The Widowed Parent Podcast

I had such a great discussion with Melissa Pierce for this episode. Melissa is a widowed parent, an author, and a self-care advocate. She has two sons, and her older son really struggled as a teen so be sure to listen for that part of our discussion if you're facing a similar situation.

Some topics Melissa and I discuss include:

• Melissa and her husband, Dave, adopting their two sons from the Oregon foster care system;
• Moving their family from Portland to a small town in Eastern Oregon;
• The traumatic shock of finding her husband dead after he'd gone to bed the night before feeling just a little unwell;
• Making major changes in her life right away, despite all the grief literature suggesting one should not do this;
• How the small town they lived in rallied to support Melissa and her boys after Dave died;
• Finding The Dougy Center after she moved back to Portland;
• How her grief therapy ended up dipping in and out of personal development therapy;
• How her older son began to struggle that he so much that needed more help than could be provided locally;
• Making the decision to send her teenage son to a wilderness therapy program and then to Boys Town;
• Deciding to remarry;
• How self-care changed her life; and
• Melissa's book recommendations for widows.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Melissa Pierce.

Listeners: get a 10% discount on Melissa's self-care subscription boxes at filledwithgold.org - use discount code WIDOWEDPARENT.

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Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

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I had such a great discussion with Jessica Lahey for this episode. Jess is a bestselling parenting author, and her first book is called The Gift of Failure. Today we talk about her second book, out this week, called The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. This is such an important topic, especially with the rising rates of teen mental health issues that we were seeing even before the pandemic. The book is very well researched, but it's not a dry academic tome; Jess weaves in stories from her own life as well as stories of real teens and the challenges they face.

Some topics Jess and I discuss include:

• When the experts say "substance abuse is preventable," what does this mean?
• How genetics, epigenetics, and environment work together to affect a person's risk of substance abuse;
• How Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) come into play here;
• Balancing risk factors against protective factors;
• Risks of substances on adolescent brains that are still developing;
• The importance of talking to kids and teens about brain development and how their brains work;
• Why the "Just Say No" and "Scared Straight" approaches are not effective;
• Why parents can't assume that this topic is being adequately addressed at school;
• When to start conversations related to substance abuse prevention with our kids;
• Tips for having these discussions; and
• Why her bottom-line message for parents is "delay, delay, delay."

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Jessica Lahey.

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Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

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I had such a great discussion with Dara Kurtz for this episode. Dara is the author of "I Am My Mother's Daughter: Wisdom on Life, Loss, and Love." We talked about intentionally creating your legacy and family traditions. And, we dive deep on the topic of letter writing: why it's important, along with lots and lots of tips from Dara.

Some topics Dara and I discuss include:

• Why she named her blog "Crazy Perfect Life;"
• The bag of letters from her childhood that she re-discovered after her mom died;
• The three different types of letters: Just Because letters; Special Occasion letters; and Legacy letters;
• Tips for writing each of these types of letters;
• The mother-daughter journals Dara kept with her kids; and
• Family traditions as a link between the past, present, and future.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Dara Kurtz.

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Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

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I had such a great discussion with Karen Paul for this episode. Karen is a widowed mom who lives in the Washington, DC, area. Her husband, like mine, died of glioblastoma – and as we compared notes, we realized our husbands were sick at the exact same time. As I said to her, I think we could have talked all afternoon, about the similarities and differences in our experiences. Listen for Karen telling us all about her year of "defiance," when she did all the things they say not to do in the first year of widowhood.

Some topics Karen and I discuss include:

• Hearing about glioblastoma for the first time when Beau Biden died of it -- just before her own husband was diagnosed with the same thing;
• The beautiful post Sheryl Sandberg made 30 days after her husband died, which came out on the same day Karen's husband was diagnosed;
• Becoming a full-time caregiver from the very beginning of her husband's illness, and how this shifted her relationship with her husband;
• The acts of 'defiance' she embraced in her first year of widowhood;
• The memorial tattoos she and her kids all got;
• Getting a dog during that first year of grieving;
• Changing jobs after her husband died;
• Unexpectedly meeting a new partner;
• Learning to accept the duality so common in widowhood that two things can be true and that's ok;
• Burning out in the second year of widowhood, and how she dealt with that;
• Getting support from a local organization, Caring Matters, and subsequently joining their Board of Trustees; and
• Thinking deliberately about how she wants to rebuild her life.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Karen Paul.

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Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

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I had such a great discussion with Mira Simone for this episode. Mira is a widowed parent and a grief writer living in Toronto, Canada. She began writing the very evening her husband was diagnosed with cancer, and hasn't stopped. Mira is now raising her young daughter as a solo parent, and she also has experience with both grief therapy and trauma therapy to share with us.

