Therapy: Deconstructed

I went into therapy the first time with the attitude that it wouldn’t work. The second time, I gave it another shot, and it changed everything for me.

Jen Schwytzer is a licensed social worker, foster parent, coach, and CEO of KINDfulness Coaching. She specializes in empowering individuals to unlock their full potential. She helps women navigate stress, overwhelm, or burnout, enhancing their leadership skills, advancing in their current roles, or overcoming the chaos of family life.

Jen shares her personal journey with anxiety and the transformative role therapy has played in her life. She self-diagnosed anxiety, believing she had it under control due to her background in social work. After an official diagnosis, she attended therapy with a social worker but went into the session with skepticism and a closed-off mindset. As a result, she didn’t find value in the experience and decided therapy wasn’t for her.

Several years later, facing a series of personal crises, her anxiety worsened, and she looked for help again. This time, she found a therapist she felt a genuine connection with, which marked a turning point in her mental health journey

Everyone needs a safe space to talk about what comes up for them. Therapy gives you that outside perspective to help you get yourself in check.

Notes:
🌺 Jen works with women around anxiety, burnout, stress, and overwhelm. 01:15
🦸‍♀️ Social workers are unsung heroes: Jen’s journey into social work. 03:05
👩‍💼 Jen was overwhelmed and didn’t know it: starting her coaching business. 07:22
⚠️ Warning signs in Jen’s life: symptoms of burnout and making the decision to change. 11:00
🎯 Start with small changes: taking control, inner work, and releasing external factors of control. 14:00
😇 Jen’s work on her anxiety in therapy: reasons she needed to seek therapy. 16:53
🕵️‍♀️ Choosing the right therapist: the relationship is the most important thing in therapy work. 20:49
🤓 Jen is ‘the manager’ type: allowing things to happen without her constant control. 23:08
🦺 Having a safe space to talk about issues: the power of outside perspective and tough love in life. 27:24
🏋️‍♀️ The weight on her shoulders: it’s not all about you. 30:47
💫 Trying again with therapy: being an active participant and having the right mindset. 33:07

Links:

Connect: www.linkedin.com/in/jlschwytzer

Website www.kindfulnesscoaching.com
Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96

You can't give in to the fear, because healing won't happen.

Susan Snow is a speaker, coach, and author of the book “The Other Side of the Gun”. 

Susan describes the overwhelming shock she felt when her father - a Los Angeles detective - got ambushed and shot in front of her brother’s school on Halloween.  Her world was painted black and her young teenage life was thrust into a world of pain and loss. The trauma of losing a parent in such a violent manner created deep psychological scars, affecting her relationships and her sense of security.

This tragic event set the stage for her lifelong struggle with PTSD, a condition that would go undiagnosed for years. She openly speaks about the nightmares, anxiety, and flashbacks that haunted her daily life, and how these symptoms were often misunderstood by those around her. The lack of understanding and support only compounded her sense of isolation, making it even harder for her to find a path to healing.

One more school shooting was the pivotal moment when she began her healing journey. Through therapy, she started to unpack the layers of grief and trauma. Susan talks about the coping mechanisms she developed, such as mindfulness and self-care practices, which helped her regain control of her life.

Her journey was not easy, but Susan found strength in her vulnerability. She began to advocate for mental health awareness, using her story to help others struggling with similar issues. 

Notes:
👨‍👧 Susan’s father was killed in a drive-by shooting at her brother’s school in 1985: when Susan was only 17. 02:05
☹️ Living with unaddressed trauma: struggling with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts without knowing how to deal with them. 08:15
👮‍♂️ Thomas C Williams was a great dad, very present in his relationship with his daughter: Susan’s abandonment issues; her shattered her sense of safety. 11:23
👨‍⚕️ Mom’s self-sabotaging approach to coping with trauma and grief: starting generic therapy paid for by the LAPD. 14:22
🕶️ Susan’s rose-colored glasses shattered: moving to Colorado and being triggered by a school shooting. 19:29
🤯 Her first real therapist realized instantly she had PTSD.  22:54.
✍️ Insomnia, and being terrified of sleeping: therapy, journaling and breathing work.  27:47
🤗 Embracing vulnerability in her life and her book: not giving in to the fears. 32:26
⚡ Everyone has trauma, and many fear vulnerability: healing is a way to reclaim your power. 36:10
💜 Give yourself grace when you don’t have it: healing your younger self and validating yourself. 40:30

Links:

Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BRYXZKY2 

Website: www.SusanSnowSpeaks.com 

Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96

 “Therapy was like a big warm hug... It was cathartic and freeing. I wish I had these tools years ago. Having somebody to talk to who wasn’t a friend or family member... It was invaluable."

