I’ve been pondering lately my constant internal battle with wanting more and being content.
As I have shared with you before, I spend a lot of time yearning for travel, adventure, creativity, connection, something more... I feel a pull to do and achieve more, to leave a legacy, to contribute, to “succeed” and yet at the same time, I crave peace, stillness, contentment and internal calm.
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My spiritual teachings leave me with the comprehension that peace comes from within, it’s internal not external and it’s available to me at any moment and yet, there is still the yearning.
Why can’t I be at peace with where I am? Why does this feel like not enough? Why do I always want more?
If I think about the example of travel. I think about travelling all the time. Like every day and yet, when we were travelling full time, I found it really hard after a time and wanted to come home..
I do this with my work as well, even though I have my own business which is what I wanted it doesn’t feel enough..
Lately I have noticed, I have had more of a sense of calm and peace, but then I wonder if I’m losing my spark?
Mel Robbins podcast episode last week really struck me too.. I have long known that striving to “be happy” is pointless. Happiness is not actually a state you reach one day and then stay there for ever. Money, other people, your career, success, achievement, don’t necessarily “make” you happy. It’s an inside job as we know.
But for me it’ not actually about wanting to be “happy” I really love life and I have an immense sense of gratitude for it, for Tim for the kids, for everything I’ve experienced. It’s not the happiness that is missing as such, it’s more this feeling of wanting to DO more. It’s almost a fear of not living that BIG, full life, it’s this feeling that my soul needs more.. So - I know this is where my work needs to be and I need to continure to be curious. Why isn’t this enough? Why do I feel like I am not enough..
Susan Cain's Substack HERE
Mel Robbins HERE
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