Some topics Mira and I discuss include:

• Beginning to write in her journal the night she and her husband found out he had cancer;
• How she coped with the shock and trauma of losing her husband;
• What writing has meant to her in her grief;
• How starting to share her writing helped give her a sense of purpose;
• Deciding to start her young daughter in preschool for the first time, and how the pandemic affected that;
• Coming to understand that she has experienced trauma around her loss;
• Her experiences with both grief therapy and trauma therapy;
• Coming to accept that some other adults would now play a larger role in her daughter's life because her dad had died; and
• Trying to spread a message of self-compassion and self-love to other grieving people through her writing.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Mira Simone.

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Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

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I had such a great discussion with Melissa Gould for this episode. Melissa is the author of the brand-new memoir, Widowish, in which she shares with us her journey to becoming a young widow, and her life in the years since. It was so fun to talk with Melissa about her book, and discover the similarities – and differences – in our experiences.

Some topics Melissa and I discuss include:

• Melissa's new memoir, Widowish … and why she named it that;
• Her husband Joel's diagnosis of multiple sclerosis, and their years of dealing with that;
• The odd symptoms he came down with several years later, and the three weeks he was in the hospital before he died;
• Melissa's reflections on her first months as a widowed person and widowed parent;
• Feeling like she couldn't relate to other widowed people at first;
• Starting to write about her experience as a widow a few years later, and realizing how healing it was for her;
• Pulling together a group of younger widowed people for social gatherings;
• Beginning to date the neighborhood guitar teacher, who would become her new love; and
• Melissa's reflections on starting a new love in midlife, and how it can be different from love the first time around.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Melissa Gould.

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Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: grief.coach/sign-up/JENNYLISK

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

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I had such a great discussion with Pamela Addison for this episode. Pamela is a widowed mom of two young children whose healthcare-worker husband lost his life to COVID-19 in the early weeks of the pandemic. She has since started an active Facebook group for other younger women and men who have lost their spouses to COVID-19.

Some topics Pamela and I discuss include:

• Her husband's experience contracting COVID-19 in the early weeks of the pandemic, and the 26 days he spent in the hospital;
• How one of the hardest parts of losing a loved one to Covid is not being able to be with them in the hospital, and how helpless this made her feel;
• Her plans to celebrate her husband's life sometime in the future, after she can include the many people whose lives he touched;
• How getting a card in the mail from another young Covid widow led to her eventually starting a Facebook group for younger Covid widows;
• Common challenges and concerns of young Covid-widowed people; and
• New York Life's Brave of Heart Fund for spouses and children of health care workers who lose their lives due to the pandemic.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Pamela Addison.

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Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

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I had such a great discussion with KJ Dell'Antonia for this episode. KJ is the former editor of the New York Times' Motherlode blog, and the author of "How to Be a Happier Parent." I mean, who wouldn't want to try to be happier in their role as a parent? And to my widowed parent listeners, especially: I figure we can use all the hints and tips we can get, now that we are doing this parenting job by ourselves.

Some topics KJ and I discuss include:

• Why she decided to write this book;
• Some of her favorite mantras for parenting;
• Why family dinner is important, and what can be difficult about it;
• Why 'discipline' is one of the least-liked parenting jobs, and how to think differently about it;
• Chores, how to think about them, and tips for parents;
• Why you'll be a happier parent if you embrace "fair doesn't mean equal;" and
• Her new novel, "The Chicken Sisters," in which one of the protagonists is a widowed parent of teens.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with KJ Dell'Antonia.

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Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

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Widowed Parent Podcast LIVE with Widowhood & We-Freshments! Such a fun discussion. Be sure to check out their show!

https://www.facebook.com/WidowhoodWeFreshments/

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Find all episodes of the Widowed Parent Podcast & widowed parenting resources:

https://widowedparentpodcast.com

Tips for widowed parents: https://jennylisk.com/top10

Tips for allies of grieving people: https://www.jennylisk.com/allies

I had such a great discussion with Maria Collins of the New York Life Foundation and Chelsea Prax from the American Federation of Teachers for this episode. New York Life and the AFT recently teamed up to do a new survey about grief and grief support in schools in order to especially understand what the challenges are right now during this pandemic.

Some topics Maria and Chelsea and I discuss include:

• Findings of the new survey on grief in schools from New York Life Foundation and the American Federation of Teachers;
• Some challenges and struggles teachers are seeing in their classrooms due to the pandemic;
• How parents can partner with their child's teachers to help their child;
• Bereavement training for teachers available from the AFT; and
• Resources for parents and teachers from the New York Life Foundation.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Maria Collins and Chelsea Prax.

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Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

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