Gretchen Shoser, also known as G Rex, is a mental health advocate and co-host of the podcast ”Sh!t That Goes On In Our Heads”. Gretchen shares her journey of a severe mental health crisis on Christmas Day 2022, which led her to call 988 for help. This experience, combined with therapy and sharing her story on social media, helped her find support and heal.

Finding hope despite feeling overwhelmed and being close to suicide is something Gretchen lived by. She explains how thinking about her loved ones and future possibilities helped her reach out for help. The role of therapy in providing tools, support, and a safe space for expression is huge. The importance of finding the right therapist and the profound impact therapy has had on Gretchen’s life, including dealing with negative self-talk and emotional healing. The negative self-talk is very powerful, but Gretchen didn’t fully understand its extent until she started therapy. 

Finding hope and love is possible, just reach out. 

Notes:
😇 Becoming a mental health advocate after a serious breakdown in 2022: being terrified and on the edge of suicide. 02:26
😩 Being really scared and calling 988: what if this is not working, what about my loved ones? 5:55
😭 Cathartic tears and findings during the therapy: three types of therapies Gretchen is practicing. 08:47
🆚 “Go find your Happy” vs blockage: Gretchen’s bad self-talk and not being able to find her voice. 13:22
🛋️ Being 18 months in therapy and having tools for changing issues that appear: helping other people through a podcast. 18:38
🎙️ Laughing therapy and creating a podcast: sharing stories with people about their mental health journey. 21:05
🌞 Getting out of the shadows: shame came out when therapy started and people left Gretchen when she started sharing her story. 26:07
🙅‍♀️ Boundaries is not just saying no: three questions Gretchen asks herself.  27:47
🕵️‍♀️ Figure out patterns other people are pushing towards you: taking care of yourself and not being a people pleaser. 32:07
🧒 Let your inner child come out at least once a day: Gretchen is happy to be alive. 35:04
✍️ The power of journaling for Gretchen: routine with five new tools she learned in therapy. 39:24
🤗 Self-care is a decision to care for yourself: you are worth of it - find your joy and connection to yourself. 46:29
🩷 Don’t compare yourself to others. 47:49

Links:

Connect www.linkedin.com/in/gaschoser

Podcast:  https://open.spotify.com/show/1KWbjOUrCd26BksvczVdkK

Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96 

**Trigger Warning: Suicide**

The following content discusses topics related to suicide. This may be distressing or triggering for some individuals. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please seek help from a mental health professional or contact a crisis hotline immediately.

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Sharing creates a community and an environment where people don't feel judged. 

Lisa Sugarman is an author, syndicated columnist, three-time survivor of loss from suicide. She’s also a storyteller with NAMI, and a crisis counselor with the Trevor Project. Lisa shares her personal story of losing her father, cousin, and childhood friend. Lisa didn't know her father had taken his life until she was 45, the same age he was when he died. The specific kind of grief she experienced prompted Lisa to learn all she could about mental health and share her experiences to help others.

While Lisa is an empath and a highly sensitive person, her work as a counselor in Lifeline is not negatively affecting her. Rather, it has empowered her more! Lisa shares tips on how to deal with people in crisis and how to help them manage the tough feelings they’re experiencing. 

The decision to take one’s life stems from horrible suffering, often endured silently. Listening to people’s stories, doing all you can to understand them, and holding a safe space to express their problems can help tremendously.

It’s so important to bring uncomfortable subjects to the surface and into the mainstream so we can normalize conversations around mental illness, suicide, and crisis.

Show notes:
☹️ Lisa is a Crisis counselor: she lost her father, cousin, and childhood friend to suicide. 01:47
🤩 Storytelling, writing, and being a listener to help suicidal people. 03:18
⚠️ Understanding the power of sharing your story as a suicide loss survivor: suicide loss is a specific kind of trauma. 07:07
👂 There is no fix for grief but holding space gives empowerment. 11:03
😭 The way Lisa found out her dad took his life: the different kind of grief. 12:35
👩‍👧 Mother’s protection and family dynamics after the suicide. 15:43
🦸 Crisis counselors are unsung heroes: meeting people in their most raw realness. 20:23
🗣️ Using blunt language with a person who is in pain or potentially suicidal. 24:04
☎️ Lifelines are needed for every crisis and should be used regularly: call 988. 29:40
🌺 Lisa creates short videos and writes the column We Are Who We Are: creating recourses and making them available for everyone. 32:18.

