Therapy: Deconstructed

We are not broken, we just need help to understand ourselves. 

Jennifer Dawn is an expert business coach, creator of Best Planner Ever, author and podcaster. She very openly shares her story that started with a mix of trauma but also entrepreneurial creativity. Her childhood wounds affected her life, relationships and business. Jennifer discusses her experiences with trauma and abuse. Therapy helped her recognize and address these issues, leading to personal growth and healing. Her reason for going into therapy may seem a bit different, but it worked perfectly for her.

We are all coping. We all feel pain inside, but most of us push it deep down and try to walk through life like nothing happened.  However, the pain often shows up in things that are not always obviously connected with the pain and trauma. It’s unfortunate that getting therapy is stigmatized, as it is essential to healing our self talk, discomfort, and worries. Our mental health impacts various aspects of life, including things like business planning and organization skills. When we heal, we get new perspectives, new impacts in business and in life. Ultimately, a new us.

Notes:
👩‍💼 Jennifer is a business coach who organized a retreat in Costa Rica, where Bonnie had an amazing experience. 01:55
😇 Personal development and mental health journey: Jennifer is advocating and talks very openly about her personal and mental challenges. 03:34
👧 Childhood trauma impacted Jennifer’s relationships: therapy helped her in fixing her issues, but the reason she went on it is a bit different than usual ones. 05:13
💣 Pressing bad things and trauma in: trauma gets out in harsh, fighting reactions to small things. 11:16
😥 Pushing through as coping mechanism: relationships showed something is not working well for Jennifer. 15:17
⚠️ Childhood wounds are real: not all got abused, but we just don’t admit we have pain inside. 17:03
🆚 Misunderstanding around anxiety: healing vs diagnosis. 18:20
🍀 Therapy changed Jennifer’s business as well: emotional intelligence show up in our actions. 21:17
💭 The thoughts you tell yourself are very important to recognize and admit. 23:37
🤩 Find the right therapist and have intention to heal: don’t give up if you have bad experiences here and there. 26:03
🔑 Transformation Bonnie shares: being open is the key for all epiphanies in life. 
🌹 When you heal, everything changes around you: new perspectives, relationships and new you. 32:26
🏖️ Retreats, coaching and all Jennifer is working on. 33:36

Links:

Website: https://jenniferdawncoaching.com/  

Retreats: https://jenniferdawncoaching.com/our-retreats/ 

Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96

Self-care and boundaries are ever-evolving, just as our identity evolves!

Olivia Verhulst is a psychotherapist, adjunct professor, Forbes Health Advisor and She Leads LIVE conference speaker. With a strong focus on self-care and boundaries, Olivia believes it is important to allow ourselves to have needs and address them. Self-care is a deep-rooted sense of what it is to care for ourselves, and we need to allow ourselves to make decisions that align with nourishing self-preservation boundaries.

Olivia teaches that while boundaries can sometimes be scary to implement, they are, in fact, what keeps us close to others. Setting boundaries in our lives allows us to place limits in our relationships and to create a space within which we can show up genuinely and authentically without running the risk of overextending ourselves.

Be willing to hear what it is that you are telling yourself, and then show up for yourself!

Notes: 
🎤 Olivia met Bonnie at the She Leads LIVE 2023 conference, where she gave a speech about self-care. 3:07
⚠️ Self-care is really about the purpose and context, not Spa trips and massages. 4:47
👉 The desire to constantly try to be perfect comes from a sense of inadequacy. 07:08
🤔 Boundaries are scary for many, but they're the thing that keeps us close to others. 10:06
👀 Resentment can inform us about what's going on inside of us. 13:15
🫂 Intimacy involves being truly seen and known by another. 18:21
🗣️ People are not mind readers: when we communicate with them, we name our limits in relationships. 21:22
🌸 Our identity is ever-evolving, and thus, so are our boundaries. 26:40
😇 Being willing to hear what you're telling yourself:  permitting yourself to be a needy human. 29:39

Links:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/olivia-verhulst-34098b136/ 

Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/mary-olivia-verhulst-new-york-ny/1003416 

Getting to know yourself so that you may be kinder to yourself.

Yuri Chu Su is a digital nomad who embarked upon a 20-month transformative journey around the world. Growing up in a household where emotions were not openly discussed, Yuri felt alone in her struggles with stress and anxiety.  In a critical step in college, Yuri found a female Chinese therapist on campus and her therapy journey began. 

Through therapy, Yuri realized the importance of self-awareness and self-compassion. The process of observing thoughts without judgment and recognizing the value of having a safe space to unload and be validated are just some of the benefits she received from going to therapy.

How to take a beat and step out of reaction mode to witness the thoughts that are bothering us is the greatest tool for self-awareness. “I’m not my thoughts, but I’m the awareness of my thoughts” - is the biggest lesson Yuri learned by going to therapy.

Show notes
 🇨🇷Yuri and Dr. Bonnie met in the jungle in Costa Rica. 01:07
👩🏼‍🎓 Yuri has been in therapy since she was 19: her family does not speak about emotions or mental health, so she has often felt alone in her struggles. 04:04
😇 Challenging herself to speak about emotions: getting out of the comfort zone in order to feel better. 06:46
🤩 A good therapist validates feelings without judging whether they are good or bad. 08:38
👩🏻‍⚕️ Cultural experiences with therapy: Yuri’s first therapist was Chinese and female, which led to a deep and more complete understanding of each other. 10:01
✌️ The importance of finding a therapist with experience working with issues similar to yours. 11:48
✍🏻 Finding the method that works for you: different types of therapies - online typing therapy, video call therapy, classic one-on-one. 14:27
🤗 The benefit of talking to someone who is not judging you: present and validating relationship. 16:13
🛠️ The concept of self-awareness and personal programs: getting the tools to navigate situations through your life. 18:18
🤓 Self-awareness is creating a space between thoughts and observing them with critical thinking. 21:24
🪷 Cultural clash and contrasts of Chinese and Peruvian cultures: finding a way to navigate two different worlds. 24:02
🎯 You are not flawed - challenge the preconceptions we have. 25:49
😍 Therapy helped Yuri to become an even kinder version of herself and improve the negativity, judging and shame she unleashed on herself. 28:13
💎 Push through the reluctance: only good things can meet you on the journey of getting to know yourself. 29:16

Links:

 🤩 Connect with Yuri on Instagram: @yurichusu & at www.yurichusu.com

Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.bonniewims.com 

Book Mentioned: https://www.amazon.com/Called-to-Lead/dp/B094RF5K9L 

Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims: calendly.com/bonnie-96

Men often get left behind when it comes to therapy.

Owen Marcus, a coach who works with men to connect so that their relationships work, believes men are hungry for an environment where they can feel safe, and get connected in authentic ways to other men. Owen trained and often taught with leaders in the fields of somatic and relationship therapies in the late 1970s and 1980s. Ron Kurtz and Peter Levine, Ph.D., taught him how to use body awareness as a powerful yet gentle way to produce significant change.

Men have been trained in different ways to perform, to fix, to solve problems; they are indoctrinated from a young age to do so. Female partners and spouses often ask for men to be able to empathize with their emotions.  Owen believes that men can be both masculine AND vulnerable, once they understand that it is okay to discuss emotions and feelings.

Sometimes you can't go in straight in the front door. This therapeutic approach is a window that allows people to start thinking about things in a different way!

Notes
🧔 Owen is a coach who works with men: it seems like men often get left behind in therapy. 01:06
👨‍🦱 He was immersed in the somatic psychotherapy approach: men hardly talk about their emotions. 02:06
⚡ Hakomi method: using the body as a vehicle to create emotional change. 05:20
🌞 Men are good at fixing things, but they need connection: emotional connection with women happens when men are authentic in their own emotional language. 08:33
⚠️ We aren't innately flawed: men do not feel they are enough, and they think they are trapped. 13:49
🚩 Men think they’re being emotional, by using emotional words, but they are not connecting emotionally. 18:37
😇 Men are hungry for an environment where they can feel safe, and get connected in really authentic ways to other men. 24:56
🗣️ Practicing with other people and having a practicing arena for therapists and couples: learning new skills and having mutual help. 29:58
🤓 Physiology of stress, the emotional aspect of it, and the impact of culture: when the box of understanding expand, men have more space for relationships and changes in their lives. 33:10
🛑 Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal theory: shame runs rampant for men - stop the pathway in which you are wrong. 36:07

Links

Meet Owen: www.owenmarcus.com

Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.bonniewims.com 

Book:https://www.amazon.com/Called-to-Lead/dp/B094RF5K9L 

Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96 

Progress is not achieved by sudden flight but by gradual steps of introspection, adaptation, and perseverance.

Together with Dr. Wims, let’s analyze the shortcomings of New Year’s resolutions, attributing their lack of success to unrealistic expectations and the absence of a structured plan for change.

By shedding light on James Clear’s concept of making 1% changes through consistent habits, she emphasizes the power of small, incremental shifts over grand but unsustainable transformations. She urges her listeners to recognize existing habits and strategically introduce new ones, creating an environment conducive to change. Instead of focusing on impossibly high-end goals, prioritize positive self-talk and gradual, attainable changes.

Encourage yourself to accept gradual changes, maintain a positive mindset, and persevere through setbacks, understanding that enduring transformation is a journey, not an instantaneous achievement.

