There Will Be Crossbows

In the most boring episode of anything ever recorded, it's "Milquetoast". This episode is so bland and uninspired that you're bound to fall asleep within the first three minutes. You'll sleep through James and John talking about bread (yawn), an unusual take on a classic "Our Town" scene (god that play is boring), and a song about a boring person with a boring time machine. Save the money on your subscription to Calm, cause this one will knock you out faster than a drunk baby in a boxing match. The drunk baby is the one that gets knocked out in that metaphor, by the way. I realized re-reading it that it sounds like the drunk baby is a super good boxer, which now that I mention it I sort of want to see that movie, huh? But don't be fooled, nothing in this episode is nearly as interesting as that.

We're kicking off the new year with a new episode, and this week's theme is "Barnyard"! Put on your overalls and round up the hogs, 'cause we got a long day ahead of us. James details his failed barnyard-themed wedding proposals, Old MacDonald and Young MacDonald are confronted with generational divide, and the ugly duckling adeptly handles being bullied. With an oink-oink there and a neigh-neigh there, you can listen to this episode anywhere!

It's the final year-end bonus episode! This one is a retrospective of our favorite commercials from 2020. Our sponsors are the best in the biz:  completely fictional and contributing no profit whatsoever to the podcast. Here are all the best ones of the year!

Let the festivities continue: it's our top ten favorite improv scenes of the year! We've recorded over 200 scenes this year, so if you only want the cream of the crop, consider it done! Make sure to hop over the the Crossbow Club on Facebook after listening so you can vote for Scene of the Year!

Today's installment of our year-end retrospective series is our favorite interviews from Crossbow University! We bring in loads of special guests, all of whom are clearly us doing voices, to answer pre-recorded questions under the guise of being lessons for a highly questionable educational institution. Here are the best ones of the year!

Our sendoff to a hellish year continues with the best songs of 2020! Every week we feature a ridiculous new tune, sent partially completed by one of us to the other without any guidance on how to finish it. Hear our favorites all together for the first time in the closest thing to a Crossbows comedy album that you can get!

It's the first episode in our special end-of-year series! Count down to the new year with There Will Be Crossbows as we roll out a new episode each day this week. Today, it's our favorite Amazon Reviews of 2020! Have a listen and then make sure to drop by the Crossbow Club on Facebook so you can vote for your "Amazon Review of the Year"!

In this episode, we're wrong about pretty much EVERYTHING, so get your palm ready for face-palming. A quick discussion about the weather quickly degrades into aimless complaining about corporate greed, a little kid begrudgingly reveals why he still believes in Santa, and the contestants of a beauty pageant show their unusual talents. This episode is way better than listening to your moron uncle spout conspiracy theories over the holidays!

Ribbit! The slimy green ones get their day in the sun (frog doctor's note: direct sunlight is not recommended for frog health) in this week's "Frogs" episode. James is visited by three magical frogs in the middle of the night, John turns several bad drivers into amphibians, and a couple of drunk drivers get pulled over by a cop who asks a lot of questions. Don't let this one hop away before you can catch it!

Like the sharp sound of your favorite baseball player hitting a home run, this episode brings you back to your childhood, a claim that we're basing on the assumption that you grew up listening to a lot of improv comedy podcasts. John makes a deal with the underworld to preserve his "youth", Emily Dickinson finally gets to meet Death, and a fellow struggles with a particularly tough walnut. Have a listen to this episode before it completely shatters!