There Will Be Crossbows

If you want the wurst German accents you've ever heard, then this week's podcast is for you! James and John have differing opinions on sausages, little Hans gets breakfast brats from his Mutter, and Grandpa dies from (you guessed it) eating too much bratwurst. It's a very subtle episode.

Shiny as a trumpet and loud as a trombone, it's an episode almost as precious as its metal namesake, "Brass"! Two band buddies have to make a tragic decision during auditions for first chair, the king of Switzerland is sent gifts from foreign am-brass-adors, and a car mechanic gets a mysterious new customer. Have a listen to this brand new episode before it oxidizes!

Like a sudden light of inspiration above your head, this episode will shine through the darkness to bring you a flash of luminescent comedy. And if you're wondering, yes, I do hate myself for writing that sentence. John explains why Predators keep him from gardening, a hardware store customer gets three wishes, and a pirate buries an unconventional treasure. Have a listen and brighten up your day!

We're trying to capitalize on other popular media involving Vision, so here's a whole episode about it! John discusses his various laser surgeries, a state fair attendee has to decide between a corndog and his wife, and a degenerate watches such obscene internet videos that his eyes rot out. All this and more unsightly things! Have a listen and make sure to give us a 20/20 rating!

Oh, God! This was supposed to be a gardening podcast, but it got exposed to radioactive waste and now it's turned into IMPROV COMEDY! AAAAGH! Listen in horror as James and John weigh in on useless superpowers, St. Peter takes it easy at the pearly gates, and a poor two-headed child is tormented by face-licking. Quick, listen, before this thing grows out of control!

Check out the full video episode on our Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmwBI2tPApkwK6l-JqQvnAg

The theme is "Juice", so whether you're a sugar junkie, a regular junkie who just loves improv, or a literal lump of sugar who has come to life and wants to experience human entertainment, this one is for you! James and John hash out their vastly different juice preferences, a parent accidentally gives her child an adult beverage, a secret agent mucks it up once again, and lots more. Ignore your dietician and join us for a good wheeze of the juice!

(For a full video version of the podcast, click here: https://youtu.be/4VgXglQ70Z8)

Allow us to indulgently express our true selves with this compilation of deleted scenes, each revealing a different part of our tormented souls. Like the scene where elephants have sex with bad stand-up comedians while they're performing, or the scene where two guys try to sell bulk kittens on the internet. What do these scenes say about your own inner psychoses? That's for you and your therapist to hash out.

No need to double-check your GPS, you're right where you're supposed to be. In our "Map" episode, we travel to destinations both physical and metaphorical in an exploration of what it means to be a human, specifically a human listening to an improv comedy podcast. John gets lost by trusting the questionable navigation on his budget cell-phone, Ponce de León is surprised by his discoveries in Florida, the writer behind Dora the Explorer reveals his secret, and so much more. For the full effect of this episode, listen in the car while missing your highway entrance.

In one of the strangest themes in the history of the show, we've done a whole episode on "sentient ovens", and if you're the type of person who stays up late at night whispering sweet nothings to your kitchen appliances only to feel emptiness inside when they don't respond, then this one is for you. And even if you're not that type of person, you probably have your own weird stuff going on, so you should listen too. This one is too weird to even write a synopsis on, but all you need to know is that there is at least one RoboCop AND one Terminator appearance, but they aren't in the same scene so don't get too excited.

Hold on to your seats, 'cause it's an entire episode on "Office Chairs"! Look, we know, office chairs are possibly the single most overused source of comedic material, but for good reason: they're hilarious! A chair? In an office? Bwahahaha!!! Anyway, we think we have a really unique spin on this one, so give it a shot. James unknowingly assimilates into his brand new high-end gaming chair, the pope adjusts to his new job, and a whole staff of employees reaches nirvana. Sit down, adjust your height with that little plastic lever, and enjoy!