TheWillpowerPodcast with Will Gordon

He was on The Biggest Loser while he was still using opioids. He told the love of his life he didn't love her, and spent years trying to take it back. Then he wrote it all down.

This week I sat down with Brendan Donovan: West Roxbury guy, special ed teacher for 26 years, Biggest Loser contestant, and author of the memoir HAPPYSAD: Getting Over the One That Got Away.

Two Boston guys. Two teachers. Both still figuring it out. We get into drinking at 13, how one calf injury turned into an opioid addiction, losing 125 pounds on national TV while still taking pills the whole time, gaslighting the people who loved us most, and why Brendan says writing this book may have saved his life.

It's heavy in places and funny in others. Brendan doesn't make himself look good in his story, and that's exactly why it was one of my favorite epsidoes. Brendan, thank you for trusting me with it, brother.

Fair warning: two guys from Boston in one room means roughly 4,000 dropped R's. Captions are your friend.

📖 Get HAPPYSAD: [ADD BOOK LINK]

📸 Follow Brendan: @brendandfromboston

https://www.instagram.com/brendandfromboston/

⏱️ CHAPTERS

0:00 The only active addict on The Biggest Loser

0:15 Two Boston guys, two teachers

1:26 Meet Brendan: 26 years in special ed

2:06 "These kids drove me to drink"

3:44 Bringing the kids' stories home

6:07 Cossack vodka at 13

8:08 How one calf injury led to opioids

12:14 The love of his life and the spiral

14:34 On The Biggest Loser, still using

16:00 Did The Biggest Loser hurt contestants?

19:04 The engagement that broke him

22:35 Writing HAPPYSAD

25:49 Why telling the ugly truth connects

29:08 Brendan asks me why I started this podcast

32:18 "I don't know if I'd be here without this book"

35:11 The car crash and quitting cold turkey

37:07 Getting help again: IOP

38:20 Want to feel better? Go help someone

41:01 Boston dads and bootstraps

42:31 The hardest chapter: gaslighting

44:31 My hidden bottles and the guilt I carry

46:29 Pushing away the people who love you

47:58 "You got a good woman, man"

49:06 Where to get HAPPYSAD

☕ SUPPORT THE SHOW

There's no studio and no sponsor here. It's just me, a mic, and people brave enough to tell the truth. If an episode ever made you feel a little less alone, you can buy me a coffee to keep these conversations coming. I'm genuinely grateful for every single one (and yes, it's decaf, my liver and I have an agreement). -this is where Mayza (my wife) will chime in and say I drink 75 % coffee mate (vanialla bean btw ftw) and 25% actual coffee. (dopamine seeking...am i rite? 🤝)

https://buymeacoffee.com/thewillpowerpodcast

📲 FOLLOW ALONG

Instagram: @thewillpowerpodcast

TikTok: @willgordonsober

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61565511313292

💬 IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING, YOU'RE NOT ALONE

In the U.S., call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), or call SAMHSA's free, confidential helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for help with substance use. Outside the U.S., please reach out to your local crisis line.

This episode includes open conversation about addiction, depression, and suicidal thoughts. It's two people sharing their own stories, not medical advice.

🔔 If this one meant something to you, subscribe and hit the bell. It helps these conversations find the people who need them. And tell me in the comments: what's one thing you finally owned up to?

See you next week. Take care of yourselves.

– Will

#recovery #sobriety #addictionrecovery #mentalhealth #biggestloser

Chelsea was told she’d die within a year without a liver transplant, and she kept drinking for nine more months, even in her hospital bed. Two years sober and nine months post-transplant, this is her raw, honest story of addiction, liver failure, and getting her life back.

“I’m this little nobody, drug addict, alcoholic that nobody ever listened to. And he goes, ‘I’m listening.’”

Chelsea doesn’t clean her story up. She lost her son at 24, went from never using to shooting heroin, contracted hepatitis C and never took the cure sitting in her medicine cabinet. Then she spent ten years drinking from the moment she woke up until she fell asleep. She documented her liver failure for 177,000 people on TikTok. She was told she had three months left and nearly sent to hospice. Then a doctor, a 2 a.m. nurse and a total stranger reminded her she was worth saving.

I’m a liver and kidney transplant recipient myself, and this is one of the most honest conversations I’ve ever had on this show. If you’ve ever felt like you didn’t deserve to be saved, this one’s for you.

