We're coming in hot and heavy with Cutthroat Island, one of the biggest box office bombs in history (adjusted for inflation). This film is a naughty nautical adventure of a lifetime that nobody wants to be on, including us. But here we are, doing what we do best and beating ourselves over our heads until the concussion stars start to look like hidden treasure in our mind's eye.

... moving on.

Painful pirate production proves pathetic! Whore hates Morgan’s homosexual hints! Firing on fine townsfolk! Putting a pocketknife in a person’s posterior! Pointing piercy pokers in a person’s penis! Damaging daddy’s dermis with a dull dagger! Screech the boob-ruiner! Untreated scalp goo? Sewage pipe logic! Scribbly dome semantics! Mail order tavern wenches! Way too skinny quicksand sticks! Worm-fisted monkeys, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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Email us, make fun of us, and most importantly, recommend movies. Next week we'll be watching Morbius because Jacob emailed us and told us to watch it. This could be your life, but you're a coward.  

Welcome to episode 133, where we talk about The Number 23. But why? Well the answer is simple. 100 - 33 = 67. 67/2 = 33.5. The almond milk in Rob's fridge is 10.5 days past its "best by" date. 33.5-the almond milk... HOLY FUCK IT'S 23.

Cinematic crap cognizant of confused computation of cardinals! Reading raunch with your rug rat! Crazy counting clogs, cross trainers, cleats, and cowboy boots! The festival of eating a fuck-ton of dogs! Relocating remains for your reprobate romancer! Burn the book, bitch! Long gone paper flaps? Undocumented dog catchers, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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This week we talk about 1998's Godzilla; a movie about a worm scientist who's in love with a reporter. There's also a giant monster somewhere in the mix.

Frenchie frequently flicking phalanges on fully automatic firearms! Unprofessional paleontologist pickup in a pickup attempt! Sincerely stupid sequel setup! Step on it, Mr. French! Reverend Lovejoy’s pump-and-run! The R word! Signature weapon breath? Pure bullshit shock attempt with the Met-Life building hole! Disappointing lack of Tommy Lee Jones delegation! Reverse red-eye? Lizard shivers, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made.

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Email us, you cowards.

The gang celebrates Boxing Day by reviewing A Christmas Story 2, a movie that is of use to fucking nobody. Bah humbug! Let's get into it.

Gratuitous garish gags and gobbledygook! Scummy and salacious Santa! Patting a perfumed pair of puppies! Heavyset high-top hilarity! Sneaking subtle Drusilla sniffs! Regrettable recasting and resetting! Facepalm slapstick! Loose lip service, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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This week, we take a harrowing look into the world of Darius Emanuel Grouch III, aka "The Rumble," in Money Plane. Money Plane is definitely a movie. As the title suggests, there is money, and there is a plane. But do they get the money from the money plane? Your guess is as good as ours! Tune in to find out.

Crummy career criminals crash a cruising casino! Heist posse failing to pinch a Picasso! Payday painting propped up on patio pavement! Best bud bedtime B&E! Putting your partner, princess, and pal in peril! Bad look black Irish McGillicutty mockery! Late-night toilet flush reach-around semantics, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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Tonight we wrap up season 83 with a good movie in the form of Jackie Chan's Rumble in the Bronx. This is the Chan-man in peak form, pummeling and punishing as he dashes through the dizzying streets with a diamond dilemma! Surely a must watch. Let's get into it!

Fists of fury, yet funny with finesse! New York’s character as a character! Uncle whatever’s interracial engagement! Awesome angle asking Angelo to escape the evil agency! Wanton destruction of small business! Gang breaking glass bottles on cornered Keung! Jackie Chan taking a stroll in the parkour! Mud butt, fluid flaps, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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Stay tuned next week for Money Plane.

The bad movie portion of season 92 comes to an end, and we talk about Con Air, which is actually a good... no, a great movie according to Rob and Bob. Chis doesn't seem to think so, but he eventually sees the light. Boomer wet dream? Maybe. Rife with cliche? Perhaps. Balls to the wall amazing? You bet your top dollar. So let's chill some lemonade, and get into it!

Undeterred by typical thriller tropes! Gambling Garland Green’s Vegas getaway! Ditching your daughter to drag down Diamond Dog and Cyrus! Problematic portrait of particular prisoners! Prisoner Pinball insulting and igniting a Native American! Putting the Cage in Cajun! Unreal action in the third act! Chris slurping on the wine stein! Cyrus cypher! Penal lore, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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MIAMI CONNECTION! You knew it had to be coming sooner or later. Let's get into it...

Singing shirtless strays falling into several skirmishes! Snow chasing ninjas! Fistfight frenzies! Smashing your sister’s sweetheart at her school! Frequently flubbed dubbing! Catcalling car-riding beach-side band bros! Tasteless time wastin’ tits and biker butt! Booby B-rolls! Out of context salami drops! Hand-me-down kitanas! Nosy toesy clenches! Broccoli cut Tom Selleck, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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Tell all your friends, we gotta beat out the claw boss.  

This week we talk about Escape from L.A., or as it's stylized, John Carpenter's Escape from L.A., which is basically a sequel to the far superior Escape from New York, even though it's basically just a remake. Let's get right into it, and get shittin' on Snake Plisskin.

Carpenter and Kurt create a comeback with countless cameos! Abandoning escorts, escapees, and atheists on an offender-only island! Plisskin protecting fire-proof parka positively parching president’s perverse princess! Harvesting human hunks, hoping for healing! Lackadaisically landing on leveling Los Angeles! Crappy carbon-copy cop-outs! Hershe! Rob’s slug plugging! Greco-Roman sex style President! Mini-nuke batteries? Power-plant logic! Death Basketball! A whole bunch of ‘sploseys, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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This episode was an email request, so you know... do that, and we'll do more of this.

That's it. Show's over! We did it! We found The Worst Movie Ever Made (TM): Chairman of the Bored. Is this the end of the podcast? YES it is (read: no it isn't)!!! Did the movie hold up under scrutiny? Fuck no!

Release the alliteration Kraken!

Carrot Top’s cascading cartoonish character creating cascading chaotic calamity! Bob breaks out of the number two ditch! Shower curtain crashing on Carrot Top cleaning his carrot! Carrot Top condom career comes careening down when female’s father finds a French tickler! Throat joke lady! Foolish and frequent flatulence! Edison’s inability to respect the inanimate! The keys and peas switcheroo! Why is he always yelling? Round name aesthetics! Influx of inappropriate innuendo! Baby womb chemistry kits! Too much ridiculous nonsense to enumerate! Releasing killer bees mid-meeting, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

www.theworstmovieevermade.com