How is self love entangled with parental love? I am blooming into adulthood realizing that so much of myself is directly sourced from the people that raised me. For all her flaws and despite all her fumbles, how do I love do I love this mother of mine? In the same way I love myself.

Enjoy the full essay and poem at ismatu.substack.com.

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

What sort of love can we have for ourselves that we keep our own promises? Do I love myself in way that spurs me to act in my own best interest? In the way man loves man, divine loves humanity, and human reaches for the divine— can we too reach for ourselves with a love that compels us to action? What does the love of keeping my own promises look and feel like?

subscribe to the newsletter and read the full essay: ismatu.substack.com.

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

Is it possible to pursue Excellence unabashedly without it being capitalism's fault? Do we have work spaces that are not defined by or centered around the work of money? How do we have a loving relationship with ourselves as working beings while living in a society with exploitative practices?

Ismatu Gwendolyn discusses the work they do in public to shine a light on the relationship they have with their work in private. Join them as they sip some lavender chamomile tea.

read the full essay at ismatu.substack.com.

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

Nobody knows how to critique anymore and it makes my ass itch. Beyoncé can be both in the oppressor class and one of the best artists alive; I promise I have the capacity to entertain both these thoughts.

I am here to give libations to an artist that inspires me and to grieve when she is so utterly disappointing. How do you dawn Black radical tradition and be an open capitalist? What does that say about the love an artist has to offer their audience (if any at all)?

Read the whole essay with sources cited at ismatu.substack.com.

Listen or read the last episode: I kinda wanna f*ck Excellence. This was actually (fully inspired by Beyoncé's line, They hate me because they want me). You can subscribe to the newsletter to get in on that good good, or you can stream it on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

Her Music Academia is a podcast where a dope ass Black girl talks music theory.

Lydia Bangura (already so well known in her field for her exemplar viola and vocal performance, speaking ability, and Black women-centric research focus) is a second-year student and teaching fellow at The University of Michigan. She manages to be so cute and interesting that she makes me love music theory?? How. Amazing. What a star. She already has one episode on Beyoncé up! Available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen!

Even if you hate this, I am actually giving you something decent to discuss, with sources! AND I’m saying it on record. Nobody wants to deal with the portion of the Bey fanbase that compulsively licks boots and I opened myself up to that nonsense for you people. Pay me for it! Especially if you are white okay have a good one!! <3

Venmo:@ismatu

CashApp: $isimatu

Or become a paid member of my Patreon or the Substack! Thanks for listening.

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

Is the pursuit of Excellence always... bad? Is it possible to have a relationship with Excellence that is not rooted in performing capitalism? Also... what in the world does it mean to have sexual feelings for a metaphysical idea? Not clickbait (promise). Ismatu Gwendolyn gives a one-take reading of their essay "I kinda wanna f*ck Excellence" where they ponder their tumultuous relationship with their work over a wonderful cup of tea.

Pictured: Cornelius Johnson competing in high jump at the 1936 Olympics.

read the full essay at ismatu.substack.com.

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

This episode serves as an introduction to Ismatu Gwendolyn, as a patron asked them to reflect on their personhood. They asked the following: Who are you exactly? What do you do? Are you in grad school? Employed? You talk a lot about your politic— how do you embody what you believe in real life? Sitting to define myself always results in a secondhand assessment. I can only approximate: where did I come from, what did I do. What am I, precisely? At the moment... quite amorphous. And quite alright with that. Stunning things rise up from the formlessness.

Read the full essay for free: ismatu.substack.com

Paverpol art made by Kim Sontosoemarto / Collection Kim Sontosoemarto

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

How does Grief show up in the Garden Space? What does she look like; where does she live? Most importantly, where do Grief and love coincide? Ismatu Gwendolyn performs a one-take reading of their essay, The Wisteria: a Love Letter to Grief, written about the passing of their Aunt Nadaline nine years ago.

read the full essay at ismatu.substack.com.

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit ismatu.substack.com

Me and my friend + former roomie Lorren discuss my exes, male-related stress, and how perplexing it is that there are men who cannot differentiate between basic vegetables.

Welcome to The Garden Space, a newsletter and podcast where we consider connection. What could it mean to be in community with oneself, one's intra and external space, as well as with one another? Where do I find myself? Ismatu Gwendolyn does a one-take reading of their essay, "The Garden Space: an Introduction."

When I reached inside myself one day and pulled out something to put on a page, I found bright green raspberry leaves. Who was surprised? They were just like me, the way they hung to themselves until the good, thick ongoings of July. I thought the fruits were so silly. They hid under big bright leaves but couldn’t resist growing so good and so ripe and so heavy they would bend the whole plant and give themselves away. Raspberry juice tasted just like me. It was the first time I had ever experienced watching myself bloom in real time.

I went inside myself and felt found. The first touch of my own earth humming hello under my bare toes. I had a garden space; how wonderful. This makes sense, I thought. The earth is everywhere.

Read the full essay at ismatu.substack.com.

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe