The Widowed Parent Podcast

I had such a great discussion with Dr. BJ Miller for this episode. BJ is a hospice and palliative care physician and he has worked with many patients who are seriously ill, or dying. He has such a unique and important perspective to share with us about death and about life, as well as practical information about palliative care, hospice, and navigating serious illness. I found him to be such a thoughtful guest. After you listen to our discussion, be sure to check out his TED talk—it's a must-watch.

Some topics BJ and I discuss include:

• What he feels death has to teach us about life;
• How his own injury and near-death experience changed his career trajectory and led him into medicine;
• What is palliative care, and how does it relate to hospice;
• Examples of how palliative care can be helpful;
• Why his book, A Beginner's Guide to the End, has a chapter called "Love, Sex, and Relationships;"
• What to expect if you engage hospice;
• What is the 'respite care' benefit of hospice; and
• Services BJ is providing through Mettle Health to make palliative care more accessible to all.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Dr. BJ Miller.

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Thank you sponsors & partners:

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I had such a great discussion with Melissa d'Arabian for this episode. Today we round out Suicide Prevention Month by talking about Melissa's reflections and perspective as someone who lost her mom to suicide when she was in college. Melissa has appeared many times on the Food Network, first as the season five winner of "The Next Food Network Star," then as the host of her own show, "Ten Dollar Dinners," and more recently on several of their other shows. I first remember watching her on "The Next Food Network Star" and rooting for her to win, as she was so relatable to those of us who are busy parents trying to feed their family day in and day out. It is because of her work as an advocate for suicide awareness that I invited her on this show this week. Of course, we do talk about feeding families a bit, too, as that is also something that widowed parents deal with every night of the week.

Some topics Melissa and I discuss include:

• Some memories of her mom, including learning to love food and cooking from her;
• How the scaffolding of her entire life collapsed after her mom died;
• Wishing she had an adult to provide guidance, including on practical matters like paying for school;
• Learning to cherish female friendships in the years after her mom died;
• The difference between "Happiness" and "happiness;"
• The fact that people tend to talk about suicide in whispers, and how important it is to talk about it openly instead;
• Melissa's thoughts on the struggle often faced by busy parents to get dinner on the table every night;
• Some tips for simple, nutritious, mood-supporting foods that can easily be incorporated into our busy lives; and
• Her role advocation for suicide awareness with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Melissa d'Arabian.

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Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

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Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

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I had such a great discussion with Joanne Harpel for this episode. We talk about a really difficult topic today: coping after losing a loved one to suicide. It seems that many people are uncomfortable talking about death in general … and even more uncomfortable when talking about suicide. This is a topic we haven't specifically covered yet on the show, although it's come up sometimes in the context of broader conversations, and I've had requests from listeners to talk about it. I'm so grateful that Joanne was willing to come on the show and speak with us about it now, during Suicide Prevention Month. She's an internationally renowned expert on the topic, and has so much good information to share with us.

Some topics Joanne and I discuss include:

• Some ways suicide loss differs from other types of loss;
• Tips for answering the inevitable questions from people;
• How suicide loss can be complicated for families;
• Why it's important to be honest with kids about suicide loss, rather than attempting to hide it from them;
• How Joanne explained her brother's suicide to her son when he was three;
• The fact that it is safe to ask someone a direct question about whether they are suicidal;
• How the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can help someone who is feeling suicidal, or can help a family member / friend who is concerned about a loved one;
• What the crisis text line is, and how it can help; and
• The support groups that Joanne runs on zoom for survivors of suicide loss.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Joanne Harpel.

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Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

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I had such a great discussion with Lauren Schneider for this episode. When Lauren and I talked back in episode 79, together with Maria Quiban Whitesell, we didn't have a chance to talk about the programs at OURHOUSE Grief Support Center in Los Angeles. I invited Lauren back to talk with us about that, as well as some other topics I've been getting questions from listeners about.

Some topics Lauren and I discuss include:

• Why it's so important for kids and teens to know the truth about the circumstances of their parent's death, including in cases that are difficult to talk about, such as suicide;
• Why being able to trust their surviving parent is critical to kids' ability to develop future close and trusting relationships;
• Tips for telling kids the truth later if that didn't happen initially;
• Lauren's Golden Rule – if a child is old enough to ask a question, they are old enough to hear the answer;
• The first 90 days as a widowed parent; and
• The programs at OURHOUSE Grief Support Center, for families in the Los Angeles area.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Lauren Schneider.

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Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

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I had such a great discussion with Lily Safani for this episode. Lily is the CEO of Gilda's Club New York City, and Gilda's Club supports, educates, and empowers cancer patients and their families.

They are affiliated with a network of organizations called Cancer Support Community, so if you're not in New York, I'd encourage you to check out where their nearest location is, if your family, or someone you know, has lost someone to cancer, or if someone you know has a cancer diagnosis, they also have support and resources for them and their caregivers and kids.

Some topics Lily and I discuss include:

• How Gilda's Club got started;
• Who is served by Gilda's club;
• Their resources, including support groups, networking groups, individual counseling, workshops, and lectures;
• Their Junior Ambassador Program for teens;
• Their Open to Options program; and
• How to find an affiliated program if you are not located in New York City.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Lily Safani.

