In this episode of Therapy Deconstructed, Dr. Bonnie Wims speaks with mindfulness teacher and coach, Courtney Schulnick about her unique journey from being an attorney to embracing mindfulness as a way to manage stress and anxiety. They discuss the challenges of balancing professional and personal life, the transformative power of mindfulness practices, and the importance of being present. Courtney shares her experiences with the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction program and how it led her to teach others. The conversation culminates in an experiential mindfulness practice, allowing listeners to engage directly with the concepts discussed.

Takeaways

• Mindfulness can help manage stress and anxiety effectively.
• The journey to mindfulness often begins with personal challenges.
• Balancing professional and personal life can be overwhelming.
• Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) is a structured program that can aid in stress management.
• Experiential learning is crucial in understanding mindfulness practices.
• Teaching mindfulness can be a rewarding way to share personal experiences.
• Transitioning careers can be daunting but fulfilling when aligned with personal passions.
• Mindfulness encourages self-awareness and self-compassion.
• Small moments of mindfulness can significantly impact daily life.
• Mindfulness practices can help in recognizing and releasing unnecessary tension. 

Links:

Connect with Courtney Schulnick
https://www.courtneyschulnickmindfulness.com/
[email protected]

Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims
Book a free consultation https://calendly.com/bonnie-96/30min
[email protected]
https://www.bonniewims.com/

Ed Coambs is the founder of Healthy Love and Money, a financial planner and marriage and family financial therapist. Ed shares his unique background, having transitioned from being a firefighter to a financial planner and becoming a therapist. 

He was interested in how family dynamics and financial behaviors intertwine, and this led him to study therapy to understand these deeper connections. He discusses his own skepticism about therapy before experiencing its benefits personally and professionally. Over time, he embraced therapy because of its power to help people understand themselves and their behavior.

Everyone has a personal history and relationship with money, shaped by our lived experiences. Understanding this history is key in financial therapy, as it helps to understand seemingly irrational financial behaviors. We all have Emotional Connections to Money and sometimes Society Influences Spending and constant pressure to consume and compare fuels unhealthy financial behaviors, like impulse buying.

Ed has a specific Therapeutic Approach to Couples and Money and his view on Attachment Theory and Money is very interesting. Ed advocates for increasing awareness about the relationship with money and how this relationship was formed. One of Ed’s central beliefs is that empathy and curiosity can lead to meaningful change, whereas using shame as a motivator can have long-term negative consequences. In this episode, you will hear Practical Tools for Couples that will help build a more collaborative and positive financial relationship. Let’s stop the circle of fighting over money and build better habits.

Show notes:

👨‍🚒 Ed is a former firefighter: running into burning down relationships is harder. 02:01

💲 Financial intimacy: the intersection of love and money. 02:59

🚒 Ed's Journey from Firefighter to Financial Therapist. 03:38
👨‍⚕️ The Role of Therapy in Financial Intimacy: we all have our issues with money and it reflects our relationships with people. 10:21
🤩 You can’t be told what to do: your experiences are important for financial behavior. 
15:27
⚡ Power of empathy and social media: what are your needs and emotions connected to money? 17:06
😎 Practical strategies for couples to develop financial intimacy: looking into all perspectives. 27:24
💰 The Role of Attachment Theory in Financial Therapy. 29:55
⏯️ Patterns of behaviors around money: fighting about money and going in circles. 36:28
 

Links:
Website: www.healthyloveandmoney.com

Book: www.amazon.com/dp/195355508X

Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims: calendly.com/bonnie-96

 Willpower isn't real, it's just a myth. What's real is creating a healthy environment where habits can thrive. 

Ethan Schiff is an Integrative Health Coach and the founder of Optimized Health. He has a passion for helping everyday people unlearn the harms caused by diet culture, achieve their health goals, and sustain results for life!

Ethan shares that, for the majority of his life, he has been on a diet. He shares that dieting began in his adolescence in a family where dieting was a regular part of life. He recalls a harmful cycle of yo-yo dieting that eventually resulted in him reaching a peak weight of 312 pounds. This precipitated a quest to unlearn everything he had been taught about nutrition, weight loss, and health, in order to create a new approach. Experimenting first on himself, he lost 130lbs, which transformed his entire life.