🎉 New Year, new me: resolutions as a tool for changing our lives, but why are those not working? 01:06
🗓️ Social pressures and creating new habits: we don’t have a system, yet we hope for change.  04:20
🔑 Small shifts are essential for the breakthrough moment: 1-minute shifts and ice cube melting explanation. 05:39
💪 Encouraging yourself to make 1% change: the craving, response, reward.  09:07
🧱 Using stacking and combining things you love with new things: small ideas on how to make a system for a change. 10:31
🔍 We already have habits in our life, just notice them: the cue, craving, behavior, and reward. 12:37
🧠 Mental health change: look at your habits and how you are watching yourself. 14:50
📈 Gradual change for improvement: don’t get discouraged by the setbacks. 16:20

Links:

Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.bonniewims.com 

Book: https://www.amazon.com/Called-to-Lead/dp/B094RF5K9L 

Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims: calendly.com/bonnie-96  

 We are all unknowingly wearing our limitations within ourselves. 

Dr. Bonnie Wims talks about her transformative journey deep into the heart of the Costa Rican jungle, which was a source of anxiety but also a profound exploration of self-discovery. In the internal thickets of fears, limitations, and negative self-talk, she understood that we are wearing all that as a coat on a daily basis. This heavy burden of barriers is not helping to move us forward.

The challenge lay in dismantling self-imposed restrictions, one by one. Dr. Wims urged herself and all of us to embark on a journey of introspection, asking profound questions about the definitions and negative self-talk we are living as part of ourselves. In what ways do you limit yourself today? And in what ways can you challenge that?

It is time to identify the moments when we downplayed our worth, when we failed to believe in ourselves, and when we limited our potential and then to remove that burden through therapy. 

Notes
🇨🇷 Dr. Bonnie Wim’s transformative trip to Costa Rica: a challenging trip she had second thoughts about going on.  01:09
🐸 Meeting a huge frog in the jungle: when all her fears began to pour out. 03:58
🌞 Insecurities you harbor about yourself: finding out there are things you can do. 06:17
🧥 Seeing yourself and challenging yourself: defense mechanisms we are wearing each day. 08:13
🔃 You can challenge who you think you are, what you think you deserve, and your capabilities: choosing with intention. 11:56
⏰ How do we wake up to our possibilities: intentional and consistent challenges.  15:52
⚠️ Be aware of the stories you tell yourself first: the next step is to act and work on those stories. 19:05

Links

Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.bonniewims.com 

Book:https://www.amazon.com/Called-to-Lead/dp/B094RF5K9L 

Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96  

We all have the thinking traps that hinder resilience, such as jumping to negative conclusions and personalizing mistakes. It’s important to realize what our patterns of thinking are. 

In this episode, you'll explore the profound notion of self-judgment and the remarkable practice of rediscovering your inner self. Dr. Bonnie Wims skillfully guides you through the process of letting go of the myth of perfection and moving into accepting your beautifully imperfect self. You'll be encouraged to embrace your mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning, just as she has.

Dr. Bonnie Wims’ empowering message is clear: it's your uniqueness, your authenticity, and your determination to learn and improve that define your worth. She motivates you to discover what your own thinking traps are, and shows you how to break free from their grip. You'll feel inspired to seize every challenge as a chance to become stronger and more resilient. Remember, your worth is not determined by perfection, but by your unyielding spirit and your willingness to keep moving forward. 

Notes:
📜 I don't go to therapy to find out if I'm a freak. Dr. Williams's poem “What Do You Hear in These Sounds”. 01:06
🙃 Perfectionism traps us in a catch-22: negative thinking patterns and self-doubt. 01:50
📕 The Resilience Factor book: thinking traps and patterns prevent us from being resilient. 03:48
⚠️ Jumping to conclusions of negative. 05:09
2️⃣ Personalizing faults and mistakes: a thinking trap that tells you that you are guilty. 06:29
🎙️ Success in podcasting comes from letting go of the idea of a perfect podcast. 08:22
🧮 Comfort zone and pushing out of it: practice and learning - trying again is the key. 10:06
🎯 Remind yourself to stay connected to yourself: meditation or different tools. 13:15
🌞 Learning and being curious are big reasons for living. 15:57

Links:

Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.bonniewims.com 

Book: https://www.amazon.com/Called-to-Lead/dp/B094RF5K9L 

Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims: calendly.com/bonnie-96  

Change is hard and it can impact our psychological health. We all have expectations and plans of how we want things to go, and change can make us feel like we are losing control of that. When change disrupts our comfort zone and challenges us, it can force us to look at ourselves in a new light, which can lead to anxiety, fear and negative self talk. The truth is that being scared of change is completely normal, and talking to people about how you feel and why you are scared and anxious can help you see things from a new perspective. Life is filled with change that can reinforce or challenge who we think we are, but as long as we are kind and understanding with ourselves through the challenges, they can help us grow stronger and more resilient.