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Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

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I had such a useful and fascinating discussion with Dr. Lisa Damour for this episode. Lisa is a clinical psychologist and is the New York Times bestselling author of "Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood," and the brand-new "Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls."

I'm very glad to bring you my discussion with Lisa for this episode. One of the questions I hear a lot is "how do I know if something is a grief issue or a normal teenage issue?" I figure, since she's an expert in teenage girls, who better to help us understand our daughters, and to help us understand what "normal" looks like. And then, when we have a better grasp on what's normal, we can also better understand when we should potentially be concerned.

Lisa and I talked about a wide range of topics:

• The seven developmental tasks that teenagers are working on;
• Parting with childhood, including what this looks like and when to be concerned;
• Joining a new tribe, including why having 1-2 close friends at this age is actually preferable to having a large circle of friends;
• Harnessing emotions, including how teenagers' brains undergo a massive upgrade, beginning with the emotion centers;
• Why parents need to be strong enough to withstand their teenager pushing away, and why this is complicated by bereavement;
• Serving as the emotional dumping ground for your teenager; and
• How stress and anxiety are normal and healthy functions for all people, teenagers included.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Dr. Lisa Damour.

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Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

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I had such a great discussion with Maria Quiban Whitesell and Lauren Schneider for this episode. Maria and Lauren have just written a book called "You Can't Do It Alone: A Widow's Journey Through Loss, Grief, and Life After." The book is a memoir based on Maria's journey with her late husband's brain cancer – which is, of course, a subject near and dear to my heart. Lauren adds her professional perspective throughout the book in sections called "Grief Therapist's Notebook."

Some topics that Maria and Lauren and I discuss include:

• How Maria's husband acting oddly on a trip to Paris prompted him to see a doctor, which led to his diagnosis of inoperable, terminal brain cancer;
• How critical her family therapist during this whole journey, including helping Maria and Sean figure out how to talk with their son about his dad's cancer;
• Why it's so important to be honest with kids, no matter how difficult the situation is;
• The rule of thumb that if a child is old enough to ask a question, they are old enough to hear the answer;
• Tip: a grief support center can be a great resource for getting a referral to a therapist who is experienced in working with grieving families and grieving kids;
• What to do if your kids are upset that paramedics or the funeral home team remove their parent's body from the home while they are asleep or away;
• How to handle it if your child expresses a wish to be with their deceased parent; and
• How thankful Maria is for their very supportive family and friends.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Maria Quiban Whitesell and Lauren Schneider.

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Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

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I had such a great discussion with Gary Ireland for this episode. Gary is a widowed dad of two college-age young adults, and he lives in New York. His wife, Nancy, died a little over a year ago. I'm grateful he was willing to come on the show and talk about his journey and his reflections as a widowed dad.

Some topics Gary and I discuss include:

• Their family's experience with his wife's cancer, starting when their kids were in middle school;
• Sneaking their dog into the hospital to visit his wife;
• Their experience with Gilda's Club, both before his wife died and after, for grief support;
• Their family project of advocating for full inclusion of girls in the Boys Scouts of America, and how this work carries on his wife's legacy in his kids; and
• Spending time with his young adult kids during the pandemic.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Gary Ireland.

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Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

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I had such a great discussion with Rachel Kodanaz for this episode. Rachel was my guest way back in episode 38, discussing returning to work after loss. Her third book, "Finding Peace, One Piece at a Time," was released recently and is the subject of today's discussion.

Some topics Rachel and I discuss include:

• Becoming a widowed parent when she was 31 and her daughter was 2;
• How her thoughts about possessions shifted after her husband died;
• Her belief that personal possessions tell a beautiful story of a person's life;
• The comfort she found in leaving her late husband's running shoes by the front door;
• Why she prefers to think in terms of "thinning out" rather than "cleaning out" a loved one's possessions;
• Creating a "Rod box" with some of her late husband's things;
• Rachel's "ten essentials," and some pitfalls to avoid when tackling the project of thinning possessions;
• Building your team of helpers; and
• The magic of the six piles.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Rachel Kodanaz.

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Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

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I had such a great discussion with Rick Wong for this episode. Rick lost his dad when he was just 10 years old. This was back in the 1960s, so Rick has a lifetime of reflections and experiences to share with us.

Rick says he was totally lost from age 10, when his dad died, to around age 18. He was lucky enough to have family and teachers who saw tremendous potential in him, and some of them took him under their wings. Rick went on to become a successful corporate executive and entrepreneur, and an accomplished musician as well.

Some topics Rick and I discuss include:

• Going from a straight A student to barely passing after his dad died;
• Shifting from being a middle or upper-middle class family to relying on food stamps after his dad died, and his sense that they might have been homeless if family hadn't stepped in to help;
• Hearing from all his relatives and family friends on the day his dad died that he now needed to be the "man of the house;"
• Finding out many years later details about his dad's death that his family didn't want to share when he was younger;
• Trying to look at examples around him to figure out how to be a man;
• Looking back now and realizing that he was probably depressed in the years after his dad died;
• What it was like to approach age 50 himself, which is the age his dad died; and
• Why giving back is so important to him now as an adult.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Rick Wong.

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Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

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