Links:

Website: www.lisasugarman.com

Connect with Lisa: www.linkedin.com/in/lisa-sugarman-she-her-hers-16925b69
Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96

We are wired to be dependent, to connect, to love, and to feel a sense of belonging.

Phyllis Leavitt is a podcaster, author, and psychotherapist for over three decades. In her book, America in Therapy: A New Approach to Hope and Healing for a Nation in Crisis, she discusses in-depth how abusive family dynamics are playing out in America, especially in politics, and how we can use the best of what we have learned from psychology, Family Systems, and Family Therapy to interrupt the escalating cycle of hatred, divisiveness, and violence, and begin to heal the family of America.

Phyllis Leavitt shares her experience and focuses on healing relationships, both with ourselves and with others. She advocates for applying this within larger institutions to bridge divides, build empathy, and foster understanding. Her approach involves taking personal responsibility, making necessary changes within ourselves, and building deep connections rather than blaming others, which we usually do.

To reconnect with that beautiful person that we were born to be, that innocent baby, people need to heal. When people heal and find that inner essence, and connect to it, they have a source of love and understanding that they bring into the world around them. Healing on an individual level is deeply connected to the broader societal context and the only way to make this world a better place is to start from ourselves. 

Love and connection, among many other positive things, are essential for human well-being. When we lack these, we feel unwell.

Notes:
🔗 Unhealed trauma, models, and values of the people we grow up with—all the groups that affect family dynamics and us. 02:05
🤔 Healing her trauma helped Phyllis realize that people don’t understand what is going on with them. 05:19
⭐ The more we heal individually, the more we bring love and attention to the people around us and to society. 10:41
2️⃣ Learned helplessness and identifying with the aggressors are two patterns that we are experiencing as a society. 12:42
⚠️ The stigma around needing another human being for help is specifically tied to mental health: we all need love and support. 18:18
🤯 Adopting trauma to survive and not knowing how to move from the behavioral patterns.  22:03
🔁 Attraction to the familiar: abuse creates a feeling of disliking dependency. 25:32
🌺 Allow yourself to get help and depend on help to heal: the power of random kindness and the ripple effect of our behavior. 28:18

 Links:

Website: www.phyllisleavitt.com

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/phyllis-leavitt-630179255

Book: www.amazon.com/dp/1636983367 

We are not broken, we just need help to understand ourselves. 

Jennifer Dawn is an expert business coach, creator of Best Planner Ever, author and podcaster. She very openly shares her story that started with a mix of trauma but also entrepreneurial creativity. Her childhood wounds affected her life, relationships and business. Jennifer discusses her experiences with trauma and abuse. Therapy helped her recognize and address these issues, leading to personal growth and healing. Her reason for going into therapy may seem a bit different, but it worked perfectly for her.

We are all coping. We all feel pain inside, but most of us push it deep down and try to walk through life like nothing happened.  However, the pain often shows up in things that are not always obviously connected with the pain and trauma. It’s unfortunate that getting therapy is stigmatized, as it is essential to healing our self talk, discomfort, and worries. Our mental health impacts various aspects of life, including things like business planning and organization skills. When we heal, we get new perspectives, new impacts in business and in life. Ultimately, a new us.

Notes:
👩‍💼 Jennifer is a business coach who organized a retreat in Costa Rica, where Bonnie had an amazing experience. 01:55
😇 Personal development and mental health journey: Jennifer is advocating and talks very openly about her personal and mental challenges. 03:34
👧 Childhood trauma impacted Jennifer’s relationships: therapy helped her in fixing her issues, but the reason she went on it is a bit different than usual ones. 05:13
💣 Pressing bad things and trauma in: trauma gets out in harsh, fighting reactions to small things. 11:16
😥 Pushing through as coping mechanism: relationships showed something is not working well for Jennifer. 15:17
⚠️ Childhood wounds are real: not all got abused, but we just don’t admit we have pain inside. 17:03
🆚 Misunderstanding around anxiety: healing vs diagnosis. 18:20
🍀 Therapy changed Jennifer’s business as well: emotional intelligence show up in our actions. 21:17
💭 The thoughts you tell yourself are very important to recognize and admit. 23:37
🤩 Find the right therapist and have intention to heal: don’t give up if you have bad experiences here and there. 26:03
🔑 Transformation Bonnie shares: being open is the key for all epiphanies in life. 
🌹 When you heal, everything changes around you: new perspectives, relationships and new you. 32:26
🏖️ Retreats, coaching and all Jennifer is working on. 33:36

