Thrive After Abuse

Does your relationship leave you feeling confused? Do they threaten to be dating others but then say they were joking and you are crazy for believing their "joke?" Does the person you are dating seem possessive but say they are protecting you? Do you find yourself feeling anxious, insecure, or googling their behavior in an attempt to get clarity about what's going on?

None of this is normal behavior, and ALL of these signs are some major red flags that you are in a relationship with a person who is controlling and emotionally abusive. 

...Have a question you'd like answered in a future podcast episode or YouTube video? If so, send me an email me at: [email protected]  (make sure to use a name that you feel comfortable with me putting on the air).  

Looking for daily motivation, inspiration, or more information about narcissism in general?  You can find me (Dana Morningstar) at:

 Facebook/ThriveAfterAbuse

YouTube/ThriveAfterAbuse

Instagram/ThriveAfterAbuse

ThriveAfterAbuse.com 

Once we get out of a relationship with a narcissist and look back it is very common to blame ourselves for having fallen for their manipulations and lies. This is because we have enough emotional distance to see the situation (and all the red flags) clearly. And once people start seeing things clearly, they wonder how they didn't see things clearly to begin with--and when this happens, it often leaves a person with tremendous amounts of guilt, shame, and embarrassment. It's normal to feel these feelings, but please remember had you known this person was manipulative and abusive you would have never gotten involved with them.

...Have a question you'd like answered in a future podcast episode or YouTube video? If so, you can send me an email me at: [email protected]  (make sure to use a name that you feel comfortable with me putting on the air), and I'll see what I can do!

Looking for daily motivation, inspiration, or more information about narcissism in general?  You can find me (Dana Morningstar) at:

 Facebook/ThriveAfterAbuse

YouTube/ThriveAfterAbuse

Instagram/ThriveAfterAbuse

ThriveAfterAbuse.com 

Going "no contact" can be difficult. It helps to prepare yourself as much as possible.

1. Familiarize yourself with the seven different types of abuse and several examples of each, as well as the different terminology surrounding abuse such as "gaslighting," "projection," "future faking," "cognitive dissonance," "hoovering," "narcissism," "Stockholm Syndrome," "trauma bonds," and "love bombing" to name a few.

2. Create your "For When You Miss Him/Her" List to help cut through the cognitive dissonance and to see them clearly.

3.Support Groups to get 24/7 support, clarity, and validation.

...Have a question you'd like answered in a future podcast episode or YouTube video? If so, send me an email me at: [email protected]  (make sure to use a name that you feel comfortable with me putting on the air).  

Looking for daily motivation, inspiration, or more information about narcissism in general?  You can find me (Dana Morningstar) at:

 Facebook/ThriveAfterAbuse

YouTube/ThriveAfterAbuse

Instagram/ThriveAfterAbuse

ThriveAfterAbuse.com 

It's very normal and healthy to feel angry after being used, abused, or exploited--especially by someone you cared about (or by someone that you thought cared about you).  The challenge that many survivors of narcissistic abuse face is how to handle and work through what feels like overwhelming amounts of anger and rage.  In this episode I talk about how to become an "emotional alchemist" and some alternate ways to understand and harness the power of anger so that it works for you. 

 ...

Do you have a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath in your life, or think that you might? Are you in (or recently out of) of a relationship that you can only describe as crazy making, toxic, or like a lifetime TV movie? Then you are in the right place.

The live streams are a time where we "meet" every Wednesday at 8:30pm EST to ask questions, and give answers and support. I give my two cents, as do many of the other people in the chat. If you can't make it to the live stream, you can email me your question at: [email protected] I get a lot of questions, but I do my best to bring up and answer as many of them as I can each week. :)

To get support: www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com/forum

* This is an "open" group, meaning that anyone can see what you are posting, however, you can choose your own screen name and have total privacy that way.

Support Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse/

*This is a "closed" group, meaning that your Facebook friends can see that you are in the group, but they CAN'T see what you are posting (although it looks like they can, as you can see the chat on your timeline--but they really can't so don't panic.)