The key to achieving a healthy weight is building healthy habits gradually and focusing on your emotional well-being, including understanding stress eating, body image issues, and how mental health impacts our relationship with food and fitness. The hardest part isn't starting; it's staying consistent and not letting one off-day derail everything. Self-compassion is the key to consistency—no one is a failure because willpower didn’t show up today. It is essential to understand, deeply, that one moment doesn’t define you.

Show notes:
🏃‍♂️ Ethan helps people achieve their health goals: practical wellness for your real life. 02:31
😇 Ethan’s personal journey: the process of unlearning. 06:06
✌️ A two-pronged approach: habit development and understanding emotional health. 08:46
⭕ Diet culture feels like a battle with ourselves, but Ethan chose to reconnect with himself. 13:32
⚠️ When your self-worth is dependent on external factors, it attacks your identity and leads to a deep spiral. 16:23
🍀 Approaching it with intention: focus on developing one habit a month while making adjustments. 20:03
🔑 Willpower and consistency: Inspiring yourself instead of comparing yourself to external standards. 25:31
🦹‍♀️ Unrealistic expectation of waking up and feeling like a superhero every day. 30:07
🎯 The key to connecting with ourselves: I will check in with myself, not with others. 34:26
🤓 We need practical advice that fits into real life. 36:32
🤩 Ethan offers free consultations. 39:37

Links:

Website: www.optimizedhealthcoaching.com

Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96 

Mental health is rooted in emotional health.

Douglas Robbins is an authentic and creative person, a bestseller author of six books, and a podcast host. Douglas explores diverse genres—sci-fi, romance, and contemporary literature while focusing on characters undergoing personal growth, navigating life’s complexities, and embracing introspective narratives. In today’s deep exploration of childhood experiences, emotional intelligence and all the shortcomings in the educational system, Douglas and Bonnie address all things that affect our well-being. 

Childhood upbringing leaves marks on us but society's mark is also strong, as Douglas shares his experience with his father’s father's stoicism and the societal pressure for men to suppress emotions that make it hard for them to cope leaving them in quiet desperation, while women can be socially and emotionally more adaptive it is not easy for them either. 

It is very important to use all the tools we can -like journaling, meditation, and questioning negative beliefs - to help us in our emotional health journey. Healing childhood wounds is essential for us so that we can be healthy grown-up individuals. Self-reflection, connection to others, and therapy are likewise essential for overcoming emotional struggles and living a more fulfilling life.

Show Notes:
🧠 Having emotional intelligence: you have an intellect that's developing, but emotions need to develop in parallel. 02:41
⏪ You come out into the world as an adult, but you're undeveloped: much of your personality is probably still stuck in the past. 06:29
🧒 A child has no boundaries; problems with the education system. 09:46
👦 Douglas's experience with his parents and teachers.12:41
😇 We need tools to handle all this: forgiveness, awareness, and the truthfulness of our beliefs. 16:10
⚠️ Boys have even more problems; girls are more socially inclined. 19:48
🍀 Looking at life through the filter of a past event: the importance of interconnection. 24:26
💙 Intimate relationships: Bonnie's experiences in the past with love and relationships. 27:55
👉 Emotional beliefs are hurdles that get in the way of a better life. 33:06

Links:

Meet Douglas: www.douglasrobbinsauthor.com

Books: www.amazon.com/stores/author/B009CD4K3E 

Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96

Women are conditioned to turn compliments into self-criticism, even in casual settings. The societal pressure to look a certain way often overshadows self-appreciation, and that causes so many women to focus on perceived flaws.

Nicole Christina is a psychotherapist with over 30 years of experience, specializing in anxiety, depression, grief, food and body issues, and positive aging. Today Dr. Bonnie and Nicole discuss the beauty industry and miracle products that simply don’t work, and how body-shaming is deeply intertwined throughout generations of women.

Practical advice: Instead of aiming for “body love,” women can start with the goal of body neutrality. This shift can be more accessible and realistic, allowing the movement away from shame and toward a more constructive relationship with our bodies.

Diet culture traps us in cycles of guilt and self-criticism. Nicole suggests focusing on experiences that bring joy and meaning rather than food-related anxieties. She recommends resources and tips on how to foster a gentler and more understanding approach to ourselves. 