CHAPTERS
00:00 “You Don’t Deserve That Liver” (Cold Open)
00:30 Meet Chelsea
01:41 Losing Her Son at 24
02:32 From Never Using to Shooting Heroin
05:31 “You Guys Have Only Seen Me Dying”
07:26 10 Years of Drinking & the Hep C Pills She Never Took
11:37 “I Was the Chaos”
12:22 DCF, Search Dogs & a Car Full of Alcohol
13:35 “My Life Is So Boring Now and I Love It”
14:10 Why She Finally Stopped
16:55 Why She Filmed Her Own Liver Failure
19:56 “The Smartest, Dumbest Person”
22:33 The Water Bottle Trick for Letting Go of Anger
23:44 From Toxic to Peaceful: Her Marriage Sober
25:55 Drinking in the Hospital
28:01 3 Months to Live & Hospice
28:34 Hospice in the Room & a Secret Referral
30:02 MELD Scores & 9 Months on the List
32:29 “Just Get Through the Day”
33:45 The 2 A.M. Nurse
36:57 “Do I Deserve This Liver?”
39:53 The Day My Family Said Goodbye
40:37 Part 2: Waking Up From a Liver Transplant
42:01 Suboxone & “There’s No One Way to Get Sober”
45:09 The Doctor Who Said “I’m Listening”
48:38 A Bile Leak & a Second Surgery
50:03 Depression & Guilt After Transplant
50:45 Letters to Donor Families
52:41 Meds, Labs & Life After Transplant
57:54 Life Now: Quiet, Simple, Sober
59:46 If You’re Still Drinking, Hear This

IF YOU’RE STRUGGLING

• US: SAMHSA National Helpline, 1-800-662-4357 (free, confidential, 24/7)
• Call or text 988 if you’re in crisis or struggling with your mental health
• Find treatment, including medication for opioid use disorder: findtreatment.gov
• Outside the US: findahelpline.com
• If you drink heavily every day, please don’t stop suddenly without medical help. Withdrawal can be dangerous.

BECOME AN ORGAN DONOR
It takes one checkbox: registerme.org

SUPPORT THE SHOW ☕💛
The Willpower Podcast is independent, made with a mic, a lot of heart and a whole lot of gratitude. If an episode helped you feel little less alone, you can buy me a coffee to help keep these conversations going. Every single one means the world to me.
https://buymeacoffee.com/thewillpowerpodcast

CONNECT
tiktok.com/@chelseablake1125||instagram.com/chelseablake_85
instagram.com/thewillpowerpodcast

This podcast shares personal experiences and isn’t medical advice. Please talk to your own doctor about your health.

Melissa McGovern, The Sober New Yorker, looked fine on the outside. Then her bloodwork came back: liver enzymes in the 200–300s, near-diabetic blood sugar, and a doctor telling her to change or start medication.

“I would love to tell him that I’m drinking too much… and I couldn’t even say that to him.” In this episode of The Willpower Podcast, Melissa shares the story she’s never sugarcoated: watching her best friend, T Scott, die from alcohol use disorder while she quietly wondered if she could still drink while caring for him. Then she gave herself 90 days, and her life changed. She’s been alcohol-free since August 2023, and today she coaches women who are quietly negotiating with the bottle every night.

IN THIS EPISODE

• The doctor’s email that changed everything, and what her labs looked like 11 weeks later
• Gray area drinking: “She’s a party girl. I’d never think she has a problem.”
• Why she could never keep vodka in the house
• Losing T Scott to cirrhosis, and “just don’t give up on me”
• Why you don’t have to wait for rock bottom (or a transplant) to quit
• The fear of change vs. the fear of staying stuck
• Her first sober retreat, her first online meeting, and finding community
• Leading alcohol-free retreats in New York City
• Finding purpose at 51: coaching Gen X women
• Her rule for early sobriety: treat it like a newborn baby
• CHAPTERS
  00:00 Finding the Strength to Change
• 00:50 Introduction to Melissa's Journey
• 01:48 The Turning Point: A Doctor's Warning
• 06:11 The Struggle with Alcohol and Identity
• 11:02 The Shift to Vodka: A Dangerous Path
• 16:08 The Impact of Loss: T Scott's Story
• 22:37 Finding the Strength to Change
• 25:39 The Fear of Change vs. Staying Stuck
• 26:31 Facing Change and Fear
• 29:23 The Journey to Sobriety
• 32:40 Building Community and Connection
• 34:57 Embracing Recovery and Finding Purpose
• 39:28 Navigating Social Aspects of Sobriety

IF YOU’RE STRUGGLING👇

US: SAMHSA National Helpline, 1-800-662-4357 (free, confidential, 24/7)

Call or text 988 if you’re in crisis or struggling with your mental health

Outside the US: findahelpline.com

If you drink heavily every day, please don’t stop suddenly without medical help. Withdrawal can be dangerous.