Links:

Website: https://jenniferdawncoaching.com/  

Retreats: https://jenniferdawncoaching.com/our-retreats/ 

Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96

Self-care and boundaries are ever-evolving, just as our identity evolves!

Olivia Verhulst is a psychotherapist, adjunct professor, Forbes Health Advisor and She Leads LIVE conference speaker. With a strong focus on self-care and boundaries, Olivia believes it is important to allow ourselves to have needs and address them. Self-care is a deep-rooted sense of what it is to care for ourselves, and we need to allow ourselves to make decisions that align with nourishing self-preservation boundaries.

Olivia teaches that while boundaries can sometimes be scary to implement, they are, in fact, what keeps us close to others. Setting boundaries in our lives allows us to place limits in our relationships and to create a space within which we can show up genuinely and authentically without running the risk of overextending ourselves.

Be willing to hear what it is that you are telling yourself, and then show up for yourself!

Notes: 
🎤 Olivia met Bonnie at the She Leads LIVE 2023 conference, where she gave a speech about self-care. 3:07
⚠️ Self-care is really about the purpose and context, not Spa trips and massages. 4:47
👉 The desire to constantly try to be perfect comes from a sense of inadequacy. 07:08
🤔 Boundaries are scary for many, but they're the thing that keeps us close to others. 10:06
👀 Resentment can inform us about what's going on inside of us. 13:15
🫂 Intimacy involves being truly seen and known by another. 18:21
🗣️ People are not mind readers: when we communicate with them, we name our limits in relationships. 21:22
🌸 Our identity is ever-evolving, and thus, so are our boundaries. 26:40
😇 Being willing to hear what you're telling yourself:  permitting yourself to be a needy human. 29:39

Links:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/olivia-verhulst-34098b136/ 

Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/mary-olivia-verhulst-new-york-ny/1003416 

Getting to know yourself so that you may be kinder to yourself.

Yuri Chu Su is a digital nomad who embarked upon a 20-month transformative journey around the world. Growing up in a household where emotions were not openly discussed, Yuri felt alone in her struggles with stress and anxiety.  In a critical step in college, Yuri found a female Chinese therapist on campus and her therapy journey began. 

Through therapy, Yuri realized the importance of self-awareness and self-compassion. The process of observing thoughts without judgment and recognizing the value of having a safe space to unload and be validated are just some of the benefits she received from going to therapy.

How to take a beat and step out of reaction mode to witness the thoughts that are bothering us is the greatest tool for self-awareness. “I’m not my thoughts, but I’m the awareness of my thoughts” - is the biggest lesson Yuri learned by going to therapy.

Show notes
 🇨🇷Yuri and Dr. Bonnie met in the jungle in Costa Rica. 01:07
👩🏼‍🎓 Yuri has been in therapy since she was 19: her family does not speak about emotions or mental health, so she has often felt alone in her struggles. 04:04
😇 Challenging herself to speak about emotions: getting out of the comfort zone in order to feel better. 06:46
🤩 A good therapist validates feelings without judging whether they are good or bad. 08:38
👩🏻‍⚕️ Cultural experiences with therapy: Yuri’s first therapist was Chinese and female, which led to a deep and more complete understanding of each other. 10:01
✌️ The importance of finding a therapist with experience working with issues similar to yours. 11:48
✍🏻 Finding the method that works for you: different types of therapies - online typing therapy, video call therapy, classic one-on-one. 14:27
🤗 The benefit of talking to someone who is not judging you: present and validating relationship. 16:13
🛠️ The concept of self-awareness and personal programs: getting the tools to navigate situations through your life. 18:18
🤓 Self-awareness is creating a space between thoughts and observing them with critical thinking. 21:24
🪷 Cultural clash and contrasts of Chinese and Peruvian cultures: finding a way to navigate two different worlds. 24:02
🎯 You are not flawed - challenge the preconceptions we have. 25:49
😍 Therapy helped Yuri to become an even kinder version of herself and improve the negativity, judging and shame she unleashed on herself. 28:13
💎 Push through the reluctance: only good things can meet you on the journey of getting to know yourself. 29:16