Show notes:
🤷‍♀️ Through her practice, Nicole discovered how many talented and accomplished women have problematic relationships with food. 3:21
🤔 Food-related problems usually appear around midlife and menopause. 6:16
🫥 The different reasons why women start to feel invisible. 8:54
⚠️ Looking at our body and our exercise can help us feel safe and in control: living in a world hyper-focused on looks, our weight has dire consequences. 12:59
❓ What is the purpose you're fulfilling by focusing on food and exercise? 16:42
🤯 Today, it's a radical not to hate your body. 18:02
👀 A wake-up call: who benefits from you hating your body? 19:26
🔥 Scientific research on different moisturizers. 23:01
🩱 How thin you are doesn't equal how healthy you are. 25:31
👉 If you're hanging out with chronic dieters, you're just going to stay in that indoctrination. 28:39
🥺 When we're attacking ourselves, we're both the attacker and the victim. 31:16
🌸 Try your best to stay away from junk food, and if you're physically able, get out, walk, and enjoy the beauty of life! 34:05

Links: 

Website: www.nicolechristina.com

Podcast: www.zestfulaging.com

Recommended Resources:

Body Kindness by Rebecca Scritchfield

Dr. Kristen Neff’s self-compassion materials, including her workbook and YouTube videos

Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96

I went into therapy the first time with the attitude that it wouldn’t work. The second time, I gave it another shot, and it changed everything for me.

Jen Schwytzer is a licensed social worker, foster parent, coach, and CEO of KINDfulness Coaching. She specializes in empowering individuals to unlock their full potential. She helps women navigate stress, overwhelm, or burnout, enhancing their leadership skills, advancing in their current roles, or overcoming the chaos of family life.

Jen shares her personal journey with anxiety and the transformative role therapy has played in her life. She self-diagnosed anxiety, believing she had it under control due to her background in social work. After an official diagnosis, she attended therapy with a social worker but went into the session with skepticism and a closed-off mindset. As a result, she didn’t find value in the experience and decided therapy wasn’t for her.

Several years later, facing a series of personal crises, her anxiety worsened, and she looked for help again. This time, she found a therapist she felt a genuine connection with, which marked a turning point in her mental health journey

Everyone needs a safe space to talk about what comes up for them. Therapy gives you that outside perspective to help you get yourself in check.

Notes:
🌺 Jen works with women around anxiety, burnout, stress, and overwhelm. 01:15
🦸‍♀️ Social workers are unsung heroes: Jen’s journey into social work. 03:05
👩‍💼 Jen was overwhelmed and didn’t know it: starting her coaching business. 07:22
⚠️ Warning signs in Jen’s life: symptoms of burnout and making the decision to change. 11:00
🎯 Start with small changes: taking control, inner work, and releasing external factors of control. 14:00
😇 Jen’s work on her anxiety in therapy: reasons she needed to seek therapy. 16:53
🕵️‍♀️ Choosing the right therapist: the relationship is the most important thing in therapy work. 20:49
🤓 Jen is ‘the manager’ type: allowing things to happen without her constant control. 23:08
🦺 Having a safe space to talk about issues: the power of outside perspective and tough love in life. 27:24
🏋️‍♀️ The weight on her shoulders: it’s not all about you. 30:47
💫 Trying again with therapy: being an active participant and having the right mindset. 33:07

Links:

Connect: www.linkedin.com/in/jlschwytzer

Website www.kindfulnesscoaching.com
Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96

You can't give in to the fear, because healing won't happen.

Susan Snow is a speaker, coach, and author of the book “The Other Side of the Gun”. 

Susan describes the overwhelming shock she felt when her father - a Los Angeles detective - got ambushed and shot in front of her brother’s school on Halloween.  Her world was painted black and her young teenage life was thrust into a world of pain and loss. The trauma of losing a parent in such a violent manner created deep psychological scars, affecting her relationships and her sense of security.

This tragic event set the stage for her lifelong struggle with PTSD, a condition that would go undiagnosed for years. She openly speaks about the nightmares, anxiety, and flashbacks that haunted her daily life, and how these symptoms were often misunderstood by those around her. The lack of understanding and support only compounded her sense of isolation, making it even harder for her to find a path to healing.

