TheRuffLife

As young girls, we had lists of who we would marry, how many kids, etc., Some of us have held on to those lists, and cannot figure out why no one met the criteria. Try letting go of that list and just be in the moment. No one can be all the things you want and neither can you. Choose love, and don’t be afraid of being vulnerable, and getting your heart broke. While you are deciding whether or not you want to rid yourself from the list, remember that there are things about you that you have no control over, like your name. Nowadays, people legally change their names because they don’t like it, or they feel others won’t pronounce it correctly. Your name means something to your parents, or guardian that named you. Make people put some RESPECT on your name.

There is always someone who needs information that we have, but finding that person may not know that they need what you have to offer. Make sure the person (mentee) wants to be mentored. Let us pass on that which was passed down to us. While becoming a mentor seems great, let us not forget to Check-in with our Spirit. We cannot walk around with an unwell Spirit, a cup that is half full. We need to make sure our Spirit is functioning well, then we can give from a good place because we have that running over (spillage). Also, part of checking in with our Spirit we need to learn to forgive ourselves. Sometimes, forgiving ourselves takes time. So, don’t be too hard on yourself. Let the healing begin!

As we continue on our journey of self-care, we will add to the list of things we do to practice our self-care. Some of things that we can do or improve on is Volunteering, Learning, and Reading. These things are ways we can help ourselves and others. Volunteering is a great way to meet others but more importantly, occupy ourselves, helping others and not focusing on our problems. As we volunteer, we will learn new things, which we can possibly use, but learning a “New” Language, is definitely a game changer. As well as Reading something that speaks to your soul. Learning and Reading are somethings we can do for the rest of our lives, the only question is, what language will you learn and what is book speaks to your spirit.

Some cool ways to elevate our self-care are sometimes by writing a letter to our future selves, phoning a friend and by asking for help. Writing a letter can be a way of accomplishing goals that you have set for yourself as well as increasing your spiritual wellness. As we grow, we must not forget to phone a friend. Most people have someone to reach out to; someone who can help get us through some painful moments in our life. Lastly, but more importantly, we have to ask for help. Some of us can be too proud to ask for help, but there is always someone we can run things by, or talk to, for help, at whatever we are doing. My military days taught me that there is never a dumb question, except the one not asked. Basically, anything goes. Be kind to yourself.

Healing wounds are one way to start our self-care, is to heal our wounds, and healing our mother wound, is of the most importance. Healing is for us, and sometimes we must go through the process, to be able to move forward. Along our self-care journey, we need to find something fun to put our energy into. As we heal and find hobbies, we need to make sure we continue to explore black art. Black art tells a story, and some of those stories, we need to hear. So, as we continue on our self-care journey, know that, in order to have the experiences we desire, we have to go through some things that are not always pleasant. Keep moving forward, anyway.

In a world that is not always kind to black women, we are told to find our joy. Learning that we do not have to earn the joy we seek, we must convince ourselves that it is already ours. While we are finding our joy, we need to write down any ambitions. Writing helps us to remember what we wrote. We need to look at our ambitions and as we achieve them, cross them out or burn them. After we’ve found our joy, and wrote our ambitions, we must remember to connect with like-minded black women, online. Black women have a wealth of information and need to be able to share with our tribe. At the end of the day, we need to take good care of ourselves.

Stop dating people who only fetishize you. People who say you look exotic and they have never dated a black woman. Pick and choose your battles. Whatever you do, don’t forget the red flags. They are there to warn you of the signs of someone who doesn’t have your best interest, but their own. And talking about “red flags” working at a job that is unfulfilling and stagnant is as a red flag to move on or get burnout. Make sure you’re getting something out of the work place that is fulfilling to you and for you. And at the end of the day, participate is an activity, one that can be soothing to your soul, like joining a book club. It’s always a good idea to hang out with people who you share something with. Take care of yourselves ladies.

Sometimes we have to start putting things in place, especially when we have been given tools to assist us in feeling better about ourselves. So making a “gratitude “ jar is one way to show gratefulness. As we move along with the teachings of caring for ourselves, we must not forget to Celebrate the black women around us, including family members. Give these women their flowers while they live, it will make your relationships better, because we recognize that we have been supported by our women, in our community. Lastly, but definitely not last, we must Show ourselves Compassion. Be kind to ourselves and don’t interrupt our healing and our self care. At the end of the day, Making, Celebrating and Showing ourselves that we are of value.

Reconnecting to Your Higher Power is of great importance because that’s where you find your vibration and peace. Reconnecting with Your Tribe and moving in a formation, specific to you, and for you can get you Grounded. Being grounded is what stability looks like. It’s that thing that informs you, that you are, where you should be. Take some time to reconnect, at any time, throughout this week, and tell me if being around your tribe, strengthened you.

Traveling is a great way for black women or any woman can find themselves. You get to know yourself and see some things that might be good or not so good. Either way, learn to love on yourself and be okay with being with yourself. Supporting black businesses whether you live in a black neighborhood or not, is essential to generational wealth, and Building a “Healthy Sisterhood”. Being around women who motivate you and understand you is strengthening and builds up confidence. Traveling, Supporting and Building are things black women should continue to do. These are additional things we can do, after tapping into the basic self care. Root for your own damn self.