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ThriveAfterAbuse

Instagram/ThriveAfterAbuse

YouTube/ThriveAfterAbuse

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, doctor, attorney, or expert in narcissism.

My goal with these videos is to share all of my lessons learned, as well as to start many important conversations about abuse, and recovery with the hopes that together we can bring about all of the clarity, closure, and healing possible.

Remember: You are not crazy. You are not alone. And yes, you really can heal from this.

Trauma bonding, a term developed by Patrick Carnes, is the misuse of fear, excitement, sexual feelings, and sexual physiology to entangle another person.

Trauma bonds can prime a person to confuse intensity with sincerity. Bad times bond people as strongly as good times...perhaps even more so.

People that are in abusive relationships tend to hang in there until they can't hang in there anymore (or they are discarded)--and in part this is thought to be due to trauma bonds.

Stockholm syndrome is a psychological condition that causes hostages to develop sympathetic sentiments towards their captors, often sharing their opinions and acquiring romantic feelings for them as a survival strategy during captivity. These feelings, resulting from a bond formed between captor and captives during intimate time spent together, are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims. Generally speaking, Stockholm syndrome consists of "strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other."

Keep in mind that the only sincere apology is changed behavior--anything else is either them deluding themselves or manipulating you (or a combination of both).

From the full livestream October 19th 2016 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Do you have a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath in your life, or think that you might? Are you in (or recently out of) of a relationship that you can only describe as crazy making, toxic, or like a lifetime TV movie? Then you are in the right place.

The live streams are a time where we "meet" every Wednesday at 8:30pm EST to ask questions, and give answers and support. I give my two cents, as do many of the other people in the chat. If you can't make it to the live stream, you can email me your question at: [email protected] I get a lot of questions, but I do my best to bring up and answer as many of them as I can each week. :)

To get support: www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com/forum

* This is an "open" group, meaning that anyone can see what you are posting, however, you can choose your own screen name and have total privacy that way.

Support Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse/

*This is a "closed" group, meaning that your Facebook friends can see that you are in the group, but they CAN'T see what you are posting (although it looks like they can, as you can see the chat on your timeline--but they really can't so don't panic.)

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ThriveAfterAbuse

Instagram: ThriveAfterAbuse

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, doctor, attorney, or expert in Narcissism...or anything at all really. If anything, I am a student of life, love, behavior and behavior change, and a woman who is dedicated to thriving.

Professionally, I worked as an advocate for victims of domestic violence at a domestic violence shelter, and currently I am a psychiatric nurse. Personally, I have been through two relationships with narcissists, and have been able to not only survive those, but have been able to move forward and thrive.

My goal with these videos is to share all of my lessons learned, as well as to start many important conversations about abuse, and recovery with the hopes that together we can provide the clarity, closure, and healing that we all deserve.

Remember: You are not crazy. You are not alone. And yes, you really can heal from this.

Are you having a hard time figuring out whether or not you should stay or go?

Ask yourself the following:

Are you are being treated with dignity and respect and honesty?

Is the communication open, honest, sincere, and solutions oriented?

Is there honesty and trust?

If any ONE of these elements are missing, then you are not in a relationship--you are in a manipulationship.

If you are wanting to see if things could change, then ask yourself what kind of changes you'd need to see and in what time frame?

Figuring out what these answers look like will help you either stay or go. Because if you don't have a solid set of deal breakers or a solid sense of a time frame, then you can spend your whole life being dragged through hell, holding onto hope that hopefully some day things will be different.

The clearer you are about your situation, the better decisions you will be able to make. (((HUGS)))

Do you have a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath in your life, or think that you might? Are you in (or recently out of) of a relationship that you can only describe as crazy making, toxic, or like a lifetime TV movie? Then you are in the right place.