One more school shooting was the pivotal moment when she began her healing journey. Through therapy, she started to unpack the layers of grief and trauma. Susan talks about the coping mechanisms she developed, such as mindfulness and self-care practices, which helped her regain control of her life.

Her journey was not easy, but Susan found strength in her vulnerability. She began to advocate for mental health awareness, using her story to help others struggling with similar issues. 

Notes:
👨‍👧 Susan’s father was killed in a drive-by shooting at her brother’s school in 1985: when Susan was only 17. 02:05
☹️ Living with unaddressed trauma: struggling with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts without knowing how to deal with them. 08:15
👮‍♂️ Thomas C Williams was a great dad, very present in his relationship with his daughter: Susan’s abandonment issues; her shattered her sense of safety. 11:23
👨‍⚕️ Mom’s self-sabotaging approach to coping with trauma and grief: starting generic therapy paid for by the LAPD. 14:22
🕶️ Susan’s rose-colored glasses shattered: moving to Colorado and being triggered by a school shooting. 19:29
🤯 Her first real therapist realized instantly she had PTSD.  22:54.
✍️ Insomnia, and being terrified of sleeping: therapy, journaling and breathing work.  27:47
🤗 Embracing vulnerability in her life and her book: not giving in to the fears. 32:26
⚡ Everyone has trauma, and many fear vulnerability: healing is a way to reclaim your power. 36:10
💜 Give yourself grace when you don’t have it: healing your younger self and validating yourself. 40:30

Links:

Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BRYXZKY2 

Website: www.SusanSnowSpeaks.com 

Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96

 “Therapy was like a big warm hug... It was cathartic and freeing. I wish I had these tools years ago. Having somebody to talk to who wasn’t a friend or family member... It was invaluable."

Gretchen Shoser, also known as G Rex, is a mental health advocate and co-host of the podcast ”Sh!t That Goes On In Our Heads”. Gretchen shares her journey of a severe mental health crisis on Christmas Day 2022, which led her to call 988 for help. This experience, combined with therapy and sharing her story on social media, helped her find support and heal.

Finding hope despite feeling overwhelmed and being close to suicide is something Gretchen lived by. She explains how thinking about her loved ones and future possibilities helped her reach out for help. The role of therapy in providing tools, support, and a safe space for expression is huge. The importance of finding the right therapist and the profound impact therapy has had on Gretchen’s life, including dealing with negative self-talk and emotional healing. The negative self-talk is very powerful, but Gretchen didn’t fully understand its extent until she started therapy. 

Finding hope and love is possible, just reach out. 

Notes:
😇 Becoming a mental health advocate after a serious breakdown in 2022: being terrified and on the edge of suicide. 02:26
😩 Being really scared and calling 988: what if this is not working, what about my loved ones? 5:55
😭 Cathartic tears and findings during the therapy: three types of therapies Gretchen is practicing. 08:47
🆚 “Go find your Happy” vs blockage: Gretchen’s bad self-talk and not being able to find her voice. 13:22
🛋️ Being 18 months in therapy and having tools for changing issues that appear: helping other people through a podcast. 18:38
🎙️ Laughing therapy and creating a podcast: sharing stories with people about their mental health journey. 21:05
🌞 Getting out of the shadows: shame came out when therapy started and people left Gretchen when she started sharing her story. 26:07
🙅‍♀️ Boundaries is not just saying no: three questions Gretchen asks herself.  27:47
🕵️‍♀️ Figure out patterns other people are pushing towards you: taking care of yourself and not being a people pleaser. 32:07
🧒 Let your inner child come out at least once a day: Gretchen is happy to be alive. 35:04
✍️ The power of journaling for Gretchen: routine with five new tools she learned in therapy. 39:24
🤗 Self-care is a decision to care for yourself: you are worth of it - find your joy and connection to yourself. 46:29
🩷 Don’t compare yourself to others. 47:49

Links:

Connect www.linkedin.com/in/gaschoser

Podcast:  https://open.spotify.com/show/1KWbjOUrCd26BksvczVdkK

Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96 

**Trigger Warning: Suicide**

The following content discusses topics related to suicide. This may be distressing or triggering for some individuals. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please seek help from a mental health professional or contact a crisis hotline immediately.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Sharing creates a community and an environment where people don't feel judged. 