SUPPORT THE SHOW ☕💛
The Willpower Podcast is independent, made with a mic, a lot of heart and a whole lot of gratitude. If an episode ever helped you feel a little less alone, you can buy me a coffee to help keep these conversations going. Every single one means the world to me.
https://buymeacoffee.com/thewillpowerpodcast

CONNECT
Melissa: instagram.com/thesobernewyorker| thesobernewyorker.com
The Willpower Podcast: instagram.com/thewillpowerpodcast
Subscribe for new episodes every Friday.

This podcast shares personal experiences and isn’t medical advice. Please talk to your own doctor about your health.

Scarlett Larkley’s alcohol-related liver failure led to sepsis, dialysis and a liver transplant in 2025. This is her honest story of recovery, shame and sobriety.

“Everyone was kind of like preparing for my death.” In this episode of The Willpower Podcast, I sit down with Scarlett Larkley, a mom of two and liver transplant recipient, to talk about the parts of a transplant story that rarely get told: how daily drinking took over, how fast it fell apart, and what the first year afterward is really like. I’m a liver and kidney transplant recipient myself, so this one hit close to home.

IN THIS EPISODE

• When alcohol stopped being fun and became a daily routine
• Day drinking during COVID, and what was going on in her life at the time
• The day her eyes turned yellow (May 3, 2025) and her hospital stay (May 22 to July 1, 2025)
• Kidney failure, dialysis, hepatic encephalopathy, ascites and paracentesis
• Going septic, and the moment doctors told her family to prepare
• PEth tests, getting listed, and a transplant in June 2025
• Waking up after transplant and relearning to walk and talk
• Year one: a feeding tube, anti-rejection medications and nausea
• The shame, telling friends, and her partner getting sober
• What it’s been like for her kids
• Dreams about drinking, and “Why do I deserve this?”

CHAPTERS
00:00 They Were Preparing for My Death | Meet Scarlett Larkley
05:52 Yellow Eyes, Dialysis & Going Septic
17:11 Waking Up After the Liver Transplant
22:46 When Her Partner Quit Drinking & Learning to Walk Again
28:09 Year One After a Liver Transplant: Feeding Tube & Meds
35:55 Her Kids, Sobriety & the Shame
44:55 “Why Do I Deserve This?” Donor Guilt & Purpose

I edit and produce everything myself; so if you found value in this please consider supporting Donate here 👈 🙏

IF YOU’RE STRUGGLING

• US: SAMHSA National Helpline, 1-800-662-4357 (free, 24/7)
• Call or text 988 if you’re in crisis
• Outside the US: findahelpline.com
• Don’t stop heavy drinking suddenly without medical help. Withdrawal can be dangerous.

BECOME AN ORGAN DONOR
It takes one checkbox: registerme.org

CONNECT
Scarlett: instagram.com/scarlettlarkley
The Willpower Podcast: instagram.com/thewillpowerpodcast
Subscribe for new episodes: [https://youtube.com/@thewillpowerpodcast]

This podcast shares personal experiences and isn’t medical advice. Please talk to your own care team about your health.

She drank a liter of vodka a day. Her MELD score hit 40. And she still thought she'd never be able to quit.

Welcome to Season 3 🎙️ of The Willpower Podcast. I've been away since June, and this is the conversation I wanted to come back with.

Tia is 44, from Albuquerque, and nearly three years out from her liver transplant. She found out her liver was failing by accident, when an urgent care visit for a sore elbow turned up iron levels so high doctors sent her to an oncologist. She's honest about the "duh" that came with the diagnosis: not surprised, and completely surprised, both at once.

In this episode we talk about:

- Growing up in an alcoholic family, and why drinking never felt like a choice

- Weekly fluid drains, the yellow bile, and the moment she couldn't roll over in bed

- Watching her aunt choose to drink until the end while Tia fought to keep her own life

- Two transplant calls that fell through, including one on Christmas Day

- Coding on the table, a missed bile duct, and a second surgery

- Fourteen days in a coma, and waking up to a decorated room and a birthday she'd missed

- Her donor, Chad, and the letters we both keep writing to families who may never write back

- How she and her husband rebuilt a marriage after the bottle

And because this is what The Willpower Podcast is for, I shared a part of my own story I've never told on camera, from the night I had a 4% chance of surviving. A near-death experience story I've never told publicly before until today.