From the live stream October 12th, 2016 The live streams are a time where we "meet" every Wednesday at 8:30pm EST to ask questions, and give answers and support. I give my two cents, as do many of the other people in the chat. If you can't make it to the live stream, you can email me your question at: [email protected] I get a lot of questions, but I do my best to bring up and answer as many of them as I can each week. :)

To get support: www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com/forum

* This is an "open" group, meaning that anyone can see what you are posting, however, you can choose your own screen name and have total privacy that way.

Support Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse/

*This is a "closed" group, meaning that your Facebook friends can see that you are in the group, but they CAN'T see what you are posting (although it looks like they can, as you can see the chat on your timeline--but they really can't so don't panic.)

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ThriveAfterAbuse

Instagram: ThriveAfterAbuse

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, doctor, attorney, or expert in Narcissism...or anything at all really. If anything, I am a student of life, love, behavior and behavior change, and a woman who is dedicated to thriving.

Professionally, I worked as an advocate for victims of domestic violence at a domestic violence shelter, and currently I am a psychiatric nurse. Personally, I have been through two relationships with narcissists, and have been able to not only survive those, but have been able to move forward and thrive.

My goal with these videos is to share all of my lessons learned, as well as to start many important conversations about abuse, and recovery with the hopes that together we can provide the clarity, closure, and healing that we all deserve.

Remember: You are not crazy. You are not alone. And yes, you really can heal from this.

Projection is where a person (subconsciously) takes their "uncomfortable" thoughts, feelings, and actions and "projects" them (like a movie projector) onto someone else in an effort to ease themselves of the cognitive dissonance that their thoughts, feelings, and actions cause them.  When people are projecting their behavior they are often largly unaware that they are doing it. 

Targets of narcissistic abuse tend to do something that I refer to as "reverse projection" (not an "official" term).  Reverse projection is where a person "projects" all of their good thoughts, actions, and/or morals onto someone else who doesn't actually have these traits (as seen by their pattern of problematic behavior such as chrnoic lying, cheating, siphoning funds/stealing, etc.)

Both forms of projection are problematic, but if we are holding onto hope that a narcissistic person can change--when all their actions point to them not sincerely being interested in changing, then we will continue to be dragged through hell until we can't handle it anymore.

...Have a question you'd like answered in a future podcast episode or YouTube video? If so, you can send me an email me at: [email protected]  (make sure to use a name that you feel comfortable with me putting on the air), and I'll see what I can do!

Looking for daily motivation, inspiration, or more information about narcissism in general?  You can find me (Dana Morningstar) at:

 Facebook/ThriveAfterAbuse

YouTube/ThriveAfterAbuse

Instagram/ThriveAfterAbuse

ThriveAfterAbuse.com 

Manipulation does not always look like we think it does. Most manipulation is very subtle and it starts gradually--and is a slow decent into big trouble. Here are a few things to look out for.

Pay attention to how you feel. Manipulation goes hand-in-hand with feeling confused. It's like the saying goes, if things don't add up, it's because the truth is not in the equation.  

Think about how you feel when you are around people that have earned your trust. You feel calm, clear, relaxed. You don't feel distrusting, suspicious, or confused. If you feel like something is off, odds are it's because something is off...or because there are unresolved issues in the past to where trust hasn't been properly restored (which is the job of the person who broke the trust, it's not on you).  

...Have a question you'd like answered in a future podcast episode or YouTube video? If so, send me an email me at: [email protected]  (make sure to use a name that you feel comfortable with me putting on the air).  

Looking for daily motivation, inspiration, or more information about narcissism in general?  You can find me (Dana Morningstar) at:

 Facebook/ThriveAfterAbuse

YouTube/ThriveAfterAbuse

Instagram/ThriveAfterAbuse

ThriveAfterAbuse.com 

Once your eyes are open to narcissistic abuse it can literally feel like you are attracting these people. In reality it is not so much about who you are attracting and more about who you are attracted too and how long you let them stay in your life. Narcissists feed off of "supply" and in order to get suppy they exploit the vulnerabilities of others. Figuring out what your vulnerabilities are and healing them will help you not be "supply" of a narcissist. Figuring out what your empty buckets are and what your deal breakers are will be a big step in the right direction. Anyone can be on their best behavior for a period of time but eventually their actions will speak for themselves.

From the full livestream October 12th, 2016

Do you have a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath in your life, or think that you might? Are you in (or recently out of) of a relationship that you can only describe as crazy making, toxic, or like a lifetime TV movie? Then you are in the right place.

The live streams are a time where we "meet" every Wednesday at 8:30pm EST to ask questions, and give answers and support. I give my two cents, as do many of the other people in the chat. If you can't make it to the live stream, you can email me your question at: [email protected] I get a lot of questions, but I do my best to bring up and answer as many of them as I can each week. :)

To get support: www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com/forum

* This is an "open" group, meaning that anyone can see what you are posting, however, you can choose your own screen name and have total privacy that way.

Support Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/Heali...

*This is a "closed" group, meaning that your Facebook friends can see that you are in the group, but they CAN'T see what you are posting (although it looks like they can, as you can see the chat on your timeline--but they really can't so don't panic.)

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ThriveAfterA...

Instagram: /ThriveAfterAbuse

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, doctor, attorney, or expert in Narcissism...or anything at all really. If anything, I am a student of life, love, behavior and behavior change, and a woman who is dedicated to thriving.

Professionally, I worked as an advocate for victims of domestic violence at a domestic violence shelter, and currently I am a psychiatric nurse. Personally, I have been through two relationships with narcissists, and have been able to not only survive those, but have been able to move forward and thrive.

My goal with these videos is to share all of my lessons learned, as well as to start many important conversations about abuse, and recovery with the hopes that together we can provide the clarity, closure, and healing that we all deserve.

Remember: You are not crazy. You are not alone. And yes, you really can heal from this.

There are 3 types of guilt. There's appropriate guilt, inappropriate guilt, and survivor guilt. Guilt can also lead to shame. It can feel selfish to put ourselves first. If a person is causing you hurt, heartache or harm it would be appropriate to distance yourself. Survivor guilt is felt when you are trying to distance yourself from a situation and other people have to stay in it. Ex: a survivor going away to college but leaving younger siblings behind. First figure out which type of guilt it is and why. If you are experiencing survivor or inappropriate guilt examine why you are feeling these types of guilt and reaffirm to yourself that it is okay to move yourself to a place you feel safe and sane.

From the full livestream October 12th, 2016.

Do you have a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath in your life, or think that you might? Are you in (or recently out of) of a relationship that you can only describe as crazy making, toxic, or like a lifetime TV movie? Then you are in the right place.

The live streams are a time where we "meet" every Wednesday at 8:30pm EST to ask questions, and give answers and support. I give my two cents, as do many of the other people in the chat. If you can't make it to the live stream, you can email me your question at: [email protected] I get a lot of questions, but I do my best to bring up and answer as many of them as I can each week. :)

To get support: www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com/forum

* This is an "open" group, meaning that anyone can see what you are posting, however, you can choose your own screen name and have total privacy that way.

Support Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse/

*This is a "closed" group, meaning that your Facebook friends can see that you are in the group, but they CAN'T see what you are posting (although it looks like they can, as you can see the chat on your timeline--but they really can't so don't panic.)

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ThriveAfterAbuse

Instagram: ThriveAfterAbuse

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, doctor, attorney, or expert in Narcissism...or anything at all really. If anything, I am a student of life, love, behavior and behavior change, and a woman who is dedicated to thriving.

Professionally, I worked as an advocate for victims of domestic violence at a domestic violence shelter, and currently I am a psychiatric nurse. Personally, I have been through two relationships with narcissists, and have been able to not only survive those, but have been able to move forward and thrive.

My goal with these videos is to share all of my lessons learned, as well as to start many important conversations about abuse, and recovery with the hopes that together we can provide the clarity, closure, and healing that we all deserve.

Remember: You are not crazy. You are not alone. And yes, you really can heal from this.