Lisa Sugarman is an author, syndicated columnist, three-time survivor of loss from suicide. She’s also a storyteller with NAMI, and a crisis counselor with the Trevor Project. Lisa shares her personal story of losing her father, cousin, and childhood friend. Lisa didn't know her father had taken his life until she was 45, the same age he was when he died. The specific kind of grief she experienced prompted Lisa to learn all she could about mental health and share her experiences to help others.

While Lisa is an empath and a highly sensitive person, her work as a counselor in Lifeline is not negatively affecting her. Rather, it has empowered her more! Lisa shares tips on how to deal with people in crisis and how to help them manage the tough feelings they’re experiencing. 

The decision to take one’s life stems from horrible suffering, often endured silently. Listening to people’s stories, doing all you can to understand them, and holding a safe space to express their problems can help tremendously.

It’s so important to bring uncomfortable subjects to the surface and into the mainstream so we can normalize conversations around mental illness, suicide, and crisis.

Show notes:
☹️ Lisa is a Crisis counselor: she lost her father, cousin, and childhood friend to suicide. 01:47
🤩 Storytelling, writing, and being a listener to help suicidal people. 03:18
⚠️ Understanding the power of sharing your story as a suicide loss survivor: suicide loss is a specific kind of trauma. 07:07
👂 There is no fix for grief but holding space gives empowerment. 11:03
😭 The way Lisa found out her dad took his life: the different kind of grief. 12:35
👩‍👧 Mother’s protection and family dynamics after the suicide. 15:43
🦸 Crisis counselors are unsung heroes: meeting people in their most raw realness. 20:23
🗣️ Using blunt language with a person who is in pain or potentially suicidal. 24:04
☎️ Lifelines are needed for every crisis and should be used regularly: call 988. 29:40
🌺 Lisa creates short videos and writes the column We Are Who We Are: creating recourses and making them available for everyone. 32:18.

Links:

Website: www.lisasugarman.com

Connect with Lisa: www.linkedin.com/in/lisa-sugarman-she-her-hers-16925b69
Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96

We are wired to be dependent, to connect, to love, and to feel a sense of belonging.

Phyllis Leavitt is a podcaster, author, and psychotherapist for over three decades. In her book, America in Therapy: A New Approach to Hope and Healing for a Nation in Crisis, she discusses in-depth how abusive family dynamics are playing out in America, especially in politics, and how we can use the best of what we have learned from psychology, Family Systems, and Family Therapy to interrupt the escalating cycle of hatred, divisiveness, and violence, and begin to heal the family of America.

Phyllis Leavitt shares her experience and focuses on healing relationships, both with ourselves and with others. She advocates for applying this within larger institutions to bridge divides, build empathy, and foster understanding. Her approach involves taking personal responsibility, making necessary changes within ourselves, and building deep connections rather than blaming others, which we usually do.

To reconnect with that beautiful person that we were born to be, that innocent baby, people need to heal. When people heal and find that inner essence, and connect to it, they have a source of love and understanding that they bring into the world around them. Healing on an individual level is deeply connected to the broader societal context and the only way to make this world a better place is to start from ourselves. 

Love and connection, among many other positive things, are essential for human well-being. When we lack these, we feel unwell.

Notes:
🔗 Unhealed trauma, models, and values of the people we grow up with—all the groups that affect family dynamics and us. 02:05
🤔 Healing her trauma helped Phyllis realize that people don’t understand what is going on with them. 05:19
⭐ The more we heal individually, the more we bring love and attention to the people around us and to society. 10:41
2️⃣ Learned helplessness and identifying with the aggressors are two patterns that we are experiencing as a society. 12:42
⚠️ The stigma around needing another human being for help is specifically tied to mental health: we all need love and support. 18:18
🤯 Adopting trauma to survive and not knowing how to move from the behavioral patterns.  22:03
🔁 Attraction to the familiar: abuse creates a feeling of disliking dependency. 25:32
🌺 Allow yourself to get help and depend on help to heal: the power of random kindness and the ripple effect of our behavior. 28:18

 Links:

Website: www.phyllisleavitt.com

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/phyllis-leavitt-630179255

Book: www.amazon.com/dp/1636983367