If you've ever felt like there was no way back, or you're carrying shame about how you got sick, I hope this feels like a conversation with someone who gets it. Tia said it better than I could: "we're not evil people, we're just people, and we deserve to be saved as much as anyone."

💚 To every organ donor and donor family: thank you. If you're not registered, you can sign up in a couple of minutes at registerme.org.💚

If you or someone you love is struggling with alcohol, the free, confidential SAMHSA National Helpline is 1-800-662-4357 (24/7). This episode is personal storytelling, not medical advice. Please talk to your care team about your own health.

If this moved you, a like, a share, and a subscribe help this message reach someone who needs it. I edit and produce the podcast myself, so donations are so appreciated. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Donate here 👈 🙏

CHAPTERS

• 00:00 Raised in It
• 02:59 Under the Table
• 05:52 Iron at 30,000
• 08:52 She Already Knew
• 11:55 MELD 40
• 14:50 Her Aunt Chose the Other Ending
• 18:08 A Liter a Day
• 20:00 The Marriage After the Bottle
• 24:25 She Hid It at Work
• 26:48 The Shower Prayer
• 37:46 The Calls That Fell Through
• 39:52 She Coded, Then They Missed the Duct
• 43:21 The Bracelet
• 47:58 Fourteen Days in the Dark
• 51:41 The Laugh That Brought Him Back
• 57:15 We Are Not Evil People

#livertransplant #alcoholism #organdonation #alcoholicliverdisease #sobriety

Most of us don’t really understand what it’s like to love someone deep in addiction...until we’re living it.

In this earnest and valuable conversation, Anita Ondine Smith opens up about being married to former NBA player Randy Livingston while he battled gambling addiction for over two decades. She shares the confusion, the shame, the moments she felt completely lost, and how she learned that love alone wasn’t enough.

Anita talks honestly about:

- The early signs she missed

- Why she hired a private investigator

- What “boundaries” actually mean (and why most people get them wrong)

- The turning point that finally got Randy real help

- Why compassion worked better than control

If you’re the one struggling with addiction, or you’re the partner, family member, or friend trying to support someone — this episode is for you.

Resources mentioned:

- Anita’s book: ASSIST: How to Help a Loved One with a Gambling Problem Without Losing Yourself

- National Gambling Helpline: 1-800-RESET

Connect with Anita:

- Instagram: @anitaosmith

- LinkedIn: Anita Ondine Smith

If this helped you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it.

Most people think beating addiction comes down to having more willpower. Chris Hill says that’s one of the biggest mistakes you can make.

In this episode, we break down why willpower eventually runs out, what’s actually happening in the brain when cravings return, and how rewiring your mind (instead of white-knuckling) creates real, lasting freedom.

Chris is the founder of Beat My Addictions and author of Get Your Life Back. He’s also completed extreme endurance challenges — swimming the English Channel and running over 950 miles across the UK. He’s not just talking theory.

We talk about:

- Why the survival mechanism in your brain works against you in addiction

- The “separation model” — how to separate your conscious self from the system running in the background

- His personal rock bottom moment and how he finally broke the cycle

- The difference between white-knuckling recovery vs actually rewiring your brain

- Why counting days can sometimes work against you

If you’ve ever felt like you keep failing even though you want to change, this episode will give you a completely different way of looking at it.

Chris’s Book:

Get Your Life Back – The Road to Freedom from Addiction (Available on Amazon)

Free 7-Day Beat Addiction Plan:

https://robhillfoundation.org

Connect with Chris:

- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/beatmyaddictions

- Website: https://www.beatmyaddictions.com

If this episode helped you, please like, subscribe, and share it with someone who needs to hear it.

Take care of yourself.

#AddictionRecovery #Willpower #MentalHealth #RewireYourBrain #RecoveryPodcast #TheWillpowerPodcast

In this raw and honest conversation, author David Deane Haskell joins me to talk about what happens after you survive rock bottom. We dive into trauma, inner child work, shame attacks, codependency, and why recovery isn’t a straight line or a highlight reel.

David shares how he learned to stop performing healing and started doing the real, messy work — including a powerful technique for connecting with your inner child that many people find life-changing.