Links:

 🤩 Connect with Yuri on Instagram: @yurichusu & at www.yurichusu.com

Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.bonniewims.com 

Book Mentioned: https://www.amazon.com/Called-to-Lead/dp/B094RF5K9L 

Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims: calendly.com/bonnie-96

Men often get left behind when it comes to therapy.

Owen Marcus, a coach who works with men to connect so that their relationships work, believes men are hungry for an environment where they can feel safe, and get connected in authentic ways to other men. Owen trained and often taught with leaders in the fields of somatic and relationship therapies in the late 1970s and 1980s. Ron Kurtz and Peter Levine, Ph.D., taught him how to use body awareness as a powerful yet gentle way to produce significant change.

Men have been trained in different ways to perform, to fix, to solve problems; they are indoctrinated from a young age to do so. Female partners and spouses often ask for men to be able to empathize with their emotions.  Owen believes that men can be both masculine AND vulnerable, once they understand that it is okay to discuss emotions and feelings.

Sometimes you can't go in straight in the front door. This therapeutic approach is a window that allows people to start thinking about things in a different way!

Notes
🧔 Owen is a coach who works with men: it seems like men often get left behind in therapy. 01:06
👨‍🦱 He was immersed in the somatic psychotherapy approach: men hardly talk about their emotions. 02:06
⚡ Hakomi method: using the body as a vehicle to create emotional change. 05:20
🌞 Men are good at fixing things, but they need connection: emotional connection with women happens when men are authentic in their own emotional language. 08:33
⚠️ We aren't innately flawed: men do not feel they are enough, and they think they are trapped. 13:49
🚩 Men think they’re being emotional, by using emotional words, but they are not connecting emotionally. 18:37
😇 Men are hungry for an environment where they can feel safe, and get connected in really authentic ways to other men. 24:56
🗣️ Practicing with other people and having a practicing arena for therapists and couples: learning new skills and having mutual help. 29:58
🤓 Physiology of stress, the emotional aspect of it, and the impact of culture: when the box of understanding expand, men have more space for relationships and changes in their lives. 33:10
🛑 Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal theory: shame runs rampant for men - stop the pathway in which you are wrong. 36:07

Links

Meet Owen: www.owenmarcus.com

Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.bonniewims.com 

Book:https://www.amazon.com/Called-to-Lead/dp/B094RF5K9L 

Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96 

Progress is not achieved by sudden flight but by gradual steps of introspection, adaptation, and perseverance.

Together with Dr. Wims, let’s analyze the shortcomings of New Year’s resolutions, attributing their lack of success to unrealistic expectations and the absence of a structured plan for change.

By shedding light on James Clear’s concept of making 1% changes through consistent habits, she emphasizes the power of small, incremental shifts over grand but unsustainable transformations. She urges her listeners to recognize existing habits and strategically introduce new ones, creating an environment conducive to change. Instead of focusing on impossibly high-end goals, prioritize positive self-talk and gradual, attainable changes.

Encourage yourself to accept gradual changes, maintain a positive mindset, and persevere through setbacks, understanding that enduring transformation is a journey, not an instantaneous achievement.

🎉 New Year, new me: resolutions as a tool for changing our lives, but why are those not working? 01:06
🗓️ Social pressures and creating new habits: we don’t have a system, yet we hope for change.  04:20
🔑 Small shifts are essential for the breakthrough moment: 1-minute shifts and ice cube melting explanation. 05:39
💪 Encouraging yourself to make 1% change: the craving, response, reward.  09:07
🧱 Using stacking and combining things you love with new things: small ideas on how to make a system for a change. 10:31
🔍 We already have habits in our life, just notice them: the cue, craving, behavior, and reward. 12:37
🧠 Mental health change: look at your habits and how you are watching yourself. 14:50
📈 Gradual change for improvement: don’t get discouraged by the setbacks. 16:20

Links:

Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.bonniewims.com 

Book: https://www.amazon.com/Called-to-Lead/dp/B094RF5K9L 

Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims: calendly.com/bonnie-96