grieving Teens program; and
• Some heartwarming stories of teens who have been on a Grieving Teens expedition.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Jason Stout.

I had such a great discussion with Megan Simmons for this episode. Megan's dad died when she was just 4 years old. Later, her mom died when she was a young adult. I always feel it's such a privilege to talk with adults who lost a parent at a young age, and am so grateful when they are willing to come on the podcast and talk with me about their journey and their experiences.

Some topics Megan and I cover include:

• Moving to be closer to her mom's family after her dad died;
• Feeling as a child that she needed to help others feel better about her situation;
• Believing that she should feel sad as a child, and feeling guilty when she was happy;
• Learning at a young age that life is short and she didn't want to take anything for granted;
• How growing up without her dad affected her confidence;
• How her mom vowed to give her kids a sense of security, stability, and love after their dad died;
• Writing children's books in honor of her parents, to help her own children grieve; and
• How losing both of her parents at a young age has affect her own parenting.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Megan Simmons.

I had such a great discussion with Bethany Gardner and Molly Hasson at the Eluna Network for this episode. Eluna is a national grief support network here in the US, and they run both Camp Erin, for grieving kids, and Camp Mariposa, for kids affected by a family member's addiction.

Some of the topics we discussed include:

• Eluna's online resource library;
• Personalized support available free through Eluna;
• Camp Erin, for grieving kids who have lost a parent or other close family member;
• Camp Mariposa, a mentoring and support program for kids ages 9-12 affected by a parent's addiction; and
• The New York Life Foundation's extensive involvement in and support of Eluna's programs.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Molly Hasson and Bethany Gardner of Eluna.

This week's show — January 1, 2020 — is the "Best of 2019" episode. Listen for reflections on decades past and the decade ahead, as well as what I'm looking forward to for the podcast in 2020. Also join me as a share clips from six favorite episodes this year, with guests Austin Shoecraft, Claire Bidwell Smith, Allison Gilbert, Lane Pease, Jessica Maitland Mayo & Micki Burns, and Dr. Lisa Damour. Also mentioned: interviews with Buffy Peters & Sasha Mudlaff, Dr. Justin Yopp, Tembi Locke, Vicki Jay, and Karen Millsap.

I had such a great discussion with Claire Bidwell Smith for this episode. Claire is a therapist and is the author of three books on grief, including her most recent, "Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief." Anxiety is a topic I hear about a lot from widowed parents, either in relation to themselves or their kids, so it was really great to have Claire on the show to discuss this.

Some topics Claire and I discuss include:

• How she started having anxiety and panic attacks around the time her mom died, and no one connected it to her grief;
• What anxiety is, and what are some symptoms;
• Why it's important to work through your grief in order to tackle your anxiety;
• If you're stifling your grief, it's likely to manifest in anxiety;
• Grief-related anxiety can be present right away or many years out from loss;
• Kids who lost a parent often have fear of additional loss;
• How guilt and regret contribute to anxiety after loss, and ways to process these feelings;
• Sometimes people hold onto the guilt as a way of holding onto the person;
• Finding other ways to hold onto the person's memory so you can let go of the guilt;
• Why writing is an important tool for processing grief, and tips for doing this; and
• Why telling our story of loss is important.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Claire Bidwell Smith.

I had such a great discussion with Carmel Breathnach for this episode. Carmel is originally from Ireland and now lives in Portland, Oregon. She lost her mom at age 11, and writes primarily about early mother loss. She's working on her memoir, "Briefly I Knew My Mother."

Some topics Carmel and I discussed include:

• Carmel reads from a letter she recently wrote to her 11-year-old self;
• Ways her dad supported her and her brother after her mom's death;
• Challenges with school and teachers;
• What she's learned by having to face grief as a young person;
• What brought her to the US;
• How her early experience with grief influenced her work as a teacher; and
• Her thoughts on Mother's Day as a motherless daughter.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Carmel Breathnach.

I had such a great discussion with Jim Santucci and Beth Keller of Kara for this episode. I've heard from a lot of listeners with questions and worry about the upcoming holidays, so in this episode we dive deep on the topic of grief and the holidays.

Some topics we cover include:

• Kara's grief support services for kids and adults in the Palo Alto, California, area;
• Kara's peer support volunteer program;
• It's common for widowed parents to be worried about how to handle the holidays;
• Common stresses around holiday cards – both sending & receiving;
• Why traditions and rituals are comforting for kids;
• Why widowed parents shouldn't be tempted to cancel Christmas;
• The importance of talking with your kids and teens about holiday plans rather than making assumptions and unilateral decisions;
• Enlisting help from family & friends with holiday decorating, baking, etc;
• Juggling the needs and wishes of multiple kids;
• Managing the expectations of other people; and
• Ideas for honoring and remembering our loved ones at the holidays.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Jim Santucci and Beth Keller of Kara.

Today we wind up our special two-part discussion for the one-year anniversary of the Widowed Parent Podcast. My friend Karen Millsap returns to once again interview me on my own show. I had so much fun talking with her and reflecting on how and why I started the podcast, and also thinking about some of the main lessons I've learned from my guests.

Some of the topics we discuss include:

• Why I decided to start the Widowed Parent Podcast;
• How I learned what I needed to do to start it;
• Getting over the question of 'why me' – why should I start this podcast;
• What's been the most fun;
• What's been the hardest;
• Why I took an August break from producing new episodes;
• What I've learned from my guests on the podcast; and
• What I'm looking forward to in the next year.

Many thanks to Karen for taking the mic again this week for Part 2 of our discussion, and helping me reflect on my journey through starting the Widowed Parent Podcast. I'm especially glad to be able to look back at some of the key things I've learned from my guests and share them with listeners. I hope you enjoy our discussion.