This episode is for anyone who’s tired of toxic positivity and wants to hear what recovery actually looks like when you stop trying to make it look inspiring.

David’s Book – Wounded Angels

- Kindle: https://mybook.to/woundedangels

- Paperback: https://mybook.to/woundedangelspaperback

- Website: https://daviddeanehaskell.com

If you’re struggling right now:

You are not alone.

- National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (US): Call or text 988

- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

- International Association for Suicide Prevention: https://www.iasp.info/suicidalthoughts/

- SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) → https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

- Alcoholics Anonymous: https://www.aa.org/

- Al-Anon (for families & loved ones): https://al-anon.org/

Connect with Will:

- Sober Mentoring (limited spots): https://calendly.com/thewillpowerpodcast/30min

- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thewillpowerpodcast

- TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@willgordonsober

- Buy Me a Coffee (supports the show): https://buymeacoffee.com/thewillpowerpodcast

Thank you for being here. If this episode helped you, please like, subscribe, and share it with someone who needs to hear it.

Take care of yourself.

#Recovery #InnerChildWork #MentalHealth #AddictionRecovery #WoundedAngels #DavidDeaneHaskell #TheWillpowerPodcast

In this episode, I sit down with Evan Jarschauer, a licensed psychotherapist and one of the most experienced interventionists in the country.

Evan has led interventions for families from all walks of life — including one that aired on Keeping Up with the Kardashians. We talk about what actually happens during a real intervention, the emotional weight of the job, and some of the heaviest cases he’s ever faced (including working with families where a parent is dying).

Evan also opens up about his own childhood trauma and how it shaped the way he works with families today.

Topics we cover:

- What really happens behind the scenes of a family intervention

- The emotional toll of working with families in crisis

- Why denial is so powerful (and the most common things people say)

- The difference between people who stay sober long-term vs. those who don’t

- What it’s like when a dying parent wants to see their child get help before they pass

If you love someone who’s struggling with addiction or mental health, this episode offers a rare look into how families can actually get help.

Timestamps:

00:00 – Intro

01:45 – Evan’s personal story & childhood trauma

06:41 – Doing Kim Kardashian’s intervention

11:27 – What actually happens during a real intervention

14:12 – The hardest cases (including dying parents)

18:16 – Common things people in deep denial say

21:16 – Why the substance is usually a symptom, not the root

23:32 – What actually determines long-term recovery

27:11 – What families should do first when someone is struggling

31:52 – What keeps Evan doing this work

Evan’s Website: behavioralhelp.com

If this episode helped you, please like, subscribe, and share it with someone who needs to hear it.

#Intervention #AddictionRecovery #FamilyIntervention #MentalHealth

---

My Links:

- Sober Mentoring: https://calendly.com/thewillpowerpodcast/30min

- Instagram: @thewillpowerpodcast

- TikTok: @willgordonsober

Matt Farnsworth had 11 years of sobriety… then everything fell apart.

In this raw and powerful conversation, Matt shares how a toxic relationship, a relapse, and a horrific car accident that left him dead for 3 minutes completely changed his life. He opens up about white-knuckling sobriety, codependency, Hollywood darkness, and the moment he finally cried out to God on a bathroom floor.

This is one of the most honest and emotional recovery stories we’ve ever had on The Willpower Podcast.

Timestamps:

00:00 - The Night Everything Changed

03:45 - 11 Years Sober & The Relapse

08:20 - The Car Crash That Killed Him for 3 Minutes

15:10 - Crying Out to God on the Bathroom Floor

22:40 - The Hollywood Darkness No One Talks About

31:15 - Rock Bottom as a Launch Pad

38:50 - How God Removed His Anxiety Overnight

44:10 - Life After Recovery & Finding Real Peace

If you’re struggling with addiction, relapse, or feeling like you’ve hit rock bottom — this episode is for you.

If you’re struggling right now, please know that help is always there.
You don’t have to do this alone.

Call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — 24/7, free, and confidential.
Or reach out to SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).

👉 Subscribe for more raw recovery stories every week.

Follow Matt Farnsworth:

Website: mattfarnsworth.net

Book: The Comeback Blueprint (on Amazon)

App: Armor Up (Gospel Warrior)

#Sobriety #Recovery #RockBottom #Faith #Addiction

The Willpower Podcast is all about real stories, real struggles, and real hope.

Have a story? Think sharing would help? [email protected]