Show notes: 
🌀 Changes are very hard: changes impact our sense of happiness and comfort. 01:32
🇬🇧 Moving to the UK: first reaction of an eight-year-old who had a map of his future life in mind. 02:30
👦 Anxiety was born in Jesse: becoming introverted, OCD, and hating for change. 05:20
🏡 When home is just one place in the world.  08:59
🤯 Nostalgia and wrapping up our identity into external factors: moving back to the USA was even harder. 11:37 
😩 Scared to let people in: being scared to talk to people and the need for therapy. 16:31
👉 When circumstances are very difficult, it has nothing to do with your capabilities: harsh self-talk and self-bullying. 19:00
🤫 Young men want to fix things themselves: rejecting conversations or not getting deep enough. 21:21
⚠️ Sometimes life is hard but talking about it can help. 23:07
😇 Thriving journey: starting to talk and showing authenticity released Jesse’s confidence.  24:57
🎯 We often define ourselves as too small: the importance of being flexible in how you define yourself. 27:42
😇 Daily things challenge who we think we are: self-discovery and personal growth are on every corner. 29:19
🛌 Loneliness and identity crisis in various cities: the first night is the hardest. 32:44
🌞 Using “if-then” sentences in therapy: separating yourself from your feelings. 35:24
🤩 The importance of recognizing what you are saying to yourself in times of change. 37:20 

Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.bonniewims.com 

Book:https://www.amazon.com/Called-to-Lead/dp/B094RF5K9L 

Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96  

Fully processing our losses is essential for overcoming prolonged grief. When the grieving process is disrupted, and we can't properly acknowledge our loss and integrate them into our lives, we can get stuck in prolonged grief. When we have unresolved grief, memories can bring back strong fight-or-flight reactions and cause emotional responses that can be hard on our bodies and our lifestyles. Grief is something that we all have to deal with, and it can be a very difficult emotion to process, but it's essential that we take the time to deal with it in our own ways and create the remembrance and reverence for our losses that we need so we can move on in a healthy way. Honor and talk about your grief, and don't get stuck with a 'grief brain'.

Show Notes:
▶️ We all experienced grief: unresolved grief can impact your life negatively. 01:14
🤕 A story about Bonnie’s friend: the prognosis of her illness was not good. 02:41
😢 Traveling to say goodbye: the difficult and beautiful moments in life. 05:32
🧠 Foggy details and ‘grief brain’. 07:19
👉 Grief can be felt emotionally, physically, behaviorally, and spiritually. 08:16
🤷‍♀️ What prolonged grief is, and how to recognize it. 08:54
⚠️ How grief affects your brain: trauma and fight-or-flight mode. 10:10
⚱️ Difference between the initial grief and the grieving: traditions that help and differences in the process. 11:34
😭 Six months after her father passed, Bonnie had an emotional reaction while donating platelets at a hospital. 13:21
📕 Unresolved grief can extend the grieving process. 17:35
🛐 With ambiguous losses, a lack of rituals and support can be difficult. 20:20
‼️ How to help someone who is grieving: a fear of stopping grieving, so we can hold onto loved ones. 21:19
🎯 Grief in therapy is handled like all emotional trauma: it needs to be honored. 23:05

 Links

Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.bonniewims.com 

Books/Resources:
Called To Lead
Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief  

Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims: calendly.com/bonnie-96 

Your childhood experiences can elicit emotions and behaviors in your adult life. Many of us have characteristics that we brush off as being "just the way we are," or we may experience emotional responses and triggers to seemingly mundane activities. To get in touch with our feelings, we must challenge them, and attempt to gain insight into why we respond this way. If we can find the root cause of our emotional responses, we can give ourselves the grace, compassion, and understanding we need to heal and begin moving forward. You have the power to reclaim your self-worth and to stop letting your irrational emotions dictate your adult life. 

Notes
🎙️ Getting a cassette recorder as a gift: the sheer terror associated with the sound of Bonnie’s own voice. 01:06
👧 Our early experiences and our adult decision patterns: we are rationalizing behavior to cope with difficult emotions. 05:46
🤔 Procrastination and avoidance in recording a podcast: owning your voice vs. being silent. 08:01
😇 Scary things are leaving marks: we get upset about the behaviors, but there is insight behind that. 10:47
⚠️ Seeing things through the prism of fear evokes emotions: challenge your emotional responses. 11:56
🎯 Why is it so important to challenge some of your “I'm just that way” characteristics? 14:18
👉 Integrating the fear into your conscious mind: our sense of self-worth might get damaged by the ‘safety’ and fear issues we lived through. 16:12
🤓 Bonnie’s solution to her fear: you can’t fix it all in a day, but knowing the root cause will help you heal.  17:36
✨ Do you have something you would like to work on? 18:51

 Links:

Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.bonniewims.com 

Book: www.amazon.com/Called-to-Lead/dp/B094RF5K9L 

Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims: calendly.com/bonnie-96